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Black Market Requiem

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(Passive)

im no longer alive for..... [24 Oct 2001|10:26pm]
i've killed livejournal and transcended to deadjournal....so....hmm.....yeah *waves*

(Passive)

[08 Oct 2001|02:12am]
I'm so confused about stuff........I cant talk about it though :(

(Passive)

[08 Oct 2001|12:14am]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | rasputina-died tied dead ]

like acid
burning a hole through my lung
i gasp what seems to be the last
as it lasted
it hurt
the pain unbearable was bared
the last breath wasn't so
I continued living in pain
living in fear,
in doubt,
in regret,
and at last
it read
'alone i regret'
/
Born to be blue
Dressed in the darkest hue
Mood is less than stable
expert at being incapable
hidden inside this world of mine
induced a decline
sweet melancholy
and your dramatic overtones
fulfill me
with all your woes
As it accepted
we are one
Grasping an empty soul
the vacancy was filled
enslaving this whole
Wandering hollow
sentenced to see tomorrow

(Passive)

Sadden [07 Oct 2001|11:50pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | 3 libras-apc ]

as it blossoms, i shatter
knowing the future unable to alter
same faults no avail
i try too much
i try and fail
How can you care
How do you know
Cannot prevent the flow
the warm season pleasant
until the fall
By the wintry hours
could it be all
I, forever,
bind within a shread
it wears the body
alone and dead
grabbed my own heart
squeezing with all might
choking the pain
til none remains
I want this to stay
but all i see is it fading away
:...(

(1 Aggressive | Passive)

blah blah blah [05 Oct 2001|09:43pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | Savage Garden :...( ]

Savage Garden is no more......how sad :( They werent my favorite band but i liked them nonetheless. *sighs* It sounds like such a sad demise considering the context of the last album. End on a sour note?

(2 Aggressives | Passive)

I am truly the biggest idiot ......EVER!!!!!! [29 Sep 2001|12:38pm]
I failed my drivers test.......bloody hell!!!! I did fine and this idiot tells me all the mistakes i've made. i'm unconsolable at this moment so i'm gonna go in my darkest haunt and go cry some more......excuse me :(

(Passive)

[27 Sep 2001|12:06am]
[ mood | pleased ]



(Passive)

iforgotwhatiwasgonnasay [26 Sep 2001|12:07am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | walk with me-the tea party ]

oh um.....i am gonna do a project on graffiti for my conemporary art class. I gt boox from the school library...but i have to study for my anthropology class i have a test friday. I love that class its really interesting and the teacher is funny.

(1 Aggressive | Passive)

i cant wait for thenew album!!!!!!!! [25 Sep 2001|08:56pm]


meanwhile i have projects staking up to the sky but i'm not procrastinating so that should be better. I'm gonna do my projects in sections. So in the end i wont have all 10pages to writeall at once. I'm already getting boox. But i have to start practising for my driving test saturday......i'm terrified...i hope they make me pass.....i swear if they tell me that i'm not looking at the blind spots i'm gonna be soooooooo very beyond pissed off. i hope i pass it the first time......please let me pass it the first time

(6 Aggressives | Passive)

he's so cute :) [24 Sep 2001|09:10pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | stupid girl-----------------------gar-bage ]

Jeff Martin from The Tea Party (shot of the Temptation video)



thats my comment for today heh

(1 Aggressive | Passive)

she's such a hypocrite [24 Sep 2001|01:02am]
Derly is such a hypocrite i cant believe her i wonder if it hurts to lie s blatantly to someones face. I could see her trembling and all thos false statements i could see right through. Shes such a flake. She's always been that way. and she wonders why people dislike her. She cant even see this. She' puting on this facade for everyone and now that facade has turned into herself...She knows nothing else but to lie.....
How sad is that
If she could feel something that was true, would she even mention it?

(2 Aggressives | Passive)

Brian is beautiful [22 Sep 2001|05:37am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

eeeeeeekk I cant believe what ive just read. Brian is ugly?!?!?!?........omg!!!!! JESUS CHRIST its kind of things like that that make me really sad. OMG i'm shocked....

