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[14 Mar 2002|09:38pm] [ mood | sleepy ] Pay checks, are such a beautiful thing. German test=bad Math class=C I had a meeting with my teacher and as long as I get my homework in, I'll up it to a B Poetry class= ? My microtheme was due today, so I attempted to do one but only succeded in getting myself frusterated beyond the point of rational thinking. So I gave her what I had. We had a nice long talk about how I could up my grade so it is still possible to get a b in the class. Apparently I wasn't the only one who got a 60 on my midterm. About 14 people (out of maybe 25) got below 60, so she's giving us a second chance for the final.. Speech=prolly B I got an A- on my last speech Now.. I just gotta turn in application to go to graz... motivation.. post comment

[12 Mar 2002|06:46pm] German test on thursday.. god.. Mid term conference thursday Paper thursday.. geeezzz... So I was in a delightful lil mood but of course I get on this thing and I immediatly throw into a foul mood, because I have not yet developed that lil gene that lets me ignore the ranting of petty people. anyway. I promised Sandor i'd go with him to the NEcto tonight, blach, plus I have to work. Tonights gunna be so much fun. post comment

[11 Mar 2002|07:08pm] [ mood | Fed Up ] [ music | Velvet Acid Christ: Cyclone C.. ] gave my speech it was pretty good. My mom just came in here and started with the whole how are you doing.. you've been sort of short tempered lately crap. First of all, when and if (and yes I am) in a bad mood it is my god given right to be cranky/short/pissed/annoyed/aggitated/aggravated at whomever I so choose and usually its at the person causing the annoyance. Not to mention this damnable thing, Damn lj to the 9th gates of hell. So the deadlines for graz are coming and prolly going to be passing me by, why is that because deep down my mother doesn't want me to go and well since I don't have 2000+ dollars lying around I don't have much of a say in the matter. Reason she doesn't want me to go: Quite simple, Graz Austria, german speaking country she assume full of neo nazi racist jews/blacks killin germans. Ah on a side note this whole situation with andrew I have choosen not to comment about it cause well I didnt' know what was going on and I still don't but not I'm so thourghly fed up with the human population I don't care. 96.5% of guys are, Stupid Dense 96.7% of girls are, Stupid Sneaky Either way I have managed to get myself involved with a guy so obsessed with sex he's willing to go back to his ex girlfriend. Now they are on some sort of a friends with benefits sort of deal but I ask you all out of there with a brain not half stuffed into your ass, what sort of a girl would go back to an ex boyfriend who dumped them not more then 3 weeks ago, unless they had other motives?? I feel caught in the middle. I was in an unbeliebably cheerful mood earlier. I wonder what happened to that lovely lil mood. Out of sheer annoyance last night I began writing a story, set in the year 2634. The story begins with Sasha having a flash back of stories, past down to her the way earth "used" to be before the shit hit the fan forcing half of the population of this godforsaken planet to live underground. Now shes riding up an elevator shaft and shes the first in a generation to see the actually sun rise. How very entertaining, just when I was starting to feel better I find myself fed up again. What could possible be the reason why? People. Not every just certain indivduals.. its a beautiful thing. post comment

[10 Mar 2002|11:42pm] [ mood | content ] Friday: I proceeded to watch my friend get so drunk he didn't even remember getting up and taking a shower. I was content to be sober with my mac and cheese Saturday: work. I walk in and I am immediatly in a bad mood. I'm not sure if it is the fact that I spent the majority of the afternoon inhaling smoke fumes from a burned out generator. Or maybe it was the fact that half the electricity was out in the store. Or maybe it was the fact that Target caught on fire. Or maybe it was the fact that firefighters came into the store and were walking around on a roof. And through out this.. we stayed open. Not because we had any costumers(oh yes they were smart they saw fire trucks they stayed away). But because scott if an idiot. Today: was a much better day, I was forced to sell reservations for Shelters of the Stone the new book by the author who wrote caln of teh Cave bear. The majority of people I approached looked at me like I had completely taken leave of my senses, one person just sort of stood there like I had threw up on her shoes and her response was, "uh yeah my parents like that but why would I?" so I only ended up selling one. Oh well darn. 2-10.. 8 hours of walking around in a blessed circle asking people who didn't want or need my help. But its over now and I am typing up my speech for class tomorrow. 5 comments|post comment

[07 Mar 2002|07:04pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Dead Can Dance: Summoning Of The Muse ] All ducks aren't sweet and innocent and you prove that. You have a nasty streak. Find your inner rubber ducky. You are the original and therefore very popular. You also have those really cool polar bears representing you. But you have a bad after taste. Find your inner cola. You're Spike. An English badass. At least you were until they put that stupid chip in your head. And then you fell in love with the slayer... Snap out of it, man! Find your inner vampire. The day started out alright.. then it was time for my poetry class. I'm not a poet I can't think like that. I dispise poems now. in fact I loath them, I do not look at something and think what a beautiful metaphor or gosh thats a creative simile. My mind doesn't process things like that. The presentation was interesting. Seeing as how I spent the majority of time talking. The poster board looked like absolute crap it didn't have anything to do with the poem except for the poem had who in it and they wrote who all over the poster board. I do hate working with others. post comment

