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Saturday, June 8th, 2002
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3:37 pm - Hello Journal
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Ok -- I haven't found much time to write in here for a few weeks, so this update is long overdue. Now that my summer schedule has sorta evened out, I think I'll be able to find time to make this journal keep up with me.
Needless to say, things have been busy. I've been moving all my stuff around town quite a bit, and have been running on a somewhat haphazard schedule - often covering radio shows on short notice. But the radio stuff is going well. I've gotten started on a few big projects, such as planning an Early Music festival and exploring and organizing our old LP and 78 collection. I've found some fascinating stuff, such as some 78 by Rachmaninoff, Cortot, and Chaliapin, and an old recording of Bela Bartok, Joseph Szigeti, and Benny Goodman playing together. The drudge work is going to be going through the mail, which I simply haven't had time to do in the past month. So it's really piling up. Some good stuff has been coming. EMI sent us the new recording of the Gurrelieder with Simon Rattle and the Berlin Philharmonic.
Otherwise, things have been going alright. I've moved into a double in 616 116th Street. My roomate, while basically a nice guy, is a bit short on people skills, so I've been making an effort to switch rooms with a guy down the hall. It shouldn't be a problem.
 sunnedaae has been visiting a lot. She's been a big help on the moves, and we've had plenty of fun together, even though things haven't been the greatest for either of us. I've been doing some spyyyyying for her. heehee.
Off to sort records...
current mood:  content
current music: Takemitsu - How Slow the Wind (London Sinfonietta, Knussen)
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( in the fire )
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| Sunday, May 26th, 2002
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2:22 am - Survey!! (taken from Daaedaae)
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| Friday, May 24th, 2002
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11:36 pm - Home, home in the suburbs,/ Where the deer and the antelope..."
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Well -- I came home this afternoon. It was a lovely train trip. Surprisingly, the Amtrak train wasn't too crowded. The subway was a mess though. Everyone was holding the doors open for their friends and their friends' extended families. Quel mess! (or "quel messe!" if you wanna be French Catholic about it) Anyway, I listened to Die Walkure part of the way home and read Mallarme the rest of the time. I couldn't sleep though. The guy behind me was talking about his doctor life on his cell phone the entire way back.
In musical news, I found a set of short Mallarme poems I'd like to get started on once I get back to school. They're the ones about the various professions from the "Chansons Bas." Just baritone and piano stuff. It should be an interesting project.
Otherwise -- the past few days have been going well. Daaedaae came to visit for two days. We did fun stuff like eating at Joe Allen's, and seeing "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," and plotting the overthrow of my future neighboors...
Anyway -- I hope to enjoy a relaxing few days at home.
current mood:  calm
current music: heehee -- mommy's new computer has a scroll mouse
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(1 Marshmellow | in the fire )
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| Tuesday, May 21st, 2002
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6:18 pm - Stereo Sound
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Let me just say that I LOVE having real stereo sound again. Not that I didn't before, just that in my new room I can get the speakers far enough apart (and uneven to me -- that's the important part) to really enjoy it. Like right now, with the "Marteau," the guitar and flute and the xylophone are right in front of me, and the viola is over by the bookshelf. I'm keeping myself entertained by playing all the reeaaally separated avant-gardey spacy pieces. Yaaay!
current mood:  excited
current music: Boulez -- Marteau sans Maitre (Ensemble InterContemporian)
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( in the fire )
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3:51 pm - New Home, etc.
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Yesterday I moved my entire life across campus. Well, OK, not my entire life, just my stuff. It was a big move -- from Wien to Hewitt on the Barnard Quad for those of you familiar with the campus. I rented one of those big bins (about 2 by 4 by 3, 24 cubic feet for you number people) and made three trips. At about 5 blocks each way, that's 10 blocks per round trip, making the whole thing about 30 blocks -- or a mile and a half of pushing my stuff. It didn't take too long -- I started at 10 and finished at 2. Exhausting stuff nonetheless. But now here I am, in my new home. It's a nice little room on the second floor overlooking Claremont Ave. It's got a quasi-view of Jersey -- one of those NYC between-the-buildings views. I'm only here for two weeks though. The next move is a short one though - only about a block.
As it turns out, I'll have this weekend off. I'll probably go home. I haven't been home in a while -- it should be fun. I'll take the train on late Friday afternoon.
