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mood |
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Comtemplative and bored |
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music |
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"19 2000" - Gorillaz |
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There is one song that always reminds me of Yung. "Puddle of Mud" by Blurry. It was during the month of October after we last spoke to each other and he wrote this entry, "Can you take it all away? Can you take it all away? Can you take it all away? When you shoved it in my face..." And it made me think a little; if I took away anything from him. Then one day, I heard this song that had the same words and realized that his entry was a song. The first time I heard it, I was pretty peaceful. I dunno, maybe I'm feeling a bit down again. It's weird how feelings can creep up so quietly. Especially when I'm bored.
I talked to Ronnie for the first time today on the phone. His voice reminds me of Roberts, kinda loud and rough. The way he talks reminds me of Roland's accent and Roland himself. He's a nice guy really. It's so weird when he makes high pitched noises. He says he has a cuddly type of personality. It's kind of weird because I never really thought of him that way. He talked for most of the time, and it kind of sounded as if he was nervous abouy talking to me.
And I wonder where that Jimmy is. I wonder if he's still napping. hehe. I dunno about Jimmy. He likes me; he's attracted to me. I'm a bit weird about things because I'm not sure about getting involved in another long distance relationship and with someone who's 25. Not that 25 is a bad age for me, but it's just, I'm not sure. He wants to see me so soon. He's so flirting online, and now, I'm beginning to realize that he might just be serious.
Anyways, I dozed off a while when I was laying on my bed. Maybe I procrastinate so much and have no motivation because I'm so deprived of a social life. I miss my close friends from back home. I miss going to the mall and shopping. Sure going out with Mike one night is wonderful, but after a while, I crave for more. In high school, I wasn't this bad. Or maybe I didn't have a challenging senior year. Thus, I'm still lazy? It can't be. I know I can push myself because I have before. Maybe my self esteem is lowering. I'm at a UC where everyone can be just as smart. Not to mention all the other pretty girls. I mean, when I was in Victorville, ...I'm talking Victorville here.... people are not really that pretty over there. I really hope that my best friend moves to Pomona next year. Then I'll get to see her more often. She makes me feel good.
See, after you meet someone online, it gets a little boring. I mean, Mike and I hardly have a good conversation online. Though, on phone conversations, we're pretty talkative. And talk about Joseph. I know he's really busy with school, but at times, I feel like it's just all old; and this is the reason we hardly have a decent conversation online. We used to be closer. I should just keep on telling myself that he's just busy.
I've dealt with busy people too much. Well, that's one thing I don't want in my next relationship alright. I don't want a busy guy, which could mean that he's not that committed to school. But I don't care. Brains or no brains, as long as he has good common sense and knows how to treat a lady.
Oh shit! A piece of a spider's web just landed on top of my keyboard. I thought it was some giant winged bug. It scared me. But ewwwh! There's a spider web in here! This dorm is ultimately disgusting.
Anyways, yah, I want a boy who can have some free time to pay attention to me. I want a boy that's nearby who can visit me whenever he pleases. I want somebody close. Sigh...
It's so weird. My roommate's boyfriend haven't been here for a while. And whenever he does come over, I get all surprised when they start getting touchy feely with each other. I wasn't this stunned in the beginning of the year. Now I am. It's just I've gotten used to the idea that my roommate is evil. To see that somebody wants to love her was surprising to my eyes. I guess there's somebody for everybody.
And my roommate is pretty oblivious. She talks like she knows a lot about psychology. What is empathy? I need someone to explain it to me. I looked it up and it seems like that my roommate doesn't have the capacity for empathy. I don't like people like that. Yet she talks like she does. I was pretty surprised when she told me once how she knows a lot about psychology and how other's feel. It's all bull, she has no idea that I was pissed until I exploded. She had no idea that I was furious. My best friend, however, was told the story from my roommate. My best friend didn't want to tell her that I was furious, so she told her that I was mad. My roommate objected to that; another example about how she's the kind of person who always has to be right. And when she's wrong, she feels bad and quiets down. See, I don't like people like that. If she knew how other's feel, she would have a lot more manners towards the way she treats me.
And another example would be about her ex. Her ex wanted to break up with her a long time already. My roommate tells me how she had no idea that he was talking behind her back...how he practically hated her guts. Look at me, see how I talk about her? Is it that I hide it so well or is it she doesn't really pay much attenion? Or is it she just doesn't know what others feel? We are not mind readers, but at least I can sense and tell when others are not their usual self.
That guy from my English class, his name is Josh. I heard my professor say his name to him.
That guy from physics lab...he's still cute. When he was getting his notebook from the pile on the TA's desk, I happened to go get mine too. He sense that I was there, and I think he felt a little tiny bit uneasy. Then I think he looked at me while the TA was teaching at the board. Looked directly at me. But for only a second. That last physics lab was blah! That stupid yet smart guy took his sweet time measuring the stupid gliders. He was concerned about how the gliders were like .1 cm off for sake!! And he does this because he said that if it wasn't accurate, we were going to get points marked off. I was like, oh gosh, just approximate the damn thing already! So we ended up being the last to get out of the lab and having the nice TA stay an extra 10 minutes after the actual time lab was suppose to end.
See, there are stupid and smart people in this world. However out of these smart people, there are the stupid smart and the real smart. Stupid would be the lazy guy in my lab group. Stupid smart would be that guy mentioned above in my lab. Stupid smart is paying precise attention to the wrong kind of information and material. What the TA is looking for when he's grading is the pattern of data collected from the lab. Not the precise measurements of the gliders because both of the gliders are suppose to have the same damn length already!! Idiot! Hehe, Judy calm down. Another example of stupid smart, my roommate is decently smart. I mean, I admit that she's at least a bit smart. haha. She graduated number 9 in her class. I graduated number 5 in the same class. However, the school was ..well, stupid. Haha. Wasn't a good school. We stunk. Anyways, my roommate once vacuumed the hall saying that it's her job because she's a hall representative. I thought that was stupid. And yesterday, we had to fill out surveys and she said that she was the only hispanic in the hall. Because of that, our RA would find out who filled out her form. I told her to simply not fill that part out, but she kept on saying that she HAS to. It's unecessary to get all worked up about unimportant little things. It bugs me. Some smart people are really stupid too.
The real smart people usually get done with what is needed and move on to the next thing. They study the right material instead of being stubborn and study what they feel like.
Then there are the dumbass smart. For example, my ex. He's smart. He's got a really good GPA and such. But he's such an asshole as a boyfriend. He's a dumbass. So there.
Me? I'm lazy smart...with a bit of that real smart. I'm capable of achieving a lot, yet I'm a huge procrastinator. Sue me. I need that bit of real smartness because it's good to have when you waisted all your time on procrastination. However, I think the majority of people are capable of achieving a lot if they just work hard and not give up so easily.
One thing that I laugh about when I think of it is that my roommate, who's, by the way, still hispanic as in the above, wants to work at the Boba Shop at the University Village at my college. I didn't want to tell her that only Asians work there and that she wouldn't really have a chance to work there. I just secretly laughed my head off at her. I didn't want to tell her because she's self centered and I didn't want to bother to correct her. It's not like there's racism, but think about common sense. Ain't nobody gonna hire a short hispanic girl to a boba shop.
Alright, I write too much. Somebody might yell at me for this so I better stop now.
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