[06 Mar 2002|10:35pm] [ mood | bouncy ] The day continues to grow beautiful.. I got out of class and it was so nice me and Andy ate lunch outside.. I'm teaching him how to play the guitar so he's downstairs determined to play nirvana's come as you are. For someone whos never picked up a guitar nor has any musical experience he's doing pretty damn well. Oh well the day beings to draw to a close, theres something odd going on in my room. Something I can't see. Im gunna have to take care of that lil problem. I am unusually hyper right now.. 1 comment|post comment

[06 Mar 2002|01:19pm] [ mood | chipper ] So.. my computer has been dead since sunday. And that is all thanks to windows xp which royally fucked my computer. So I'm trying to see if I can get a hold of windows 98 or windows 2000. apparently, morpheus and windows xp don't like each other and I dled the new version of morpheus onto my computer. It fucked it up. I couldn't even get the damn think to recongize that windows was even on there. But thanks to my dad.. he fixed it and everything is fine. cept now I can't download music because the makers of morpheus are retarded and the old version no longer works. If its not broke don't fix it.. I took my german test and I think I did okie on it who knows who cares i'm in a goood mood despite the fact that i'm guinna be up late doing weird stuff with that ginsberg poem oh well later. 2 comments|post comment

[05 Mar 2002|09:29pm] [ mood | happy ] What a colorful past few days. My parents came hoem at 7 am on monday morning. They weren't in the house longer then 10 minutes and they immediatly started bitching at me. Amazing. I haven't slept since sometime yesturday. Geeeezz.. And no dose wow.. yeah I only took two the first one was fine I was up paraphrasing Allen Ginsbergs "howl" the second pill I took fucked me completely over.. I couldn't sit still I was sick.. so that won't be happening again. I had a midterm in math.. yeah that was fun with zero hours of sleep. came home fell asleep for about a half hour went to go discuss the paraphrasing shit with my group.. come to find out they didn't even read the goddamn thing. There suppose to make a collage.. and well its hard to do that when you dont' know what the fuck the poems about.. so they proceeded to tell me how crazy and fucked up he was.. God that annoyed me but we won't get into it. I went to go see andrew at 5 so we could study for german.. he finally got annoyed and made me go to sleep. So I fell asleep for 2 hours which seemed to do it cause I no longer feel like i'm going to be sick. And now I must still stay up late because I have to pass this damned German Test.. So now i'm at work and life is going along swimmingly and I must still do the thing for graz and i'm running out of time.. oh well later kids 1 comment|post comment

[02 Mar 2002|01:25pm] [ mood | groggy ] so between 9 people we demolished a half gallon of mohawk, a bottle of arbor mist.. (well I did that was mine) we still have hot damm 100 left (yeuck) and just regular hot damm, and a tray full of jello shots. So around two we got bored watched a movie, hopped in our bathing suits and got into the jacuzzi for about 2 hours. I thought I was sober.. until I stood up that is.thats pretty much when it was decided it was time for me to go to bed. (ya know after I had 5 more shots) But aside from tired i'm fine. God I love not getting hangovers. So I did a lot of talking with Andrew.. he even read some of my live journal entries.. geez.. I don't know what to do. Oh well thats another story. So today.. I am gunna be doing a WHOLE lotta NOTHING. post comment

[01 Mar 2002|10:24pm] [ mood | happy ] yeah.. so people showed up ^.^ hooray.. Nick and heather didn't but oh well. but one less orgy to worry about. Hmm people there.. Gene when you read this tell me how the concert was!! Okie I guess I better go away um Von.. when are you gunna be around cause I still need to give you your present. 2 comments|post comment

