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(2 stars | in my sky) *why do the stars fall from the sky when you come by, coz like me they want to be, close to you* [14 Feb 2002|04:25am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | bright eyes ] coming home at 4 and getting up for work at 10 is prolly not a good idea, nope! tonite started off horrible! jason let a whore call me a whore on the phone and didnt say anything about it and then hung up on me! ugh whatever! i dont even want to talk about that... so anyways the nite started off bad, then got great! i went up to subway at 12 coz thats when kirk gets off and we were gonna hang out..so we sit there for an hour then we are on our way to dennys and we stopped on the side of the road and he got me a thing of pink yellow and orange flowers! it was so sweet i wanted to cry. dennys didnt have the shake he wanted, so we went to steak n shake....they were closed...so we went to the dirty steak n shake and we stayed there forever. he tried to take the picture of jason out of my wallet *grr* i got lots madd! so so so... oh man i felt so horrible at what i did... i was just gonna sprinkle a lil pepper into my water and stir it around so it would look all raddness and as i was sprinkling the pepper in kirk is laffing and i couldnt figure out why...then, BAM the lid comes off the pepper and its spills everywhere! that schmuck unscrewed the cap and didnt tell me and he was just waiting for that to happen! there was no clean air to be breathed! and he carved my name into the table with the stupid knife coz he said thats true love haha and now they got some evidence on me and my pepper spilling ! i felt so awful! we had to leave the money and rush out...that poor waitress has to clean up a yucky smelly mess ): so so so anyways it was fun... i am super glad that me and kirk are hanging out again! no one go see the movie slackers for reals! emily and i saw it last nite and its yuck!not good at all! friday is a party *woo hoo* good times ahead. next friday is doctors appointment! they are gonna take more blood ): i got a new car, finally. i love it! i hope tomorrow is not shitty! im suppose to work at pretzel time i think... i hope not tho coz i dont want to...and sam is working and im super fucking pissed at him and i dont want to work with him. it is not nice to tell people lies and apparently he is not aware of that. i think tomorrow will be a good day to remove all the jason-ness from my room. how sad. but, it has to be done...he disgusts me and upsets me and lies and has some whore and i need to forget about him completely. hope it works. fishing with bryan this weekend...*yAy* tomorrow after work, hanging out with jowee, i think. i hope this week gets better...coz tonite before the kirk action stuff was not good. well well.... here is somewhat of an update valerie (: ill try and post more regularly...i just dont have much time anymore... nite nite time for me....*

(1 star | in my sky) *you never wanted to know me before little or no association, leave me alone.. i wanna live, stop sucking the blood right outta me* [29 Jan 2002|01:33am] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | silverchair ] my goodness.... i have soooo much stuff to do... and i have no time and no car to do anything.... it is so horrible! kirka hasnt called...well maybe he has but not when i have been home ): i am devastated! he works at night and so he prollly calls in the day and i work in the day...ugh! i wanna talk to him NOW! i wish my car worked so i could go see him *wah* tomorrow i get to babysit my 2 lil girls *yAy* they are the cutest, i love them! i will also get money for the babysitting which is not even work...so that is great! i still need a dress for anne's wedding which is saturday! and i have to buy a wedding gift still ahhh! and i have nooooo money! friday is the bachlorette party...that should be fun! thursday is class and conor at orpheum and i get to hang out with david and go with him...so great so great and i hope emily is gonna come too!! i am super excited to see conor...ohh my hes yum yum! wednesday i need to find a dress! im watching a movie with david.... gotta member to tape dawsons creek ! tomorrow is a long day.. i gotta work 8:45-6 and i get no break coz i dont have a car to go anywhere ): i might be getting a 2nd job working as assistant manager at pretzel time from 6:30- cl monday tuesday wednesday and friday and then sunday 11-6 i really need extra money to save... ahhh im really stressed right now...and super busy and i just want to relax and not worry about anything... ): i reallly need to go to the bank tomorrow and i have no way to get there )*: nite nite time...even though sleep is not my friend lately...

