|
|
Thursday, March 21st, 2002
| |
3:56 pm - I accepted
|
"It's anticlimactic because I've already told several people now, but I know now it's official: I accepted the place into Central Saint Martin's foundation program. I will take my place among the other 18 year olds this September 17.
"Apparently, all I have to do now I've accepted is just wait for further instructions to be sent to me. That's the part that's a little disconcerting, as I don't feel very patient when it comes to this. Besides, I'm still not used to the British concept of verbal agreements being binding.
"Catching my brother was one hell of a day: I had sprained my ankle the night before, so I was wearing a brace for the entire trip to Paris. I missed the first train to Heathrow by one minute, so I ended up about 40 minutes late to pick him up. I was panicking and calling the airport information desk every 15 minutes to try and give him a message. I finally found him after much confusion, and I dragged his influenza-carrying ass straight from Heathrow to Waterloo station for the Eurostar. We barely made it just about right on time for the train (lucky us). But we didn't sleep because we didn't know how long the ride was going to be (turns out it's 2.5 hours, but only 20 minutes of that was in the tunnel.), from Gare du Nord station, we went straight to our hotel at La Sorbonne/St Michel, only to climb two flights of stairs just to get to the elevator. Finally, we were in the room. My brother said "let me lie down for a minute.", after talking to the maitre'd about how to find my uncle's hotel (he was visiting at the same time), I went back up and lay down. We woke up three hours later still tired.
"We tried phoning our uncle's hotel, but the front desk didn't see his name anywhere. It wasn't until we talked to them in person that it occurred to me the tosser booked it under his wife's name! So we finally hooked up with him about four hours later than I had originally planned. But it was all worth it, even the stress.
"Now, I get to look forward to a similar week of madness. Wish me luck..."
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: Faith Evans, "Love Like This"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, March 13th, 2002
| |
3:22 pm - dilemma
|
"Yesterday I had an interview with the international student advisor at Central St. Martins. I took in my portfolio and an old scetchbook. After looking through it he offered me a place in the school's foundation course.
"Translated, that means he let me in as a freshman.
"In some ways, I was kind of insulted. I've already earned one degree, worked three years in computer graphics, and started working in freelance web design. And here he was telling me that didn't count for bollocks.
"Problem is, I felt he was kind of right-- I'd be swimming with sharks, and most of my technique was self-taught, with a few night classes here and there.
"Yesterday the Priestess was telling me it was an honour to even be considered for the foundation program there. But I'm 24, not 18, and some of the glamour of starting from scratch is lost on me.
"So I'm putting out the question to whoever is listening: What would you do?
"If you had the choice between swallowing your pride, and accepting a year's worth of beginner classes from the best institution in Britain, after which your chances of actually going to school there increase from 0% to 50%, versus applying for a less prestigous school which costs just as much and is far more likely to accept you as you are and build on what you already have, which would you choose?"
current mood: indecisive
current music: Phil Collins, "You Know I Love You"
|
|
(3 comments |comment on this)
|
| Monday, March 11th, 2002
| |
3:48 pm
|
"Tomorrow I go in for a preliminary interview with Central St Martin's department head of graphic design. This last weekend consisted of back to back all-nighters and emergency runs to the print shop in an effort to produce a clean, presentable print portfolio.
"This in and of itself was a problem, considering I didn't have a single original of my work in this country. I basically spent three consecutive weeks scouring the hard disk of my PC and every website I ever worked on for portfolio-worthy pieces. In addition, I had to scrounge up what I could from my scetchpads and scan it all. The end result was about 95 megabytes of acrobat files (originally illustrator files, but the print shop couldn't handle those), and the single most ambitious design project I've taken on this year.
"It was costly in money, time, and sleep, but I couldn't make the end result any more professional looking if I tried.
"On one hand, I'm worried to death if the interviewer will like it. On the other hand, I can't help but thinking he damn well better like it!!!
"In other news, the priestess' best friend just contracted hepatitis B from her boyfriend. It was a shock to everyone, including the boyfriend, who had only found out a few days before. The priestess is freaking out, as you would expect, and immediately went in for a vd test. She urged me to do so too.
"So, since that's the only day off I've got before my brother shows up, that's all going to happen on the same day. Can you say 'life changing events?' or maybe 'really big reality check?'