[01 Mar 2002|03:44am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | And One: Goodbye Germany ] I spent a day of doing nothing. Slept till 2 yeah I feel productive. I started cleaning didn't really finish I have a lot of work to do tomorrow. Went to caseys saw a lot of his artwork.. it must be nice reciving $900 a month for no real reason at all. Not having a job, not having a car.. yeah must be real nice. Anyway.. Saw his artwork.. went to dennys. Got ice dropped down my shirt got sat on. and stayed there to 3:30 doing more of nothing. ANother one of my pet peeves those moronic guys who ask your name you then tell them, and cause your not interested thats where you end the conversation.. rather then them taking this as a hint they turn and just stare at you.. not the oh your cute stare.. the i'm gunna stare at you until you talk to me stalkeresque sort of stare. got to listen to this guy bitch about his girlfriend. So my date life isn't perfect.. but I mean I think if I got into repeated fights with someone over stupid shit.. I mean repeatedly and broke up with a person atleast once a month I would know better then to get engaged to that person.. I would also know better then to get back with that person of after the 4th time we broke up. I don't know I give people exactly two chances.. if they screw up more then that on the same offense then it wasn't meant to be. But this idiot keeps giving this dumb chic chances and she keep sfucking up. SO he bought her a ring they got engaged she fucked up they broke up again and what does moron boy do? he throws the ring out the fucking window.. a ring which he hasn't found yet and is still paying for. All for them to get back together and then break up and get back together. WHATS THE POINT?!? anyway.. he was all edgy cause they had just had ANOTHER fight and he finally came to his sense and left her ass.(only for them to hook back up in a day or two) I dont' get it.. he says he wants love and yet he's dating someone who fucks up continueously and out of anger has actually hit him on more then one occasion..the more and more I think about this the more I am glad I am not with someone. so tomorrow is my lil party I was all worried that there were going to be to many people there and theres only gunna be 15-20.. and i'm just thinking large there I only anticpate about 10.. Oh well I don't like large gatherings they spook me. Oh well and now bed 1 comment|post comment

[28 Feb 2002|07:22am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Cure: Catch ] Its almost 7:30. I don't even remember if I've even slept. Last night was so.. just grand. Andrew bought me a bottle of wine, I polished that off in about 15 minutes. So then he drove my car back to meijers to buy two more bottles so we watched the crow, and umm part of 5th element. After that we just sort of lay there in our drunkeness and talked. I guess i'm just a bad judge of character. Anyway.. I guess we're good.. and even if were not. Who gives a shit... have fun and don't let emoitions into the mixture to be hurt. so we sat around talking till I think we fell asleep.. I'm not sure all I can remember is peter gaberiel being on.. and then somehow Flock of seagulls.. Oh well.. Maybe I should go to bed.. my sleep schedule is all screwed up Since I was in a bad mood.. I forced myself to play conkers bad fur day again.. No comments..That cheered me right up. And then final fantasy 10.. Which I have to say sucks. Yeah the graphics are impressive.. but its justs a stupid game. Speaking from someone whos never played any of the final fantasys before.. its just kind of boring to run around, get thrown into unwanted battles that you can't even really fight in. How retarded. Anyway.. yeah.. sleep.. Which British Band Are You? uhh... who.. 5 comments|post comment

[27 Feb 2002|01:29pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Veruca Salt: Seether ] Which "Natural Wonder" are you? oh what to do with hair.. hmmm.. Scissors! post comment

[27 Feb 2002|04:08am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Rasputina: Call Me Alice ] After I calmed down and stopped being so pissed off. James managed to find his way over to my house. His parents are prolly getting a divorce considering that his fathers mistress approached his mother. I really dislike people. I forced him to watch this show on Brittany spears and then made veggie chili.(which I burned but its still edible) My parents are leaving tomorrow. Of course they want me to go with them, it seems I will not be going to the lab tonight because I am not allowed to go to detroit while they are away. I have got to move out of this house. I'm 19 and I feel as if I am 10 years old. So onto more exciting things.. I'm having my lil social gathering. I told people about a month ago.. and I knew they were going to forget, cause i'm not that high up on the importance scale, but atleast I'll get to have a few people over. I'm now debating on if I should buy rasputinas new lost and found ep.. so much money.. Its so aggravating they have about 7 cds, only 3 of them were really for sale. 1 comment|post comment

[25 Feb 2002|02:05am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | Vast: Flames ] I just randomly woke up, remember that I had left this on so I could finish downloading mp3s. (only 3 because morpheus sucks) work was amusing. Two guys got there and immediatly began to whine after an hour so sara let them go. I find out now that the only way you can get work hours is if you sell crap. I'm suddenly depressed about that because I need hours. I can only work two days a week there and if they don't give that to me then i'm screwed. I don't like talking to people I just don't. And I certainly can't sell them anything or ask them silly questions that involve memorized jibberish. I'm good at cleaning shit up and making it look better. In some ways I miss hollywood video In some ways I wish I could find a job that doesn't deal in costumer service. I made this huge mistake of calling andrew last night, it was a huge mistake in the fact that I was intoxicated. Intoxciated coming down and when i'm like that I have no personality in general and my voice sounds an awful like Ben Stein. So he thought this was very amusing, so amusing that he saved the massage and let all his roomates hear it. Why do people like to embarress me.. And atleast tomorrow, one of the few things that gets me excited. Band practice. We have a cd with 14 songs, and an album cover. As well I get to go to see queen of the damned. Now thats a score in its self but the bigger score is I get to see it for free. 2 comments|post comment

