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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
NASSA's LiveJournal:
| Thursday, April 18th, 2002 | |
| 2:19 am | Real? or delusional? I think the heat has really gone to my head..I was driving to work and there was a song on and it was called One by Jefferson airplane . Anyone know this one? Well anyway..My faith has been a little shacky here lately...Correct me if im wrong..I swear I heard a verse that said and i quote" Call upon the Goddess and she will hear your prayer she will show herself in a shape of a white hare" Maybe im going nuts, I dont know...I was told the song is about drugs...Maybe i was going into a psychotic breakdown and just hearing things. |
| Saturday, April 13th, 2002 | |
| 3:47 am | I CANT FALL ASLEEP!!!!!!!! Well anyway now you know what my problem is at this present time...I recieved a wonderful photo of a Goddess in my email and i would like to place it in my journal for everyone to see..But I dont have the first clue on how to place it in here..I have tried copying it and then pasting nope it did not work...May i buy a vowel? Or maybe a clue? I will try a couple of more times before i give up...Does anyone have any suggestions.....Nighty nite Current Mood:  awake |
| 1:37 am | Tonight was just awful, it was one of thoses nights at work you would want to throw down your keys and badge and say i quite...It started off ok and just got worse, I found out that I had a rasist teen in my group, and we had a african american working with me. And all i heard all night was the N word..Finally we just did a unit lock down..And that was about 8pm and noone left their rooms for the rest of the night..And the part that broke the camels back was when I got called a C*** multiple times..I think anger mangament i took in the past really payed off cause i wanted to just cold cock this person...But i knew i couldnt do that..And then i had a RN harrass me about my necklace knowing that i can get him in trouble for that..I think he just wanted to get on my last nerve that was just hanging on...I think most of the people that i work with are morans..Its sad that i just came to this conclusion after awhile of working with this person..I think next time he will watch what he says in front of me...Hopefully.. Current Mood:  tiredCurrent Music: The Highway men |
| Thursday, April 11th, 2002 | |
| 11:30 pm | A long day! Today i got called off from work, which was a nice thing. Cause i really needed a breaather from work..Started on some spring cleaning and then J got this wild idea about going to see GWAR on Monday knowing I had work..And then procedded to tell me i can just call in sick..I dont think so, even though it was tempting..And then he call Lady M which i told him not too cause every time he talkes with her he get mad and upset and ends up making me feel like shit cause i want to stay with the group and he doesnt and then proceeds to tell me if i was content with the job i had in Michigan we wouldnt be in the hell hole called Toledo..Well we got past the fighting and yelling and got settled back down and had dinner. And then my mother calls and gets upset when i told her i was wanting to color my hair and stuff and i had to remind her that i am 29 years old and i can make my own descions and stuff..And then she proceeds to start talking about dad, which lately our relationship has gone down hill rapidly..Which is killing me and it hurts knowing he doesnt want to talk or have anything to do with me anymore..And im with someone who wants anything to do with me only when he wants...Sounds familiar...What i give for a chilled shot of Tequila right now and a beer as a chaser..OH NO! Here come tthe pitty party that i have ran from so many times before this...::::::Running fast:::::: Ok! I know i cant afford to have the party cause i know it will break me...I AM A STRONGER PERSON THAN I WAS LAST WEEK, AND EVEN MORE THAN YESTERDAY!Each day telling myself this im actully beginging to believe this..Oh the tangle web we weave sometimes...And it even worse when it starts to untangle...Lets ponder on this....So much to say not that many words to say it with... Current Mood:  distressedCurrent Music: Who will save your soul? |
| Wednesday, April 10th, 2002 | |
