Monday, March 11th, 2002
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8:17 pm - bleh.
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My life is a perpetual pendulum.
Swinging back and forth from good to bad.
It defys physics by lingering
all too close to bad.
Words can not express my pain.
Constant thoughts of my future plague me.
Hope and regret result in sleepless nights.
I can only dream of being with you.
I can only wish that you won't forget about me.
All i have to give, I have given.
I can give no more.
All i have to give, you have.
i wish i had control over the actions of ignorance. i'm sorry.
xdeadx
<3chris.
current mood:  cynical
current music: shai hulud
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(4 homicides | kill me)
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Saturday, March 9th, 2002
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12:34 am - ehhhh.
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my day started off well. it continued at a steady pace until about 11:00 this evening. I will not go into detail because my eyes are so welled up, it's hard to see the screen. this all led to the realization that i don't know what i'm going to do. and the only thing keeping me around here is my friends. i would do anything for them. and i did sacrifice myself tonight. i stuck up for one of them and almost got arrested for him. i also had the realization that people these days are so incredibly ignorant that it's hard to concieve. although one person did redeem himself ( and i appreciate what he did immensely ). i just would like to let my brothers to know that i love them and always will.
did i mention that i love you? because another epiphony occured tonight too. yeah. that's it.
xjames.be.okayx
<3chris.
current mood: fucking horrible.
current music: keepsake
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(2 homicides | kill me)
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Wednesday, March 6th, 2002
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9:02 pm - the only words.
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A master of words I am not.
I am merely a battered soul.
Ripped apart time and time again.
My only memory has now gotten to me.
It taunts me and i grieve.
My shattered heart beats for you.
Only you.
When will I learn to trust again?
Please don't leave me here.
I don't want to be alone.
current mood:  tired
current music: the sound of my body telling me to go to sleep.
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(1 homicide | kill me)
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Tuesday, March 5th, 2002
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8:13 pm - Stealing this from ed who stole this from alanna.
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1) Full Name: christopher michael dalphond.
2) Name Backwards: .dnohplad leahcim rehpotsirhc
3) Were you named after anyone? no.
4) Does your name mean anything? not a clue.
5) Nick Name(s): chris.
6) Screen Name(s): xxdestroyxyouxx
7) Date Of Birth: 28 september.
8) Place of Birth: lowell, massachusetts.
9) Nationality: irish, canadian eh?
10) Current Location: my house.
11) Sign: libra.
12) Religion: is not worth being concerned about.
13) Height: 6'0".
14) Weight: 156 completely naked.
15) Shoe Size: 13.
16) Hair color: blackish brown.
17) Eye color: blue.
18) What do you look like? eh.
19) Innie or Outie? innie.
20) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidexterous? righty.
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other? straight.
Who Is Your...
22) Best friend(s): eric. ed. james.
23) Best friend you trust more than anyone: any of the previously stated.
24) Best friends {your sex}: previously stated again.
25) Best friends of the Opposite Sex: kait.
26) Best Bud(s): no.
27) Boyfriend / Girlfriend: no.
28) Crush: eh.
29) Parent(s): hated.
30) Worst Enemy: the universe.
31) Favorite on-line Guy(s): none.
32) Favorite on-line Girl(s): none.
33) Funniest friend: eric can be humorous at times.
34) Craziest friend: jameson.
35) Advice Friend: eric and/or ed.
36) Loudest Freind: edwin.
37) Person you cry with: myself.
Do You Have...
38) Any sisters: no.
39) Any brothers: no.
40) Any pets: 3 dogs, one bird.
41) A Disease: life.
42) A Pager: no.
43) A Personal phone line: no.
44) A Cell phone: yes.
45) A Lava lamp: yes.
46) A Pool or hot tub: no.
47) A Car: yes.
Describe Your...
48) Personality: angry, somewhat outgoing.
49) Driving: i'm a good driver.
50) Car or one you want: i want a delorian.
51) Room: black.
52) was missing? you being dead.
53) School: a place where i am forced to put up with brainwashed nationalism and ignorance perpetually.
54) Bed: comfortable.
55) Relationship with your parent(s): practically non-existant.
Do You
56) Believe in yourself: can't say i do.
57) Do you believe in love at first sight?: all depends.
58) Consider yourself a good listener: yes.
59) Consider yourself a good friend: yes.
60) Get Along with your parents: not particularly.
61) Save your e-mail conversations: no.
62) Pray: mmm. nope.
