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Wednesday, March 27th, 2002
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1:39 am
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okay so i know it's been a really long time since i've posted.... hehe
jess is here for sb... so as you may know, i'm more preoccupied with stuff that's not just my computer.
at the moment.... my hair is blue... i have giant claws...
i'm wearing fishnets and a catholic schoolgirl skirt.
and nerd specs...
the blue hair is not permanent, for those of you who were wondering..... however.... it may become my favorite thing... it's starting to look that way... i like it.
so... in the past few days, here's things i've done:
saw a van fire.... on broadway..., gotten blue hair, had pink streaks, walked 53 blocks ridden 23 escalators been in 19 stores ridden two bus rides all in six hours, bought some stuff i would never have worn before now.... yea.... been asked to adopt men from sccc twice, eaten see's chocolates (yum), broken a glass at noodle studio, seen my best friend laura... and just generally had a good ol time.
did my taxes... finally... how many of you can claim that?
k... goin to denny's
bye
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(1 cloud | little fluffy cloud)
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1:27 am
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| Thursday, March 21st, 2002
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1:27 pm
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hey jess... um kiddo, i don't know where the hell you are... but courtney was supposed to bring you back here this morning... and we have to be at work at two (the both of us) and we need the fuxin key to lock the door. ok?
i need you to call me at like... 254-8000 ex 8011 and tell me where you are and where you're gonna be tonite, cause i get off work at 6:30 and i don't wanna be locked outta my house. k?
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(little fluffy cloud)
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| Monday, March 18th, 2002
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9:43 pm - bum pitty bum!
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okay... so here i am to save the day....
I got an appointment at phil's work on WEDNESDAY ooooooouuuu i just learned how to do that.... hehehehehehe....
anyhow... i have a job interview on wednesday at like 1030 with the lady that phil works under... which will be cool. and phil thinks i have a really good chance of gettin a job there. i'll prolly have to start out the nite shift... but whateva... i'll just be happy to have another job. and this way i'll feel like phil isn't doing all the work. really... phil supports me... and then i just attempt to pay the bills...... i feel really bad... but if i get this job, maybe i'll be able to actually take TKD with yau! that would be fun. i would be able to afford to eat.
okay so for everybody who came over for dinner last nite.... we're poor... so you just ate all our food for the next week... and we have jess comin over... i feel bad cause i don't know how we're gonna feed her too..... we barely feed ourselves lol.... unless she really likes ramen... I'm going on the ramen diet..... anybody else wanna come??
oooo.... phil's lil brother kennan just told me about this surgery he's supposed to have next year... he's gotta have corrective jaw surgery... that kid is brave... i'd be shittin myself about now. lol, guys, remember how i was about my ankle?? and he's havin somethin like that done on his face?? that's insane. i'm such a weenie... but he told me i could make dick's shake runs for him... he's never had dick's. wait... neither have i.... *sigh*
so i'm all jacked about gettin a new job.... and i really really want to quit the gap.... i don't have to work at phil's work... jsut as long as i dont' have to work at the gap. bleck.
phil's gonna be home soon.... i was gonna make him a picnic... but we need to clean up the kitchen first...... cause it's really crappy.... its starting to smell. i donno......
you guys should listen to the aquabats... they're hella funny.
"okay, lets tell spooky stories and beat each other up!"
hey krista, if you need anybody to hang downtown... lemme know... i'm usually down there!
current mood: a little grossed out
current music: Aquabats - tarantula, idiot box, super rad, knowledge
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(10 clouds | little fluffy cloud)
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| Sunday, March 17th, 2002
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7:13 pm
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| Saturday, March 16th, 2002
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12:05 am - Words Women Use
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FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
NOTHING
If you ask her what is wrong and she says "Nothing," this means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing and will end with the word "Fine."
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care. "You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say "you're welcome"
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
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(44 clouds | little fluffy cloud)
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| Friday, March 15th, 2002
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11:43 pm - "aaah magneto, nevah called, nevah wrote, ah was startin to think you'd forgotten all about me. that's no way to treat your friends"
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Bum bitty bum!
hi guys.
well, i had to work today. and i got super pissed at my manager. she was such a toad today. like i wrote on my hand that i had to pick somethin up in the back and she was like, you look grubby with that on your hand and your scrubby fingernails. if we were barney's in new york you would NEVER be able to do that. you need to come here with your nails looking good and not all ratty (i haven't had TIME to take the nail polish off there and paint a clear coat over it again) and with that on your hand (it was like three lil words on the back) and she totally wigged out on me. i was like, um lady, step off.