| 1:16 am | So far the week is going ok..3 more days till the weekend...Tomorrow is tax day so by next week I should have my refund..Thank to H & R Block..Work is going well, love life still so-so..Went to class on Monday it was really nice to be around everyone again..It was really nice to review some things that i kinda forgot(short memory sucks, long term even worse). Baseball season opened up here (Yes!) They opened opened the new paying field here and its not far from me so i will be attending some games...I got disaplined at class on monday for having my reports done, but i rather be honest and say i didnt really put any effort into them than to hand in a halfassed report..Even though i had 2 weeks to work on it..Needless to say i have 1 strike against me...Thats ok cause it will never happen again and i was willing to take responsability for it...Im going to be coloring my hair soon..Im kinda afraid to do so..Especially if i dont like it, it wont come out and i will be stuck with it forever...Is any kind out there that washes out if i dont like it? Things seem to be going ok right now...I found my work keys thats a plus...I found my tax returns that also another plus..So things are going ok.... Current Mood: awake |
| Friday, April 5th, 2002 | |
| 11:53 pm | Finally!!!! This has been a very long week, two cars breaking down in the same week..In which one finally got fixed and now drivable..Work had been going ok, the census has been low..Not to many smart ass teens to worry about... Goddess has smiled down and blessed us with the things we needed..(Thank You) Me and the manthing are on an even keel, not whating to kill each other for the past few days..Got a very good 90 day reveiw at work..No problems there...I was told Im doing a very good job at work..Concidering i have not mass murdered the teens in their sleep is a plus..Me and J sat down and wrote a list of things that we need to do to get things in order..In return thats where the blessing stepped in..im going to be getting a cell phone in the next few weeks because of the current things that had been going on..Which living in a large city like this i would be feeling alot safer driving around alone.. Im going to preparing for my ritual in Sept. cause i would this one to run alot smoother than the last..I least i would be better prepared..Heres a question i hope someone can answer..I have talking to this guy on line, and its just innocent talk, Like talking about the craft and differnt things like that..Is that so wrong? I dont feel like i doing anything wrong..I could be wrong...What is everyones thought on that? Current Mood: exhaustedCurrent Music: The Black Crows~ She talks to Angels |
| Tuesday, April 2nd, 2002 | |
| 8:46 am | I really havent had that much to say here lately..Ive kinda been in my own little world..I just got home from working 11-7 last night and i really need to get some sleep...But anyway...Mundan things has been going on and keeping me from doing the things i enjoy..But thats life...Im starting to work on my ritual for Mabon, this time i have 6 mo. to prepare and in the meantime i have 3 reports due for class that due Monday..I guess i should start putting thoughts on paper today at some point.... |
| Sunday, March 31st, 2002 | |
| 2:35 pm | Sad day in the world of Witchcraft I recieved an email this morning from a fellow covener in Michigan..It was a very sad one..Lady Sheba, who wrote Lady Sheba Book of Shadows, died Monday..She was a very awesome person..I got the pleasure to meet her last year at a gathering for Mother Circe..She was once a member of the Sisterhood and brotherhood of the Old Religion..And then started her own Coven in Michigan...At least now she is in the Summerland and not having to worry about everyday Mundan life...And she was a very kind lady and she will be missed very much...Goddess watch over her.... Current Mood:  sad |
| Thursday, March 28th, 2002 | |
| 11:16 am | Not much to say My last entery was on the 24th..Alot has happen, but wont go into details. Im starting to realize that somethings arnt ment to be..Esp. when things go wrong and the certain person is conviced that its continually the others fault and he claims no wrong doing...Names get called feelings get hurt and the love that you do have slowly dies..And when your constant threaten with the words.." If you dont change im going to leave" Now when i hear thoses words i quietly think , Why dont you go ahead and leave I will be hurt, but i think i can survive... Current Mood: discontent |
| Sunday, March 24th, 2002 | |
| 4:48 pm | Last night i worked a double..But i was lucky enough to find someone to work the first 4 hours of my shift. And i work the last of it which i dont mind...I guess i was tired cause i didnt wake till an hour ago...Im still a little tired but i worked with the itty bitties last night and was in the time out room 4 times and each time required a take down...So needless to say thoses little ones can be reeally squirmy and takes alot of energy to hold them in one place..But its almost five o clock and i still need to get ready for work ..Hopefully i will have more to say.... Current Mood: exhausted |
| Thursday, March 21st, 2002 | |