(in my sky) *when i look back on a picture of the past, i close my eyes and make believe i was in there* [28 Jan 2002|01:31am] [ mood | restless ] [ music | 238 ] i wish i could sleep kirk did not call me yet.... sonya = sadd gosh, i really hope he calls me soon! i was suppose to go get the car today...but my mom saw it yesterday and freaked out and said it was not safe for a baby, so she wont co sign for me to get it... i have to find something else....ugh! i hate car shopping! today i had to clean all the stickers off my back window so we can trade it in...it took me over 3 hours to scrape all of them off....my fingers hurt ): i still have to wash it and clean the inside *grah* tuesday is hanging out with david...*yAy* it has been a while! not good no... we are gonna watch jay and silent bob strike back..*woo hoo* i played basketball...actually horse today with my sister and her friend luca and i whipped them up! the little boy was embarassed coz i beat him hehe. i havent played basketball in like 5 years, it was fun. i have no dress for annes wedding, which is this weekend...aaahhhh!! my mom is leaving for hollywood, california this wednesday...no fair! thursday = conor...greatness to the max....super hot boy with super hot voice! i tink i will try and go sleepy now.... my eyes are madd burning so maybe i will fall asleep fast..... byebye

(in my sky) *i'd go without water, but not without you...100, 200, 300 days since i saw you...100, 200 more, it's up to you, to rescue me* [27 Jan 2002|12:07am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | shades apart ] oooohhhhhhh my gosh ... i just got the best news!! amber and amy called me and told me that they saw my old best friend kirk today!! i havent seen him in like almost 2 years! apparently he works at the subway by my house...and i dont know how i have yet to see him, coz i eat there like everyday! he told them that he wanted to call me but he knows i hate his guts! whaaat the hell.. i love that boy soooo much! i know he thinks i hate him coz when he got all into drugs again i stopped hanging out with him and he knew i was disappointed....but i could never ever hate him. gosh, i miss him so so so much! he asked them if he could call me and they were like yea of course she does not hate you! *yAy* i cant wait to talk to him! i thought he was living in a boarding home or something...that was what i last heard on him *sigh* i am super super happy they ran into him today! i want him to calll me now! randy hated us being friends coz we were all close haha. i hope we can hang out and become good friends again. he still has my framed picture of us and i want that back haha i told him he could keep it for a while last time i saw him so he would always know that i would be here for him and i would never stop being his friend and when he thinks he is alone and his friends dick him over again that he could look at that picture and know i would always be here....goodness.....i want it back, it is cuteness. he also told them that he had a christmas present for me in his closet hahaha what the hell i havent seen him in forever! and then this is the bad part....he told them that he heard i was pregnant! none of my friends ever see him ever so i was like how the hell does kirk know and he said that his sisters boyfriends neighbor is friends with the "guy" that got me pregnant!! what the fuuuuuuck! i find that a lil freakin crazy that he heard like that...who the fuck of jasons friends told their neighbor and it got back to kirk...*sigh* i hate jasons friends and i really dont like jason at all right now he disgusts me completely. now i am so anxious to hear from kirk! he should call me soon soon soon! ok well im goin nite nite, i am super sleepy. i went out for a while with bryan and the hungry howies manager guys to brandon ale house...lots of smoke in there...made me sleepy. kirk....*yAy* nite nite

(1 star | in my sky) *i got a car.. i got some gas...oh lets get outta here...get outta here fast* [26 Jan 2002|12:46pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | river city high ] im going to look for a car with my daddy now! *yAy* i want a jetttttta! but i will take almost anything new

(in my sky) i am sam...no i am sonya [25 Jan 2002|07:28pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | saves the day ] i am sam came out today! emily and i are gonna go see it tonite, *yAy* then we are gonna go see the creation at orpheum...should be a good show oh yea! my feet are dead....really. time to find something to wear.... nothing fits ):

(in my sky) *take a look, it's in a book.... a reading rainbow* [25 Jan 2002|02:05am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | bright eyes ] *graaaah* i cant find my of mice and men book anywhere!! i have a bad feeling that it is under my bed, buried in all the randy memorbilia...aah i really dont want to go digging through that stuff to find the book, and i want to read it again, it has been a while. randy gave me that book with stuff written in it for our anniversary one month....and so that is why i think it is under my bed in the randy stuff. i really need to sign off, but i am waiting for a song to finish downloading. david sent me an mp3 of dashboard covering the weezer song, jamie. i cant get off till it is finishimo! *sigh* my bed is so calling me....hurry the F up song! no song... no book... no bed....this is not lookin so good haha. could i complain anymore...hmm.... thank goodness..... it's done! good nite for reals this time!