I had this dream last nite that phil was a vampire and he bit me. it was strangely erotic.
oh, philllll thanks for comin and visiting me! that was cool.
hey what is ev'body doin for st. pat's day??? tha's mah holiday!
oh... um... so i switched superheros. i have chosen rogue now. her pic is on my picture page. hhehehehe
oh, joe, i will pick up jess on the 19th, but mebbe you could come with me?? plz?? i get lost driving ANYWHERE. plz plz plz!
jess: I'M sooo excited girl!
current mood:  awake
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(38 clouds | little fluffy cloud)
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10:15 pm
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12:00 am
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"blessed are they who are poor in spirit, they will inherit the earth.
bless us o Lord make us poor in spirit, we shall inherit the earth
we are the light of the world, may our light shine before all
that He may see the good that we do and give glory to God."
current mood:  cold
current music: Light of the world
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(little fluffy cloud)
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| Thursday, March 14th, 2002
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11:31 pm - "i believe this is self explanatory" or "joe was NOT TO BE OUTDONE by jun"
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Silent Minstrel: shawna...
Silent Minstrel: am i evil?
frankeatsbugs: um...... well...
frankeatsbugs: will you eat my children if i say yes?
Silent Minstrel: meh
Silent Minstrel: why the fuck not
frankeatsbugs: um... then... no.
Silent Minstrel: WTF
frankeatsbugs: you'll eat my children
frankeatsbugs: you baby eater!
I proceeded then to shriek... run and hide....
current mood: more afraid than ever
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(2 clouds | little fluffy cloud)
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11:19 pm - jun's new slogan - "Jun - Lighting beds on fire since 2002!"
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in response to my conversation with jun, jon said....
frankeatsbugs: i'm scared
J MoZ 278: I'd be scared if I were you
J MoZ 278: he threatened to light my bed on fire
frankeatsbugs: lol yea
J MoZ 278: when I was sleeping
frankeatsbugs: no shit
J MoZ 278: he's scary
current mood:  scared
current music: slasher music
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(little fluffy cloud)
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11:15 pm - and the debate rages on...
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Raggie007: am i good or evil?
frankeatsbugs: most definitely evil
Raggie007: was i ever good?
frankeatsbugs: no
Raggie007: check my latest journal post
frankeatsbugs: k
frankeatsbugs: heheh i had to be honest
frankeatsbugs: or you'd eat my brains or set me on fire in my sleep
frankeatsbugs: i like my brains
Raggie007: hmmmmmm.
Raggie007: lol. did jon tell you that?
frankeatsbugs: no
that's what i think
current mood: scared
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(little fluffy cloud)
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4:22 pm - "Cigarettes keep you skinny, and your mind off the rain"
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3:31 pm - "feelings that we can't disguise..."
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Has anybody besides me and Phil heard of ASH? Just curious... they're cool... so go look them up! I really like their stuff.
current mood:  happy
current music: Ash - burn baby, burn
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(19 clouds | little fluffy cloud)
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| Wednesday, March 13th, 2002
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10:55 pm - "The earthly power sucks shadowed milk from sleepy tears undone, from nippled skin as smooth as silk the bugles blown as one"
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Come Talk To Me
The wretched desert takes its form, the jackal proud and tight
In search of you, I feel my way, through the slowest heaving night
Whatever fear invents, I swear it make no sense
I reach through the border fence
Come down, come talk to me
In the swirling, curling storm of desire unuttered words hold fast
With reptile tongue, the lightning lashes towers built to last
Darkness creeps in like a thief and offers no relief
Why are you shaking like a leaf
Come on, come talk to me
Ah please talk to me
Won't you please talk to me
We can unlock this misery
Come on, come talk to me
{Chorus 1:}
I did not come to steal
This all is so unreal
Can't you show me how you feel now
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me [x2]
The earthly power sucks shadowed milk from sleepy tears undone
From nippled skin as smooth as silk the bugles blown as one
You lie there with your eyes half closed like there's no-one there at all
There's a tension pulling on your face
Come on, come talk to me
Won't you please talk to me
If you'd just talk to me
Unblock this misery
If you'd only talk to me
{Chorus 2:}
Don't you ever change your mind
Now your future's so defined
And you act so deaf and blind
[And you act so deaf so blind]
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me [x2]
I can imagine the moment
Breaking out through the silence
All the things that we both might say
And the heart it will not be denied
'Til we're both on the same damn side
All the barriers blown away
I said please talk to me
Won't you please come talk to me
Just like it used to be
Come on, come talk to me
I did not come to steal
This all is so unreal
