Courtney's LiveJournal

(2 sock wearers | put on some socks)

Subject:	woozers
Time:	7:14 pm.

so i am done with my lincern paper...now i get to do one for pe, yay!! >:|

and then..whoa get this...THEN i get to do my geometry, and chemistry too!!

SHIT on my FACE

this one time at band camp..

kyle walked around yelling "get up off my shit bitch!" and "hey essay! don't you know i'm a loco??!"

hahaa kyle is a funny guy. purty cute too..oh but we all knew that

um um um

tomorrow..i am going to a show..and kristen is going..and alison..and merry too! :) and it is going to be fun and i am going to wear my label and it will rock my lil socksies..

today i had an english test & it was super easy i love english class except for when we have mrs. vance cause she's a suckypoohead and she thinks she knows everything cause she used to be an english teacher but in reality she doesn't know ANYTHING about what we are doing since she isn't the one teaching us everyday so i wish she would just keep her damn mouth shut and do what ms. girot tells her to do instead of taking the initiative to be all high and mighty even when she isn't...yesh.

english class is my favOrite. :)

i guess i missed the flood today..i didn't see one, but joe was wearing those high water things...LOL he should get some new pants. i hate short pants. i like to walk on the backs of my pants so they get all ravelly and ugly and dirty...*sigh*..dirt. mwahaha. lucas has short pants too...AAAAAHHHH! >:| but it's ok on lucas cause...cause i like him better than joseph. hehe

well well well...

i have to go do my homework now...BLAH. at least i am getting it all done. eh. later

(1 sock wearer | put on some socks)

Time:	3:27 pm.
Mood:	cold.
Music:	Creep, Radiohead.

Procrastinating at 3:31.

Aberham Lincern..he's a dear ole friend of mine. Really, he is. Don't give me that look. Jerkface. Just kidding.

So I am talking to myself..no, writing to myself

Isn't this fun? Type type tippity type type type..wee!

I am going to get my hair trimmed a bit this weekend. Not too much, of course, for I will someday have long hair. But my mother is right-it's looking "raggy." And then-woo this is the good part-I am going to color it. Hehee. A pretty shade of red. Not red though. More....copper/reddish/dark brownish/shinyish/auburny. Yeah. That's more like it.

And maybe I'll see you at movie sneakpreview
You'll show up and walk by on the arm of that guy
And I'll smile and you'll wave
We'll pretend it's okay
This charade-it won't last
When he's gone and won't come back

One time on the way back from a band competition Joe was trying to remember the words to that and I sang them..and then he sang me a song but I don't know what it was. And Kristen got really mad cause we were sitting by each other. I would be mad too. I don't know why I did that. Attention is nice, I guess. Especially from boys.

Yeah yeah Yeah! I remember back in the day..haha.

I used to watch Muppet Babies. I liked the Nanny's socks. I liked Kermit. I didn't like Miss Piggy. She was dumb.

I used to watch Punkie Brewster. That was one great show. And Alf-I had an Alf nightgown. My brother bought it for me with his first paycheck. Hehe :)

One time, he had like $200 and I stole it & hid it in my play kitchen stove. What the hell was I, a five year old, going to do with two hundred fucking dollars? I can picture it: "No mommy, I didn't steal it..I found it in the yard." Hahahaa..

The Wonder Years was a good show. I liked that one a lot.

playing on the front steps all afternoon, barefoot in the cold air..the sun going down and the wind picking up, but it was still bright out. collecting grass for magical brews and drawing a hopscotch board with a rock..singing to myself, making up songs about my new penpal caroline (it was carolyn). my nose would start running and i would go inside..wait for the next day to start with tangled hair and dirty socks. that day would be cloudy and cold, and I'd wait for Ben's bus to come..finally, a playmate. other days in the fall, on the cement slabe in front of the old shed..it had snakes and mice..sunny and cool, the tire full of sand. summer days wandering in the field..before we moved. earlier behind the line of trees, where the "jail" was..but it hadn't been used in a few years and was rotting away. a hill of something..it had purple flowers to "paint" with..and next to the garage bleeding hearts..i miss them. easter day riding down the small incline for the first time, then onto overland. my pretty flowered dress got burnt from the sparklers one fourth of july..i was afraid it would happen, but no one would listen. the old swing..it makes me smile. me & my mom sitting, rocking back and forth..i liked colin..we were going to get married someday. way back in first grade. collect walnuts and weaving through the yard picking up sticks..where was the hammock? the tree with rolli pollis..gameboys they wouldn't share. all the cats..smokey. my children will have this too..memories from childhood.

I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so..