(in my sky) *who's that peepin in my window....pow it's me it's me* [25 Jan 2002|01:51am] [ mood | sore ] [ music | bright eyes ] sheesh....what a long day it turned out to be. i went to work early today...im not liking that too much. i have to go in early tomorrow as well.....not good no no no. i would pay someone 100 dolllars for a foot masage right now....my feet are killing me! i hate standing up 8 1/2 hours a day, that is definately not fun. God invented chairs for a reason.... and i should be able to put those good ole chairs to use all day. i had my pregnancy class tonite, and i actually went. i am so glad that i did because it was good to be around other girls who are going through the same thing and i really love my councelor. she is so wonderful! she makes me feel good about myself and is one of the sweetest people i have ever met. she was asking about jason tonite unfortunately and i told her all about his nonsence. she was saddened at the way he turned out. so, my mom came with me thank goodness...she was all about holding the lil babies that belonged to other girls haha. they have a point system thing goin on there and with your points you get free stuff that you will need for the baby like cribs and swings and clothes and diapers and anything else you can imagine. it is super easy to earn points and the stuff is really nice. a crib is only 50 points and next thursday i will already have 65 points. im going to save mine up. i almost had a heart attack tonite fo real! i was sitting on the computer talkin and all of a sudden someone is knocking on my window outside!! it scared the crap outta me and i thought it was jason for some reason....yea rite like he ever wants to see me. so i went and looked out the back door and no one was there. so, i came back in my room and i sat back at the computer and they knocked again but louder and i almost crapped in my pants it scared the shiiii out of me again so i looked out my blinds and freakin no one was there. so i just went and walked out the front door and i see 2 motorcycles sitting in my driveway! haha it was julia and justin and jared. my heart was pounding for like 10 minutes seriously! i went out to ybor and riding around with them for a while...my parents were really upset that i was going to ride on the motorcycle pregnant, they really didnt want me to. oh well..... julia is soooo insane!! she stood on the back of justins motorcycle and put one leg up in the air while they were doing a wheely!!! she was all miss anti-motorcycle last year, now shes evil kanevil doing crazy ass stunts! annnnnd, she's a mommy!! i told her that was not a mommy hobby to be doing! goodness.....so insane! this weekend emily and i are going to see the new movie "i am sam" i cant wait to see that... it looks really good. i like michelle phifer a lot, she is a great actress, so im thinking the movie will be great. pearl jam, or eddie actually covers a beatles song on the soundtrack for that movie....thats what james said. i need to hear that!! good show at orpheum tomorrow nite...no ride to get there ): i neeeeeeed my car to not be broken *wah* i never treated johnsy bad... he shouldnt go off and die on me like this! i need him for transportation. *sigh* guess it is nite nite time....my eyes are gettin heavy. hasta!

