and it's time that you loved [Wednesday 26 June 2002|10:31am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | "Elizabeth On The Bathroom Floor" ~ Eels ] I don't think I ever talked about Jen's sister Karen in this journal. Her and her husband Jim were the most lovely couple, so happy and in love. When I met them they made me feel so at ease, and made me laugh with all their funny stories. Anyway, Karen died yesterday morning, after giving birth to a baby boy. They'd wanted this baby for so long, especially since Karen had had four miscarriages before, and they were really looking forward to it. But something was wrong and Karen's heart stopped twice during labour, and then she died. I don't think she even saw her baby. I feel so sorry for Jim; yesterday was meant to be the best day of his life yet it turned into the worst. You know, the house was meant to be covered in congratulations cards, not condolence cards. Silly things like that, which mean so much. And they were so very much a couple and he loved her more than anything and I don't know how he's going to cope now. Like Jen said yesterday, at least he's got the baby now. She'll always be around in spirit, but it's so sad that this baby will never know Karen. She would have been an amazing mother. And her work was amazing too, she trained at the Option Institute and became a Son Rise facilitator, and was the only one who did her specific job in the UK. There was so much other stuff I wanted to say, things have been so hectic recently; Tor's on Thursday, football on Friday, waitressing on Saturday, Ani on Sunday.. but I just feel so blah, after hearing this news. I didn't know her that well but she was so lovely, and I'm absolutely devastated because she didn't deserve it. I know that no one does, but she was so happy and looking forward to this baby, and now she's dead. It doesn't make sense. Karen ~ I know you're probably off drinking cocktails and doing karaoke wherever you are now, but rest in peace, chuck. 4 secrets♥bare your soul

Hmm [Wednesday 19 June 2002|10:00pm] [ mood | weird ] [ music | Big Brother ] That programme on teenage mental health, Inside My Head, that's just been advertised on C4... that was the programme that Pam was talking about. The girl who was talking... she was in the music therapy hut, and in the group room, and you can see the narrow corridor that leads to the main bit of the unit. Longview. My old 'home' that I lived in for 6 months is going to be on a documentary. Weird :/ I felt all funny when I saw it. I wonder if any of my nurses will be on it. UGH. I feel sick, for some reason. 4 secrets♥bare your soul

Lovin' it lovin' it lovin' it [Tuesday 18 June 2002|06:48pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | "The Everlasting Gaze" ~ Smashing Pumpkins ] I haven't been online much recently. It's partly because I've had things to do, and partly because my sister hogs the net so much. I was just in the middle of updating yesterday when she unplugged me from downstairs. That was so annoying. Never mind, it wasn't anything life changing, just a dreamy post about clouds and sun and horses. Last night I went to bed early and got woken up at about 3am from the thunder outside. It was deafening. Normally I love storms, it was only the other day that I was wishing for one, but the rain was so intense last night, and coupled with the thunder and lightning it just made me really scared and I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with my Daddy. Knowing him though, he was probably equally as scared ;p So I had to lie under the covers and try and control my breathing. God knows why I was so scared, it was only a storm. Then just as I was about to fall asleep again I remembered that my window was open, and that the rain might get onto my laptop. But I was to shaken to get up and close the window, so I just threw a jumper over my computer. Luckily it wasn't wet in the morning, but jesus. I don't know what was wrong with me last night! Today I have done a number of boring things. Due to the foul weather last night and this morning I wasn't going to go meet up with Caroline as planned, but when it cleared up this afternoon she forced me to go into town, and it was actually ok. We went to Cash Converters and drooled over second hand cds (there are about a million that I wanted, and I had to control myself in a fit of nostalgia not to buy the Let Loose single for 25p). Then after a bit of wandering around we parted ways, and I came back home and rang lots of people about lots of different things, but all concerning Uni. Speaking to Alun (the senior psych admissions tutor) was nice, he was as lovely as ever and said that he was looking forward to seeing me in September. There was one embarrassing moment though (isn't there always?!) when I rang the right number for the accommodations office, but with the wrong code, so I ended up babbling away to a woman in Chelmsford about accommodation when she didn't have a clue what I was on about. Oopsie :> I still get nervous on the phone when making 'official' calls, so that didn't exactly help! Butbutbut, Arri is yet again a lucky&happy; bunny, because as another part of her birthday present she got Machina/the machines of God :D So I now own three Pumpkins albums. I love them so. And YAY! to Virgin and V.Shop for having the clearout. Except that there are so many albums I want and not enough money ;) Ah well. My heart went out to Enya but in the end the Pumkins won. I love Enya. *sigh* If I ever won the lottery I would first of all buy a big house, then fill one room with books and the other with cds. Music + books = bliss. Library tomorrow, I need new material because I feel like my brain is drying up. Especially when I'm learning about neurotransmitters and dorsal views and other psychological stuff ~ a girl's gotta have a bit of variety, right?! I really want to go to the Proms. But now I am eating pizza, so that is keeping me happy. Some people's hearts rule their heads, but my stomach rules mine :D (I should not be happy about that really but for some reason it amuses me.) 2 secrets♥bare your soul

