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OK Eades, all is forgiven [2002-02-25|13:16] [ music | Texas (in my head) ] OK whatever you might say about the spring embedder algorithm it does come up with some rather lovely graph drawings... ( Drawn by physics ) 1 item|discuss

An angry inch [2002-02-25|09:50] [ music | Hedwig and the Angry Inch - Sugar Daddy (sung) ] Mmm Hedwig on DVD... it will be mine, oh yes it will be mine. A documentary, ten minutes of deleted scenes and a director and star commentary? So will be mine. 5 items|discuss

Oh boy [2002-02-25|02:16] [ music | Quantum Leap theme (internally) ] Today's been mostly coding and Doctor Who... OK more mostly failing to code and instead watching Doctor Who and drooling at Doctor Who DVDs (I mean phwoar look at the special features on that!) that I really shouldn't buy until I've paid for plane tickets and travel insurance... and then chatting to kaleidescope about Doctor Who while reading the blurbs to pretty much every Doctor Who new audio adventure or novel since Cat's Cradle (the novel on which I managed to wean myself away from the NAs). Tomorrow should involve cleaning the bathroom (wonderful), fiddling with the spring constants and so on in the graph drawer in order to stop it oscillating so (bah) and absolutely definately going to see Amiele at the cinema and not in anyway forgetting to do it. (Kim, buy tickets when you're on campus!) Again I seem to have a story writing itself in my head (OK this one's more of a planning 'itself' rather than being 'written'), this time it's a Quantum Leap fan fiction with a rather neat plotline I'd definately really like to do. Will it happen? Well... it suddenly seems like my research is nearly due and I don't feel like it's really started (sigh), there's this Novel Paradigms essay I have to research and write sometime, other courseworks (like the one I'm doing now), Jennifer (memevector) is visiting from Wednesday onwards and I'm hoping to get lots of conversation and some planning of my transgender talk (it's a week Tuesday and I'm going to have to plan it at some point!) done while I have the chance... doesn't look like there's a lot of time for writing left in there does there? discuss

I'll force direct you in a minute if you're not careful [2002-02-25|01:39] [ music | Tracy Chapman (in my head) ] The problem with heuristic algorithms is that they're wooly, wishy-washy and annoying. I'm writing a force directed graph drawing algorithm and it works now I've fiddled with all the different settings so it all looks right. It's even drawing some nice graphs, but it has this terrible tendancy to oscillate wildly because the inverse square repulsive force on the nodes is ridiculously large when the nodes are close together or touching and the linear attractive forces on the edges tend to pull nodes over other nodes -- especially in a reasonably full graph where nodes might need to 'cross over' to reach the equilibrium position. Bah. I'm considering enforcing a maximum force (bye bye laws of physics) just because it's a heuristic and therefore it's important to do what actually works rather than model the physics perfectly (I hope...). discuss

Coding and cleaning [2002-02-23|19:05] [ music | Red Hot Chili Peppers - Shallow Be Thy Name ] Today I'm mostly coding my graph drawing coursework, cleaning the house (starting with the kitchen) and adding entries that might one day make it over to Footnotes to my LJ memories. We also watched an episode of Doctor Who and may watch another later. Tomorrow or Monday we will be watching Amiele at Cinema3, oh yes it will happen! Yesterday, as well as filking, watching telly, putting up even more posters for Jennifer's talk and cooking a nice meal, we phoned up NatWest (can anyone recommend a non-'evil' bank?) to fix online banking (at least their customer support is wonderfully good) and paid off an unexpectedly large credit card bill (NOTE TO SELF: send me an email if you make a big credit card payment -- don't assume I know about it). Oh what fun. 2 items|discuss