Can you show me how you feel now
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me [x2]
I said please talk to me
If you'd just talk to me
Unblock this misery
If you'd only talk to me
[Chorus 2]
-PG
i love peter gabriel
the first time i listened to him was cause of chaz. hm
http://www.progsoc.uts.edu.au/~aychiang/pg/us.html
current mood: remembering
current music: Peter Gabriel - Come talk to me
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(2 clouds | little fluffy cloud)
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10:41 pm - untitled 1
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In the midst of myself
I find myself searching for truth
I find myself searching for strength
I find what I can in the solace of home
In the solace of my mind I find peace
In the dark I find my mind wandering
To places I don't know
Feeling that I have lost I search again
I call into the night
Into the raging sea
That leads to inevitability
I call to the stars
Who have seen all and know all
But they don't answer
When I close my eyes I see the flame
Flame of truth and passion
Flame of life and love
It burns on my eyelids and shows me the way to my insides
Places of darkness that are lit by this flame
I hold myself in bed and cry at night
I cry for the death of innocence
I cry for the sanity of peace
In my quiet tears, I cry myself to sleep
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Peter Gabriel
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(little fluffy cloud)
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10:40 pm - for a love lost
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OK guys... this is a shot at poetry... i know i've tried before.... lol...
To be held by you
To be kissed by you
To be loved by you is all I asked
To be held by you was all I wanted
And then you went away from me
To be needed by you
To be caressed by you
To be stimulated by you
But you passed me by for someone younger
And less sensitive
Why do I dream about you
Why do you wake me from my sleep?
What do these thoughts mean
And why do you haunt me?
You were a light in the darkness
You led me thru that which I feared
You were what strengthened me
You were what I lived for
You were everything.
You showed me what I could be
You made me better than I was
You were the reason for faith and hope
You were the reason for love and trust
And I trusted and loved you
What is it you're looking for?
What keeps you away?
Is it your dreams of patriotism?
Or your fear of yourself
And I can't help but think that somehow you were different
You were everything beautiful
You led me to myself
And for that I thank you.
And I will remember you always
As the boy who found his way…
And led me to mine.
current mood:  artistic
current music: Peter Gabriel
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(4 clouds | little fluffy cloud)
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9:58 pm - i still have the letters...... i don't know what i'm doing.
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heh... so a friend of mine sent me this.....
Earth Signs are dependable, practical and conservative, yet fairly materialistic. They have their feet on the ground but their eyes on the prize
(www.astrology.com/earth.html)
Saturn doesn't make things easy. That's the role of the taskmaster of the Zodiac. Saturn commands us to get to work and to work hard. Discipline and responsibility are important to this Planet, yet if we're eager to conquer the world, that's okay, too.
(www.astrology.com/saturn.html)
so what is this lady trynna say to me??? it's kinda fun to look at me thinkies.
*SIGH*
so yau and phil are bein very good to me right now...I LOVE YOU GUYS! ur so nice.
so I just got done talkin to this friend of mine.... and he wants to date this gril named Daniela. Now that would be no thing if I didn't know daniela and her family like i do... daniela is the sister of the guy that i was totally in love with for like two years (whom, yes, i admit, i never stopped lovin) who was best friends with phil... but who totally shafted me and stuff...
I had a dream about charles the other day... and in the dream he and i kissed. and i can remember thinking (in my dream) that i had to choose between phil and charles right then... and charles wasn't so bad...
OMG does this mean that i'm still in love with charles... what does it mean in relation to me and phil's relationship. *sigh* and i can't help thinkin about this kid... i mean it's not like the crazy guy who got mad at me and stuff.... (you know who you are and if you're reading this, yes you were actin crazy). in fact, the crazy guy HATED charles cause of how i thought of him.
i candidly sent charles a letter... like january. i haven't gotten a reply. it bugs me that i haven't. but i thought i'd still remain his friend. i dont' know. he and phil had a falling out too. i mean... i'm not gonna send another or anything bein all like... why didn't you write me. it was just kind of one of those..."hey i heard you're here... this is what's goin on with me" things. well, at any rate... i love phil... and i feel wierd now.
it's just that i get all excited thinkin that maybe he'll write back or something... but then i look at how phil treated me... and how charles treated me... and i realize that phil was the person who started the charles and i thing... and phil loves me... which charles could never do. i'm fairly certain that charles could never love me. i KNOW that. why do our hearts take something so fine... and let our head mess with us? why do our heads even try to mess with our hearts like that?
what is the point? what is intended with this?