Earlier today, I had to fill out the forms that'll let me get paid for all the stuff I'm doing this summer. I realized that a bureaucratic as Columbia can be, it's got nothing on the government. I had to draw a lil diagram to figure out that the question actually was asking: "Can anyone claim YOU as a dependent?" Consice, clear writing is soo useful.
Otherwise, things have been going well. I've been reading Rilke and Mallarme, coming up with a variety of musical ideas that I can hopefully develop into full (or at least full-ish, but hopefully not foolish) compositions. It's tough to find a piano to practice on though. Everything is closed b/c of graduation stuff. Fortunately, this is NYC, and I can just walk a few blocks away to escape the crowds for other activities, such as eating...
current mood:  peaceful
current music: Varese - Ameriques (Chailly & Concertgebouw Orch.)
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(3 Marshmellows | in the fire )
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| Sunday, May 19th, 2002
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6:46 am - A Survey taken from Barefootcellist and filled out cause I woke up at 6...
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1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
The West Village (NYC), Rive Gauche near the River (Paris), Unter den Linden near the museums and the Staatsoper (Berlin)
2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
I'm kinda partial to my red faux leatherish artifical fabric blend shirt. It's comfy...
3. FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes and hair
4. WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?
Bought 3 at once: Boulez's new Pli Selon Pli, Yuri Bashmet and Valery Gergiev performing Sofia Gubaidulina and Giya Kancheli, and the Perotin CD by the Hilliard Ensemble.
5. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
Some places in Central Park are surprisingly relaxing. Also home home, at my grandparents...
6. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
Sea World. Ever been there? What a waste -- all you get is sunburn...
7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
My back
8. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
Strong in mind, without a doubt.
9. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?
Left to my own devices, I'll wake up between 9:30 and 1.
10. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
Bass-O-Matic... I think that's the funniest SNL commercial ever.
11. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
People who think and act like they're smarter/more important than they actually are. Opinions formulated without ANY knowledge. Mind games.
12. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I wish I could play piano with more technical proficiency. Like enough so to play some rockin' Messiaen and Ligeti stuff. As for a new instrument, I've been sorta obsessed with the idea of learning French Horn and Ondes Martenot. The latter, believe it or not, is actually a more serious possibility. I know Francoise and Tristan Murail...
13. FAVORITE COLOR?
Cool tones in general, particularly blue. I like deep reds too.
14. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
A sports car -- I want a BMW Z3... Those are cute...
15. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AN AFTERLIFE?
Sorta. Afterlife isn't really the right word because it would most likely have nothing to do with life. It would be a commune of abstract spirits or something. Well, maybe I agree with Buddha too in that it's either reincarnation or a kind of spiritual transcendence. I dunno -- I've been finding more and more that I don't accept the idea of nothingness.
16. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Sneeches and Other Stories by Dr. Zeuss
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Autumn -- it's when I sneeze least.
18. WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
Weeding -- eww. I want to live in an apartment just so I never have to think about weeding ever.
19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Flight. Especially effortless flight. I don't wanna flap or anything. Hell, I'd settle for casually drifting a few feet off the ground.
20. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
I don't have a tattoo. I can draw all I want on other things.
21. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
This is tough -- I guess I'd really like to ask some of my friends in HS why they abandoned me when they knew I needed them.
22. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
I like Fridays. Fridays are fun.
23. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
Car? What car? I live in Manhattan. Yaaaaay Subway!
24. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGERS?
Hamburgers. Everything about my personality says I should be a vegitarian, yet I'm not. I don't know why... I really don't... I love animals, I think they're cute... Eh, well
current mood:  sleepy
current music: Nothing at the moment...
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(1 Marshmellow | in the fire )
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3:09 am - I'm DONE!! YaaAaaaAAAaaay!
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Yaaaaaaay!!
I finished all my stuff... This is exciting! I made it -- for a few weeks I honestly didn't think I would. But now all the stuff I needed to do is done!
It's strange though -- it took an anxious fear of failing classes to get me to a point where I could concentrate enough and motivate myself enough to get things done. At least I know there's not a learning disorder associated with my problems. I wrote about 20 pages in 4 days.
But now I can do the stuff I wanna do. And mostly I wanna read, play the piano, and compose. Particularly songs -- I wanna compose art song. It's been a long time since I've done any composing, so I need texts to get me back into things. To that end I bought some books today. I got two collections of Rilke poems (the Orpheus sonnets and the New Poems) and the collected works of Rimbaud. Pretentious snob that I am, I bought the bilingual editions. I also got some CDs yesterday. I got the new Boulez recording of Pli Selon Pli, I got the Yuri Bashmet recording of Kancheli's Styx and Gubaidulina's Viola Concerto, and a Hilliard Ensemble Perotin CD. (This was part of my lil trip to Tower Records and Barnes and Noble with Heather and Daae Daae. Hi Heather and Daae Daae!) As for piano stuff, I have the following repertory bouncing around -
-Schumann - Kinderszenen (or maybe something else...)