Paper Bag is one of the best songs ever. [Monday 17 June 2002|07:27pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | "On The Bound" ~ Fiona Apple ] I actually did something (constructive) today ~ whoo! Go me, rahrahrah etc. I went to Addecco, Reed, Manpower and TopJob to see whether there are any jobs. At the moment there aren't any, but Manpower and TopJob are going to contact me when they have some. Addecco and Reed took my CV but said that they aren't taking on anyone new at the moment because they have lots of people. Oh well. At TopJob I somehow managed to bugger up the typing test and ended up with 32wpm (what the fuck?!) So the woman tried to set it up again but she couldn't find it. Oh, it was all quite funny but I'm too hot and tired and frankly can't be bothered with typing. The heat is so intense, and this afternoon it was unbearable. Every step I took made me sweat more, and by the time I'd arrived at the first agency I was an unattractive sticky mess. Nice. Loan form is to be sent off tomorrow. I have asked all the questions that I can, so now I'm just hoping that it will all be ok. It has to get to County Hall by Friday, but I hope that it won't be sent back for my dad to fill the bits he didn't fill in. The reason that he hasn't filled them in is because he can't so I am praying to whatever god out there that it will be fine. I can't believe that I'm seeing Ani on Sunday! I'm so excited, it's going to be great. I still don't know a lot of her songs, but that's probably a good thing seeing as I would probably sing along, horribly out of tune. I think my poor computer is suffering from sunstroke. 4 secrets♥bare your soul

Mmm.. music *droooool* [Saturday 15 June 2002|07:01pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | "Soma" ~ Smashing Pumpkins ] Because Elena and the kids are going away on July 7th, Hita and I are getting some of our birthday pressies early. Today I got When The Pawn and Siamese Dream :D I am so happy. I already had some mp3s off both the albums but to be able to play them in my cd player is such a joy. How delish :) I've had quite a busy two days. On Thursday I went into town with Caroline, and then went back to her house for the night. We did our usual of eating junk food, gossiping and watching tv. Friday was Jen's party day, so Tor came to pick me and Caroline up and we drove to Thorpe. When we got to Jen's we started drinking so I got a bit tipsy. By the time we went to Clacton for the meal we were all a bit hyper and this just carried on through the meal At one point I thought we were going to get thrown out, we were talking rather loudly and being quite disruptive. Then we went drinking. I was unusually flirty, and fancied a barman who Emily ended up pulling, and another bloke in Fibbers (the club) who was sweet and unshaven and cuddly. Caroline will not stop teasing me about him; she said he was a minger, and christened him 'unwashed' man until she came up with the better name of 'just fell out of bed and landed on a curry' man. It was funny, though. I was absolutely boiling so didn't dance much. This also had to do with the shite music they were playing. I swear that Eminem song is following me, I hear it everywhere I go. Great video, but GAH the song is awful. Oh, and I cut my thumb and part of my thumbnail open on a broken bottle and it kills. It's a small cut, but quite deep, so it's painful. And 3-0! WOOHOO! We were driving home at the beginning of the match and couldn't tune in Radio 5 Live so we didn't know we were one up until we stopped at McDonalds and the man told us. I was suspicious and thought he was having us on, so we were really happy to hear later that we'd got another goal. Then we watched the rest of the match at Caroline's and saw the third goal. After that it got a bit boring and personally I thought England were a bit rubbish, but then I'm not exactly a footie expert am I? bare your soul