| 11:56 am | One thing i can say about the Goddess, She has a sense of humor...Last night went ok, except for the few times i went blank..But thats ok..The things i said where from the heart..And thats all that matters...I got the oppertunity to hang out with Lord Angus who is a fellow Southener..We were like 2 rednecks on the front stoop just a laughing and cutting up...So basically it wasnt thatt bad...I do feel that some of the fellow coveners probally saw as a joke..Concidering the 2 im speaking of are assholes anyway....Im still extremly tired from the circle last night, it basically took all the energy i had just to keep myself together to close the circle.But I will live and take it as a lesson learned... Current Mood: drained |
| Wednesday, March 20th, 2002 | |
| 11:29 am | The Big Night I finally got all my tools together...I will soon be going over to the church and setting up for tonight..I still have to get a ham for the feast..And color some eggs..So my and i know i will have to do some cleaning to amke sure that everything is going to be set up for the Elders...I was so lost in thought and meditation last night i didnt go to bed till 5am..I hope everyone has a wonderful Ostara and may the Goddess blessings pour unto you..Minerva Current Mood: nervous |
| Monday, March 18th, 2002 | |
| 11:02 am | Finally i have gotten done with my ritual..And now the biggest part is coming up..Wensday is the ritual..Beginning to become nervous..Tonight i have to work a double because i signed up for it to make up for the day off im taking this week..There is still so much i need to do and find..I wish i had tonight off so i could go to class..But thats ok..J is upset that he has to go and work with the herbs at the church so i will have place to do the ritual..he isnt even going to be there for me on the 20th..I see where he stands at that point..I was hoping he was going to be there to be some kind of support system..But he isnt..He hasnt even took interst in what i wrote for it..Oh well... Current Mood: disappointed |
| Sunday, March 17th, 2002 | |
| 11:57 am | Dying Love Yesterday was just miserable..I hated the fact that I wasted a whole day fighting with my S/O..I dont see how things are my fault..He says i dont spend enough time with him and i dont even respect him enough..This is the reeason i dont like being in relationships..All i heard yesterday is that your selffish, self centered, and dont respect others feelings..Gee who does that sound like..Hmm Let me take a guess..Then he threaten to cancel my Aol saying i spend to much time on it..This my escape when i really dont want to deal with things..All i was thinking when he was yelling at me was I have heard this before and sounds just like the things that Robert would say, before he left me..And later during the night,he expects me to just get over it and become lovey dovey again..Im sorry it takes me awhile to get to the place i was ..My confort zone..I have been abused by to many people to just get over things like that..And to be truthful..When something like that happens a little bit of my love dies for that person..I refuse to be a victim of abuse of any kind ever again... Current Mood: numb |
| Saturday, March 16th, 2002 | |
| 12:39 pm | Update for yesterday I went to work and i wasnt going to say anything..But i was asked if there was something bothering me..And then i went off..I told the charge nurse at work what happened at 630a yesterday morning and i told her i was very angry..And she goes lets go talk to eddy, well i got in to see her and she wasnt very happy about what i had to say..But she told me if goes any futher to let her know..And nothing was said to me the nurse couldnt even look me in the eyes..She knew i was upset..But anyway its over and done and her days there are very little cause there has been numerous complaints about her anyway.... Current Mood: awake |
| Friday, March 15th, 2002 | |
| 11:28 am | I KNOW YOU DIDNT JUST DO THAT!!! I get a phone call at 630a, from an RN i worked with last night..She decided that she felt the need to call and bitch me out about something i had nothing to do with last night at work..This pt. did this and that pt. did that...And my comment was and i quote" Why was the alarm off and then yall would have heard her leave her room" And she said " we where doing room checks" And then she had the nerve to ask me if i could go into work at 7am..Lets look at this pic..The woman is a bitch..I cant stand her..If you need someone to work the morning shift you need to call earlier than that so a person wouldnt be late for work..Im still pissy from the phone call..And then she had the nerve to say to me.." We will talk more tonight when i come into work" excuse me i took her answer as a final answer when she said no..So dont pin me with blame...::rolling eyes:: this is part of the job that i dont like.....So i have to be calm when i go in..Cause i have developed this thing call a back bone..And if you bark at me i will bark back....Maybe even louder and meaner.. Current Mood:  bitchy |
