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LiveJournal for Travis.
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| Wednesday, September 4th, 2002 |
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Made a dvd run. Here's the haul: Resident Evil (hey, it's zombies and Milla) Pearl Harbor Director's Cut (Best naval battle scene ever) Akira Hellsing Vol 1 Depeche Mode - One Night in Paris Blade 2 I also got Mafia for the PC, it's like GTA3, but with 100% less suck. I'm also selling my xbox, so I will probably get the new HD and dvd drive with that. It's been a fun week. All weeks should be like this. |
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| Saturday, August 31st, 2002 |
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TV has been purchased, stand as well. I decided to let some hired muscle bring in the TV, so they're doing the inhome thing on the 5th. I have the stand now, I've been busy cleaning the room, lots of crap must be done by Thursday. I also went ahead and started purchasing the Einstürzende Neubauten cds ( Thank you. ). Best Buy actually had more than I thought they would, so I grabbed Tabula Rasa, Silence Is Sexy and Strategies Against Architecture III. I'm going to order some more Thursday. That's about it. I can't really think straight at the moment. |
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| Friday, August 30th, 2002 |
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Bonus came in. Very pleased. I'll have enough money for my computer gear (WD 120GB SE W 8MB cache and a new DVD drive) and best of all... [Bob Barker]a new TV![/Bob Barker]. I'm moving my HT room and getting rid of my Toshiba 40H80, the RPTV thing is good for movies, but that's all. With some luck, I'm getting the Sony 34XBR800 34in 16:9 hd set. It'll rock ass for movies, TV, videogames, hell it has a dvi input so I can hook my computer up to it if I like. Fun city. If I don't get it, it's not the end of the world, there are some other things that need to be done as well. Oh, and everyone should find the song listed above, it's only one of the best goddamned things ever, especially if you like Conte's other work with Kanno on Cowboy Bebop. |
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| Tuesday, August 27th, 2002 |
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Boss calls me today, someone's called out sick for the week or something stupid, so they're pulling people from my area to cover the other less important areas. She wants to know if I can work for the rest of the week, just after telling me that fulltime work was out of the question. I'd be fine with that, except my shift is specifically Sat-Sun. I am *not* on call. See, that's been their plan all along, and when I'm able/want to, I'll come in and help, but help them once and they'll rape you for it. I get paid less than everyone else as it is, they're hoping I'll act as an on-call without needed the extra $5 - $6/hr pay increase. Sorry, I do what I do here, I'm not going to be pulled in different directions by everyone. They had their chance to have me as fulltime. I'm also really pissed at myself for suggesting to my mother that she apply for the job that they originally offered me earlier this year. It's been nothing but a pain in the ass with her around. My new boss doesn't realize that we aren't very close and tries to constantly pass information to me using my mom as a proxy. I hate that shit. More than us not getting along, it's generally improper. I mean, if it were a small business, it might be okay, but the hospital is hardly a small closeknit group. My mother also constantly bitches because I won't come in and help them. To hell with her too, in order for me to come in to work, I have to ask my aunt to stay home from her job. She takes enough time off as it is, and besides that, she easily makes twice as much as I do. This whole situation is really a pile of ass, I want to get away from it. Hell, I'd like to get away from the hospital and work with some cool people for once instead of half dead old people and corporate stiffs. But, if it gets any worse, I'll put in for a transfer to a different department. I know I won't make nearly what I make now though. Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks. But, I'd rather be happy and working in the laundry than be stuck in the current situation I'm in. |
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| Wednesday, August 21st, 2002 |
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The show kicked so much ass that it had have surplus ass shipped in from Hong Kong. King's X: I hadn't heard their recent material, but they put on a hell of a show and I think I'm going to have to start buying their stuff, it's fantastic. Joe Satriani: What can you say? He rocks hard, he rocks loud (more on that in a bit). He even came back for an encore. Dream Theater: Oh. My. GOD. Easily the best live show I've ever seen, Mike Portnoy's new drumset is staggering and he works it like no other human could. The entire band just oozed energy and talent, but the MVP of the entire show had to be John Petrucci. He is one of the finest guitar players ever and seeing him live will make a believer out of anyone. Hell, I think he may have upstaged Satriani with some of his sinfully enthralling solos. All in all, I had a fantastic time. The show went on longer than we had anticipated, 4.5 hours, so we didn't go anywhere, but that's okay, I've got some gourmet Chef Boyardee warmin' on the stove. Oh... about the loudness... christ, I've never been audience to anything to loud in my life, all three acts were through the roof. My ears are still ringing, but hopefully it'll clear up in a day or so. |
