LiveJournal for Leo.

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Monday, November 18th, 2002

Subject:whatever.
Time:3:18 pm.
Mood: blah.
Music:Paul Van Dyk- Live at Cream @ Amnesia, Ibiza 8-16-02.
I am ready for some change in my life. Today I took a small step and registered for my classes for the spring 2003 semester. I am basically kicking my ass into gear this time around. I believe I do much better when I am pushed and I dont have as much time to sit around. Too much free time is a bad thing for me...when I do have too much I dont get ANYTHING done. As for next semester, I am using it to catch up on my lost hours as well. I will be taking 18 fucking hours this time around! I will be able to handle it..I am will only working on weekends next semester. None of my classes start before 1pm as well. Anyone who takes early morning classes are just plain crazy in my opinion. It would be useless to me because I would just fall asleep in all of those classes!

I hope I will be able to get into Cullen Oaks next semester. I want to meet people more people who are in college and doing the same thing as I am. I'm getting a little tired of my "social life" and how it is. I feel really empty because of it. One of the few constants in my life is Jewelry. She and a FEW others are the ones (asides from stupid boys who want to hook up with me) that actually calls me. She is also one of the few that I know actually wants my company. I can only trust a few people nowadays. I'm sick of being left out and let down. I don't have a niche really, it is just like high school over again. I don't really fit in with any particular group once again and that I am just kind of on the outside again; not really knowing what is going on. I have a close friend here, and I have a close friend there. I'm really also sick and tired of people flaking out. But eh? Shit happens. It'd be nice to have a group of college buddies just like you see in the movies though. It also wouldn't hurt to meet someone worth dating to spend a some of my time with. But I am not counting on that for my sanity that's for sure. It is not a must, but It would be nice to have someone around. Main idea of this story: I FEEL EMPTY.

I stayed in all weekend basically. I even took a shift on sunday even though I did not even have to work. I knew I was not going to be doing anything anyways, might as well make some money while I'm at it. I am looking forward to this weekend. I am pretty sure I am going to go see Sandra Collins spin this Friday at Azure downtown :) Then saturday it looks like I will be going to Release to see Spacegirl. I am looking forward to hanging out and partying with Zach finally :).

As for my general attitudes lately, I am still angry about a lot of things going on in my life right now. My mom tries to do nice things for me..only to butter me up and to act like a fuckin inconsiderate bitch later on. Early this morning she pissed me off hardcore..going back on her word once more..I was so pissed I punched a fuckin hole in my parents bedroom door. Oh fuckin well, see if I care. I hate this house and I hate being here. She knows that. I make it clear to my parents that they make my life miserable and don't do so much to make it better for me unless I bitch and complain endlessly about it. Yes I am a fuckin brat, get over it. They shouldn't have raised my sister and I to be ones then if they dont want us to be like that. TOO LATE NOW! I am going to continue to pester them every fuckin day until I am out of this house again. My mom is trying really hard to keep me here..whatever..I have a 32inch sony in my room now and now last night she offered to get me a PS2 and a bunch of games. Still, I hate it here. I hate my existance here in Sugar Land. I hate the person that I am here. I know my potential to grow as a person and meet new peeople is pretty much hampered here. How the fuck am I supposed to meet people here in Sugar Land?? Hang out at the fuckin Barnes & Noble Starbucks?? I need out of the fuckin bubble that I already spent 18 years of life in.
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Friday, November 15th, 2002

Time:7:30 am.
Mood: sick.
I think I just coughed up a lung. I still havent been able to sleep. I'm calling in sick today and going to the doctor.
Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.

Subject:fed up.
Time:5:30 am.
Mood: pissed off.
Music:Hampenberg- Listen Up (voodoo & serano mix).
I know who those fuckin assholes are who like to kick people when they are down. I swear to god..try to kick me with the way I'm feeling now..I'm going to chop your motherfuckin feet off when I'm down. I know who they are...spare the false pleasantries thank you.

As you can tell I have pretty much hit my last nerve..All this shit going wrong right now..fighting with my parents...who are not making anything any easier for me..just harder..I hate Sugar Land..I've been sick all week..coughing and wheezing, I have not been able to sleep tonight..what is it?? 5:30 am? fuckin great. I have to be at work by 10am.