I feel kinda wierd... but i feel like i'm friends with daniela. i asked my friend if she had email. he doesn't know.
*sigh* what is goin on? why is life like this?
current mood:  confused
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(14 clouds | little fluffy cloud)
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5:02 pm - "we build monster trucks for FUN... piss us off and see what we build THEN!"
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3:25 pm - a long transcript of what's transpired
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hemm... listenin to kylie minogue... she's good... the video's wierd.
I decided I was gonna go and actually post a REAL post for once in the last two weeks.
I really have started to miss my family, and the snow, and karate... Like, big time. I really want to go back and start up with all that which i left... i mean, i had a job, i had a free place to stay, i had an opportunity for school, i had a dojo...
and then i came to seattle.
when i came here everything changed. I was takin care of phil, helpin him pay for everything. my savings has diminished by like 60-70%, i have a job i hate, i have to pay rent, i have to buy food, my car is dying, i don't have an athletic endeavor to put my energy into, and i got hit by a car.
being hit by a car on a mountain bike is about the scariest thing that can ever happen to you. what's even worse is that the person did not stop... and phil didn't take me to make a report, he didn't bring anybody here to make one, he didn't just call the police when it happened.... that was the one thing that hurt me the most... being hit by that car. I dont' ride my bike to work anymore. i barely get out and do ANYTHING.
I really wanna go back to Montana and stay with my parents... and be happy... but I don't want to go without Phil. and I know phil doesn't want to go back with me. That kinda hurts, cause he knows that i get unhappy here... and he just says to me then "why don't you go back?" like he'll come back to get me. but my question is will he REALLY come to get me? will he really want to be with me? or is he jsut with me cause i'm here? that's what i want to know. i really love him... and i don't doubt that he loves me, but is he really serious about it... i had this dream the other day... and after i told phil he freaked out. he was like, "i'm scared, cause why are you thinkin about this stuff?" i'm like, i'm not thinkin about it.... i just had a dream about it. I know he's not ready for anything other than what we have, but that worried me. that i had a dream about it and he wigged out.
so lemme see... what's been happenin in the last few days....
I've been workin a lot at the gap. that has sucked. but like, at least i'm earnin some money and feelin better than i did. i mean now it's not like i'm totally leechin off phil. that makes me feel better. and the only reason i'm keepin my job at the gap and not totally quittin and just tellin PNTA that i'm free all the time is for phil... i mean, we need the money... and i'd love to just quit the gap and call pnta and say "hey, i'm free all the time now... so lets get to work". i mean, they pay way more than the gap... so why not? I think what i'll do is phil has to go to the bank this weekend or somethin, so we'll go down there... and i'll call pnta and ask what days they have the most stuff on... the weekend prolly... and then i'll just tell the gap i can't be there those days... and then devote those to pnta.
other than that not much has transpired. we're poor as hell... i mean like REALLY poor. Po' fo' rillz.
i found out this summer is gonna be REALLY full! i mean, i have school... and then i'll have the gap... and then i am goin to go visit my parents, and phil's dad wants us to come crew this 100 mi that he's gonna run... which'll be cool... so....
the guy at phil's work got fired... the one who took phil's shift... yea... he got busted for lookin at kiddie pr0n on the company computer. who is THAT dumb? i mean, jeez! now he's gotta tell his wife... and the police are investigating....this was his big break into the industry. what the hell was that guy thinkin?
i wanna go out for a walk, or a run or something ('cept i dont' run very well). i wanna get back in shape... and get my ankle back to it's full range. sigh... it's so hard!
you know what kinda irks me? phil says he'll do stuff... here... an example would prolly say it best.
phil said he was gonna take out the kitty litter the other day. so he was gonna do it when he got home... and then he kept not doin it... and then i went to work... and he was gonna do it then (his day off) and then he didnt... and he kept sayin he was gonna do it... and he JUST did it today... like... a week later. what is with that?
i really love phil... and i hope he's at least a lil serious about this relationship.... i mean, i am. or i wouldn't be living here. well i might, but it scares me that i wouldn't have a place to stay if it weren't for him. he takes way good care of me... so i guess in return i can always keep the place clean.. i donno... we're never gonna be able to afford ANYTHING cool.
*sigh*
off to clean the house i guess...
current mood:  sad
current music: Cake - love you madly
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(102 clouds | little fluffy cloud)
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amused