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| Tuesday, August 20th, 2002 |
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Request for a fulltime shift: rejected. That's okay, I figured it would happen. If nothing else, this evening should prove fun and entertaining, as I'm going to see Joe Satriani/Dream Theater/King's X. Jim said we'll get food/drinks after the show. He's a cool guy, I'm glad I know him. He's actually a couple of months younger than I am, but he's really focused and has accomplished a lot. For shits and giggles, I'm going to contact Inco about their mining project at Voisey's Bay. I'm sure they require some type of certification or fancy mining education, but since the mine hasn't even been constructed yet, maybe they'll take on some crazy fool from Florida to go work in the harsh north canadian wilderness. Are you rolling your eyes too? Good, I'm happy I'm not alone. |
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| Saturday, August 17th, 2002 |
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Well, this morning I woke up and just a few seconds later, I heard a series of six very loud, rapid explosions. My initial .5 second of thought went along the lines of "Oh dear, there go the bombs, I'm sure I'll be dead within a few moments, no bother in getting up.", then I realized that they were taking down the Rhodes building. So, I got up and got ready for work, that explains why I'm at the hospital so early. My grandmother is just getting weird. For the past week or two, she's just been acting differently. I think it has a lot to do with my aunt. She took a week off, so we could move all the furniture and do all the work that needed to be done, so my grandmother got used to her being around. She went back to work and that's when some of the odd behavior started. All week, she's been a real pain in the mornings, she doesn't want to get up, she says she doesn't want to eat breakfast, yesterday, she did nothing but cry and sob during breakfast and went back to bed afterwards. She won't tell us what's wrong, I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know what's wrong with her. She woke up around 1pm, had lunch and seemed angry/spooked. I was constantly going between upstairs and down, doing housework, she insisted on sitting in one of the small chairs in the living room (oh, we also just relocated the living room to a different room, I can't confirm it, but I suspect that she thinks we've moved to a different house. By moving the rooms around, it gave my aunt a seperate bedroom on the 1st floor, so she wouldn't have to sleep with my grandmother, I think that may be a large part of the problem too), she usually occupies the recliner, but she was refusing to sit in it. While I was upstairs gathering clothes for the wash, my aunt calls downstairs and talks to my grandmother, she then calls me and asks what's going on there, I'm confused to as what she means, she explains that my grandmother told her that there some mighty strange things going on in the house that she just wouldn't believe. I'm highly amused at this report, my aunt said she asked her what was strange in the house, but as with every other question that you'll ask her, she'll just reply "I don't know.". From an outside point of view, it's funny as all hell, having to deal with it myself, it's a total pain in the ass. So, now I'm trying to figure out what's "mighty strange" within the house. If she's seeing things, she won't tell you, if she's hearing things, she won't tell you, so it's up to me to run down what's going on. Now, from experience, I believe the house is haunted, but things happen on a very subtle note usually, nothing she'd be aware of, unless the walls are bleeding or something. Here's what I'm considering... she forgot all about moving the rooms around, so in an instant, she looks up and the rooms aren't the same. Within the visual confusion, there's audio and felt disturbances, as the rear of the house rumbles as the washing machine in the rear room is uneven and makes a deal of noise itself (I was doing the colored clothes, that's why I was gathering the white things upstairs). The living room used to be in the front, so she probably wasn't used to hearing it. Anyways, it was enough to royally spook her, she didn't want to go outside or do anything. Within a few hours, she was back to somewhat normal conditions, but I don't know... I know she could use some kind of mental treatment, but that's the hard part, she'll get scared or think about death and start to boohoo and cry, but within a minute or two, she's completely forgotten what she was thinking of when she initially started crying, but the mood sticks as if it were a memory state. Sometimes, it's a delayed reaction, something will upset her, she'll get in a down mood, but she won't start the crying and stuff for several hours. Her doctor has put her on some mood altering things before, all of them have different, but horrible effects. If she got psychiatric help, I doubt it would have any longterm effects. You can counsel and talk all you want, with her, it's gone within an hour, thanks to ever deepening memory loss. To be honest, I think it's time we start seeking out more intensive care. I've said it for a while, but now I really mean it. I've fought longer and harder with her and her decreasing mental state than I've ever done with anything else. I've taken a beating from which I don't know if I'll even recover. I think my aunt is having heart trouble, she needs to see a doctor but refuses and she gets so worked up and stressed over my grandmother. Dealing with it all will kill her, or at least result in serious injury, I'm sure of that, and her own memory isn't what it was. Hell, my own memory seems to have been