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[22 Feb 2001|08:25am] faecat abby sez.... ginger looks good in a cage. if only we could get that collar on her.... but abby luv...... look in the userpic..... i went so far as to get it rebuilt last summer so i COULD wear it..... post comment

[22 Feb 2001|08:19am] carrie [ music | Barenaked Ladies - When You Dream ] hey cool, it's sleeting/snowing out. post comment

[22 Feb 2001|08:10am] carrie [ mood | awake ] [ music | Radiohead - Karma Police ] the sexyfun.net thing finally showed up in my inbox this morning, from someone in toronto [near bloor, apparently]. i *heart* my mutt! post comment

UPDATE on PICS and Geocities [22 Feb 2001|12:40pm] tigerseye Support request #2246 reply I finally got in touch with a Geocities support rep, and am sorry to report that ALL files will indeed be blocked from remote-loading within a few days time. This will mean that any pics or files you have linked from Geocities will no longer appear or be available for download through Livejournal or any other site. With any luck, I will be able to post this information in LJ-Biz and/or News soon. My next goal will be to start a list of potential host sites that DO allow remote-loading. I will keep everyone posted here for now. Sorry for any inconvenience, and again, thank you for your patience. post comment

[22 Feb 2001|11:58am] tigerseye perhaps i shouldn't have said my parents deserved to die...it's how i felt in that moment..that good honest decent hard working folk die and they still breathe. No one deserves to die, no one, not even those we consider to be an evil abberant of society, we all reap the consequences of our actions.....eventually.. education, with a little educating we'd all learn "no harm" and then the world will be a better place, safe, happy, loved and loving..it's a slow slow process but evolution has always taken millennia 1 comment|post comment

self torture chamber [22 Feb 2001|05:42am] theinnocence [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | Apoptygma Berzerk - Kathy's Song (C-64 version) ] there were days on end where my thoughts were constantly going to my skin. how i would be handled. how i would be held. how it all would be breathed on me. i had the few jaunts here and there with people's names that i barely recall even at all. these jaunts are not numerous. they didn't really feel good. just kind of empty, but they fitted a need at the time. when you wake up in the morning, somebody you barely know sleeping next to you and holding you, and you realize "i don't know this person" the hours of whatever you did just kind of puddles into a "yeah it felt good, but it wasn't really nothing" and sometimes you just want a bit of re-assurance. maybe my skin felt good to them. maybe they would remember you and wink. maybe they liked ya enough to give it a second go. you don't expect them to call you the next day and say things like "i wasn't really impressed with your body" or some guy moaning in your ear, saying it felt good and mumbling some other's chicks name not giving a fuck wether or not you heard it, and you have no way home. so you grin and bear it. it's a drug. smack the affection vein. you just want to feel beautiful and wanted. you just want some one to hold you and you repeat to yourself "they do this because they care about me" and when you're done fucking around, you're the one to roll over and tell them to get the fuck out. guys hog the blankets. sometimes you do it all just to see if you can. see how much of a whore you might feel like in the morning. just how manly can you trot around like. you don't care who it is as long as it's human and something that doesn't make you vomit as you look at it. and why? because you can't handle what you really want. you saw it, you could of had it, but you ran. you're so sick. you hate the idea of being loved. of being accepted by somebody. the pure thought of somebody willing to love every aspect of you feels foreign. anybody wanting to lick your stomach you're so afraid of, have their hands in your hair. and then tell you you're beautiful when all is said and done. somebody who's eager to see you there in the morning. somebody who's eager to know you are alive. no, those thoughts are silly. stupid. for the lame. you're fucking jealous and you know it! you see it. you see it everywhere. you get chased by the scum of the earth because you give off the "fuck me" scent and you resent it. you want the silent nights. the long conversations. you want somebody you like, to like you. and maybe not run from it this time. i see it now. you don't want a relationship. those things never work. maybe some smiles, to feel wanted over and over again. not like a second hand lay to fuck out the hormones and hold you over till your body clicks in to recycle. but then, hey, seems this is more than a one or two day thing. they keep coming back. they hold you ever so slightly. their kisses aren't sloppy and rushed. their moans seem so real. what the fuck is this? this isn't the rush of the "grope long enough and they'll be done" sessions. you actually like waking up with the sun in your eyes. you feel no hurry to go home. they seem to not want to rush you out of the house. no no no you ain't falling in love. the conversations aren't as deep as you think. the long talks about philosophy and how things hurt when this was done, it was all just cause it happened. deny the fact they truly care. and then, just a little bit more. longer phone conversations. more frequent meetings. longing letters. you feel giddy. it sickens you don't it? you don't deserve this. you're the grope trash girl. you don't feel love. it's for the weak. you're cold. give it up. they don't like you. there is no possibility of love, affection, intimacy. it's all a sham! notice your fear and fucking run! and you do. and there it all goes. again and again. run from it. right before it could become anything real. you don't even enjoy it in the moments it's in. because you're scared of maybe really becoming whole. becoming close to somebody. giving up a piece of yourself. you question their motives every minute. wonder how to end it before they do because you feel if you're the one to end it, you won't get as hurt. fucking give up. don't look for it, you won't find it. it'll come. you just need to thaw. don't give in anymore. your short lived grope and grab life, should be just to feed off the hormonal frenzy between longing eyes. don't give up on yourself. there is always hope. enjoy whatever you have even if it doesn't become the end all be all romantic notion of true love forever. just allow yourself to feel wanted by the obvious givers. stop hanging your head in shame. 5 comments|post comment