I have expressed much disdain towards certain people to my small circle of friends. Those certain people piss me off just thinking about them. I feel like beating the crap out of all them right now. I am in just one of those moods. I think I am just going to stay in all weekend since I am sick. I do not want to spread any of my negativity towards those who do not deserve it. It would be nice to have someone to stay in with and watch movies. But alas, of course I have no one and no one will come out to fuckin BFE Sugar Land anyways. So for the next couple days, the world can fuckin kiss my ass.
Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 12th, 2002

Time:2:28 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
Music:Comedy central on tv.
I have been keeping up with my gym regiment over the past few weeks. I am starting to feel a little bit better about myself now. I have slight man-pecs forming finally! I swear, If I was a girl I'd end up getting implants. Speaking of the gym..yesterday when I went was the most torture I've faced since I was in the lockerroom for high school football. It was such a fuckin sausage-fest. I went around 3, right when all of the schools let out..UGHHH I swear..there were like a dozen hotties...CHS football players and basketball players...aHHHHHH!! I was on incline bench..and one proceeded to be the biggest cocktease in the world. He was wearing his little gray CHS football sweatshorts and tight wifebeater..he was basically busting out of his clothes..His friend was on bench press in front of me..so he decides to stretch...right in front of me..like 3 feet away...touching his toes...over and over....over and over.. MUTHAFUCKIN BITCH!!!!!!! I swear to god...I wanted to do soooo many bad things to him! ARGHHH.

I love when stupid shits try to fuck with me online..Once again some little shit decides to hide behind a screen name and talk out of their loose stinky ass. Hey pussy shit..If you are reading this..say it to my fuckin face you pitiful fuck. Oh hes fuckin with Lil Kevin now too.. I wonder who the hell u r...Grow up u dumbshit! Why do some people exist? Jeez...just die!
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Monday, November 11th, 2002

Time:6:10 pm.
I feel disconnected from everyone as of lately. I can't enjoy myself..I do not want to be bothered by certain people who exist or at least will not back the fuck off.. I can't do my own fuckin thing anymore..I cant move or do anything without considering everyone and their mom lately. I want to worry about my fuckin self..and no one else for a change..I'm sick of being so giving..I want to be selfish and worry about myself for a change...is that so fuckin horrible?? jeezus fuckin christ I am so sick of this place. GET OFF MY FUCKIN BACK!
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Time:2:26 am.
You're%20a%20tequila%20sunrise%2C%20tequila%2C%20orange%20juice%20and%20a%20grenadine%20sunrise.%20%20One%20of%20the%20most%20popular%20cocktails%20your%20friends%20mean%20the%20world%20to%20you%20and%20you're%20always%20eager%20to%20entertain%20them.%20%
*** Which Cocktail Are You?! ***

brought to you by Quizilla
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Saturday, November 9th, 2002

Subject:jeezus people!
Time:3:05 pm.
I'm a butterfly..NOT A FAIRY!
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Subject:Let the floodgates open.
Time:2:23 pm.
Mood: frustrated.
Music:Paul Van Dyk- Nothing But You (vandit promo) (my jam).
I have not written much in my journal as of lately.. at least of anything with any depth whatsoever. I guess you could attribute that to everything has been going "alright". Alright as in nothing has really happened and/or that I have been suppressing/brushing things off so much that I have forgotten about them. I have just been going about the past few weeks as one of society's mindless programmed robots. Wahoo I am contributing!

I eventually accepted the fact that I have fallen flat on my face academic-wise and that next semester is my chance to redeem myself. I am not so down about it anymore. Registration for next semester is this week..so it is time to choose my classes wisely this time..I am also going to start signing up for my advertisiing/PR classes now. Time to start over!

I have gotten tired of some people in general..not my friends..but certain people. They get on my fuckin nerves and I wonder why they even exist. Just go away please. I went into work a couple times this week completely in bad moods..Some people there noticed and said I looked a little down..maybe I was. I actually wanted to just be alone. I did not want to deal with anyone or anything..period. Or I just wanted to be with him. Of course through all of that mess of emotions I thought of Ben Snow. I wish I had him as my solace in all of this. I haven't really thought about him as much lately..but I still miss him so much. Other guys still continue piss me off because..well boys are stupid. Ben is the only one in my book who isn't. (i.e. PvD's new anthem "Nothing But You") I'm still crazy about him after all of this time. My friend Cassandra and I talked a while at work about how we both fucked up the best things we've ever had. It sucks. Maybe he WILL talk to me again sometime...I hope..what the fuck am I supposed to do in the meantime?

Other shit happened last night that I am not too thirlled about. I feel like I have let my parents down. I know they aren't going to get me a new car now that's for sure.. So I'm going to just have to make the best of my slowass 1998 Eclipse and fix it up..I'm going to say goodbye to the 255hp 2002 Maxima SE that I never had. Hopefully they will get a badass car for themselves that I can take out sometimes..If they'll let me lol! I feel like a terrible little worthless shit right now. It pretty much ruined my night last night so I stayed in and watched Comedy Central all night and turned in early. This is my life..everything is going fine..I even slip into mundacity but that is ok with me. But alas...something huge and somewhat catastrophic has to happen because I'm not thinking. I am such a dumbass sometimes.