(Passive)

stupid me :( [21 Sep 2001|10:26pm]
is this a silence argument?....maybe im just making this up in my paranoid little mind :S I always start these things pfft this is just great.....hmm..what to do what to do :(

(2 Aggressives | Passive)

[19 Sep 2001|12:42am]
the pain within my chest is seriously overacting causing tears to flow for the corner of my eyes. Nowmy head hurts with it....Everything inside seems to want to leap out of me. Including myself. I feel so very weak at the moment. Indeed should i stay in my room no to do anything rash. Sometimes this weakness of mine is what i fear the most. I don't know what to do. It hurts so badly. I have troubles breathing. This might seem like whining again but i need to get this out....before..*sighs* *breathes in* I don't know what going on with me. But i've been to that place before and i don't want to return. To be so focused on melancholy is overpowering. When i control melancholy it isnt as bad but i feel it controlling me at the moment. Thats when i tend to cry nonstop and have pains within my chest and headaches when i think that everything is worthless and I let myself slip away. I am scared i am in pain, i feel alone and i am down. Everyone please let me out ....Everyone screams around me and all i want is some silence. Just a moment of silence. But is it what i truly want now? Now that all this noise has overwhelmed my thoughts, silence would be the key to insanity. I seriously need therapy

(3 Aggressives | Passive)

i'm so fucking scared [19 Sep 2001|12:03am]
[ mood | scared ]

i've neve been a very happy person much. I'm so scared. My motives might sound selfish....but i'm scared. I don't know whats gonna happen. I fear more for others than for myself though. I'm so scared that i feel this pain within my chest. This dreadful tightness within my chest. I'm so scared. Scared and deeper into depression....God this isn't good. I try to stay away frm this news but i can't...its everywhere. I should be able to cope with this like eveyone else right? But it hurts too much. And i cant not for one instant calm down. No one will allow us to....'Were at war' 'Everyone stay calm' I'm scared and i cant stop crying now...Maybe i'll wake up tomorrow and everything will be ok

(1 Aggressive | Passive)

Fuck me what have i done wrong! [18 Sep 2001|11:04pm]
The Canadians must prepare to show realism and to accept that engagement of Canada at the sides of the United States in the war against terrorism will involve necessarily losses of life, not only in the soldiers, but also within the civil population, whether it is foreign or Canadian.
i just love when other people speak on my behalf :|

(2 Aggressives | Passive)

not much [16 Sep 2001|09:15pm]

(Passive)

[15 Sep 2001|09:13pm]
Canada's Muslim communities gather to mourn; warn of racist backlash
Updated: Fri, Sep 14 8:57 PM EDT
TORONTO (CP) - Muslim Canadians gathered in mosques across Canada on Friday in prayer services that recognized a continent-wide day of mourning in the wake of horrific terrorist attacks on the United States.
As hundreds of Muslims gathered at a downtown mosque to mourn the thousands killed, community leaders called for tolerance and reason following a spate of racially motivated attacks believed to be a backlash against Tuesday's catastrophic events.

While condemning the "immoral and criminal acts" of terrorism in the United States, Naeem Siddiqi of the Council on American-Islamic Relations expressed concern over "the growing number of anti-Muslim incidents documented in the last few days."

Siddiqi said Muslims across Canada had been taunted, threatened, and their places of worship desecrated.

Several Muslim schools have closed, many Muslim children were kept home from public schools for fear of physical attacks and some mosques were telling women and children to stay away, he said.

"Canadian Muslims should not suffer for being Muslim," he said outside the Jami Mosque, located on a tree-lined street in Toronto's west end.

"Their families, like the families of other victims, have been devastated."

While no official count has surfaced, reports have indicated as many as 300 to 500 American Muslims may have died in the attacks, Siddiqi said.

Imran Yousef of the Canadian Muslim Civil Liberties Association said a mosque in Oshawa, Ont., had been hit with a Molotov cocktail, Muslim children in Oakville, Ont., had been assaulted and Muslim women had been targeted because of their distinctive mode of dress.

One woman was run off the road by an irate driver, he said, while hate letters and death threats had come in via email and phone messages to Arab organizations.

By Friday, he said 30 to 40 calls had been placed to Islamic groups across Canada to report incidents of harassment, intimidation, assault or vandalism since Tuesday's terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.

Across the country, Muslims were joined by the head of the Canadian Federation of Nurses, Human Rights Commissioners in Ontario and Nova Scotia, and B'nai Brith Canada, a Jewish human rights group, who all issued statements warning Canadians not to direct their fear and anger toward members of the Muslim faith.

"Our concern is that these acts will grow in number," said Kathleen Connors of the nurses' federation, which represents 120,000 nurses in Canada.

"Muslim Canadians and Arab Canadians are no more responsible for these acts of terror than Christian Canadians were responsible for the Oklahoma city bombing."

Connors' organization has produced stickers with the slogan Muslim Canadian and Muslim Canadian Supporter.