Experimental [2002-02-23|15:30] [ music | Texas - Say What You Want ] Well after further discussion of gendered pronouns in various forums I've decided to use Jennifer's new gender neutral pronoun set at least in this journal, and maybe elsewhere (I can make guarentees about this venue but only express hope about others). As far as I know these are the first pronoun set to be designed which speech in mind, including how they sound when pronounced at different speeds and how distinct (while still being of similar form) they are to other existing pronouns. Previously I'd selected the Spivak pronoun set (or a varient of it) but chose not to use them after a lot of thought and discussions with a number of different people. I admired the set for it's logical basis -- it's derived from the singular they rather than being entirely made up -- but it was obvious that it stood out like a sore thumb compared to other pronoun sets. It's structure meant that it didn't feel like a pronoun, it stood out. This, coupled with the obvious 'stealing' of the listener's ability to form a stereotyped mental image of the subject, meant that use of Spivak pronouns in speech was something of an outright verbal gender fuck. As I'd always been more of a blender than a bender I set gender-free pronouns aside as a desirable idea with no viable implementation. I like this new set. It takes the best parts of Spivak -- the derivation from singular they -- and the familiarity of the ze/hir or zie/zir sets that many people interested in gender irrelevency already use. It seems to be easy to say too (which was always the idea afterall). I read everything 'outloud' in my head and I've been substituting the pronouns for he's and she's and finding it comes out as comfortably and I've even read a site which uses the Spivak varient and found the text actually flowed rather than stuttering and stopping where ever a third person pronoun was used.   Subject Object Posessive Adjective Posessive Pronoun Reflexive Singular They they them their theirs themself Spivak E em eir eirs emself My Preference ze em zeir zeirs emself Jennifer, is the posessive adjective 'zeirs'? What would you like me to call your set? Michael Spivak's set are Spivak pronouns... Moore pronouns? (I'm calling this entry 'experimental' because I think we're only going to find a pronoun set that really works through trying all the ones that look like they might and then suggesting improved versions based on our experience. There's only so far we can go with entriely theoretical discussion). 8 items|discuss

An ironic filk [2002-02-22|20:43] [ music | Alanis Morissette - Ironic ] Irony's about incongruity, Not annoyances, mistakes or real tragedy, It's not the good advice you just didn't take, It's Socrates with his ignorance fake, And isn't it ironic, Don't you think? It's like rain on your wedding ceremony, When you make your living in meteorology, Or a deadpan comment not meant literally, Who would've thought... it figures Mr Play-it-safe, Was afraid to fly, Packed his suitcase, Kissed his kids goodbye, Took his whole damn life, Just to take that flight, And when the plane crashed down he thought, 'Well isn't this nice?' And wasn't he ironic, Don't you think? It's like rain on your wedding ceremony, When you make your living in meteorology, Or a deadpan comment not meant literally, Who would've thought... it figures And isn't it funny how, When you think you know the meaning of a word, And so write it into a catchy song, And isn't it funny funny how, The most ironic thing about it all, Is the way you got that meaning wrong? It's like sarcasm when just meant in jest, Or feigning ignorance to put a theory to test, It's when your meaning's expressed rhetorically, It's writing a song called 'Ironic', When subject's just not irony... And isn't it ironic, Don't you think? A little too ironic... And yeah I really do think... It's like rain on your wedding ceremony, When you make your living in meteorology, Or a deadpan comment not meant literally, Who would've thought... it figures A black fly in your Chardonnay, Just isn't ironic in any way, Unless you obtained the wine, In exchange for bug spray... discuss

Thumb blisters [2002-02-21|16:31] [ music | Manchild ] There, there's at least some posters in prominant places in all the colleges now (as well as a few of the departments, the bus stops and the library) and thanks to Mac Aimes from Christchurch LGB there'll a few posters around Christchurch too (and the 'press release on their mailing lists too). I even (after asking) have a poster on Canterbury Wholefoods' local events board (above the petitions and next to the anti-globalisation meeting). I ran out of pins! But then I bought some more :) I overheard some students in Rutherford discussing how the college was designed by the same person who designed a prison (the other person assured the first that it was definately true). I had the lecture on The Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act again, still as utterly depressing and it's actually the law now (argh!) -- guilty until proven innocent when encryption keys demanded, five years imprisonment for talking to anyone else about it and massive security holes inflicted on ISPs by government demand. (Yelch) 5 items|discuss