dead dead dead [22 Feb 2001|10:24am] tigerseye am i supposed to say passed on? well dead anyway. My nanna died in her sleep last night. I just heard. She was in her 80's, 81 i think... i havent seen her for a while, a few years. She is my dad's mum. Doing well for deaths this year...first my great aunt Irene, she was buried on 22nd jan, then Mickey cremated on the 16th, last friday, and now Nanna's gone too. 2001 the year the family died. I'm here alone again, jade went to another sleep over and I'm kind of numb, dont know what to make of it yet...which is why I'm typing on here, trying to make sense of my feelings....i dont mean to dump it all on anyone i'm just trying to make sense. The worse part is I wish it were my parents that were dead...they deserve to die. 3 comments|post comment

[22 Feb 2001|11:17am] womanonfire ok, so now we need work! post comment

[22 Feb 2001|12:29am] misskris [ mood | weird ] hmmm... maybe i should hold "best friend" auditions... post comment

[22 Feb 2001|12:28am] misskris [ mood | melancholy ] it sucks... i'm losing one of my closest friends next month (she is moving), and now i feel like i'm losing my other closest friend (long story). talk about bad timing... 1 comment|post comment

[21 Feb 2001|11:22pm] kabuki My frikkin' nipples hurt. Actually they don't hurt as much as they itch. I think the left ring is being rejected. Nast. What the fucking fuck, man?! I just looked at the interests page and see that there are now *7* people, 6 of whom are not myself, who have listed "old man pants" as an interest. How does this happen? I created that interest, man! I don't know what that tweaks me so bad, but it does. At first I was happy not to be alone, now I am sad because I am lost in the swell of old man pants wearers. Right. So. Lets see if any of these people are worth listening to. Oh, and that "kick the kid with one shoe" commercial. Love. It. 3 comments|post comment

[21 Feb 2001|11:05pm] meredith post comment

Woah. [21 Feb 2001|11:06pm] koan A good friend of mine from high school just called me up and invited me to a party at his Boogie-Nights style 70's shag-rug havin porn palace up in the mountains about 10 minutes from where I work... Think we're going to hang out next week sometime since I'm probably going to SF Saturday... First I'd heard from him in years... post comment

[21 Feb 2001|10:27pm] meredith * Psst, hey Mommy... * I'd like a little water over here. I'm not joking. * Yeah, make it come outta here again. * Thank you. 6 comments|post comment

it's raining... [21 Feb 2001|09:57pm] mobley [ mood | drunk ] [ music | i want to fuck you in the ass-unknown artist ] and i am inebriated. kelly and justin picked me up from the airport, and we got our grub on at charlie's on broadway. we're drinking now. 3 comments|post comment

[21 Feb 2001|10:07pm] artificial_lily [ mood | satisfied ] from 1-10 i give it a 9. god it was amazing. 1 comment|post comment