"...I must say, coming over here has taught me how to steel myself against emotional trauma. So many painful, alienating, self-esteem reducing things kept happening back to back, I just had to learn how to be insensitive for my own survival."
"Here I go...may the cultural chasm between a design teacher and an engineer prove to be crossable, and may my eternal companion never be anything with a latin word or acronym for its name..."
current mood:  anxious
current music: Beatles, "Ballad of John and Yohko"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, March 7th, 2002
| |
3:02 pm
|
"Lot of things have happened over the past couple weeks. Everything has been happening all at once, as usual. Here's a summary:
* My British bank cancelled my account because I didn't provide my identification fast enough. Of course, they only gave me two days to do so, and no warning phone call at all. This was after they had kept my account under lock for five weeks without telling me why. They still haven't given me a good explanation--I had to guess why. So I got my money out of there, and I'm calling the banking ombudsman.
* I decided I'm going to apply for undergraduate art school over here. That decision has given me a light at the end of the tunnel, and now life is bearable over here. The only catch is I have to have my application and portfolio all together and ready to go by next week. EEEEEK!
* I talked to my ex-hobbit the other day. It came as quite a shock to me that she had completely moved on. It came as an even bigger shock that after all this time I still had never sit down to work through my own feelings on the situation.
Our relationship had a lot of elements in common with most marriages. When all that went away, both she and I admitted to feeling unsure of our own identity without the other. It took several days of emails with her to make the reality of it all being over sink in. But I'm glad it did. I was really starting to feel crippled.
I think a lot of people don't realize exactly how isolated I am over here due to my peculiar work and living situation-- I have roughly 2 hours of free time on any given week day, about every other weekend I work either saturday or sunday, I can't drink alcohol, and while I have a lover, I can't realistically dump on her about a previous relationship! That's daft!
The result is I'm left without a support net of friends in the event of a relationship turned sour, or emotional baggage leftover from the hobbit. That's my best reasoning for why it took me so long to face this.
* I have new family! My late uncle's long lost daughter has come into contact with the ogre side of my family. She is from the swamp country in the deep south. If things go well, we'll have a family reunion in August. Yippee! (Please understand. I love discovering new family.)
* The end of this month is going to be some seriously crazy times. I have an appointment with the head of the college I'm applying to next Tuesday. (hoo boy!) My brother comes next week. As soon as he's off the plane, we'll be meeting my uncle Oni in Paris. Two weeks later, I'll be flying out to Granada, Spain for the week of their easter celebration. It was the priestess and her friends' idea, and I sense this will be the last chance I'll have to do something like that in a LONG time, so I jumped for it.
It would be exciting times if it weren't so stressful. I'm tired. I want rest. I want something simple. I don't want to have to fight for everything, at least for a little while."
current mood:  stressed
current music: "Starlight" by Superman Lovers, "Digital Love" by Daft Punk
|
|
(5 comments |comment on this)
|
| Sunday, March 3rd, 2002
| |
9:28 am - Back entry - 3 March, 2002
|
"I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree.
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me.
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone.
...gotta get over you.
...Nothing for me to do...
But have one last cry
One last cry...
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time.
...Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down
To my last cry."
current music: Bryan McKnight
|
|
(5 comments |comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
| |
4:43 pm
|
"I guess all it takes is just a little inspiration to make the day brighter.
"Whilst picking my brains desperately yesterday for what to do for Valentines day, I realized I am at my most happy when I am either creating something or teaching somebody. THAT is what was missing from my life.
"I just need to force myself to start building or working with something, next time I am down. Right now I'm starting to think solid 3D sculpture might be a little more to my preference than 2D drawing, but we'll have to see.
"In last night's class, a miscommunication between me and my teacher resulted in my becoming far off-course from my original ring design, but I know now that wasn't a bad thing-- in the process of working on this ring, I have completed two other pendant designs, and learned a lot about what can and cannot be done when working with soft metal.
"It's a neat medium, really--Where else can you work with fire, crushing pressure, and acid and call the end result fashion? (Hmmm...don't answer that.)
"I just wish there was more time in a day."
current mood:  mellow
current music: "I Love You Just the Way You Are" by Barry White
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
4:37 pm
|
"Hmmm...
"I'm really getting sick of all this. Web design turns me off, computers turn me off, going to grad school turns me off, getting another job turns me off, working here turns me off. I have this disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of doing anything except sitting at home right now.