I have been listening to hard to find songs all week from Paul Van Dyk's set at Metldown 4 last weekend. These songs are so beautiful. I've also been listening to this set I downloaded that has a lot of those songs too..It is my escape..music. I have been letting the bass and sounds envelop me until there is nothing else but that..the music. It is nice to have a passion to lose myself in, esp when I've lost grip on everything else momentarily.

I think my parents are pretty much aware of the constant mindcircus in my head. I have totally irrational tantrums in this household sometimes. It is usually little things continuously building up until one last thing sets me off. I feel bad..but I think they know. They worry about me a lot cause my well-being is not as stable as I would like it to be. It shows more here at the house then I let other people outside see. They have let a lot of things slide lately..more than they would have when it was my sister and I here that's for sure. They are going easy on me and not bearing down as much as they used to. I just want them to know that I am trying to change a lot of aspects of my life for the better right now. It is just a long and very difficult process to "find yourself" when all of a sudden you do not know who you are anymore; after years and years of thinking that you do.

Well I gotta get ready for the partying tonight! It will be a good chance to get my mind off of things..Happy birthday Maria!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, November 7th, 2002

Subject:lol this pic ended up on some random website!
Time:12:36 am.
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Wednesday, November 6th, 2002

Subject:halloween picture!
Time:3:55 pm.
moi, Maria and Frank :)
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Subject:the new 2003 Mercedes Benz E55 AMG
Time:3:34 pm.
Mood:amazed.
supercharged 5.5 liter V8 476hp and 512lb/ft torque.. 0-60 in at least 4.5 seconds
oh sweet jeezus...


The 2003 S600... new 5.5 liter twin turbo V12... 500hp!!! 585 lb/ft. of torque!
FUCKIN BALLA CAR!
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

Monday, November 4th, 2002

Subject:<33333333
Time:3:54 am.
Mood: touched.
My Jehmz made a LJ icon of me :-D I think it's sweet even tho it is one of my famous ass shots lol :-D
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:Like woah.
Time:3:46 am.
Mood: calm.
Music:Underworld- Born Slippy.
The drive..
Saturday I woke up kinda late for the day. I forced myself to sleep a little extra..I did not want to be sleepy on the drive to Dallas. It was raining..urgh..I went to go pick up Kevin and we were on our way! The drive had nothing to look at on the way as usual. The drive from Houston to Dallas is boring as hell. We arrived in Dallas around 6pm and it was already dark by then..still raining of course..grr.

Navigation system please??
We eventually make it to the Oak Lawn exit and then we miss the left turn on Cedar Springs (which has all the gay places on)..One thing about Dallas...there is NO such thing a straight road...they all curve or go diagonally.. We were always more lost than we thought we were..We would turn around and go back the "way we came from" but noooo the streets all of a sudden looked COMPLETELY different! No such thing as a simple cross intersection, there are forks in the road..with other forks branching off those forks..what the fuckin hell...I accidently turned down a one-way street which HAD A LEFT TURN SIGNAL...but the street was one way during certain hours..what the hell is that!?!

Gayville
Kevin and I make it to Cedar Springs about 30 minutes later. We check out the Dallas Crossroads and head over to BJ's (a bar) and were very much embarassed! Next time we will be taken care of that's for sure..."Don't mess with our Daddy bitch!" lol..Kevin knows what I'm talking about gurl! There are a couple cute guys here and there..but it is still pretty early in the night. We head over to this cute diner over by crossroads and eat some healthy fried foods then chilled at Crossroads for a little bit.

OOPS!!!
OFF TO THE RAVE!! WAHOOOO!!! We stop over by a grocery store near Fair Park to hit the ATM machine...KEVIN! Gurl! He accidently drops something VERY important in the parking lot! We are looking around the store and then we walk back out to the car! It is right out there in the middle of the parking lot! Jeezus gurl!