[22 Feb 2001|12:51am] absolution J (10:50 PM): Oh yes, and I like photorealism. J (10:50 PM): A lot. m (10:51 PM): polina, from frailty, is the girl i'm closest to. oh! tobin :) J (10:51 PM): I don't care what any "artist" says. J (10:51 PM): Photorealism is beautiful. m (10:51 PM): i just...i like tobin. (pink) there are some in particular at the gallery though that i really like. m (10:51 PM): i don't have hard and fast rules about favorite art styles, i've found m (10:52 PM): a lot of people into modernism or expressionism can be snobby m (10:52 PM): i think it's a case by case basis for me. :) J (10:52 PM): It's a means to create something more beautiful than it real world counterpart could ever be. J (10:52 PM): Like, her hair. m (10:52 PM): ! yes J (10:52 PM): Her hair doesn't exist out here. 2 comments|post comment

This transmission may be monitored for quality control purposes. [21 Feb 2001|09:41pm] koan [ mood | ...still waiting... ] [ music | Sonar Circle - Inside ] This is the first time I've felt like writing in quite a while. And it's not even that I especially feel like writing right this second, but I'm forcing myself. I've had the urge a few times today, a sentence here, a noun there.. I need a couple of verbs. But you don't end up with many verbs when you don't ever do shit. Ah, that's just not true. I do shit. And I'm pretty incapable of self-pity, at least not for more than a few minutes. I inevitably end up laughing or angry. I've just been listless, all my list is gone. and yet life goes on good: I got over a coldsore. bad: I got a new one that day. good: I bought some cool shit on Ebay. bad: I had a $365 money order stolen and I'm an idiot and lost the reciept, so I can't cancel it. good: Went and saw Traffic with Jael and Heather and Lovick. bad: sat right under the screen and had to crane to look up at it. Behind us, Clueless-Girl and Captain Obvious discussed the finer points of the plot NONSTOP, issuing such witticisms as 'Who is that? What is he doing? Who's that? Ohhh, he's gonna die.... oh, he's dead for sure...oh, he's gonna die ...now.' PLEASE STAY HOME AND WATCH TEMPTATION ISLAND NEXT TIME KTHXBYE good: Getting back in shape. bad: my cock has not gotten any larger despite a rigorous pumping regimen. good: Today I went to buy a sandwich and the girl behind the counter looked up to take my order and did a double take, then told me I had really beautiful eyes... there's nothing quite like a compliment from a total stranger to pull you out of a fit of low self-esteem. bad: I AM A TOTAL FUCKING LOSER good: They're giving me ... a company credit card. *snicker* *guffaw* *MANIACAL LAUGHTER* bad: Oh, I'm sure it will get ugly. "$20,000.00 for 'snacks'?" Actually the reason I got it is so I can attend trainings and conferences in exotic locations like Milpitas, and Oklahoma City. IT'S LIKE EXCITEMENT KICKED ME IN THE JIMMY! ugly: Fucking Geocities changed their code and all of my image links went dead. I need a new free host. I'm going to Eklektic on Saturday to dance and see Sage spin. Anybody wanna go? Crackerjack, I'm looking at you..... Jael? Konundrum? Judas? You like Makai, you'd probably like what Sage spins now... last chance... Anyways and I'm out like a trout trout have underwater weapons and are immensely powerful... KEEP AWAY FROM THE TROUT 7 comments|post comment

I'm not crazy... [22 Feb 2001|04:31pm] teddibear [ mood | relieved ] Me again. LOL. Still here. Just checked my e-mail and no wonder my La Trobe acct won't work. It hasn't been activated yet! At least I don't feel like such a complete moron anymore. I was going nucking futs! LOL. Ok now I will go do my stuffs... For reals this time. Really. Honestly. I am going. Just gotta pry my butt outta this chair and skedoodley doo. LOL. 2 comments|post comment

I was supposed to go do something... [22 Feb 2001|04:19pm] teddibear [ mood | giddy ] But of course reading LJs has distracted me yet again. Now I will go do what I need to. But first since I did watch CI last nite, some of my very favorite quotes for yours and my viewing pleasure... "I'm the Marcia-Fucking Brady of the upper east side and sometimes I wanna kill myself." "You're just a toy Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with." "So I assume that you've come here to make arrangements. But unfornuately I don't fuck losers. " And now for MBF quotes... "But that makes me fungus." "I've got moves you've never seen." "But what about your flight?" "Cancelled." "...But by god there will be dancing!" I'll stop now. I could do full scenes but well those are just highlights. You thought I was bad with WB shows, when it comes to movies I'm even worse... Ok now I will go do my stuffs... post comment

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