"I hate my job for making me so miserable. I hate myself for naiively walking into this position of getting raped by the entire company twice a day every day. And I hate myself even more for getting myself addicted to living in this great place, knowing all along that I won't be able to stay here.
"It's like my Dad once said: some people think it's their God-given right to screw you, and they get outraged if you catch them red handed. But I always assumed my company was too nice or too stupid to stab me in the back. Big mistake.
"If I hadn't been so bloody afraid of trouble, I would have ponied up and left before I was tied down. Now, I'm trapped in a living arrangement I couldn't maintain without working, with a whole load of stuff I couldn't take home with me without the help of my company.
"Maybe that's the solution-- I'll have my company send home all the unimportant stuff, and I'll keep the rest over here for the remainder of my lease, while I agree to have someone move into the other half of my flat.
"Or maybe I could sell the stuff I don't need anymore, and don't want to have to pay for sending home again. That may not be easy, but we'll have to see."
current mood: Feeling fucked over
current music: "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" (over and over again)
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, February 6th, 2002
| |
6:34 pm
|
"Whew. A brief calm in the storm that is my work. It's kind of nice.
"I just ate some kebabs with the dwarven colonel and the pirate. The boost in blood sugar may also be contributing to my sadly uncharateristic good humour right now. But I am content to live in the moment.
"Tonight, I will go to the cinema with my Entish friend for a break. Last night and the night before I had hung out with the Sylph priest, talking all sorts of bizarre shit. (One thing I certainly can say for her, she really knows how to bullshit. All those years of theology training have served her well.)
"I do have noble reason for spending so much time with her-- her mother is about to die of lymphatic cancer, and she's hanging by a thread. Since I was stuck in the middle right when this all came crashing down on her, I feel compelled to help any way I can. And in the process, I've won the respect of her and all her friends.
"My flat is now set up and I'm for the most part settled in, even though I can't manage to find a cookie sheet small enough for my toy oven. I know that sounds stupid, but the oven really is that small. I can appreciate now the convenient proximity to Oxford's independant cinema and my favourite salsa club, as well as a decent coffee shop and veggie burger joint. If anything, the neighborhood is a little posh, but that adds to the interest somewhat.
"My studio is also set up, and I have actually worked in there once. Also, I'm glad I made myself take ringmaking to force myself to work on creative endeavours at least once a week. The only problem is the teacher is turning out to be kind of a snob. But having access to these new resources is nice, and I can't wait to find out my friend's ring and neck sizes...
"I was reading the Gelfling Pixelfish's journal entry today. It made me think about my own relationship with my mother. Because of my unusual upbringing (and my own persistently ambiguous identity), it's never been what would be considered a typical mother-son relationship. Sometimes I was her friend, sometimes I was her son, sometimes I was the daughter she never had, and more recently sometimes I'm a colleague in the field of computer graphics.
"The relationship between my mother (a red dragon), my brother (he looks like a rainbow dragon, but he's really 1/2 dragon, 1/4 abatwa and 1/4 thunderbird) and me has always been a shifting and dynamic one. Since we are always changing so radically, and over the years the combination of us has never really been the same twice. For example, long ago, when my brother, mother, and I were all living together in a cave in the fiefdom of Holladay for a little less than three years, my brother was just starting to seek out his father's heritage and had gone very Spike Lee-esque in his clothing style and tastes in music. My mother had just lost 5 stone(70 lbs.), and was rediscovering what it was like to date as a single mother. And I was sopping up the dreams I acquired from the cave's previous presence and shaping them into my earliest magic.
"The next time we were all together in one place for a long period of time, we were visiting the Eternal City in Italy, my brother was spending his spare time writing his PhD thesis for his english degree from Harvard, I had just completed my first emergency assignment for my company, earning my status as firefighter and left-hand man to the boss, and my mother's job as an art director of a game company had made her bossier than ever while her several year relationship had simultaneously made her more domestic than she ever was with us.
"Whenever I see them, there are so few vestiges left of their previous incarnations, I feel I have to rediscover who they are all over again. It's a little worrying, for fear of losing the people I've always known in the mix, but beneath it all, there remains the foundation of the person you've always considered important.
"That was pretty random, I suppose. I'm going home."
current mood: cheerful
current music: Steely Dan, "Black Cow", Cranberries, "Ode to My Family"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, February 4th, 2002
| |
2:23 pm
|
I'm a Wind Spirit
"A good friend from work back home came over here. The pirate of the salt lake! It was good to see him, even if the trip over her left him knackered.