RAVE RAVE RAVE YEAHHHHHH!
We drive over to the party and it is packed! The lot is so damn full and there are a couple hundred people milling around outside of the venue. We go inside and immediately..HOTTIES left and right! We concluded that there was a fuckin sexyass bitch 1 out every 10 guys..not too shabby considering there were a couple thousand people there! I ran into a couple people I knew there including this cuteass guy named Brandon from the Tiesto rave..he was like "Leo!!!" and he gave me a big hug.soo cute! I also ran into Ian..one of my Livejournal buddies! Small world! Kevin and I chilled up in the stadium seats for a while..we needed to sit..reality was becoming a little bit distorted for a while lol..Chilled and listened to some good music while Scott Bond and Jeremy Dawson threw down... JEREMY FUCKIN THREW DOWN A SICK REMIX of NIRVANA-"Lithium" gawdfuckinddaaaaamn!!!!!!!! We also walked around and checked out the other rooms but soon went back to the main arena...chilled in the seats again..10 minutes till the god himself PvD comes on... the whole Paul Van Dyk set DESERVES its own entry on LJ..I was truly moved.. Kevin and I met a lot of cool people that night..we hung out and danced in groups...I have not had that much fun in forever...What made it so special was the music from Paul Van Dyk.

afterwards
Kevin and I head over to Cafe Brasil to chill for a little bit..the ugliest guys in the world sit down at our table and is like hitting on us..sick sick sick! Well we go over to my friend Jeff's and smoke. Oh sweet jeezus...I have never been so smoked out in my life...Everyone else acted all stupid..I got extremely paranoid and I thought too much..which is why I dont particularly enjoy smoking a lot..All these issues come out too..that in itself will get another entry of its own. I do not like losing grip on the ability to assess and read situations..Control issues..

Time to head home...
It is 730am! We finally head home Sunday morning and it is POURING RAIN the WHOLE way back..I get really tired halfway through and lil Kevin drives my car all the way back to Houston from there :) How sweet :) hehe. We are cracked the fuck out that's for sure.. What an awesome weekend! Great memories that will live with me forever..I am looking forward to more..I really needed this weekend!
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Saturday, November 2nd, 2002

Subject:amazing night..
Time:1:46 am.
Mood: tired.
Music:Tiesto- Lethal Industry (cj stone mix).
Well let's start out with the bad..dropped by Rich's after the concert...SUCKED..there was barely anyone there..I left like 30 minutes after I got there..

The Good: THE GARBAGE/NO DOUBT CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! It was unbelieveable and breathtaking! Thousands of people in the Reliant Arena going crazy! There was so much energy in the performances and the crowd that I just completely fed off of it! Garbage tore off the roof off..and no suprise..No Doubt was the best performance/concert I have EVER seen in my life. WOW! We were within 10 feet of Gwen Stefani...She is seriously the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life..I saw her upclose and and I was breathless..she is fuckin perfect! They played all their badass songs...they closed with "Just A Girl" No Doubt literally had the whole arena jumping up and down..AMAZING! On the encore..the crowd was cheering and screaming endlessly to "Don't Speak," "Rocksteady" and "SPIDERWEBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" which is my favorite No Doubt song..I was so happy that I was crying through both songs.

Sidenote: I cussed out some stupid girl behind me..She got all pissed if someone touched her or stepped on her toes by accident...WTF DUMB WHORE..You chose general admission..the FLOOR...the PIT...dumb bitch..if she didnt want to deal with that she shouldve bought seated tickets..It's No Doubt..what does she fuckin expect..She has the nerve to try and stand up on me..while EVERYONE is jumping up and down..the first time i step on her toes..she hits me on the back and tells me to watch it.."you stepped on my toe"...i was like whatever and said "JEEZ SORRY!"...2nd time like an hour later..she hits me again and gives me this dirty look...I scream at the stupid Indian bitch.."IT HAPPENS...FUCKIN CHILL.." and turned back around...she finally gets the picture and moves the hell out of the center of the pit..what a dumb fuckin hoe. It is NO DOUBT CONCERT..NOT THE FUCKIN NEW YORK PHILHARMONIC..

Anyways I need to get to bed! Off to Dallas manana with my pal Kevin! Paul Van Dyk hereeeeeeeee we come! OOooooo WEEEEEEE!
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Friday, November 1st, 2002

Subject:drunken rambles
Time:6:13 am.
Mood: drunk.
Music:Aimee Mann- Pavlov's Bell.
It really amazes me.. I think I am still drunk from Halloween night..Yeah maybe I am..But I am really amazed about thow cheerful the morning news is! Where the fuck do they get that energy at this gawdawful hour? Are they all doing lines in the greenroom? Oh great..Chuck George the weather queen is telling me it might rain a little! Damnit gurl dont tell me that..I just took my car to Mister Car Wash!...btw they locked my keys in the car...biiiiitches!

So yeah..it is 6am..I get to go to work at 8am..so much for sleep! I need to wash all this damn glitter off! I came home still drunk...shirt off...covered in glitter and holding my wings...My parents are getting ready for work...what a lovely image right?? My mom asked me if I used the glitter she has lol! She cracks me up! My parents must be so proud! It is going to be a long day. I am probally going to fall asleep in the dressing rooms..I actually think I am going to sleep on my break in the breakroom today.