When weather goes bad! [2002-02-20|15:51] [ music | kim rolling over in bed ] I had two Jonathan Roberts lectures in a row today. This is the lecturer with no self control who either goes off in every direction at once in an all but structureless way, as in the first lecture, or uses a powerpoint presentation with three times too much information on each slide (bullet points /not/ an essay!) as in the second lecture. It's a nightmare to mindmap but I've finally got to a point where I have special Jonathan Roberts mindmaps that work with the lunatic style. If I was a lecturer and wasn't careful to enforce self restraint that's what my lectures would be like (they are actually quite fun to sit through really... I'm just not sure how much I really learn compared to a nice structured lecture... who knows maybe I think more for these and therefore keep more in mind?) Then three steps out of the door of Darwin College it started to spit with rain, another few steps and it was seriously heavy rain mixed with stinging hailstones. By the time I reached the bus stop and stepped on the bus my clothes were soaked. Oddly as the bus drove away the rain stopped and five minutes later when I got off the bus there wasn't a cloud in the sky and it was so sunny and warm I took my coat off walking back to our house. If I was feeling paranoid I'd say the weather was conspiring against me (interestingly it's dark and overcast again now -- I wouldn't've thought it possible seeing how clear, sunny and blue skied it was earlier). At home I'm still scraping at my Haskell code wishing this last bit wasn't so annoying. I expect I'll be doing the same for the next few days (when I'm not putting up posters). I want to get something really visual done so it at least looks impressive. It's also a lot easier to test what's going on when you can see it... discuss

When drawing pins attack! [2002-02-19|22:16] [ music | Masters of Darkness: Aleister Crowley ] Well half of campus is now saturated with posters for Jennifer's (memevector) talk next Thursday. We'll do the other half of campus during our three hours free on campus this Friday and then do another pass through on the Wednesday before to top up all those enevitably covered over or ripped down. We're also contacting various societies on campus and the LGB society at Canterbury's other university. I really hope this talk gets the turn out it deserves. Today is Big Gay Day in Brighton which apparently all the committee and regular members attended. I was asked to run the LGBT meeting... and three people turned up. Two of which left after five minutes. Oh well, it's good to know that no one turned up to find an empty room so in that respect I'm happy that I attended. [This Crowley documentary seems to be lots of beardy people telling me Crowley's life story...] I managed to buy a vegan sandwich-like-food on campus earlier (shock horror!), it was 'Oriental Vegetables Tomato Wrap'. At the moment I'm working on jiggling with the innards of my Haskell graphics test program. Such fun. I've realised how scarily behind I am on this considering this project will be over at the end of this term (in week 24 -- it's week 19 now). Eeek! 3 items|discuss

Hair [2002-02-18|14:51] [ music | Skunk Anansie - Lately ] I'm seriously thinking about doing something more extreme to my hair than just having a trim back to the length it was when last cut. Below the LJ-cut are a couple of mug shots showing me with wet hair pulled back behind my ears to give you an idea what the shape of my face/head is like and also illustrate the crown in my hairline which causes the hair to go naturally upwards on the righthand side and downwards on the lefthand side (leaving me with what looks like a diagonal fringe (bangs) or a very odd looking parting when it's short). Would I be making a mistake to go for a relatively short haircut? I'm thinking of something reasonably versatile that can be styled and worn in a variety of configurations. Maybe a cut with hair than can hang down to a point somewhere near to the top of my ears but with some degree of an undercut so that it can be worn 'up' without looking stupid. Something I can put in a parting or in a fringe or wear up or hide under a hat or whatever. Is this even vaguely feasable? I'm really thinking of summer here where I don't want to wear a hat and really want as little on my head, while still looking good, as possible. Thanks for any advice you can give. If you want to suggest a completely different style that would totally suit me, please feel free to comment with that instead. ( Wet hair pictures ) 20 items|discuss