we'll see how fast you'll be running [Wednesday 12 June 2002|07:52pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | "Cornflake Girl" ~ Tori ("but ma, I'm a raisin girl!") ] I still can't get over how amazing Yes, Anastasia is. It's such an wonderful piece of music. I say piece because it's more of a piece than a song, like someone pointed out on the forums. All those strings, the crescendos, the piano, and her theatrical vocals... mmm. So incredibly yummy, you can totally immerse yourself in the music. Isn't it amazing how some music can do that to you? It's like you're inside it, or a part of it. Tori's music has the greatest effect on me (apart from the classics, obviously). It's so emotive, it stirs up so many feelings inside me. Blah. I'm rambling, I've been in such a weird mood today. I don't even know why. Montmartre is now listed as an interest by 22 people, and by two communities. I'm guessing that the sudden surge of interest is due to Moulin Rouge and Amelie, seeing as those are the two communities listing it. I wonder how many people have actually been there. I only spent a week there but it was one of the best weeks of my life. It's funny how you can spend such a short time in a place, yet totally belong there. People should visit, and have their hair braided and get their portraits done and go on the roundabout by the Sacre Coeur, and sit in small cafes on the cobbled streets listening to jazz musicians play. Everything about the place is so magical, even when it rains. And the views from the top of those steps are amazing, you can see Paris for miles. I must go back there, I have to. It might even be more magical on my own. Bachelorette... you'll go to Paris on your own... I wouldn't have to compromise anything, and I could go and eat onion soup by myself and read a book and just watch the rest of the world go by. I wanted to run today. I don't know where, but I wanted to. Not proper running, obviously, but the kind you do when you're feeling light and just want to fly. Running and skipping is the next best thing, isn't it? I'm feeling dreamy and spaced out today. I want to embrace nature and everything that's pretty and sparkly and good. I'm very tired though, so I let my imagination do it for me. Sometimes it's better that way anyway, because then things can go exactly the way you want them to. In reality I'd collapse from exhaustion after a minute or so but in my head I can go for miles, just running over fields and talking to the sheep and cows and climbing trees and sitting on a big bough really high up writing pretty things in an old notebook covered with doodles and scribbles. Then I can climb down and lie on the grass watching the clouds. It would be nice to have someone to experience it with, though. As much as I like my own company, and my own space to think, it would be so much better running through those wide open spaces with a soft warm hand holding my own. It's not like I'll die without it. I'd just like it right now, even if it's for a short while. I'm not sad, exactly. Just very thoughtful, and although it still aches it's not as bad as it usually is. What I wouldn't give for a piano right now. 9 secrets♥bare your soul

Hehe :) [Wednesday 12 June 2002|01:00am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | "Raven" ~ Charlotte Martin ] You know you're a livejournal addict when you create a community. You know you're in really deep when you create a second community. And you know that you're a general computerish geek when you change from being a technophobe to being able to recognise fonts on the back of shampoo bottles and stuff! :D Rar. I spoke to Jen earlier, and told her about the Vettriano situation, and after a long conversation we decided that I'm going to get her I Am Rebel. We both really wanted it before, it's brilliant. It means that she will only be getting one pressie though, because it's £18 :p Lalala. I had a nice day today :) 1 secret♥bare your soul

Owowow [Tuesday 11 June 2002|05:09pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | "Take Me Down" ~ Smashing Pumpkins ] I just burnt my arm on the oven :( I was taking the grill bit out and the (very hot) front touched the inside of my left arm. It really hurts! I now have a one inch red line on my arm. It just looks like another scar though, so that's ok. But it kills! Also my left leg is in pain, the muscle in my calf hurts from falling over in London on Sunday. Not doing too well, am I ;) I still haven't got Jen's present! Her birthday is on Thursday, I wanted to get her a Jack Vettriano print but the one she wanted was really expensive on all the sites I visited. I had a look in town and couldn't find it either. I might have to order it in tomorrow from the random art shop. Ow, burn mark has now got bigger. Not that I moan or anything :p Mmmm, cake tonight. It's Elena's birthday. :) 5 secrets♥bare your soul