"Talking to him of my situation only made me think of how grim my work and living situation really is. Methinks I should start preparing a lot sooner than originally planned...
"I may quit my job, but I think I want to stay here a little longer. Where I am now could turn out to be a very fun place to be with a little time."
current mood: meditative
current music: Foreigner "Wanna Know What Love Is",George H "My Sweet Lord"
|
|
(3 comments |comment on this)
|
| Thursday, January 31st, 2002
| |
9:51 am
|
"Why is it that I always look my worst on the day I'm end up making a comment about someone else's looks?"
"Why is it that whenever I try to sing for someone else, my voice cracks, my lungs are constricted, or my throat is full of phlegm? I know I'm not shy."
"Why is it so disturbing to me when a now married ex-girlfriend sends me pictures of her new baby?"
"Why is it that when I finally meet a girl worth my time over here, they claim to have a prudish past that would rival any Mormon girl?"
"Why is it that whenever I finally work up the resolve to work on my art again, I'm either too exhausted from work, suffering from a bout of carpal tunnel, or have barely enough free time left to fix dinner and sleep?"
"Why is it that as soon as I have a really good idea for a picture, I end up seeing a few days later the very same idea implemented better than I could do it?"
"Why is it that whenever I give up on listening to the usual oldies stations and tune into Radio 1, the worst crap they're currently circulating is on? And whenever I actually hear a decent song on Radio 1, my favourite song is playing on an oldies station?"
Current Music: Chemical Bros "Star Guitar", Super Furry Animals "It's Not the End of the World", and Bjork "Venus As a Boy" (An uncharacteristic block of good taste for Radio 1. Incidentally, George Benson "Give Me the Night" was on Heart 106.2 at the same time...)
current mood:  confused
|
|
(2 comments |comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, January 29th, 2002
| |
7:35 pm
|
|
| Monday, January 28th, 2002
| |
1:33 pm
|
With that box, the Dragon was now finished moving in. It took two days, and he would have to send two boxes back or have them stored, but he had finished unpacking. He brought over a lot more than he needed, there was no doubt about that. His two-bedroom high-ceiling flat was now filled up with his stuff.
There were still some minor details to work out, but now that the important stuff was worked out, he could see this being quite a nice place to work.
He also noticed several things about his old stock that he'd never thought about before:
*His collection of art books wasn't inspiring. It was intimidating. His hobby had no doubt gone too far. It would take him years to gnaw through this pile, and by then, all the computer-related ones would already be obsolete.
*He would need to find a quick way of transferring CD tracks to MP3. His CD collection was far too big, considering how little he listened to 75% of the mass.
*His wardrobe was overcrowded, ugly, and starting to look tattered.
*Considering how little free time he really had, he badly needed to set some priorities as to what he'd use it for. There was just too many things to do.
Here was his first attempt at a list of priorities:
*work (no other choice)
*my class
*maintaining a few friends
*getting everything working/cleaned up at home
*drawing
*painting
*restructuring my portfolio (first finding ftp access)
*looking into applying for school
*computer design/web design
He knew that this supposedly new revelation was no change from the way things used to be. He was back to where he started, only having lost about six months...
current mood:  busy
current music: Tina Turner, "We Don't Need Another Hero"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, January 25th, 2002
| |
3:58 pm - Taking stock
|
Things I have going for me:
- Living in England
- New flat, in the trendy part of a college town.
- on the doorstep of Europe (as the cliche goes)
- significantly above average income compared to the typical British bloke my age, even after taking into consideration how many hours per week I work
- "exotic man" factor working in my favour when dealing with others
- can stay here for up to 18 months if I so desire.
- can quit any time I want
- working in another country would help my CV greatly (as would getting a foreign degree).
- going to art school over here is a real possibility.
- taking a pretty cool class with no homework
Problems I've got:
- Living in Oxford
- Working 50-60 hours a week without overtime or other compensation
- extremely high stress work environment
- little free time, and even less energy after work
- few friends
- most things are closed when I finally get off work
- brought way too much stuff overseas
- if I quit my job, I have to go home within a month or my work won't pay for moving myself or my stuff back.
- gas is expensive
- just about everything else is expensive as well
- kidney stones
- still broken up over my Hobbit...