Procrastination take me away..save me from algebra (II! >:|) and english and german.........nooo german....108 die/der/das to memorize for tomorrow..and their meanings by Wednesday!! Stupid Acc. German prerequisit SHIT! Yep that's what it is..SHIIIIIIIT. I've heard you do nothing in Acc. German..it's so very easy. So why does he make us memorize over 200 words in 3 weeks????? Damn Herr Stoyak. DAMN HIM!!!! No actually he's okay. And actually I like German. Just not this. And I like english. Ms Girot said I was pretty & I make her want to have girls. Woo, bonus points! lol she's eccentric...me likey. Not boring like all the other teachers..although her unorganization is a bit annoying. Just a bit. We are going on a field trip next week. Woo!!

Only in dreams...I should ask Lucas out. I should just do it. Because..I just should. But I won't. Nah. Maybe. Nah. Not this year anyhow. Remember last summer when I stalked Ben and I was going to go out with him and then he had to be all gay and stuff and it didn't work out and now I don't like him at all even though he looked good Friday and he thought I was cute last year and NO ONE thinks I'm cute and I totally fucking blew it even though he IS an ass and really isn't worth my time but it's nice to have someone think you are cute and want to go out with you and yeah.. :(

Sometimes (a lot of the time) I wish I could just move away and go to a new school in a new state and meet new people and start over..the only things I'd be missing here are fields of corn and my handful of friends.

I've got 5 fingers and more than 5 friends..

No, I have 10 fingers and less than 10 friends!! Dammit. BSC all the way man.

I wish I could move to Arizona with Benjamin (my brother, not stalker). That would rock my socks so much.

I wish all the gay people at my school would move away and only the cool people like me were left..that would be fun. I wish all my classes only had 5 people in them. Don't ask.

I wish I weren't such a procrastinating loser so that I could just get my homework done instead of writing useless words for maybe 2 people to read.

I wish I were cool. Haha..what do you define as cool?

Me.

If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting, time after time...

Last night I had a dream about Alan (haha) and he said he moved to Las Vegas and he wasn't coming back and he was shooting up heroin..

Then today I went outside and did Ghostriders with a broomstick. It's this time of year when I start to miss guard. :'( I should go steal a flag from the guardroom....oh yeah oh yeah. I'll be a junior this year!! I'll get to have my own drill book............WOOOOOO! Haha no more little notebook that I have to tie to my waist..oh yeah oh yeah..YAY!

So I guess I will go find something else to do now besides homework..oh I am evil. Later.

i wish i were special; you're so very special

(put on some socks)

Subject:	this is about alison
Time:	12:32 am.

so..i don't know.

i don't know if she is truly depressed, or if she is just having a bad time right now.

i mean..she could feel depressed..but i don't know if it's clinical or if it will pass.

so..i have my days where life is being shitty. everyone does. and i have outstanding days. and i have the regular old blah days (which are most of the time.)

i don't know if she is having an excess of shitty days or what.

she's not a very strong person. i'm not being mean..it's a fault in her. i have faults too.

i wish she could get through this. i wish i could help her. i can't though. first of all, i don't know what to do, and second, she doesn't want help. she herself said she pushes people away.

yet she wants help. i know she does. it's hard though.

like..i think she needs a therapist. she needs to just get all this shit off her chest with someone that will TRULY listen and give the best advice anyone can offer. i know her friends say they listen..hell i'm her friend too..but sometimes we don't. and this girl is needing some help.

but through her misery i've become better..because i see that i am a strong person.

i go through some of the same things alison does. many of the same things. no i don't have a drunken father who lives somewhere over the rainbow..but i have to deal with other things that she doesn't. i'm not saying her dad is her only problem (it kinda sounded like that)..

anyway..everyone has to deal with the things she does. it probably seems like some people don't, and that they have it waaay easier...

they're the strong ones. they know they will get through it.

i imagine myself in alison's place. dealing with her life. i would be able to handle it. i'm not saying that her problems are petty or anything..i think they are very large barriers. but, being the person i am, i could get through it.

it's just how i am. i live for me..i do what i want. i do what i have to do to survive. i don't let people boss me around.

for example..if i had alison's mom & stepdad, i wouldn't let them order me around and put limits on my life like that. i just wouldn't. i'd be like hey, fuck you! and leave. and as for her dad..i would just exclude him from my life..

i'm not saying that's what she should do at all. it's just how i would handle it because i'm a bitch.

alison, on the other hand, is a very sweet person..i know she wants to please people..but you can tell she really wants to please herself. and i think her parents take advantage of her kindness.

i've had a lot of hard times that no one knows about...and i've managed to make it through them. and i think the major thing that kept me going was the thought of leaving this hell hole when i graduate and go to college. whenever things suck really bad, i think about that..getting away from here. i can make it on my own, i'm an independent person. once i leave, it will be completely MY life and i will mold it to whatever the hell i want it to be.