(2 stars | in my sky) ~action and action~ [24 Jan 2002|01:12am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | silverchair ] wow.. i have not written in a while. today i got my pearl jam fan club christmas single in the mail that i have anxiously been awaiting! i am seriously gonna go nuts if i cant hear it soon! it is 2 separate records, and i dont have a record player!! *aaaaaahhhhhhh* i NEED to hear the new songs! there are 4 new songs.... *yAy* i need to find someone with a record player who can let me listen to them! help help!! so, this weekend im suppose to be getting a new car. i am excited about that! i want a jetta badly....but my parents are all about me not getting one...i dont know why. but anyways it is my decision, not theirs because it is my money. yesterday i had to go to the doctors and they took 8 viles of my blood! what are they , freakin vampires!? i thought i was going to die. needles are the worse!! my mom went with me to the doctors and it was really great to have her there, i was glad. we got to hear the babys heartbea for the first time...that was so...so... i dunno scary and fun and neat and touching. i cried and my mom almost did too. when i go back next month, they are gonna take more blood! aaaaahhhhh another needle ): they are trying to kill me! i think i take dawsons creek way too seriously hahaha. i got so upset tonite coz dawson and jen live together and are so cute and they share a bathroom and they kiss each other good morning and brush their teeth together *sigh* it made me cry.. i was jealous! i wish i had that *sneefle* ooh well ooh well. my mom is so great and i never realized it before. today she went to the dentist and was in bed hurting and i called her crying after i talked to jason and she got out of bed and came up to my work and sat and talked to me. how sweet! and tomorrow she is going to take me to my pregnancy class and go with me. i wish that i didnt treat her so bad the past few years and take her for granted all the time...but at least that is changing now. tomorrow nite is gonna be fun fun fun... me and jared and juilia and justin are gonna go to gameworks *yAy* hmmm.... only scary thing is riding on the motorcycle *yikes* im not as scared anymore though... im tuffer now hehe my hours at work are gonna change starting monday. instead of working 10-6:30 im gonna work 9:30-6:00 i actually like my new hours better since i will get out earlier. not much of a difference though. i wish it were march already coz thats when me and amber and amy and anne are taking a road trip to new york... thats gonna be the best!! i am having new york withdrawls fo reals! anne's wedding is very very soon and i dont have a dress yet. i am really upset that i have to be all pregnant at her wedding.. ugh! im not gonna be able to find a freakin dress to fit! at least she is all pregnant fatness too hahaha. everyone has a "date/friend" they are going with and i dont wanna go alone! i asked jowee and he said he would if he didnt have a show.... i hope he can come that would be great. i miss having him as my best friend ): oooh yea....here is yo shout out jaygasams :P i saw your website today....cuteness! that picture of you is super adorable (: this is a madd long post.... i think im gonna end it now....im super bored so i could write forever..... im gonna go play my favorite online game, out of order...it is so addicting! ill try and post more often so no more complaints..... jaaaaay! haha later alligator

(in my sky) *hearts and thoughts, they fade.....fade away* [16 Jan 2002|10:07am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | pearl jam ] january 16th....today would have been me and randy's 4 year anniversarry. crazyness

(3 stars | in my sky) happy ears [15 Jan 2002|12:03am] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | new pearl jam songs ] i just got two new pearl jam songs....aaahhhhh im freaking out! the names are: *i am mine* and *last soldier* they are greatness, of course! they need to put out a new cd and tour i love love love them <3

(2 stars | in my sky) *i think that tonite i will sneek into your house and i'll sing songs and wake you up and i'll take you blindfolded dancing onto bridges and you'll say you dont want to be with me, no one ever does* [07 Jan 2002|02:24pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | smashing pumpkins ] i finally am felling better! im still a lil sick but not bad anymore. it is such a great day outside! i wanna go sit out at the park and read... i wish i didnt have to work. its all gray and cold and drizzly. my favorite kinda day! it reminds me of new york. i wish i lived there ): i want to do something fun tonite! i was stuck inside all weekend! my book says that i need affection haha word... can i buy that somewhere? siiiike anyone wanna give me some huh huh huh any volunteers.... just kidden ill manage (: my breaks from work are madd boring ! guess ill go back now. ta ta

(in my sky) *in the darkness we are forming* [06 Jan 2002|11:52am] [ mood | okay ] [ music | killarmy ] *yAwN* me sleepy. i gotta babysit today at 3...not too bad...i need them dolla dolla bills! i tried to hook my dvd player up last nite...hmm... i thought i did everything right, but apparently not...coz it doesnt play them....the dvd plays, but it doesnt show them on the teevee. i cant figure out what is wrong ): i hate people who just started liking afi a few months ago and are complete groupies who are all about mtv pop punk ugh....those sluts should be shot right in the ear and not allowed to hear such glorious music, such as afi. word. anyhow... i am taking my family out to lunch today. i thought i would be nice. i think they are happy that im taking them out. i am glad that the chinese buffet is only 4.50 today...coz im madd poor! bands need to tour here for real! saves the day went on a headlining tour and they didnt even come to florida! what kinda crap is that! juliana theory and afi both did a small tour too and they didnt come to florida either!! i am anxoiusly awaiting pearl jam and silverchair to announce they are going on tour! it has been 3 years since i saw silverchair and almost 2 since i saw pearl jam! i cant wait any longer! aahh welll.... time for some shower power. later alligator

