You've become a rock star. You're about to play the biggest show of your career. An old friend calls you up, crying and suicidal. What do you do?

Start crying yourself.
Tell your friend that you love them, and that you'll call them immediately after the show.
Tell your friend that you're in love with them, and propose a love affair.
Get angry.
Cancel the show for them.

Which of the following Stanley Kubrick films do you best relate with?

Lolita.
A Clockwork Orange.
Full Metal Jacket.
2001: A Space Odyssey.
Eyes Wide Shut.

Select one of the following:

I'm a little teapot,
Short and stout.
Here is my handle, here is my spout.
When i get all steamed up, then i shout,
Tip me over and pour me out!

Do you:

Listen to little outside of one genre of music?
Prefer music most people wouldn't understand?
Prefer music that expresses your emotions in ways you can't?
Obsess over particular artists for a period of time, then move on?
Not understand why so many people believe music defines personality?

You hang out with someone for the first time. They make all the decisions of where to go. How do you feel?

Happy that you don't have make the decisions.
Uneasy.
Like you're hanging out with a 5-year-old at the zoo.
Okay, as long as they're paying lots of attention to you while doing this.
You don't notice.

Why should I like you as a person?

Because you understand where I'm coming from.
Because you said so.
Karma.
Because you like me.
My opinion of you is insignificant.

Are you pretty?

You're beautiful for the person you are.
You've got a great body.
You don't know.
You don't care.
You're too busy checking out other pretty people to think about it.

Will you keep your new year's resolution?

You will try very hard.
You will probably screw up.
Other people will probably screw it up for you.
There are more important things in life than conviction.
Only if it doesn't have anything to do with quitting your recreational drug use.

Select your favorite.

7-string guitars.
Victoria's Secret.
National Public Radio.
Bears with valentine hearts.
Platypi.

Which of the following television programs would make you laugh the most?

Friends.
Invader Zim.
Absolutely Fabulous.
All in the Family.
Seinfeld.

Which of the followest countries is most like you?

Poland.
France.
Australia.
The Netherlands.
Portugal.

You are working for a secret underground society that controls the fate of mankind. You have pictures of a highly-ranked extraterrestrial ambassador performing obscene acts with an antelope. This same ambassador wants to influence public opinion by manipulation of the sorts of information they are exposed to on the internet- again. You're addicted to the internet. What do you do?

Blackmail him.
Let him have his way.
Pin the photos up above your bed so you can see them every morning when you wake up.
Start nonchalantly mentioning antelope to him to throw him off-guard.
Kill him. He's just an alien.

(Coding tricks stolen from the beatle test, stolen from somebody else, probably stolen from somebody else.)