it's getting closer too, only 2 more years! but now, things are finally beginning to get decent. i have my moments though..

so anyway..another "example" i have is erin..

she is one depressed girl..but she gets through it. barely.

she has god as her "way out." no matter how much things suck, she will make it because she has trust in god. she is still a very weak person though, and barely gets through it.

i really hate it when people say that "god will help them through this" and "it's all up to god" and shit like that...like...they aren't fucking trying. and that's why erin is still a weak person.

ok it's like...they expect god to do the work for them and take care of everything and get them through everything and all that shit..it's so fucking irritating. i mean..if you're going to believe in god, let him guide YOU to making your OWN life better..don't make him do it. what's the point in having a life if it's run by god? i don't get it..

although it does help people survive..they just tell themselves that god will make everything ok and they keep living their same shitty lives.

so anyway..like...i am so grateful that i have trained myself to be passive about things. i'm the kind of person that will be like "hey things suck, that's life, fuck off, and now i'm over it" when i'm feeling blue. it's like...it'll pass, so don't worry! don't fret the small things! so i guess i'm pretty laid back. not that i don't get upset and depressed sometimes...but i get over it. i'm not in a constant depression.

so i think there's like different types of depression. i'm not sure how it works. because in clinical depression, there is a chemical imbalance that just causes you to be sad all the time..you can't help it. you could have the most perfect life, and if you have a chemical imbalance it could seem like the shittiest life in the world.

then you have the people that like..force themselves to be sad. they put themselves in depressing situations and exclude themselves from everyone & everything..almost like..on purpose. that's gay. and some of those people are the ones that do it for attention. grow up. like...i don't feel sorry for those people because they can help it.

but i do feel sorry for clinically depressed people because they CAN'T help it. and they're the ones that usually WANT to.

so..i still don't know what the deal is w/my girl alimason. i wish she could be one of those people that were like "fuck this, i am going to make myself happy today, no one else matters, if something bad happens oh well because i am awesome!"

yeah...so..she needs to see a therapist. that's about all i can say.

(lol..i write like a 5 page long fucking essay over it..and i'm like.."that's all i can say" haha)

lata

(put on some socks)

Subject:	Oh Ramen, you are so good to me
Time:	9:47 pm.
Mood:	giddy.
Music:	Someday We'll Know, the NEW RADICALS!!! (oh yeah!).

ASSJERK! I believe he thieved my CD! No actually it was his..

My brother's New Radicals CD. And Green Day??! DAMMIT! Actually I may have misplaced them..I bet he took em back :(

A Walk to Remember..what a sock rockin movie!!

My heart's a day without you..:(

And I don't care to hear YOUR 2 cents, for I have already proclaimed this movie to be worthy of like...1234123412312346455431 thumbs up, so HA!

The whole boys are dumb thing has been blown away..damn movie life. :(

I especially enjoyed the parts that made me cry...ooh I cried in the movies :(

Like when the guy went to his dad's and started crying..and when he asked her to marry him..I was like "oh I want to be her!"

And...geebies, it was a wondieful film!

Sooo...I hope my angel is out there. I'm not ready to receive him yet, but I'm hoping he'll wait around. I hope I hope I hope.

I won't settle for anyone that doesn't treat me like a princess..I need someone that will build me a telescope and stay by my side if I'm sick and stick up for me and be....hmm..perfect??!

*ah hem* enough with my overwhelming bubbly loving jealousy..

They played New Radicals and I was like "whoa there kiddo!" THAT'S MY BAND! Well not really but I happen to like them..even though they broke up :( And it was even my most favoritist song from em! Actually they played 2 of their songs. So that's why I made a mad dash to my cd stack of about 8 and hunted it down..only to find that my brother has thieved it. Eh..

*in a high pitched squealy voice* EEEEEEEPPPPP!

I figured out the problem..I had a bottle of Mountain Dew. That's why I feel so CRAZYYYY

Um what else? I FEEL GOOD!

Madilyn has a diary in which she makes up a fake life and tries to pass it off as a real one, which is proof that in all actuality she has NO life..it's really quite entertaining, I enjoyed the pictures of her "friends" HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

I sit by Natalie in chemistry now and she is not so bad...just keep her away from her future husband.

Ooooo, I want a husband! Dammit I need to figure myself out first before I let someone else in on me & my life. Well..that's going to take awhile, so I guess I'll be single for a few more years. Dammit.

Man that was a great movie..

So Benjamin looked DIFFERENT tonight!! Like..really cute. Um..I don't like him..it just shocked me to see such a difference. Hmmm?!?!!!

*sigh* LIFE IS GOOD!!

Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delila, someday we'll go dancing on the moon, someday you'll know that I was the one for youuuuuuu yeah yeah yeah yeah....right words? Doubtful..but it's going to be ok, for I am in a good mood!!