i am not your pretty thing [Monday 10 June 2002|04:19pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | "Pretty Thing" ~ Charlotte Martin ] First things first, check out Charlotte Martin. She's a goddess and I want to be her bitch :) Secondly, this isn't going to be a friends only journal any more. I don't think so, anyway. I quite liked having random people commenting on it. So I'm going back to sharing (a bit of) my life with the world :) So, the weekend... Saturday was fan-fucking-tastic, Sunday not so good, but I'll go into that in a mo. The party was brilliant, I met so many lovely new people and saw all my lovely 'old' friends again :D I also got rather drunk, but everyone else did too so that's ok. I managed to sober up by 4am though, which was quite cool, because I didn't get a hangover. ANYWAY (I am tangent queen) I shall now bore you with Saturday antics. Dad was finally ok with me going, so I left on a good note. On the train I got a text from Cel asking whether I was meeting David & co. I wasn't, so texted David, who then rang me. He had a Yorkshire accent :D I thought he'd be southern. I arranged to meet him and Katie at Paddington at 4:20, which was when Emma got in. I got in early so hung around Paddington for about half an hour, managing to resist Yo Sushi, Ben and Jerry's and Millie's cookies :p Then suddenly it was 4:20 and David and Katie weren't there, so I was a bit panicky, but that went when I randomly bumped into Georgie, one of my best friends from school. It was lovely to see her again, I haven't seen her in so long. Halfway through our reunion I spotted Emma, and so I went get her. Then Georgie and I said goodbye, and Emma and I found David and Katie. We did boring stuff like Sainsbury's, and went to get Roz and Ellie from Euston. We sat around for a while talking which was nice, and finally set off to the party, with the lasagne that Ellie had made in a big dish :D It was a funny sight. Then Aaron met us at the station and we arrived at Cel and Stu's. To be honest most of the night is a blur, I remember going to the off license but after that it's all bitty. We talked a lot, smoked a lot, drank a lot, and listened to music all night (apart from when Big Brother was on, obviously :p) I remember funny random bits like the garage, haha :D We ended up going to a 24 hour service station for fags and snacks, and I ran a bit (sorry Liz) and picked up a flower on the forecourt, it was red and pretty and matched my outfit. David and Helen both helped break it though ;) And when we got back, Helen tried to convince everyone that a gorgeous man had given it to me, but I ruined that story with the real one. Oops. Hmm, what else? Oh, I was tired at about 3am and got ready for bed, but then Helen enticed me back outside, so I ended up on the balcony wearing green cat pjs with my mary janes :D Rar. I talked to Becky for a while about sleeping habits, and then with Helen about melancholy music, and I talked almost all night but I CAN'T REMEMBER IT :> Everyone was so lovely though. Niall sings very well. And looks better in bunches than me :p And I got hugged and complimented throughout the night, which was nice and very ego boosting :> Aw, now I'm going all soppy so I shall end Saturday there. But thank you Cel and Stu for a great, great partay. Sorry if we trashed the place! It's a good thing your floor is wooden ;) Sunday. I had to leave early because I was meeting Dad, Hita and Ali in Knightsbridge. After two hours sleep I wasn't on top form anyway, but I managed to get progressively worse throughout the day. We all went to Camden and Hita and I trawled through the market while Dad and Ali went to see Mark at the antique bit. After wandering around for about two hours on our own I was getting pissed off so we went and found Dad. Then it began to rain and ugh, everything went downhill from there. Ali did get me two tshirts though :D Firstly, we got lost trying to find the Chinese restaurant we ate at last time. We must have walked up and down Camden High Street twice trying to find it. Then we did find it, and it was closed. After that I threw a mini fit and cried, because I was wet and my feet hurt and I was hungry and I hadn't had much sleep. We ended up in Burger King where I devoured a meal in record time. And oh GOD, I just remembered the most embarrassing moments of Sunday :> I managed to fall over in the rain, in the middle of the road, and I also managed to walk straight into a metal pole and bash my head. That was in the market, and I got laughed at by just about everyone around me. Argh the embarrassment! After Burger King we went back home, but Camden Tube was closed so we had to walk to Mornington Crescent Tube. Ali actually managed to cheer me up by laughingly saying, "You know how it never rains, but it pours?!" Too true of Sunday. I felt so shitty. As soon as I got home I went to sleep, and didn't wake up until 10:30 this morning. Oh lord, I have just found this photo! My glasses are wonky :p I'm not looking forward to seeing the other ones that were taken, especially the one David took of me as I was talking. And Helen's one of me & the flower :) Ooooh, and apparently (according to This Morning, anyway) braids are in fashion! I've been wearing them for years :p Even one of my screen names is PigtailsAndAll :D Blah, I really should do something useful. But I can't be bothered :D 18 secrets♥bare your soul

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