trashed, there's so much from my past that I can't remember now. It really has been a bit like prison over these past four years. The first two were okay, these last two have been hell. It's been like solitary confinement, my grandmother is no company. Imagine locking someone in a cell and then tossing in a demented parrot that does nothing but squawk off the same phrases over and over. I can't really leave the house unless she's covered by someone else, and when someone else is home, there's usually just more work for me to do. I feel dead, those rare moments that I am able to leave the house are the only moments where I feel alive, even work is nice, although I work alone and see maybe 10 people the entire time I'm here. At the same time, I tend to feel overwhelmed in a crowd. I can talk, but not like I used to. Going through entire days without really speaking has taken a toll. This online stuff is pretty much my saving grace. Sure, I hate the internet most of the time, but it sure has its share of lovely people. I'm a terribly boring person to deal with realtime, for that I apologize to those that have had the displeasure of talking/chatting with me. I also regret speaking of these subjects so often, but this is my journal afterall, those that know me from other online arenas know that I will not speak of these things in such serious terms elsewhere. It's as annoying as it is depressing. The past has not been forgotten, and again, I apologize to those who read this. With that said, I have put in a request to return to work fulltime though. I will know next week if I will be able to return, as this pale horse has traveled far and I'm afraid I cannot withstand much more. |
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| Monday, August 12th, 2002 |
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as demons stomp their horsey feet. I bought a set of those nifty Klipsch Promedia 5.1 computer speaker things. They're rather nice. In order to afford them, I sold my old guns. No loss, my new one is that good. Hell, even my mom likes it and requests that I bring it whenever I have to go somewhere with her. Speakers sound rather good and have prompted me to consider the use in keeping my main system that I never use. I may sell it. I know I'm getting a new TV soon, but I may put it in the computer room. Not too sure. Again, I find myself sitting here, waiting for something to happen. It's not the issue of "if" trouble will find me, it's always been a matter of time. When. I sit here and pivot my life on the "when". It's an existence forged of boredom ripe with needless anexiety. Or so I'd say. You can't play the game and be the announcer at the same time. Rarely am I able to call that left jab that drops me to floor. |
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| Saturday, August 3rd, 2002 |
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Gary Numan is getting nearly the attention he deserves. Sure, his early stuff was great, but his new is beyond excellent. Sacrifice was where it all kinda started, Exile perfected it and Pure is just this absolutely fantastic cd that should be in everyone's collection. He's got the lyrics... he's got the voice of 1000 fallen angels and the sound is pure, it just works so well. Anyways, my big PSA for the week. Grendel is doing... well, doing something. I haven't seen him use the bathroom, and he doesn't seem to be feeling good, but maybe a little better than he was. Who knows? Anyone ever owned a crow before? When the big shift takes place, I'll be looking for a new pet. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a dog, but I found a breeder of African Pied Crows, and I'm seriously considering one. Birds are cool, but most of them are dreadfully stupid, that's not a problem with corvids, I'd be more worried about it out-smarting me. |
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| Tuesday, July 30th, 2002 |
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You know I won't let go. Ah hell... where does it start? Lightning struck, my computer was hit, trashed onboard ethernet, killed my soundcard and trashed my cablemodem. DVDs aren't recognized either. Back up and running for now. I think Grendel is really sick. I know what it is, urinary tract/kidneys are fucked. I called a family friend went through vet school, he confirmed it. It hit him so fast. He's having a dreadful time urinating, he won't go to the litterbox, I assume he associates it with the unimaginable pain that he's experiencing. I can't get mad at him. And I can't stand this. We discussed treatment, and it's generally really exspensive and really stressing/invasive on the cat. Grendel is almost 13, what few years he may have beyond this aren't worth spending in pain. I hate myself for not being able to do more, or being able to prevent it. I fed him good food, he's lived a comfy life indoors with me. He doesn't deserve this. Not now. If it's a passable urinary tract disorder, he'll get better. Kidney failure, which is common in many older cats, especially males just isn't curable. If his condition gets worse, or if he's no better by the end of next week, I have some really painful things that I must consider. For now, I shall treat him as a king, he's so stoic in his pain... looking the great, unknowable nihil in the face and smiling. I wish I could be more like him. If you should consider it tasteless to relate this to the fortune cookie below, don't feel bad in doing so. I just glanced down at it and had an "oh shit" epiphany as well. Nothing is closer to me than my cats, and Grendel was my first. He's so full of love, even the mischief of his younger days was utterly delightful most of the time. If it is the sins of my past striking back in some kharmic rage, then so be it. I'd much rather have my own heart ripped out than face the loss of my Grendel though. |
