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Wednesday, December 12th, 2001
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10:47 pm - My day today
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Ok well no one ever reads my journal, so it would be stupid to put like my suicide note here or something because no one would ever find it ... not that I am going to kill meself or sumfin!
Well today was a wonderful day ... I am supa tired but I enjoyed myself. ok I don't want to write anymore like i thought I did bye bye
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| Sunday, October 7th, 2001
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1:22 am - the end of my day
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Don't you hate when you loose control of your feelings and your emotions and you just need a good cry. Today was one of those days and it was horrible!! I spent the day in bed and at my computer and then in bed again!! fun fun fun
Anyway I finally got up the urge to take a bath, you know something to help me feel better I got in and started to soak and then just started balling, why? I have no clue. I am just really lonely I guess, you wouldn't understand unless you were in my shoes just like I couldn't understand your situation unless I was in your shoes, ya know?
well so I get out of the bath and call my sister up all like I am so sad and pathetic and then Ben calls, something to make me feel much better , I saw his number on the id and was like uhh gotta go it's Ben adn clicked over
well so I did and he had nothing nice to say to me at all, he was all "yeah your life is the worst, everyone feel sorry for Biz" it made me want to scream AHHHHH that didn't help at all.
So I rented a movie and finally started to feel better, I think I cheered up after I turned on the tv, that is my life in a nutshell ... tv
ok well I have to work at 9 BLAH I hate sundays at the gas station!!!
current mood:  amused
current music: aol bleeps
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| Saturday, October 6th, 2001
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2:32 pm - la di dah
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I am so tired of sitting at my home by myself! There is nothing ever to do, and I have no friends, BLAH!!!
I miss Ben so much, we used to talk all the time and now I get like 5 minute phone calls with him , I don't know I wish that he wanted to still be with me :( I wish that we could still be together or atleast be friends and be in the same freakin' city!!!
Well i think I am going to be sitting on my ass all day FUN FUN FUN
current mood:  crappy
current music: silence pure silence
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1:31 am - interesting
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To help myself get out of my BLAH mood I watched a movie. I watched American Beauty ... oh yeah such a happy movie ...yeah right. BUT yet an excellant movie!!!
But anyway not might point I was somewhat freaked out when I heard Lester say his work # and it is almost my cell phone WEIRD.
OK well I think I shall retire to my bed now
current mood:  blah
current music: the rain outside
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| Friday, October 5th, 2001
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10:37 pm - after da weddin'
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I just got back from my sisters friends wedding and I am feeling a bit blue. It was really cool and I miised the part I wanted to see the most. My sister was the reverend and I missed it!! I am bummin' But the reception was nice, their cake was AWESOME!!! It was HUGE and not a typical wedding cake, it was green and purple and orage. It was like somethiing out of Alice n' Wonderland or a Dr Seuss book !!! It was all lopsided. I wasn't ready to leave yet but my friend Heather was so I had to go because I drove. I feel pretty shitty right now so I am going to go sit on my ass or something.
I miss Ben so much. and I don't think he misses me like at all. :(
ok well this is a prety shitty first entry :(
current mood: discontent
current music: bjork ... vespertine
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