"An attack on any group because of their faith or their race or ethnic background is an attack on the values for which we hold this country dear," she said.

Calgary's Muslim community has taken out full-page newspapers ads in this weekend's editions to strongly condemn the terrorist acts.

Nagah Hage, president of the Muslim Council of Calgary, says the move, announced to about 1,000 Muslims at the end of a prayer meeting Friday, was made to try and counter the stereotypes of Muslim extremists and Arab fundamentalists.

"Islam is a religion, a way of life," Hage said. "What's happening out there has nothing to do with the teachings of the Qur'an and the teachings of the prophet, peace be upon him."

Jewish and Muslim people must pull together, B'nai Brith Canada president Rochelle Wilner said in a release.

"This is a time when we must work together in good faith, as we did during the Gulf war and beyond, to counter Islamaphobia, antisemitism and racism," she said.

Muslim women across the country have been more susceptible to discrimination because of their distinctive head-coverings, said one Montreal community leader.

"We've heard of cases of some water being thrown at veiled women just because they're veiled," said Rabie Masrie of the Canadian-Palestinian Federation.

One Muslim woman in Toronto said she was not afraid of reprisals against Muslims in Canada, believing Canadians to be more tolerant than their American counterparts.

"(The incidents in Canada) just demonstrate intolerance - most people wouldn't do that, not in a multicultural city like Toronto," said Farheen Hasan, 32.

In British Columbia, special prayers were offered Friday at all of the nearly 20 mosques and places of worship.

Adam Buksh, chairman of the Muslim Association of British Columbia, said there had been virtually no incidents of violence or backlash directed at Muslims or mosques in the province so far.

One exception was a threatening phone call made to a mosque in Richmond, which is now under investigation by the RCMP, he said.

Municipal and provincial politicians also appealed to ideals of tolerance and peace as they spoke out against racism.

"It is critical that we have a dual resolve . . . to bring the perpetrators to justice . . . and to ensure that the unfathomable, unconscionable hatred does not spread," said Ontario Liberal Gerard Kennedy, who represents the Toronto riding where the Jami mosque is located.

"To do otherwise is to lose in the face of the challenge these events put in front of us."

Barbara Hall, former mayor of Toronto, also made an impassioned plea.

"What a tragedy that Canadian children of the Muslim faith . . . are having to feel an additional fear," she said.

Mosque members have taken it upon themselves to step up security by staying in their houses of worship overnight and locking gates which would normally be kept open, Siddiqi said.

Anecdotal evidence has surfaced about relatives of Canadian Muslims lost in the collapse of the World Trade Center, Siddiqi added.

"We know of several people who have lost loved ones," he said.


(Passive)

its not fair..... [14 Sep 2001|09:27pm]
[ mood | distressed ]
[ music | herb girls of birkenau-rasputina ]

it's not. Why does it have to be like this? Is it gonna get worse? Whats gonna happen? I have to know. I'm scared yes i am. I don't know what to do. Everyone gather to mourn then will return tomorrow suspicious and/or secluded from everyone. I guess we'll have to deal with the loox as a sign of communication now. It's a frightning thought. :( i hate all of this. I had no idea of the magnitude of this action.

(Passive)

[14 Sep 2001|08:38pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

grrrrrrrr im so bloody furious! I had no idea this would get come as close to me? Everyone is looking at me funny now. I went to the store with my mother today to buy clothes for a wedding im going to....people were giving us dirty looks. Somebody at my mum's work asked her if she was Muslim. Which we all know what that's about. The Muslim community is wrongfully punished because of a presumption towards the attacks in New York. Well I feel pretty worthless to say the least. I kind of know how the Muslim community feel since we seem to be part of that community to a group of total strangers. This isn't only a terrorist act....it's gonna cause a bigger rift against the races isn't it? That's what I feared. At the rate its going, I don't know what will happen. My condolences to the all those who have lost someone dear to them in this terrible attack. The buildings mean not as much as the lives that were taken inside them. That should be the focus here. To whomever could possibly act in such a rash manner should be punished themselves.......but at what cost? More victims? I fear for today and the days that will follow for nothing will be at peace if the mind closets these images and refrain. This nation won't be the same. Panic...stay calm....Panic......stay calm. What should we do? I'm scared....but I stay calm. Quietly observing. I see evident pain in every eye and disgust in the other. How sad that we push each other in such times. How sad that kids be victimized. How sad that their innocence be fractured so abruptly as they witness what is outside their reveries. One decision. One so tough to make. What will it be...

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