63) Believe in reincarnation: it is a possibility.
64) Like to make fun of people: yeah.
65) Like to talk on the phone: only to a selected few. (one)
Do you...
67) Like to drive: yes.
68) Get motion sickness: no.
69) Eat the stems of broccoli: occasionally.
70) Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: even if i did eat chicken, no.
71) Dream in color: when i dream, usually.
72) Type with your fingers on home row: most of the time.
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: no.
What Is/Are/Was...
74) Right next to you: my bag and some dogs.
75) On the walls of your room: random symbols and drawings that i painted on there. and an amnesty poster.
76) On your mouse pad: black.
77) Your dream car: cadillac.
78) Your dream date: eh, someone i get along with.
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: the entire world is ours.
80) Your dream husband/wife: mmm. i can't speak for my future self.
81) Your bedtime: when my eyes shut.
82) Under your bed: clothes.
83) The single most important question: how long until i end it all?
84) Your bad time of the day: from 6:45 a.m. - 1:50 p.m.
85) Your worst fear(s): i can honestly say i fear nothing. except for scary movies.
86) The weather is like: clear skys with scattered clouds. current temperature is 30 degrees.
87) The time? 8:10 p.m.
88) The date? 5 march 2002.
89) The best trick you ever played on someone: to be determined.
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: pizza with ketchup.
91) Theme Song: grain of salt- poison the well
92) The hardest thing about growing up: everything.
93) Your funniest experience: most of the times spent with james.
94) Your scariest moment: my memory has failed me.
95) The silliest thing you've said: ask eric.
96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex? nothing.
97) The scariest Thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s): eh.
98) The worst feeling in the world: having no one there while you're crying by yourself and staring at the computer screen.
99) The best feeling in the world: the satisfaction of knowing that you can achieve anything.
current mood:  gloomy
current music: none.
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(2 homicides | kill me)
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3:04 am
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word to your moms. you came to drop bombs...
on my heart.
<3chris
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(kill me)
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Saturday, March 2nd, 2002
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4:04 pm - subject
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I am surrounded.
Assistance needed.
Call for backup.
No, I will not succumb.
I refuse to be blissfully ignorant.
They try but won't succeed.
Isolation is key.
Disownment of the bearers who bore me.
My hatred grows strong.
It burns in the fires
fueled by ignorance.
We're taking on severe casualties.
Officer down.
A cry for help rings out.
Help.
i don't know anything. set me in some place nice and leave me to die.
xheartx
<3chris
current mood: disappointed
current music: none.
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(4 homicides | kill me)
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Thursday, February 28th, 2002
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2:29 pm - hate.
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my mother tried to tell me that i'm grounded. which i thought was rather amusing. don't feel stupid. it is you that i want. assume that.
xcorex
<3chris
current mood: cynical
current music: saetia.
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(1 homicide | kill me)
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Wednesday, February 27th, 2002
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9:09 pm - brief insight.
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i can't go on pretending anymore.
i can't tell myself to hold back much longer.
i attempt to show my feelings through my childish antics.
i'm not sure if any of that gets through.
i really do like you more than most things in my life.
more than every person on earth.
i'm still not ready.
are you?
xsnowballsx
<3chris
current mood: cold
current music: bane
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(1 homicide | kill me)
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Tuesday, February 26th, 2002
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9:10 pm - no subject.
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nothing remains was there anything anyway? why prolong a painful existence? emptiness is not a reason for me to continue. how long until I end it all? it's all disappearing. withering and slowly dying. I watch it die. Cast aside As demons feed upon my grief. This may be too much for me to bear. I should be optimistic. But escapism is far too tempting. How long until I end it all? My world is cold and without hope. And without hope, This emptiness will be forever. I watch it disappear. How long can I hold onto something, That was never there. How long until I take these matters Into my own hands. I watch it disappear. I see it slowly dying. I watch it wither away And I'll watch it die I'll watch it die.
i never deserved anything you've ever given me. or felt about me for that matter. i do appreciate the thoughts. and even more i appreciate you.
xpiece.of.shitx
<3chris
current mood: sore
current music: keepsake of course
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(3 homicides | kill me)
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Sunday, February 24th, 2002
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10:24 pm - I am flying, dreams are dying.
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I bleed onto a page for you where diction has lost all its meaning,
and secrets fall from lips like dying petals in a forgotten garden.