-Janacek - On the Overgrown Path - Pt 1
-Schoenberg - The Six Lil Piano Pieces (and possible the 3 pieces)
-Debussy - Preludes (Voiles, The Wind in the Plains, Terrace..., etc)
-Brahms - Four Pieces Op. 119 (These are AMAZING)
-And maybe... the Boulez Notations, a Ligeti etude, more Takemitsu stuff, some more Berio stuff, Rihm stuff, Jean Francaix stuff, I dunno -- but I am definitely maintaining a focus on modern and contemporary stuff. So definitely one of these, probably not all...
I need to find a good book to read. I have some kicking around. Maybe I'll start with the Carolyn Abbate book...
Yaaay! I have guilt-free free time again! This is exciting...
current mood: content
current music: just stuff in my head
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(2 Marshmellows | in the fire )
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| Thursday, May 16th, 2002
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12:30 pm - Workworkwork
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I am coming up with many clever things to say in my papers. They are coming along nicely. I am content knowing that I will finish this semester without the red-tape this school throws at anyone with a legitamate excuse.
Actually -- the one thing I'm realizing now that I'm finishing up this political philosophy course is that everything I needed to know (with a HANDFUL of exceptions), I learned from Plato.
What a guy...that shoulda been my paper...
Yaaaay -- a lil bit more work then I can go to sleep with a clear head...
current mood:  productive
current music: Brahms -- Violin Sonatas (Zuckerman, Barenboim)
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(1 Marshmellow | in the fire )
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| Wednesday, May 15th, 2002
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4:59 pm - I'm finally back on a normal person schedule
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I finally managed to catch up on sleep last night -- I got about 14 hours worth. This also means that I am now back on a normal person's awake-during-the-day/ asleep-at-night schedule. I had it completely flipped around for a while. There's still some work to finish up -- but I'm not particularly worried about that. I'm done with tests, just some papers. I have three uninterrupted days in which to handle them. I guess I'm coming to my senses and realizing that I have much more important stuff to deal with and that after just two more days of putting personal issues aside, I'll be able to start making myself feel better.
I don't know -- recently has been kinda scary. I've been having surreal violent nightmares. Strange stuff, b/c they aren't scary when they're happening. They're dreams about me not noticing when something terrible is happening to me -- like I'll be walking around covered in blood with an axe or a knife or something sticking out of my head and not realize until people tell me. And I won't believe them until I look, at which point I'll just calmly handle it. It makes me nauseous now that I'm awake to even think about it.
Well -- just two or three more days, then I can get a handle on all this crap...
current mood: hopeful
current music: Shostakovich -- String Quartet #3 (Borodin Quartet)
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(1 Marshmellow | in the fire )
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| Monday, May 13th, 2002
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10:52 am - Sleeeeeeepy
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Well -- I stayed up a bit later than I should have. But I got a lot done. I still need to finish the stuff I was working on, but it's reeeaaally close to being done. I'd be in bed, but I have my radio show on Monday morinings. So I'm broadcasting "Wozzeck" in its entirety. Better than coffee -- it's such a clever opera.
So -- just a bit more to go. Hopefully, I won't need the incomplete and I'll be done within a week.
current mood: tired
current music: Berg -- Wozzeck (Abbado, Wiener Phil.)
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( in the fire )
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| Sunday, May 12th, 2002
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5:54 pm - Stretch Break
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I've been working, and working, and working.
I haven't been getting things done quickly, but they're coming along. I can't wait till I'm finished. I need it to be summer. I need time to refocus myself on me -- what I need -- rather than feel like I'm letting my professors and friends down when it isn't even my fault. If I can get just two things from my to-do list done today, I'll be happy.
OK -- Back to work. I've got my good friends Herbert von Karajan and Richard Wagner to keep me company. The Berlin Philharmonic is inspiring...
current mood:  frustrated
current music: Wagner - Götterdämmerung (Karajan, Berliner Phil.)
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(2 Marshmellows | in the fire )
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| Thursday, May 9th, 2002
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1:51 am - All work and no play make Petey wanna go home...