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| Tuesday, July 23rd, 2002 |
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Got a fortune cookie. No big deal, normally they include sweeping generalizations as their so-called fortunes. "You'll meet someone. Wow!" But, my most recent sheet of wisdom held for me some most dreadful and terrifying news... "Someone from your past has returned to steal your heart." Normally, that'd be an "awww, a past love is back in town, she'll be honking your bobo by sunset" reaction.. except I don't have a past love, or any romantic history. Now, I must accept this news at its most basic level... someone has returned from the dead to physically remove my beating heart from my chest, as a final act of vengeance. There's no other way to see this. It appears that I'm to do battle with the supernatural once again, they'll not be having my heart without a battle, this I can assure you. Here, I've uploaded a pic of the ominous slip of paper that holds the secrets to my fate: 
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| Friday, July 19th, 2002 |
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I've had strange dreams before, but this is getting a bit silly... I've been playing many rpgs this year, from Neverwinter Nights to Morrowind to Dungeon Siege to ect and amen. Maybe playing them right before I go to bed isn't the best thing. Seems that I was tossed into a castle/dungeon area. I wasn't wearing big armor, just some crazy biker get-up. In pops a friend, in street clothes, but he's a snazzy dresser. Okay. So I'm going to be fighting monsters and the undead with a friend. Not too unusual. As I'm busy hacking my stats (often in my dreams, I have access to the consoles and cheats much like the normal game, strange but true) and selecting weaponry, our third party member arrives. Who could it be? Abe freakin' Vigoda. ABE VIGODA. Not only that, but his ass is in some type of magic, glowing plate armor. In the dream, I don't think too much of it. He was god father era Vigoda, in great shape and ready for combat. A few other people arrived, but I didn't converse with them too much, and I really didn't know who they were, except for the fact that they were all dressed in business suits. Soon thereafter, the badguys came out of the woodworks. Everyone was fairly strong, but I was dealing massive damage with my hacked stats. I was downing skeletal knights just by tapping them on the forehead. This goes on for what seems to be hours and hours. We clear a gigantic castle and are working our way through a city, I somehow get side-tracked by a gypsy, and then when I rejoin combat, I die somehow. Well, it wasn't really like I died, I just hit a temporal flux or some equally nerdy thing. One of the other party members and my friend get taken by the main bad guy, leaving Abe in charge with about 6 other party members. I'm still able to run around in the game, I'm just not in the same plane as the others, but, I still have console access and thanks to NWN's targeted DM effects, I am able to quickly jump all of Abe's stats up to their max and quickly throw him up to level 20, right before he goes through the last gate, I'm able to turn on his god mode. Yup, I've just made Abe Vigoda an unstoppable god of death and vengeance. The bad guy turned my friend into a giant fork with legs, but in his initial attack, he trips over and impales himself, the other turned character and the main guy have this large, massive battle with Abe, the others quickly run or get hurt, but Abe kicks ass and wins. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I'm not only dreaming in nerd, I'm dreaming in pure, unfiltered insanity. However, I do want to see Abe Vigoda in armor now. |
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| Friday, July 12th, 2002 |
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bigonatrals02: hi.... :) The Killing Wax: Hello. bigonatrals02: asl? The Killing Wax: 3/amoeba/south africa bigonatrals02: 23/f/ny bigonatrals02: so waht are you up to the killing wax? The Killing Wax: Finishing some work, about to take a shower and get to bed. bigonatrals02: i usually prefer other places than bed :) bigonatrals02: you wana cyber me! im kinda in the mood if you know what i mean :) The Killing Wax: No thanks, it always ends up the same way. Someone's bleeding heavily and I'm covered in feces. There's a reason why I'm not involved with anyone, nor will I ever be... but I just can't seem to put my finger on it. Maybe I'm too honest sometimes. |
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| Thursday, July 11th, 2002 |
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| Joe Satriani, Dream Theater and King's X are coming 8/20. Kickass. Even better? We've got 4th row seats. I'm going to bring earplugs though, from what I've heard, Joe occasionally has it on the painfully loud side, so I don't want to walk out with my ears ringing. I'm not totally wild about KX, but Dream Theater rocks, mainly because of John Petrucci, but I'm really going for Joe as he rocks on a divine scale. Time for bed now. | ||||||||
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| Thursday, July 4th, 2002 |
