|
|
Thursday, March 21st, 2002
| |
8:45 pm
|
My apartment is pretty. Mmm, chocolate sorbet.
current mood: relieved
current music: Borknagar - The Presence Is Ominous
|
|
(1 comment |comment on this)
|
| |
7:41 pm
|
Looks like I fucked up. Sorry.
current mood: pensive
current music: Skip James - Hardtime Killing Floor Blues
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, February 8th, 2001
| |
9:29 am - Another dream...
|
well, two. In one, I was a sort of insanely raving Jesus character flying around with my deciphered texts from something that had proven that the devil was incarnate in all things modern. I liked that one.
In the second, I lived in a society where all members (that I could see, at least) were controlled by extremely annoying, high-pitched noises.
Car alarms have been going off all night lately. Then, today, I read in the paper that MUNI (municipal transit authority for SF) has started using new diesel buses which emit noises at 88 to 90 decibels on several lines, including one that goes (almost) directly past my apartment. The bus noise is painful enough in itself, but it also sets off car alarms.
current music: The Magnetic Fields - I Think I Need a New Heart
|
|
(5 comments |comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, February 6th, 2001
| |
11:05 am - Dreams...
|
I had troubling dreams last night... I went to work and my boss was waxing (waxing!?!?) the floor... he mumbled something about selling the business and apologetically informed me that I didn't have a job... so I left... and then I ran into one of my brothers, who lives 400 miles away, and he was drawing with amazing speed and precision... I remembered that he had drawn beautifully when we were children, and that he didn't seem to at all anymore... that's all I remember. Then someone in a car on the street below was blasting Eminem while waiting at the light... it wasn't even 6 am. Sniper training begins tonight! (kidding)
current mood: confused
current music: Joy Division - Day of the Lords
|
|
(1 comment |comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, January 31st, 2001
| |
1:38 pm - Oh, another thing
|
I had a dream last night... the same dream, I think, that I've had a few times in the last week. In the dream, I'm a teenager and eating dinner with my family. I say something mildly sarcastic and my father's eyes flash with rage. He grabs me by the neck and starts strangling me, all the while staring into my eyes. I pretend it's a joke as he crushes my trachea and I slip into oblivion.
Wacky.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, January 8th, 2001
| |
1:01 pm - I saw a dead man
|
on Friday evening, just outside the BART escalator
at 7th & Market
I was on my way to water my friend's plants
but there he was
supine, eyes rolled back into his head
his thick body undulated each time
the paramedics pumped chest
adrenaline mist was forced into his lungs
but he remained inert
after 15 minutes of this
my stomach clenched and my vision pixelated
I walked away
I'd seen too much already
current mood: pensive
current music: server fans
|
|
(6 comments |comment on this)
|
| Friday, December 22nd, 2000
| |
9:12 am - a poem
|
seasons change like horses in midstream
my heart flutters as i lift my eyes to yours
but you are me and the mirror is our medium
emptiness consumes me
a sunset is debased by tortured screams
masked by laughter and intoxication
another workweek approaches
despair is my companion
as amorphous wheels traced by a billion clocks
crush my withered hopes
current mood: discontent
current music: autechre: christic slide
|
|
(4 comments |comment on this)
|
| |
8:42 am - the nausea has passed
|
but i am left with an unsettling sense of unfinished business, as though i have cheated my organism of closure. does nausea signify an ennui of the belly that can only be cured by extirpating the poisonous source of distress and tedium and making way for the next cycle of chemical exchange? or should i learn from this that pain and dysfunction should be considered positive forces, inherent in the structure of matter, the state towards which all things tend, and that comfort, health, proper functioning, and the like, are only shortlived abberations, moments when entropy is turned back upon itself and self-organization is possible? and what does this tell me of being or knowledge? i await these and other answers.
current mood: drained
current music: Radiohead: Kid A
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
2:16 am - another drunken awakening
|
once again, after a glorious night of bacchanalian revelry, topped by a delicious, intimate purging over the toilet basin, I have awoken at 8 am to find myself nauseated and giddy. I could have predicted it, but I cannot live wholly within the confines of reasonable behavior set by my workaday routines. No, I must be erratic, positively mad, even if my suffering is multiplied. Without violent, frenzied madness, my sanity would be lost to drudgery and hive-consciousness. Not for me, a thousand times no, never!
current mood: nauseated
current music: Merzbow
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|