Disturbing? [2002-02-18|00:32] [ music | Too tired for noise ] I'm far too tired to be awake at the moment (I've been up several hours longer than one would usually expect of me at this time of night) but suddenly I'm reminded of something Natalya and I discussed when I was in a similar state of sleepiness last night. I remembered the first time I was every genuinely disturbed. As is usual for me in most things, it's ideas that seem to have the power to disturb me (as well as stimulate me in all senses of the word -- but that's a different story). Setting the scene. When this happened I was a pre-teen Christian who enjoyed church for the singing and really liked the ideas of being kind and good and selfless that Jesus and Christianity represented to me in my understanding of them. And the thing that disturbed me was a children's book by Good News Press (or something similar) about a boy lost in the woods (Natalya remembers this book too). The boy gets lost but all is well because his true faith and belief in God keeps him happy and safe and absolutely warm inside and certain that everything will turn out OK. I read the book in a kind of empty horror. I still remember the feeling vividly. Suddenly I had a reference, an example of what it was like to believe in God and I was all too painfully aware that I didn't believe. If that's what belief was like I didn't believe at all, not one bit. I'd believed I believed but it was obvious that my belief was wrong. I was deeply deeply disturbed. As I remember it, I did my very best to pretend that the revelation hadn't happened, that I was wrong or the book was wrong and, rather than ask anyone about it, I did my very best not to think about it. At all. It was only several years later between the ages of twelve and thirteen that I finally told myself, 'enough', and resolved not to believe in anything that I didn't have that feeling about or couldn't justify or prove. I stopped being a pre-teen Christian before I became a teen. I still believe in being kind and good and selfless (I also like singing). Over the years I've worked out exactly what 'kind' and 'good' and 'selfless' mean to me, I've grown many other values and I've tried and tested my personal ethics. I like to know my own mind and have beliefs worth believing in. I don't like being disturbed. 5 items|discuss

Crimson Glow [2002-02-17|23:38] [ music | Tori Amos - Jackie's Strength ] Kim /is/ Angela from My So-Called Life, I swear! Same grin and now same hair colour! Crimson Glow. Totally. (wow) 3 items|discuss

Help? [2002-02-17|18:15] [ music | Time Team ] I'm trying to log into online banking to look at my credit card statement in order to finally get around to validating my paypal account... but my online banking login doesn't work! What's REALLY annoying is that I probably had it right during my trial and error and got my pin or password wrong, because I'm just completely unable to convert even a four digit number into "write the third digit, fourth digit and second digit into the spaces provided" with any reliability at all. I really really dislike Natwest's system and I'd just like to be able to say "I trust that my home system is secure and I trust RSA encryption, please let my computer remember the password and log me in automatically!" Urgh. And my jaw's almost completely locked up too. ... In brighter news this week's Stargate SG-1 was another episode with an invisible person only one character can see in it. Hurrah! Joy of joys of joys! Sorry I just find people who no one can see making ironic comments deeply deeply funny (which is lucky really). Kim's covered in henna at the moment (well her hair is) expect much semi-permanent vibrant redness within the next two days! (I /will/ post photos). discuss

kitten! [2002-02-17|13:51] [ mood | excited ] There was a kitten in the back garden and I opened the door and meowed at it and it came to the door to investigate me but there wasn't anything nice in the fridge to give it so it went away! 3 items|discuss