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So, when I said something was going to go wrong... I hate to let myself down. On Monday, my ears were hurting a bit and my throat was achy. No big deal, just a cold or something. Last time this happened, the doc told me to put peroxide in my ears for about 30 seconds to dissolve any wax and lessen the pressure. Did as directed. Pain remained about the same. Tuesday, the pain got worse, and my hearing wasn't so good. So, earlier today it felt as if someone was jamming rusty icepicks into my ears over and over again, horrid pain, I do the peroxide again. It burns, kinda. Not like peroxide burning sensation, but it actually feels hot. I go into the bathroom to inspect any damage, and there's blood coming from my ears. It wasn't fresh blood, it was old and dark. I wasn't very happy. The pain seems to have died down a bit, but I'm still not hearing good. I think bleeding from my ears also isn't a good thing. Oh well. So, among the furious pain in my head, I go downstairs to check the mail. I was also expecting a package from UPS in the form of my Warcraft 3 Special Edition. I find a nice little note telling me that they came by. I get angry. My grandmother and aunt were home all morning, I'm pretty sure they heard the truck pull up. I couldn't, because I was upstairs, in the rear of the house, and my hearing has gotten poor in general due to whatever. "Why not just use the doorbell?", you ask. Well, we don't have one anymore. The two mechanical ones died last year, I've been urging for new ones. Also, we had an actual bell outside for ringing. What happened to it? Oh, nothing... my brainfuct grandmother sold it a few years ago to some group of people she let into our house to take photos and snoop around, that's what started me on this trip to hell that for the past four years, I just fancied to be killing me, but is now in fact, actually killing me. So doorbells and I have a special connection. My brother, whom I seem to be liking more and more came by and took me to dinner and then we went to Phantom fireworks at 11pm to get a sinful amount of roman candles and giant bottlerockets and verious other goodies. We're still trying to figure out where to shoot them tomorrow, the beaches will be packed, but I just feel somewhat safer doing it around water. We might try to find a quiet spot along the river. |
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| Friday, June 28th, 2002 |
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[Protoss_Desi Arnaz] MY WIFE FOR HIRE! [Zerg_Lucy] WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH Everything's comin' up waffles and vaginas on the chocolate colony! |
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| Wednesday, June 26th, 2002 |
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... before they undo you. Something just seems wrong. I can't pinpoint it and that's what's bothering me. Things have been going well for the past couple of weeks, but there's something else waiting. You know, sometimes, you can just feel it... from the daily routines to the unexpected, everything seems more and more disconnected. Ah... like Jenga... that damned block game. I hate it. So, somethings going to wobble and everything will come falling down. Oh well, it won't be the first time, and I doubt it'll kill me, so it won't be the last. It just seems like the highs aren't as lofty and the lows just keep finding new depths. In the past, on those good days, I'd be above the clouds, now it's as if I'm lucky to get my head above the water. |
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| Wednesday, June 19th, 2002 |
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It's the little things that make life worth living. View 2 And again... Business end of things. Need to get the light, but everything else is perfect. Totally perfect. |
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| Sunday, June 16th, 2002 |
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Well, this has been an odd day. Things were normal up until about 20 minutes ago. I had always joked about the circumstances under which I was created. For as far as I had known, I was made shortly before my parents got divorced. Well, finally, my mom decides to tell me the truth, I was born quite some time after their divorce. In other words, I'm a bastard. Now, I don't feel too bad about it, they were married at some point, but my dad was very close to marrying his new fiance. I think the overall feelings of disconnection and lack of harmony with my family have now found their source, for the longest time, I felt that I was simply here, not with them. Now, for the most part, I know that it's grounded in fact. I knew there was a lot of harsh feelings and turmoil during my childhood, now I know the depth of all that went on around me, the hate, the jealousy. All that. I also know my my father doesn't treat me like he does his other sons. Okay, I take it back, I feel a little bad about it. Can't help it. I'm not going to linger over it, it's closure to a lot of stuff. Rather come to a quick and painful end than let stuff sit and kinda nag and hurt over time. |
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| Tuesday, June 11th, 2002 |
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Well, the gun is here in town. I've got to find some way of getting out there tonight to do my initial paperwork. I still won't be able to pick it up until Saturday, thanks to the idiotic waiting period, but that's okay. Ordered the grips, they came in, but one was for a traditional housing, I need magwell extensions. No problem though, I'm sending them back for the correction. I'm working on getting the light and a couple of spare mags, 8 rounders from either McCormick or from Wilson. I'll just be happy to get everything over and done with. Everything else is... everything else. |
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LiveJournal for Travis.
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giddy.
tired.
excited.
aggravated.
blah.
drained.
sore.
crushed.
determined.
crazy.
lonely.
contemplative.
uncomfortable.
anxious.