EEEEPPPP!

(put on some socks)

Time:	7:07 pm.
Mood:	sore.
Music:	Tap Tap Tappity Tap, My Dog's Toenails on the Kitchen Floor.

Pardon me, incestual slut, there seems to be a misunderstanding..
You weren't the one playing on time, 'twas me.

Memories depleting, but it's going to be okay. Whirl-wind, then it all floats down.

Herrn Stoyak hat eine brief bei mein schrank gelegt..Es hat gesagt fur mich zu sein zimmer morgen um 7.40 Uhr gehen..Ich weiss nicht was das fur ist..??!?!! Er hat gesagt ,Es ist gut!' und Ich habe gefragt ,Hast du eine uberraschung fur mich?!' Und er hat gesagt ,Ja!' Aber..Ich weiss nicht was es ist..Morgen is Sankt Valentinestag...Christine hat eine blume fur mich gekauft..aber, Ich kann das nicht gekriegen veil Ich werde bei Herrn Stoyak's zimmer bin! SCHUESLICH! Ja, Ich kann das wort buchstabieren nicht..Uh..Waroom bin Ich auf Deutsch sprechen? Ich dinke Ich habe viel Deutsch gelernt, viel Ich weiss viel worter und kann lang satze machen! OK OK, benuch...

It's cold outside and I'm in here

Plans for this weekend have yet to be arranged..although I'm not sure if I really want to do anything. Considering my choices..nothing sounds too great.

It's good not to have a boyfriend, not to have to worry about that..
No hassle of dress shopping for events such as Swing and Prom. Although I might be interested in Prom. Not that anyone would ask me. But, if they happened to, I would accept. Just not Swing.

Yesterday Katie Fish Fish told me to wear all black tomorrow..I questioned why, and she said because it's Valentine's Day (and we don't have boyfriends.) Just because I don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean I'm upset about the holiday. I'm not going to be depressed over it..it's not like I've ever had anyone on Valentine's Day, so it's nothing new. Of course, if I had recently broken up with someone, I would feel compelled to wear morbid colors on the day of red and pink.

It's just another day

Fizzy.

Today I jumped over a rope; recess in fourth grade, though we couldn't remember the songs :( Something about fudge, a judge, boy girl, twins, triplets...

I'm off to compose witty sayings for my Valentine cards.

i'll save one for you

(put on some socks)

Subject:	Puppy Doggies are Cute..
Time:	8:15 pm.
Mood:	melancholy.
Music:	Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve (I think?).

It's a bit discouraging to see children who have been here 4 years less than me dating..

Shuckie Gee!

It's alright though, for boys are mean, and I don't like them. Haha.

So I'm on this diet, it's called lose 13 pounds so I can be at an OK weight once again. We'll see how much farther it goes after that has been accomplished.

Animal Farm has recently achieved placement in the top 5 books that I do not find tasty WHAT SO EVER. Thank God it's a shortie.

The incestual slut has slanderous eyebrows. Yay me, I used a vocabulary word! I feel pluckage is imminent. Whoa, that's two! the next challenge is to use them in the correct form

"OMIGAWD I got a FLOWER!!!!!!!" *waves hands frantically* hehe that's me alright. :\

Ronnie McDonnie
He's a queer 'ole fellow
Lives at the arches-
They're yellow
He's got some hair that's red
His eyes give the hint of heroin
"I love to make you SMILE!" is what he said
He can't put lipstick on straight
Too much Vodka's the cause
It's smeared around his mouth
When he does cartwheels he gets an applause
I can't rhyme worth shit
But neither can Ronnie, so that's alright
His nose is red cause he got hit
His pants are w a y too tight
He's got a nice ass
A bushel of hair
Not good in math class
Kissed the hamburglar on a dare
I think I'm done cause I suck a lot
A lot of penis..
not :P

Wwelll aren't I just a homosexual one?

Yessmm.

Courtney wants a car
Yes oh yes she does
Courtney wants a car real bad
Oh yeah uh huh

I completely dread entering the band room every other day. They may as well bar the doors and put me in a straight jacket. Oh and throw some pads on the walls, because that class drives me mad, and not in a horny sexual good kinda way. The malicious way.

Fuck fucker fuckie-do-da-day.

I always thought high school graduation would be one of the saddest days in my life-the abandonment of those "great" high school memories, lost friends, the beginning of my life..

Hell, bring it on! I'm READY. And I don't know what the hell the councelors and everyone are talking about with this "you are going to enter the real world" shit. Uh..what am I living in now? Never Never Land? Yeah looking down they might think that, but ya know..my life has started, it doesn't begin when I walk out of those maroon doors for the last time. Here, now..that's what I'm living in.

Yeeep Yep Yep Yep.

Call me immature, but I like it.

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