(in my sky) *STOP...callaborate and listen* [06 Jan 2002|01:33am] rockin out to vanilla ice....ahh yea...dance party fo reals

(3 stars | in my sky) *the picture frames are facing down and the ringing from this empty sound is deafening and keeping you from sleep* [06 Jan 2002|01:21am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | afi ] i framed two more pictures tonite.... one of me and jason and one of just jason. they are from new years. he is hott. tonite i watched pearl harbor with my family, it was so good. i cried lots hehe. im such a baybee! some parts in that movie made me sick at my tummy. im still sick.. i hope i am all better tomorrow! i have to babysit tomorrow for 3 kids. they are great though. its gonna be a long babysitting too coz the parents are going to orlando to see bryan adams in concert hehe. i talked to lalo for a bit tonite... it was good to talk to him...weird though. i also talked to emily tonite...she is so sweet, i love talking to her! we have a lot in common. we are gonna have a movie day *yAy* and and and we are gonna go see vanilla sky and beautiful mind... im excited (: january 31st is gonna rock tha house oooh yea! i cant wait! connor connor hottness fo reals 2 feet away from me ,singing with his beautiful voice...raddness to the max! january 16th is coming up....yuck! that day is gonna suck...it would be me and randys 4 year anniversarry....that kidd should be friends with me by now. i dont know why we cant be friends anyway...it has been a year almost since we have talked... we have both moved on im sure... i know i have and he must have too. he was my best friend for 3 damn years and we know everything about each other so why the heck cant we just be friends now ? his lame excuse last year was that he is afraid to be friends with me coz hes afraid he will fall in love with me again and he doesnt want that...haha what a load of shit. i hope he has a great girlfriend now and is super happy, he deserves that. i think im gonna call him jan 16th and see how he is and try and be friends. if he wants to, great...if not...oh well it is worth a try. i got a new dvd tonite *woohoo* i got bill and teds excellent adventure for only 9 dollars at wal mart. how great! now i just gotta get my dvd player all set up. i wanna watch a movie really bad but i dont know which one to watch! there are 2 more dvd's on sale at wal mart that i want! teenage mutant ninja turtles and spaceballs! they are only 9 dollars! maybe i will get them monday. i hope i get lots of money tomorrow! aaaahhhhhh dammit! i missed SNL ): john goodman and jarule were on there tonite. *wah* i tink ill go lay down and watch mallrats i dont feel good. nite nite*

(in my sky) *distorted eyes, when everything is clearly dying* [05 Jan 2002|05:23pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | silverchair ] i talked to jason more when i was out of town than i do when im here. fucked up ? yes i talked to him everyday when i was in panama city...well except the one night when he watched movies with that whore from his work that i hate that is in love with him...he didnt call me that nite...surprise surprise. he doesnt even watch movies with me anymore but he watches them with other tricks...what a mean thing to do. ooh well ill get over it im sure. the reason for this stupid post is coz i just dreamed about that crap and i woke up angry!

(in my sky) *take the rope to my heart and fall* [05 Jan 2002|02:13pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | silverchair ] gosh, i have been in bed sick since yesterday when i got home from work. my throat is killing me. the weirdest thing happened yesterday! at 5:40 i realized that i had not had a drink of anything all day. how odd...how can i go through the whole day with out even having a sip of something...i wonder why i wasnt thirsty. i usually drink 2 bottles of water and a bottle of juice at work. oooh well... i thought that was weird. my friends went to the movies last nite and i couldnt go ): and bryan called last nite to see how i was and he was going to dennys and i couldnt go there either *wah* but he offered to bring me some back hehe. my house feels like a fuckin furnace im about to catch on fire i think. david called a lil bit ago to see how i was feeling....that was very thoughtful (: i wanna go outside where it is cold! i dont wanna be trapped in my house sick again today. *blah* i watched the adio video last nite...that was a bad idea it made me sad. no more of that. i think im gonna go watch some silverchair videos and proly ahve a heat stroke *ugh* hasta