Doctor Wheeee [2002-02-17|10:25] [ music | Doctor Who theme (echos of) ] Well I accidentally fell asleep a little before midnight last night and had eight hours sleep without cleaning my teeth, taking pills or setting myself away on IRC and IM protocols... on the otherhand I woke up at about 08:00 on a Sunday, got all nostalgic for all the years I watched Doctor Who Omnibus on UK Gold and ended up watching all the special features on the Remembrance of the Daleks DVD. Wow despite all the slight cock-ups with the production of the disc I have to say it's brilliant. I really like the special features. I {heart} the extended and deleted scenes even without explanatory text (except for the "I am more than just another Time Lord" ::grabs subtly and throws it out the window... cue explosion::). The outtakes were predictably silly. Then I watched the entire thing with not only Sylvester and Sophie's commentary but the 'informational text' entirely different text commentary as well (and there were only a couple of occasions where the density of the information was too much and I had to go back and rewatch the scene to follow which ever on I'd missed the first time). You know they put a lot of effort into the disc when the not only the 'feature' but all the special features too are fully subtitled. Ace is so utterly brilliant in this, her first episode as companion, cans of explosive Nitro9 with unexpectedly short fuses, beating the crap out of a Dalek with her baseball bat ("Who are you calling small?!") and, something I'd completely forgotten, blowing a Dalek to kingdom come -- with a bazooka! While I was expecting the effects to be of a 1988 standard, I was most surprised at how they hadn't even attempted to remove evidence of contemporary buildings in post production (the episode is set in 1963 just after the Earth-based events in the first ever episode of Doctor Who took place). After a while it becomes a game of spot the anachronism. Best line from the commentary; Sly McCoy, "Modern building a twelve O'clock, EXTERMINATE!" Great story, great special features and a really nice DVD. (Quite a nice way to waste a Sunday morning really). ::wave to anyone sad enough to check their LJ friends page from the True Spirit Conference (OK so I probably would be were I there):: [Update: With the help of emacs and ispell this is no longer the most badly spelt entry in this journal (well at least I can spell 'Dalek' (look no r!))] discuss

Dream a little dream of we [2002-02-16|13:06] [ music | Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside ] I realised (in a rather vivid and compliated multilayered dream including a documentary) last night if they're currently femme fashion at the moment, a men's rugby shirt on me would be extremely ambiguous. I wonder if they're comfortable? No that would just be too weird (anyone who finds this a bit odd... we wear about four different styles of clothing (all 'officially' men's) and it's always nice to extend the range of clothing you can wear). The dream was just odd, I mean some of the parts are obvious where they came from but others were just utterly odd. Also I appear to remember it as vividly as waking life... which is odd. One of those dreams were you walk around being hyper logical about everything that's going on but not actually making the leap to 'lucid' dreaming (probably because what happens next in the dream draws directly from the logical thought and therefore doesn't appear to be a contradiction). It was a pretty bonkers in the nut documentary too! 3 items|discuss

An unfortunate clash [2002-02-16|02:24] [ music | War of the Worlds (in my head) ] I've just realised that two month's holiday in the States this summer is going to enevitably clash with BiCon regardless of how I place it. How sad, and I've been planning my androgyny/genderless identity workshop since August. I've been commenting about perceptions of identity in someone else's journal. I really must put all the meaningful entries and comments I make in LJ memories for future website inclusion (worst comes to the worst I could link to the memories section of my journal from the website). I was talking about this for about forty minutes this morning. It's a nice idea. I especially like how, as we know accessors and constructors are side effect free you can unwrap the result from the monad and use them declaratively outside of the do notation. Very neat (although some of the GCJNI code isn't!). 6 items|discuss

Doctor Wuh? [2002-02-14|21:02] [ music | BBC2 - Horizon - Parallel Universes ] I just watched some of the special features on the Doctor Who Rememberance of the Daleks DVD. The BBC 1 trailers have a really really really funny plummy Queen's English voice over "A new adventure for Doctor Who!". ;> (Oh my this is popular science in the extreme... but it's parallel universes so I'm forgiving it) 3 items|discuss

Recurring theme of rugby [2002-02-14|19:57] [ music | REM on MD ] I have no circulation in my fingers, it's difficult to type and I feel like my digits are on fire. It's like year nine rugby all over again :/ At least I'm otherwise dressed. I keep forgetting that today's Saint Valentine's day (the patron saint of heterosexuality or something like that). Shandra posted a form Valentine's Day letter for Multiple systems in her journal which made me grin. A couple of weeks ago I noticed that New Look (young women's fashion shop) was just completely stuffed full of rugby tops, some of which were pink. Today at training a quarter of the room were in rugby tops. What an odd but at least vaguely interesting fashion (it's a femme fashion worn with tied back long hair and makeup). There's no television at the moment due to the olympics (Science fiction is always the first to go) so we're actually getting through our DVD collection of episodic television. Nice. 1 item|discuss

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