[24 Feb 2002|12:45am] [ mood | content ] [ music | Schiller Mit Heppner: Dream... ] WOrk. Blah. I'm starting to actually believe that I'm a guy.. the God and the goddess just fucked up and placed me into the body of a girl. I believe my co-workers feel the same, they treat me like i'm one of the guys. Including me in there perverted sex talk. Its somewhat cute. The whole store decided to embarass me too. I casually mentioned that this guy was cute. One of the girls knew him, next thing I know I'm being dragged over to him. Of course I darted out of the way, then I was walking up to the front of the store and the kids all looking around for me so of course I dart behind something. My manager and my friend mike were trying to drag me out to me this complete stranger. God I have never been so fucking embarressed. On to the gory details of mikes somewhat party. It was lame. Cedric left. WHich left me, tyler, mike, lisa, austin, laurie and nate. I've said before that I really don't like girls. I hate the vast majority of them. Not all.. but about 95% of them I just want to hit with something. Laurie..is one i just want to beat senseless.. But I actually feel sorry for her. Shes dating tyler whom.. could give to shits less about her. Why the hell she puts up with his insensitiveity I dont' know. And onto stupid girl number 2 Lisa.. who was drunken then shit. She's one of those posessive, give me a kiss every 5 seconds, let me sit in your lap your my bitch sort of girls. SO I sat there watching all of this.. this.. I don't even know what to call it, I was thinkign maybe if I drank a mikes hard lemonade it would go away but it didn't. And it didn't go away after the second one I drank. SO I finally just left. The only reason I went in the first palce is cause us kids at mediaplay are like one big EXTREMLY dysfunctional family. We all try and get together and do something dispite our differences.. (which are quite vast). Part of me didn't want to go because, I just look like a freak.. the outcast everytime I go there. And well its been my experiences (taking this back to a highschool level) when the other crowd invites you do something there just doing it to make fun of you. So I put my fears aside and went. Dispite the lil voice telling me not to. Nothing happened.. aside from the fact that I felt out of place.. but everyoen else was too drunk or too stoned to notice. Oh well.. I guess thats why there are labels and groups and all those other things. I can get along with anyone.. but feeling like I fit in is a completely difference story. And I certainly didn't tonight. Oh well I got two mikes out of the deal. this pleases me. I'm Jubilation Lee What X-Men Character are You? post comment

[23 Feb 2002|02:23pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | New Order: Crystal ] So sleep was a good thing. I randomly talked with my mother today. That was strange, but it looks like i'm going to chicago on tuesday. SO now i have to start doing some research cause if I'm gunna go to chicago.. I'm also going to have to find a club to attend. But I am looking forward to going to some of the museums. it sucks not to be photogenic.. ..its funny.. not funny ha ha but funny odd. That something called "easy desiger" can be so incredible difficult. 2 comments|post comment

[-These Disturbances called... [23 Feb 2002|07:48am] [ mood | sleepy ] The club was replaced by inebriation, mikes hard lemonade, a bottle of cheap merlot and the lost boys. All in all it was a good night. I guess I could have stayed and slept longer but.. he has a ferret and two cats. The ferret is cute when one is not trying to sleep. As well as the cats. Apparently I got roped into going to Oasis on monday night. This should prove to be interesting seeing as how the rest of the intoxication club has already been there cept me. I'm suppose to be finishing up this webpage stuff.. yeah okie. Don't you love it when people give you something to do and they don't tell you what your suppose to do with it? I know how to do html.. when you start adding javascript plus all that other weird html crap I don't know what to do. And files ending in .asp.. yeah.. its too early in the morning for this crap. post comment

[22 Feb 2002|06:31pm] [ mood | restless ] I take on to many things because I can't say No. Someone teach me how to say no.. Webpage shit.. god.. Its what I want to do but there aren't enough hours in the day, to do school, have a band, have a life. I guess the social life thing comes last. And now a minor in german. I finished some of my stuff. THe picture still isn't working of course. My friend came over whom I have seen in awhile. I thought I hated her but I guess I do in a way.. she did take my boyfriend and cheat on her finace. But I regress.. she came by and we talked and my respect for her went up a bit. Shes doing what she has to do. It still urks me.. that people can hurt other people and then not even feel sorry about it. I'm getting angry so I have to stop thinking about it. And now I must go attempt to find some clothes to wear. Its hard to be goth and not have a creative bone in your body. That leaves hottopic and well when your a poor uncreative goth.. I miss my muse. I miss when times weren't so complicated. 1 comment|post comment

[22 Feb 2002|03:08pm] [ mood | aggravated ] Websites.. especially angelfire and envy.nu.. suck.. Alot. Simply for the fact that when you try and link to angelfire this dumb image comes up not the one you wanted of course. And Envy.nu doesn't work at all. Wonderful. post comment

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