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Van Morrison, "Right Place Wrong Time"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
3:53 pm - Moving in is hard to do
|
Once the Dragon had gotten his frustration, misery, and exhaustion out of his system, his job didn't seem so bad. Of course he couldn't stay here forever, but for the time being he could live with this at least a little while longer. The past couple of days hadn't been too bad, actually.
Apparently, the sylph priest had fallen in love with him, despite the fact he hadn't even known her 4 weeks. When he didn't love her back exactly the way she wanted when she wanted, it devastated her, and he had to stand in the path of several ensuing hurricanes, thunderbolts, meteor showers, and everything else she could throw at him.
That's the problem with most psychichally aware individuals-- they are too bloody sensitive. The slightest thing dashes their heart against the rocks. The fact she was also a very powerful enchanter didn't help much either. But he had to put up with it until she ran out of steam. Only then could she be reasoned with.
Ultimately, it just made for a reminder of precisely why the dragon gave up on passion years ago. To date, passion had never led to love, and one or both people involved tended to fabricate things about the other until there was no longer any resemblance to the person they loved and the real thing.
There was always hope for something good coming out of passion, but at the moment, that likelihood was nil.
In other news, the movers were a week late in delivering the goods, and even now, the day before the rescheduled shipping date, they had their wires all crossed.
What a pain in the ass.
current mood:  irritated
current music: Cher and Sonny, "I Got You Babe" on infinite repeat
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, January 22nd, 2002
| |
4:23 pm - what I have learned
|
As the Dragon sat in his half-unpacked new residence that wasn't new in any way, let alone clean when he arrived, he couldn't help but feel he had just dug himself into a great big hole with his recent actions.
He took every single opportunity his job offered to come to England because he was willing to dance with the devil for the chance to work in another country. He chose this cave hastily because he wanted to get out of the hotel badly, so he took the first place that came up that fit the description of what he wanted. While he spent time with women, he had neglected to state whether he wanted to just be friends or not, so they instantly assumed not.
And when he told the Hobbit he wanted to break up, he had neglected to bounce the idea off of her first.
At this point in time, he was in the middle of regretting every single one of those decisions. And it seemed that all of them shared the same problem: he didn't think before he jumped.
Or rather, he didn't ask for advice or wait to gather more information before trying something he had never done before. While it was true advice on many of these subjects was in extremely short supply, he was thinking he should have at least tried to find that advice first.
That was all done now. He just needed to figure out a way to set things right. Maybe he should ask somebody...
current mood:  depressed
current music: "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner
|
|
(3 comments |comment on this)
|
| Thursday, January 17th, 2002
| |
9:51 am - Unpopular opinions
|
< The following was written on a torn out page of the Dragon's logbook at his work >
These are some opinions I hold lately which have made me rather unpopular. From the looks of things, I'm really starting to believe I'm the only person who thinks these things over here.
As you read these, please remember these are only opinions, and as such you probably won't agree with them. Nobody else does:
- Women and men should not be treated the same. Before you slap yourself on the forehead, hear me out: In British culture, this is an exceedingly archaic and unpopular view. Treating a girl different from a guy is highly suspicious behaviour. A bloke definitely won't be a gentleman unless he's trying to bed somebody, it seems. And even then, it's very rare.
- Between the education system, the average after-tax salary, and the typical hiring practices, Britain is a highly elitist system. It is unbelievably hard to get ahead or to better your status here, or even to reach middle class. Nobody will hire a professional younger than 30, and the percentage of people who go to university here is roughly half of that in the US. Thus, the number of uneducated people here is much higher. And it shows especially in the service sector.
- British culture seems to be set up to encourage abuse of power. Teachers abuse pupils, senior workers abuse their juniors, parents definitely abuse children, etc. It's very hard to get used to. It seems there is a definite pecking order, and it's expected that you will emotionally abuse the hell out of anyone beneath you. Yanks don't understand this, and always take the abuse wrong it seems, which only serves to ostracize us more from the surrounding culture.
But this does go a long way to explain why Brits tend to be anal-retentive, act like children until their mid-30's, and marry their mothers.
- Changing the subject, "Lord of the Rings" was miserably long, and threw away nearly all character development in the book in favour of action scenes and apocryphal over-characterization of two relatively insignificant characters (Eowyn and that Uruk-Hai).