(in my sky) *my heart is cracked from being left out in the cold* [04 Jan 2002|01:31pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | bright eyes ] im still sick today ): i hate feeling like this! i need to stay in bed and sleep all day but i have to stand up and work for 5 more hours last nite i had horrible dreams, so i didnt sleep well. it is so nice outside, very very cold. i need to go see a doctor, yuck! time to eat lunch

(2 stars | in my sky) *tonite i'll stay awake long enough to stop breathing and i wonder how long it will take before i pass out drunk off nite skies* [04 Jan 2002|12:14am] [ mood | sick ] [ music | saves the day ] im so sick ): i had to miss dancing at masquerade tonite coz im super sick... im so sadd *pout* i wish somone was here to take care of me and keep me company *wah* my throat was bleeding this morning and i have a fever...yuck and and and im here all alone ): the weather is so wonderful, i love it! i wish it would snow! if i was not sick i would definately sit outside in a hoodie in the coldness and stare off into the sky, its such a beautiful nite. today amber got me lots of presents...it was great! i got a sponge bob coloring book! i think i will try and hook up my dvd player, its hard and i dont know how to. maybe i should just watch a movie instead. i wanna be not sick and out dancing with my friends *grrrrr* im lonely...this sucks ass! movie time....no more complaining haha today i framed a cute picture of me and jason... i love it so much, he looks so adorable in it! i carried it with me all day...im a lame-o! ooh well time to shut up about jason coz its all about being tuff now...yup! i suck at being tuff and mean...its hardness! i try to be mean so i dont get hurt but then it just backfires coz i do and i feel all guilty and sadd that i hurt him. aaahhhh fuck fuck fuck so much suckage! be tuff be tuff be tuff! im not allowed to calll him and tell him im sorry for being mean coz my friends will murder me and they made me promise i wouldnt coz he doesnt call me when he is mean and hurts me and he doesnt do sweet things for me when im sadd like i do for him....im confused ! it was so super funny tonite i was calling my dad and i was sitting at the table with amy and amber and i was just playing around while the phone was rining and i said "hi is jason there" and they all stopped what they were doing and their jaws hit the ground and they jumped towards me grabbed the phone and hung it up! it was sooooo funny and i was like ummm it was my dad and they got all madd HAHA! i wanted to call jason tho ): ok ok ok i really gotta shut up now fo reals! i guess i hold a lot of crap in! movie time....im o ou out!

(in my sky) *me, oh you wouldnt recall...for im not my former, it's hard when your stuck upon the shelf...i changed by not changing at all* [03 Jan 2002|03:56am] [ mood | moody ] [ music | saves the day ] apparently i am still in love with randy....haha NO...what a stupid thing for anyone to think! heeeyyy zaira....member a few months ago when i was telling you all about jason and how i was completly over randy and you finally knew it was true and not me trying to pretend and lie about it! what a waste! someone* actually thinks im not over him and in love with him! funny or what! sometimes it seems like no matter how much you love someone and no matter how much you do for a person to show them how great you think they are and how much you love them, it's just not good enough....im sick of trying... im too stressed and it's pointless now. i said a jerk thing today coz i was sad and mad and upset and trying to be mean....but saying one thing does not make me still be in love with a person! ugh! my body hurts *wah* tonite was all depressing coz anne was showing me all these pictures of her and her boyfriend and this lil book they filled out together and showing me her wedding dress and stuff....not fair... i want to be all happy like that! i still have not gotten my pearl jam christmas single...whats the freakin deal?! tomorrow is a big day i should get some sleep....hopefully i will feel better than i did today tomorrow = work...mall for new outfit...important class that i will of course go to jasonless, but at this point my care is at zero....and then dancing at masquerade in new outfit *woohoo* i feel like a jerk...i hate myself... im goin nite nite *thinks to self* in love with randy...haha what a joke! im so pissed about that! whatevs

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