Believing language we speak in tongues deceiving ourselves,
my heart whispers in forms that sixteen years of reason and cognition
have rendered useless.
If only you could hear what I have seen for aeons before this zero.
To see our system as a void, to believe ourselves immune -
To never feel our wings melting.
We are all free spirits trapped and dying.
Trapped and dying.
seeing you puts a smile on my face as always. can we do it more often?
xsomething.lamex
<3chris
current mood: tired
current music: books lie
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(1 homicide | kill me)
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Friday, February 22nd, 2002
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11:35 pm - fucking shit
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i don't know what else to do. i don't know how much longer i can take it. i sacrifice so much and ask for so little. yet still i get nothing but pain and suffering. this fucking sucks and i need to go do something to get my mind off of life.
i miss you and need to see you.
take me away, i'm ready to go. anywhere but here.
xdiex
<3chris
current mood:  infuriated
current music: saetia
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(6 homicides | kill me)
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Wednesday, February 20th, 2002
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11:35 pm - sonofabitch
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the hatred builds till it explodes in an immense rage. every time i think i'm rid of her wrath, she goes and fucks me over again. i'm really considering leaving. but i know i won't. fuck it. fuck you.
xyou're.all.deadx
<3chris
current mood: pissed off
current music: keepsake- the end of sound
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(4 homicides | kill me)
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Sunday, February 17th, 2002
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8:12 pm - When saying mine, I mean wishing you were.
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I am waiting for you. I miss you. Never trouble. I am honest and true when saying it is yours. And if by multitudes you mean one (yours I hope), then yes.
Yes. I have returned.
x.heart.x
<3chris
current mood: sore
current music: none
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(4 homicides | kill me)
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Friday, February 15th, 2002
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3:12 pm - i'm bored, so i'm updating tests i took.
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2:52 pm - If by yours you mean no one's, then yes.
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Amongst the turmoil that is my life,
her lips are my only sanctuary.
Chaos runs rampant,
yet still she remains.
I've yet to understand what
anyone sees in me.
My character traits are plentiful,
but not of calibur for anyone.
She must be blinded by something.
In the end, I am bound to a life of solitude.
Destined for nothing.
i'm glad i have you. you mean more than you will ever know to me.
yeah, i'm gone till sunday. see you all then. and if you shitface friends of mine update this again, prepare for battle.
x.good.fucking.byex
<3chris
current mood: cynical
current music: Bane
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(2 homicides | kill me)
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Thursday, February 14th, 2002
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10:17 pm - Yeah, fuck today.
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In a sea of red, here I stand. Black and blue.
i enjoy valentines. however, that does not change my point of view on today.
the love is there. i don't know how else to express it.
xfuck.it.x
<3chris
current mood:  restless
current music: time to rise
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(3 homicides | kill me)
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Wednesday, February 13th, 2002
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8:39 pm - :heart:?
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In your eyes,
I become lost.
I wander aimlessly in their beauty.
Consume me in your embrace.
Take me away with your innocence.
For i fear i can't supress
these feelings much longer.
The words are on the tip of my tongue.
But my heart resists.
The wounds are deep,
they need time to heal.
Will you wait?
Or will I be crushed yet again
in my feeble attempts at love?
wal-mart rules.
xhate.mex
<3chris
current mood: hungry
current music: Keepsake
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(6 homicides | kill me)
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Monday, February 11th, 2002
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8:58 pm - so much love. all for you.
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As the sun sets,
the realization of the loss of
another day comes to mind.
Another day filled with hate,
pain, and regret goes unnoticed
by the rest of the world.
My pain is power.
But power is insignificant
relative in the eyes of everyone.
Amidst the chaos that is my life,
clear thoughts run through my head.
The thoughts of you and I together.
forever?
i miss you buggar.
x.shit.x
<3chris
current mood:  lonely
current music: bane
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(1 homicide | kill me)
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Sunday, February 10th, 2002
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3:31 pm - none.
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i'm happy that he is finally happy. however, i just wish he could realize that his happiness is false. he will come around sooner or later.
fuck you. you are a worthless whore.
i hate girls that take friends away.
you're so cool.<3. how's your this week?
.x's.and.periods.are.cool.
<3chris
current mood: pissed off
current music: keepsake
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(5 homicides | kill me)
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Saturday, February 9th, 2002
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11:29 pm - yeah.
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fuck off. then die.
xkill.yourselfx
<3chris
current mood: discontent
current music: toxic narcotic
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(3 homicides | kill me)
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