It doesn't take much reading into JRR Tolkien's work to know he was every bit as racist and sexist as his late 19th century contemporaries. But a classic is still a classic. You wouldn't rewrite "Gone With the Wind" to make it more PC. For the changes they made to the story, and fun they took out of being surprised by Aragorn's secret love, they might as well have made Legolas and Gandalf women!
Actually, that would've had less effect on the story.
- "Harry Potter" really couldn't act, and that one "minor" oversight ruined the whole movie. If casting directors had learned anything from movies like "Annie" and "Mortal Kombat", they would know that looking the part is not a substitute for acting talent.
- Recent Fantasy and science fiction movies in general are suffering from the same lousy writing and bad acting as when the genre's first had a successful run in the late 1970's, and no amount of money wasted on CG or seizure-inducing action scenes will save it from the same fate as last time.
- "Hannibal" was not a good horror movie. It was the ultimate bad-taste slasher flick, dumbing down the franchise just as severely as "Mission Impossible 2". For some reason, horror directors seldom seem to know the difference between scaring somebody and grossing them out.
- There really are no more original screenplays in Hollywood, let alone good ones.
- Mind you, if Hollywood could control itself and not rewrite every book it laid it's hands on, things wouldn't be so bad.
current mood:  grumpy
current music: "Within You Without You" by the Beatles
|
|
(2 comments |comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, January 15th, 2002
| |
2:15 pm
|
"There is no other purpose to life than to love whoever is around you."
-Kurt Vonnegut
"You can get so tied up in the minutae of life, it's easy to forget the whole reason why you're supposed to be living. Ambition, creative expression, these are noble pursuits. But at the end of the day, what is the whole reason why you still bother to do anything?
"Sure, you could say you do it all for yourself, but a vacuum is an awfully lonely place to live. It's just not natural. It would seem closer to the truth to say you keep going for those you love, those you have loved, or those you will love.
"Just something to think about..."
P.S. Love to anyone who reads this, no matter how cliche it sounds. If I'm going to turn into an old sap, then at least I'll be a sweet old sap. ;-P
current mood:  loved
current music: "One is the Loneliest Number" by Three Dog Night
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, January 14th, 2002
| |
1:30 pm - "What makes me a man"
|
<Click!>
"Hmmm...I wonder if anybody's reading this anymore. With those past two or three entries about my messy breakup, I may have completely killed my 'ratings'. Nobody wants to hear you complain, not even your own diary.
"I have a new coworker. Another dryad. When I first saw her, I thought she was a dead ringer for the sylph I've been spending my time with lately. The next day (after seeing my Sylph Priest), I came back and realized the dryad didn't look much like the sylph, but she did look an awful lot like Gwynneth Paltrow. The Sylph called herself half-French, half-Cumbrian (nice combo). My guess is my new coworker shares some of that Cumbrian or French gene pool...
"Anyway, when the Dryad came in today, she was wearing a bright pink two tone long sleeve shirt with some cross country logo, military olive green oversize cargo pants, and shiny black shoes with white socks. Her hair was a mess. She was absolutely one of the boys.
"It was then it occurred to me why I'm really starting to like British women-- These are some hard-ass bitches! While they definitely know their manners, they've got more masculine qualities than my dear Half-elven arbitor! Sexually aggressive, unashamed of their flatulence or how they look, and just as capable of slamming booze as they are of kicking your ass!
"I'm exaggerating a little (not all women over here are quite like that by any means), but British culture has gone a very long way to unravel gender roles, and they've succeeded to the point where the women here are just like men now.
"It's beautiful.
"No...It's wicked."
...
"Oh yeah. Things at work are a little stressed, but it's relatively under control. It's my life outside of work that isn't under control. Even with no girlfriend, I have far too many women in my life right now, even if they are all just friends. This wouldn't be an issue, but as everyone has pointed out, my work is having an effect on me-- this is the most manly I've ever been. Damn that military and their manly ways!
"See, apparently women fancy manly men. Or at least where I'm living, the women seem to. The only roadblock seems to be actually meeting people and learing how to trust them.
"I'll be honest-- I don't like being macho. Maybe my memory doesn't serve me right now, but I was happiest when I didn't have any pressure to be macho.
"Likewise, I don't want another relationship. Ye Gods, I just finished one! Once you spend enough time with someone, they fall in love with you and you have to tell them you aren't interested, and you hurt their feelings and probably lose them as a friend. It sucks.