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Well well -- reading week has prevented me from touching my LJ for like a week. It hasn't been a particularly good week either. The past two weeks have been emotionally tumultuous. I've been horribly unfocused, lacking in energy, unmotivated. There have been days when I haven't gotten out of bed. The past handful of days have thankfully been managable. I've actually gotten a lot done since Saturday night -- so I'm not totally in academic trouble. My professors have recieved the "I'm sorry I can't do work, but I'm depressed e-mail." Surprisingly, they've all taken it well. Usually at least one or two think that I'm a pathological liar. So I've gotten extensions -- which is both good and bad. I don't know. I'm working as much as I can -- and I guess that's what's important...
I have been finding ways to cheer myself up though. Tower Records imported the Mackerras recordings of the Janacek operas. I splurged and bought two: "The Cunning Little Vixen" (which I'm listening to now -- it's SOOO cute!) and "Kat'a Kabanova." Daaedaae came to visit on Friday -- she brought some lil purple flowers along. She also bought me an LJ paid account. She is such a sweety. And I visited my grandparents in Brooklyn on Saturday. They spoiled me silly. Stuffed me silly too. And then they sent me home. They are probably the two nicest, most caring people I know. I love them so much.
This evening was pretty special too. Gidon Kremer gave a concert at Columbia's own St. Paul's Chapel. It was a co-presentation by Carnegie Hall and Miller Theatre. He played the complete solo violin sonatas and partitas of JS Bach. I treated myself to a $10 rush ticket. This is the best damn city in the world. One of my favorite violinists gives a concert within two blocks of where I live, and I can just walk over and get a ticket for less than it costs to see a movie. The performance was AMAZING too. Gidon Kremer really plays like no one else can dream of playing. His Bach is truly inspired and totally unorthodox. I love it. It's always in flux, always perfectly phrased, always articulated. He takes risks in every aspect of his interpretations. Sometimes that meant a wrong note. But to trope on what someone once said about Cortot, I'd rather hear Gidon Kremer play a few wrong notes than hear just about anyone else play the right ones. What I heard was more than music making -- it was vibrant, it was alive, it was as inspiring as it was inspired. I LOVE performances like that -- the kind that make you WANT to play, rather than frustrating you with excessive displays of virtuosity. Although I have a strange soft spot for some of the by-the-book people too -- Maurizio Pollini, Jascha Heifitz... It's a different kind of wonderful though.
I guess I've got to get back to reading peachy Nietzche -- the man who, in his introductions, writes, "If this book is incomprehensible to anyone and jars on his ears, the fault it seems to me, is not necessarily mine." Philosophers frustrate me when they decide to be pompous asses. When a composer acts like a pompous jerk, it usually doesn't end up inscribed for all time in his music. Maybe I'll just spin in a circle till I get so dizzy that I have to lie and the floor and think that my lamp and all my books are gonna fall on my head. The effect is about the same...
current mood: awake
current music: Janacek -- The Cunning Lil Vixen (Mackerras, Vienna Phil)
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(2 Marshmellows | in the fire )
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| Sunday, April 28th, 2002
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3:48 pm - Quote of the Day
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"I'm a Freudian wonder - even Freud wonders, 'What's up with her?'"
--My darling mother, while talking about her desire to see the quasi-pornographic surrealist exhibit at the Met Museum.
In other news, I bougt a window fan! It seems to be working nicely. I'm going to need it this summer when I have no air conditioning. And I saw Columbia's "Varsity Show" last night. It was an impressive production -- better than I expected. The live chicken was a wonderful touch. It was quite Monty Pythonish in places. 108 years of making fun of Columbia and they still have material...
current mood: awake
current music: Janacek - Moravian Folk Songs (Thomas Ades)
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(3 Marshmellows | in the fire )
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| Wednesday, April 24th, 2002
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11:12 am - Fun with the Neighbors!
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Sometimes I'm glad I have total psychotics for neighbors - it can be quite entertaining. I woke up a little while ago feeling pretty blah - I simply didn't want to move. So, while I was laying there, contemplating whether to get out of bed, my through-the-wall neighbor comes home. This person, you must understand, is entirely tone-deaf - yet he often attempts to sing. This results in a mixture of muffled pitchless howling and shouting drifting through my wall. So -- my fearless neighbor turns up his stereo and begins to deliver a most entertaining rendition of "Let's get it on." (I think that's what it's called, it's that slow jam soul tune from the 70s) So he's there, howling and pitchlessly intoning his sexual angst with the words "C'mon baby, let's get it on," sounding more like some kind of dying animal than a virile 20-year old. He stopped after about ten minutes - little does he know I was laughing at him the whole time...
current mood:  amused
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(1 Marshmellow | in the fire )
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| Tuesday, April 23rd, 2002
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1:38 pm - After many burnt offerings...