| Thursday, March 14th, 2002 | |
| 11:25 am | Work is going well this week so far..Im actully starting to get attached to some of the kids i work with..Im really enjoying working with the teens..I dont know..Had another mood swing last night now im feeling alot better..I guess thats a good thing..Must talk with the other half about him getting a job so i dont get so stressed again..Right now all he does is play games on the computor all day..Last night he waas a total shit..But thats ok i didnt let him bother me.. One more day till i have the weekend off and i have alot to do..Wensday is my ritual and i still need to type up the final draft..Will do that when i get home from work tonight..At least thats the last part of it i have to worry about..And then actully doing it well I am a little nervous but im sure i will survive... Current Mood: tired |
| 1:49 am | NASSA`s Midnight Muses Seeing the Spirit ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Spirit breathes the aliveness Into every flower and tree And fosters our connections To life`s Sacred Mysterys The net that binds us together Is the spirit we hold in kind The abundant, unlimited expression Of the Creaators breath divine Humankind is alweays looking For ways to measure the soul Never really seeing the spirit That makes creation a whole Fragments rest in every part Of the natural world we know But when we forget the Oneness We fail to honor Creations flow Spirit flows in unity through The source from which all came Visible to every seeker who Has found the Eternal Flame That Fiery connection to all life Rests in the love that lies within A Oneness that gives us no recourse But to see the spirit in all our kin Current Mood:  creative |
| Tuesday, March 12th, 2002 | |
| 1:20 am | A long week So much has happened....A rough week at work..Mood swings..Deadlings that cant be met..I feel like im falling apart right now...I have a ritual i have to do on the 20th, not even ready for it...The dark cloud is hovering over me...i cant pay the bills that need to be payed..I feel like i breaking in half..I feel like no one can see it but me..If my other half would get a job and help with the bills that would help alot...I have a dr appoinntment to see what can be done about my mood swings..I hope i can make it that long before i totally break...And i look at it this way im damn if i do and damn if i dont either way i loose...Cause i have my better half telling me he is not happy if i get on meds for my mood swings and yet he cant live with my mood swings...The only reasons i know they are getting bad is because we had a fight and i was so angry i started hitting the wall..Now thats bad..Cause im known to have a firery temper..Its the Irish in me.. And it has sadden me to know i have let myself get so far that i know i could blow up anytime...I scare myself with my thoughts and actions..I feel i need to go somewhere and veg for a week or two just to have a reality break cause right now it killing me...One day im high on life and then a day or two i feel like crawling under a rock and let life just pass me by..And i really wouldnt care if it at this point of time..::::sigh:::::I just feel right now that life is passing me by, and it makes me sick that i cant enjoy it...Tonight i went to class and normally i take part in the topic, but tonight i just wanted to get the notes and take off and not have any interaction with no one...I dont know...I feel lost...I feel discouraged...I feel like im not here...I feel like im a dark void...A wandering spirit that has no home.... Current Music: Sarah McLarklan~Angel |
| Wednesday, March 6th, 2002 | |
| 1:19 am | Another night of horror! Went to work in a pretty good mood after i went through ten differnt moods before i stepped out the door...Work was kinda difficult and it doesnt help when someone tells me that im to mean and set up to hard of a boundary for the teens i work with..This is how the conversation went: Charles: Jenn , I think your too mean with the teens Jenn: Charles, lets look at this picture..Your 6 foot im 5`1 if i dont set boundaries with them they will run all over me.. Charles: You could talk more with them..Jenn: Who has time. Charting, paperwork, thats why i have another tech working with me.. Charles: You take things too personal. Jenn: No I dont, first of all im not 100 % feeling well I have a hundred of other things on my mind. Charles: You need to relax. Jenn: I am relaxed! And yes i did find a doc today and i have an appointment on the 15th cross your fingures that I last that long without pulling my hair out.... Current Mood: drained |