"I was fortunate with the first lady I hooked up with over here (a Polish/English Ent) in that she and I are somehow managing to remain friends despite my cutting things off in a clumsy way.
"The other problem with this whole woman thing is that it causes a major schedule problem-- with work how it is, either I have time for women or art, but not both. I know work on art is a better investment in my future, but women do more for my sanity.
"I don't know. Time with the Sylph Priest just keeps getting better, despite our irreconcilable dietary and schedule differences. I've come into the attentions of a radiantly beautiful German dwarf. It's always been worth my time to hang around the Iranian Fomor and the Polish Entwife, for they both make good friends. I have a few male friends too, but my time is devoted almost exclusively to my ladies now it seems.
"Yes, I said 'mine'. Attribute it to my new macho behaviour, but they bring out my protective instincts. I don't possess them, heavens no, but no harm will come to them while they are in my shadow. Unless I break another heart out of clumsiness. Must be more careful now..."
<Click!>
current mood: pleased
current music: "More Than a Woman To Me" by Angie Stone
|
|
(16 comments |comment on this)
|
| Friday, January 11th, 2002
| |
12:34 pm
|
Out of death comes the potential for new growth. The worst forest fires leave the most cleansed, refertilized ground. Looking back, it seemed like fate that the Dragon would've picked up Joseph Campbell's "the Hero With a Thousand Faces" to read right before he got on the plane and started the rapid sequence of events that would destroy all remaining remnants of his previous life.
The central concept of that book was to distill the core psychological concepts of all storytelling through a universal analysis of all globally applicable stories known as mythology. (Not to be confused with dreams, whose global meaning is usually polluted by the teller's psychological idiosyncracies.) In English, every myth was created to communicate some aspect of the human condition. Mr. Campbell took all the myths from all over the world, boiled them together to take away cultural specifics and extraneous elements, and described the core concepts of the human condition that remained.
One of those concepts was that in order for creation, inspiration, and possibilities to begin again, the old regime must die or suffer the equivalent of death. This is precisely what the archetypical hero does.
Of course, this was no universally understandable myth, this is one dragon's life. But the principle was sound. And it was precisely what the Dragon needed to hear to allow him to swallow that week and his time here in Oxford.
All these recent events were, indeed, a mixed blessing-- the removal of the Hobbit, while it did hurt in the short term, simplified his life. The decision to grin and bear the job gave him more time to explore his options here, and he supposed would eventually thicken his skin to where he would be prepared to live and work just about anywhere.
Last night, the Dragon had taken out the broken pieces of his sword. While this still wasn't a happy event, it wasn't as bad as he had thought. He had practiced magic several times on his own over the past couple months without the aid of any tools, and a couple of times the results actually worked nicely. Not perfect, but still. But perhaps this was a lesson that all he really needed was his own two claws.
The Dragon had signed up for a class in ringmaking next week. Mind you, this wasn't inspired by any recent cultural phenomenons (you know what I mean), but rather a longstanding urge made manifest when he saw instruction was available locally. At the very least, it would be interesting...
current mood: optimistic
current music: "Come Undone" by Duran Duran
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, January 3rd, 2002
| |
9:11 am - Happy new year... Here's to looking forward.
|
"Sorry about the bad attitude in the last mail. I've been a stress case lately.
"It was a little upsetting to find out that my holiday would turn out to be nearly as stressful as my typical work week. Not as bad, certainly, but it wasn't relaxing either.
"At least I had some time to rest right at the very end over new years, and that was good.
"As I took a shower this morning singing songs off of her CD's, put on the shirts she bought me, and groomed myself with the items she shipped to me, it occurred to me just how tough it's going to be to get her out of my system, if I can ever get her out.
"The good news is I'm so fried right now I don't feel anything short of a knife through the chest. The bad news is I don't feel anything short of a knife through the chest. I can deal with her without too much grief for now. But maybe that isn't right.
"To complicate things, there's somebody new who's starting to have an effect on me. She's a sylph, a priest of an ancient religion. But I don't know if I'm ready for another wild ride yet. There's an impulse to rush right in now, but I think it would be wiser to give myself some time. At least until I can feel my own skin again..."
current mood: stressed
current music: Blues Traveler, "Yours"
|
|
(4 comments |comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
tired