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The housing gods were kind this morning. I've got my own room on the 14th floor of Schapiro, with a lovely view north looking at Riverside Church tower and the GW Bridge. And I'm living with friends - Arlen, Fleur, Ina, Miguel, and Melanie, who I just met while picking a room. It looks like a fun group.
Class registration was also today. That's no stress though. Music classes aren't exactly bursting at the seams with students. And I'm not registered for ANYTHING before 1. Better that way...
I guess I'm at least a little confident in my ability to feel better over the summer, since none of this stuff about next year is really stressing me out.
current mood: content
current music: Saariaho - Graal Theatre (Kremer, Salonen, BBC Orch)
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(5 Marshmellows | in the fire )
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12:39 am - New Picture
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I added a new picture -- this one is actually of me. I think it came out alright. Thanks to Daae and Heather, the former for organizing the photo session (shh -- I won't tell the motives) and the latter for taking the picture.
Xenakis has been cheering me up today. How weird am I?
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Xenakis -- Pleadies (still pounding away in my head...)
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(1 Marshmellow | in the fire )
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| Monday, April 22nd, 2002
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4:50 am - Grr -- Why did I wake up?
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I very much dislike waking up at 5 in the morning when I need to sleep. Frustrating.
Anyway -- the past week hasn't been going the greatest. I've been feeling pretty miserable. I haven't been sleeping or eating right and have just been having a hell of a time concentrating. I had to explain to the dean's office that I was feeling depressed again and that I'd probably need help to get through the semester. That went well, as did the subsequent tell-all e-mail I sent to my professors. But it's so emotionally draining to go through that. It's bizarre how something so physically unexerting as writing and talking about problems can take away so much energy.
It's a relief to know that my professors are willing to help me. One of the replies was very funny. Francoise Murail, my ear training teacher, wrote back trying to use a handful of English expressions. I giggled a bit when I read her suggestion to, "Do your best and don't throw the towel."
While I don't intend to "throw the towel," I really can't wait until the semester is over and I can use the summer to focus on what I need to do for myself. I want to compose again. I haven't really composed in high school, and I've decided that what I did in high school wasn't really composition. It was just writing down ideas. I want refinement of expression. I want to develop ideas. I went developed ideas. I want unity of purpose amidst diversity of material. And most importantly, I want to compose first for me... I have a few ideas going, the most promising of which is a song cycle suggested by Dayna on the Genesis characters of Leah, Rachel, and Jacob. We've been looking at some poems by Charlotte Mandel on the subject. They're good -- I was lucky to have found them. Daae is helping pick them out. So far, we've liked the same ones. It'll need interludes though (or commentaries if you like), and I think those will be fun to compose. I've also been looking into other songs, or maybe "impressions" of poems. There are also, of course, always piano pieces. I've also been thinking about Sequenzas - a la Luciano Berio, but perhaps more fun than difficult to play. Debussy is taking over. Nothing big -- I'm too facinated by short forms at the moment. Webern is taking over.
On other musical fronts, I sang this weekend in St. Paul's. It was fun -- part of a Collegium Concert consisting of beautfully poetic songs by Machaut, and flat out dirty songs by 16th century French composers. I was more involved with the latter. If I get more into early music in a serious, academic way, I'd love to pick apart a good fricase and explain the inside jokes... There's some real subtlety about some of those dirty pieces.
Anyway, I think I'm gonna try and sleep, only if it'll only be for another 3 hours
current mood: sleepy
current music: Debussy - Nocturnes (Boulez, Cleveland Orch.)
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(1 Marshmellow | in the fire )
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| Sunday, April 14th, 2002
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5:09 pm - Modern Music Paper and the rest of life...
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I made the rather aprupt decision this morning not to write my modern music paper on either Ligeti's "Devil's Staircase" or on Bartok's "Music for Strings, Percussion, and Celesta" - the former because I wasn't sure how to start, the latter because I wasn't sure how to stop. Instead, I've decided to look at Messiaen's "Illuminations of the Beyond." Part of this decision is laziness. Messiaen essentially points out prominent theoretical and structural features in his own scores. He wrote a short book about his own approach to composition in 1944, and a 7 volume collection of his own composition lectures and writings is currently being published. Besides, Messiaen is fun and all of his works are labors of love. In fact, he is the most fun ultra-devout Catholic I can think of.