I had a great time last night...great friends..all having a good time..I'm still worried about if I pissed someone off last night..I dunno..I'm paranoid..That is the LAST thing I ever want to do, which is let down those close to me. Maria, Kevin and Frank are so awesome. It was also nice to see some faces out last night and meet some for the first time.I had my tarot read at David's last night after Rich's..a lot of it was very true..freaked me out a little! Not as much as Mr. Cowboy in the thong..EWWWW! Glad David kicked his ass out! I am really excited about the next couple days..I just wish I had sleep damnit! Well wish me luck friends..time to shake all this glitter off in the shower..later party ppl!
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Time:5:35 am.
I%20am%20colorblind...
Which Reese Witherspoon are you?

brought to you by Quizilla
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Thursday, October 31st, 2002

Subject:Ready. Set. GO!
Time:4:37 am.
Mood: stressed.
Music:Warrior- Untitled (this song is my jam right now!!!!).
Off to the races...here I go! The next couple days will be endless running around with not much time to catch my breath or sleep for that matter! I am getting up early to head off to my classes..wahoo..then I work 5-10 after that. Oh yeah HAPPY HALLOWEEN friends! After work, I'm headed with the gang to Rich's! Frank, Maria and I all have cute butterfly wings to wear tomorrow night...No shirt but a coat of glitter and a pair of windpants is what I will have on :) I hope I look somewhat decent from the last month's killin myself at the gym regiment.

Then of course...I have to FUCKIN OPEN at Anthropologie friday, 8fuckinAM to 5pm! JEEZUS! Is that enough??? nooooo! After work, Jewelry, Carlo and I are headed to the Garbage/No Doubt concert at the reliant arena! That is going to be so much fun! Saturday..myself, Lil Kevin , and hopefully Carlo & Donnie will be on a little roadtrip to Dallas for the weekend! Paul Van Dyk..Scott Bond...OOOOOO WEEEEE! OMG the god himself PvD! ::screams:: ::faints:: Hopefully we will get some time in around Oaklawn and be able to hang around Dallas the next sunday... Then after all of this great fun...rest!

Sometime before I leave for Dallas I need to fit in one more workout at the gym..This sounds bad..but I've only gone 3 times this week. Thank god for 24 hour fitness else I'd never have time to go at all! I went tonight at 1230 am..lol there was like only 5 other people there..I am suffering badly from the Adonis complex. I wont rest or be happy with the way I look for a couple more months..Slowly but surely I am getting there. I want to look good on the beach over spring break. I've put this off way too long.

Well friends I need to get all the rest I can get..The next couple days will all become one, or if I'm lucky, maybe two!
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:mmmm!
Time:3:02 am.
David Carr and Andy Roddick )
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Tuesday, October 29th, 2002

Subject:It's beanie season!
Time:1:11 am.
pics of my new beanies!! )
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

Monday, October 28th, 2002

Subject:RELAX.
Time:3:06 am.
Mood: blank.
Music:Paul Van Dyk- Live @ Ultra 3 (3-24-01).
Negative. The past couple days have been me struggling with the realization that I am going to graduate college no where near when I had orginally planned. Such is life. I'm not the only one that's for sure. But it still sucks! School and grades used to be my strongest attribute. I was such a nerd at one point in time. Presently, I feel like "Charly" in Flowers for Algernon. I am watching myself do worse and worse but I can still comprehend what is going on..and I fuckin hate it. I'm basically on a "break" this semester..My mindset is not wired for school right now. I go to class and nothing sinks in anymore. Next semester is basically it..If I don't get it together and get with it..I am basically, to myself, a COMPLETE FAILURE. I have been compensating in other areas to make me feel better about myself. I've become a gymrat again. I feel like I have more control over that than other aspects of my life. I figure that one less worry makes everything else easier to work on. I no longer have.."oh he gets such high grades" going for me anymore, so I might as well make myself look better.

I think all that I'm searching for..like everyone else, is balance. Beforehand I placed too much emphasis on finding a relationship. I let that become too much of a priority. For the first time in many years, I'm not concerned in having someone. LOL..I have Jewelry..and Maria..and a couple other friends, that's all I need. Hopefully changing my major to something that interests me for a change (ad/PR) will spark something in me and I will be, once again the way I used to be in school. I dont think I'll ever understand my math classes tho! I am so fuckin tired now...I'm sick of rambling..Nite friends.
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

LiveJournal for Leo.

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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.