| Tuesday, November 6th, 2001 |
| 8:24 pm |
well iam stuck in a really wierd position right now!!! i am not liking girls or guys at the moment and this always happends to me (relationship troubles that is). I rarley ever find a person that feels the same about me as i do them!! and i really don't feel like writing right now so i am outie but yeah i will explain latter. |
| Saturday, November 3rd, 2001 |
| 6:50 pm |
okay i know i have not written in forever and boy do i have a lot to tell you!!
well last night i was grounded but my mom slipped and let me go to spend the night at Tayna's house!! well tayna is my new bi friend and we were going to go get her tounge pierced with her lesbian friend angela. well angela is like an aquired taste but damn after a while we couldn't stay apart!! well we all ended up sleeping together and watching better than chocolate which is now officialy the coolest lesbian movie i have ever seen. I have been really thinking latley though and i would never leave my friends for them but i like hanging out with them and the fact that they drive and buy smokes and they share everything and they are really cool. And so far they have booked practically all my weekends till next summer full of parties and they even are considering signing off on my tattoo so TY will do the one that i designed last nigh in his studio. which would be cool but i already want to grow up so fast. even though they calll me the youngn' and never let me forget that i am 15 almost 16 its exactly one month away. i don't know i just belonged imediatly with them and i guess i am scared to loose the freedom that i have with them. AAAAHHHHH i think i am over analyzing this and i am going to stop.
ps i don't think that anything's happening with shawn and i so its cool if we get to hang out and play the guitar and thats all that happends i am gonna just get over him and thats that!!!!
pps tayna just called and told me that angela wants to see me again!! yeah she is a stud i say stud cause she looks like a guy. which is not bad cause obviously i like her though if you want to know the honest to god truth i am i love with tayna and i thought about her all day though i can't be with her which is another confusing sory in which i am not going to tell today!
love to all
kinda kool kate |
| Saturday, October 20th, 2001 |
| 4:07 pm |
HOMECOMING!!!!!!!!!
well today is the big day and i am feeling a bit better about everything. i didn't get any sleep cause it was like christmas!! but not really! anyway i am still serious about the whole lesbian thing!! i just don't understand boyz and the thing is i grew up wth them like all my friends (practically) are guys.
well im gettin excited and its about time to go get ready |
| Friday, October 19th, 2001 |
| 7:39 pm |
one more little comment to add
Heather your awesome and you made me simle and laugh and if you read my previous entry you know that is a big step for me today.
i love you sweetie!! |
| 7:24 pm |
okay i have come to the conclusion that boys suck. i am seriously droping boys and becoming a lesbian. Any one interested??? well i didn't think so but yeah. i don't get it did i do something wrong???? or am i just totally naive and he never liked me??? what? i mean i can understand having a bad day cause today wasn't so good for me either but maybe he just reacts differently. but i don't know. my mom says i am just being sensitive cause i have had a bad day but it still sux!!!!!!!!!
well tomorrow is Homecoming and i was really pumped up and now i don't even want to go. i am really nervous and worried and i have been crying for the last half hour cause i don't want to cancel on people but i don't want to be a let down either.
AAAAhhh please let this all get over with soon. I just think today totally sucked for everyone and i hope tomorrow is cool! |
| Monday, October 15th, 2001 |
| 9:15 pm |
I HATE SKYLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow our school sux. i got a referall which let me tell you that my mom was not happy and made that very clear to the lady. she said that if male cheerleaders are gonna strip on the floor in a perocative manor, and don't tell me that its not perocative, then you need to expect comments such as take it off. this whole time i am cracking up in the baackround. wow! i never knew she had it in her. well acually i did that why i told her first instead of my dad. but yeah when i told the lady that assembly's were for entertainment value and to show your school spirit she said i had innapropriate school spirit. what a mean lady. i don't know if you can swear on this and not get kicked off so ya i'm being very careful!!
about my homecoming date okay i don't want to sound like one of those giggly teenage girls but i reall like him and i think now don't quote me on this that he likes me too. well i really don't know and yeah but we talked for a bit on the phone tonight and hes a sweetie
okay i'm done with all the mushy shtuff but (sigh) i gotta go but first i want to appolagize to Heather because i left so abrubtly after school today but when my dad honks he means buissness. sorry again i didn't mean to be so rude. please relay the message to jessis as well.
thanx |
| Sunday, October 14th, 2001 |
| 3:17 pm |
don't you hate it when you get in a fight and you know you're right and they know you're right but they just won't let up!! God last night was a topper for the worst night of my life. My parents are going to someones house for dinner mind you it only takes about 2 min to drive there but about an hour to walk. well i got back from my movie about 30 min late well thats understandable that they left with out me but when i try to get into the house they have locked me out!!! well thank god for cool neighbors cause i stayed at their house for about 4 hours but first i called to have one of the parentals come and pick me up. oh no they would rather me wait out side! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. I thougt i was gonna go insane so i broke a ton of stuff and hit my punching bag for about 2 of those four hours.I could not belive my mom and dad. so they get home and im not talking to them and then my mom was trying to reverse everything and put all the blame on me. OH NO NO NO. so i started in on her i said i had had enough of her bs and thats understandable because if my neighbors hadn't been home i would have been left in the garage for 4 hours. please tell me if im way off base here but that is a crock of poop. so anyway my night basically sucked and i managed to get about an hour of sleep have to get up at 6 and go to work untill 3. And now my mom has calmed down and is willing to take my dress shopping for homecoming. I don't get my family not the least bit but let me tell you this is all absolutely normal chaos! |
| Friday, October 12th, 2001 |
| 6:33 pm |
today was one of those depressing days where you're stuck inside with nothing to do except to clean, which is what i did. i also have a fever and my mom still made me get up at 730 and i had to go to work. AAAAAHhHH i really don't feel good and no i'm not complaining!! I also cried like all day today but not for any specific reason it was just like i'm sad about everything and my therapist says to cry. so thats what i did, hey i figure better that then hurting myself. Then i went boxing cause it always feels good to hit stuff. :) |
| Thursday, October 11th, 2001 |
| 4:23 pm |
wow my first journal entry
okay i have no idea how to do this but i guess that doesn't really matter because it's a journal and if there was one specific way to do anything then that would suck. I am kinda nervous about the fact that anyone can read this but its all gravy no one knows who i am. well except Heather, Babar, and yeah you can tell my identity has been reveiled abort mission. oh alright i stay and try this out. Well hi today was a pretty okay day i got to talk to this guy i've been crushn' on. And the other day he played the guitar now if you remember that that is one of my most favorite things. He is a really big sweet heart and i sound like a rambling fool. Anyway I go to a snobish school called Skyline. WOW it really sucks. I have my group of friends who were oh so generous in taking me in. but the rest of the school i swear has a stick up in a very uncomfortable place. if you catch my drift. I also had to go to my pyschiatrist today and i thought i was doing so well off of anti depressants and now i have to go back on them. well one celexa! a miracle drug, ha yeah right it makes me fell fake and i always get obnoxious. well not really obnoxious but i don't like how it makes me feel. The only reason i going back on them is because of a brief suicide attempt at the beginning of the school year. But it wasn't even a suicide attempt i was maliciously hurting myself because i live with to very obsessive compulsive parents who i swear will be the death of me. okay enough gory details i going to retire for the..ah..afternoon. bye |