I guess just deciding and getting the monstrous two-volume score out of the music library has put me in a considerably better mood. Yesterday, I essentially did nothing - I did some reading, some theory stuff, took a few naps, got cash, ate, called people. Tonight I'm heading out to Alisa's b-day feast. It will be fun. She's super nice and super talented. Sometimes I feel like I'm just cranky and mediocore. Sometimes brooding and melancoly. The brooding and melancoly moods do help my piano playing though - I practice obsessively when I'm like that. Right now, though, I'm contentedly silly.
current mood: accomplished
current music: Bach - Easter Oratorio (Herreweghe and friends)
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(2 Marshmellows | in the fire )
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| Saturday, April 13th, 2002
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1:53 am
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First off -- good news and bad news regarding the wallet. Good news is that it was found. The bad news is that the money and metrocard in it were taken. Whoever took the stuff inside didn't go through the trouble of realizing that the copy card was a bit more valuable than the metrocard, but I guess the subway is more exciting than the xerox machine. Apparently, the theif found it, took what he or she wanted, and then left it in front of an administrator's door. The administrator called early this afternoon. The fact that it was left inside a building means that the bastard who did this was a student. I'm so glad our core curriculum instills such a strong sense of moral right and wrong. Sons of bitches.
Anyway -- needless to say, last night was FUCKING HORRIBLE. I had to track down every bank number at two in the morning, cancel cards (they're totally useless now -- I have no cash, I can only write checks...) find out about getting a new social security card, driver's licence, etc, while some immoral asshole probably went out and got an overpriced beer from a bar with my damn money. And I was upset enough to begin with. I was up until 6 trying to chill out and stop being pissed off, and accidentally slept through my doctor's appointment and music theory class as a result. So the rest of the afternoon wasn't exactly a charm either.
This evening went somwhat better. I dragged myself out of my room to go see Emily's vocal recital. Emily is really a first-rate soprano and, more importantly, a genuinely nice person. She made her professional debut with the NY Phil a few months ago. Tonight she was singing some Handel, Purcell, Schubert, and Faure. She was excellent - I was talking with my VERY multilingual friend Ina (she speaks Bulgarian, Russian, French, German, and English) about it afterwards, and we both agreed that her diction was amazing for a soprano. I went out with some friends afterwards (or went in really - we just got to hang out, eat a bit, drink a bit, and watch a movie) - it was alright. I guess I needed to feel welcome somewhere more than anything else. So now my mood is a bit better - maybe I'll be ok after a bit of sleep.
current mood:  melancholy
current music: Messiaen - Turangalila Sym. (Nagano, Berliner Phil.)
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(2 Marshmellows | in the fire )
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| Friday, April 12th, 2002
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2:20 am - Damn, damn, damn...
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My wallet is missing. At a school in the middle of NYC that is beyond up tight about security, this is such a pain in the ass. I looked everywhere I could have concievably left it - checked that security desks, the security office... I think it was taken, because any decent person would have turned it in, or at least e-mailed or called.
And it isn't helping much that I've been feeling slightly misanthropic recently. I go to my political philosophy class this morning after a week of being totally unable to focus. There's been a ton of stuff on my mind that I've been trying to sort through, much of it very unpleasant...I know I'm not totally getting depressed again, but sometimes it's uncomfortably close. My teacher knows this - she's been very understanding. I've been up late trying to read, trying and trying and stressing out that I'm reading the same pages, the same paragraphs, the same sentences over and over. So I go to class anyway - totally unprepared but willing to give a shot. And everyone else there hadn't read either... Literally read nothing, not even opened the books. What's their excuse? Are they struggling with it to? Are they up until 3 trying to figure out what these books are all about? Or are they just lazy? And these aren't exactly profound questions. I could answer some of them with the very little that I understood. Everyone else is just frantically turning to the table of contents or the index. Maybe if the atmosphere were a bit more motivating, things would be better. I'm the one dealing with all kinds of virtually inexplicable psychological shit, and yet I'm still the only one answering questions. I don't even want to start to talk about how deaf some of the "music majors" in my modern music class must be. Frustration doesn't really begin to describe it. I went back to bed when it was all over with...
current mood:  pissed off
current music: It's a shame I don't have "Black Angels" on CD, I need it...
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( in the fire )
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