| I dont understand. |
[30 Jun 2002|03:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Brandston - Bricks and Windows |
] |
So...shit. A lot has changed since Mark and I started going out.
In the beginning, I pictured myself being with him forever, soapbox making it big and us getting happily married ever after. Today I was just thinking about how much people really take for granted about the present. Mark got kicked out of soapbox7 and is officially in greyfield now. We broke up, and both of us has had other relations. Were both strong friends, and I cant say how happy I am about it. I just got off the phone with him. He sounds so much more mature and serious...I like it. Heh. He’s going on tour for 2 months all over the U.S. starting next month and I am going to miss him like hell. I just hope he misses me to. I will probably get him a calling card for his going away present, and tell him to call me every other day or something. 2 months is a long time to go without talking to that boy. It almost makes me sad to see everything change so harshly...and if you read this...just know...I love you Mark...and I will always be there for you any time day or night. You really are one of my best friends, and at this point probably the person who knows me the best. We have been through so much...and we know everything about eachother. And above all, I never want that to change.
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| I dont need this. |
[30 Jun 2002|01:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Brandtson - Bricks and Windows |
] |
I won't be the one to wait outside your door watch it all fall down around your head i won't be that one anymore so shine on me the sun to white out my whole world catch it on my tongue these words once said that i won't be that one no not anymore there's more than a million questions i could ask but it wouldn't matter at all so take me and tear me open i won't bleed until you're gone i don't understand your actions.
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| Road Trip |
[28 Jun 2002|09:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Piebald - Grace Kelly With Wings |
] |
Dildo shoppen like whoah.
I wana go to North Carolina before the summer ends. Someone go with me. Pa Pa PA pOLLLLEASE.
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| I want to cry with you. |
[27 Jun 2002|12:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sean Na Na - Princess and the Pony..I really shouldnt |
] |
She's so beautiful.
She’s always in her own little world.
When she’s not extremely happy she seems discontent with the world.
When I see her like that it makes me want to do anything and everything to pull her out.
Sometimes I feel like all attention needs to be on me with her.
I could look at her all day and feel nothing but special just because I know I will be missing it in the morning.
Maybe these feelings were there all along and I just pushed them away knowing I wasn’t supposed to have them but I just don’t care anymore.
I just....dam nit.
I saw Lauren today. I hope you will be ok. If you need anything...at all...I will be there for you as you were for me.
I’m tired of caring. So actually I am done with it. If this makes me a bitch then so be it.
I saw you dancing to the sounds of nothing but a good time.
I.NEED.SLEEP
Your smile is the essence of my temporary happiness.
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| Ahhh the memories. |
[24 Jun 2002|01:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
peaceful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Worst Lies Are Told In Silence |
] |
I was looking back through my journal...and I got to last year and found all these things I had written. While most were good, this one is still my faaaavorite.
Long awated events comviently misguided.
This scent reminds me of something I used to want and crave from you. Every time I smelt it, I looked for any kind of sign of you with such high hopes. I thought i would never get over you. I thought that every time I smelt this, I would cry with the same broken heart I had so many times before. I thought I was in love. That was the greatest feeling ive ever had. Laying there with you so many nights, and just staring into your eyes. That feeling of sickness. That grand feeling of sickness that you cant turn away from no matter how much you want to. Because every time you looked at me, I thought...mabye....mabye this is it. But that smell. That smell used to remind me of everything I dreamed of, everything I wished for, and everything I knew I could not have from you. Its been so long since ive smelled that sent that held so many of my dreams. I got it for christmas wrapped in such an ordinary package. All the feelings have fanished. They stayed with time and my memories. They stayed everywhere but with me. Now im confuessed. Its just a scent..reminding me of nothing but the fact that he said i smell so good tonight and kissed my neck. That long awated kiss both recieved and given to the wrong people. Time heals so much. Time healed to much. My broken heart and nervous anticipations are gone. And I am left with nothing but this scent that is just a scent that I wear and recieve complements from unknowing strangers. Who knew?
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| Stop cusing at me. |
[24 Jun 2002|11:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Grade - Little Satisfactions |
] |
Went to an awsome show the other day. Fucken Grade played. Hot stuff. I love them. The singer had hair like Chris....::siiiigh::
Im so sick of realtionship shit. FUCK EVERYTHING.
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| Im fucking done. |
[23 Jun 2002|01:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
Be strong when things fall apart.
Just how strong can you be after you just got done rebuliding your world for the third time, and shit breaks down again.
Rember when we used to make out to this cd?
Rember when things used to be ok?
Rember when I had a clue as to what was going on in my life?
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| Sorry your true feelings have shown through unintentionally. |
[21 Jun 2002|03:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 scared |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Holly Park - Brandtson |
] |
I wish it would work.
I have serious doubts it will.
I wish I wasn’t so emotionally attached so soon because it seems like its going to come to an abrupt ending very quickly.
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| See That Right There? Thats Mine. |
[17 Jun 2002|08:56pm] |
This is Kyle doin what he does best.
![]()
Walking looking all cute and innocent.
![]()
This is my favorite. I watched him look like this today...::sigh::
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| Mysterious Lover |
[17 Jun 2002|07:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Holly Park - Brandtson |
] |
So I hung out with him today. It was so nice. We didn’t even have to do anything and I was so happy just to be around him. God he’s great. I really hope this works out. Everything is perfect. Things have gone fast cos were officially a couple now and we haven’t even known each other that long. But everything feels so right. I don’t know. I feel like I’ve known him for months. I already know so much about him. Every time I look at him I get butterflies. When he kisses me I cant help but smile. I don’t think I have felt this way about a guy...ever? I don’t know. He’s perfect. A already miss him.
Holly Park
Sometimes I can't see beautiful. I need you to show me secrets. Can you breathe, so I can hear you? Say to me that you're not leaving. Sad boy flies and comes down broken. Realize that I can't without you. Cloudless blue inside of your eyes. It’s so much clearer when I’m with you. Nowhere else is where I want to be. And when you're gone I’ll always know where you are. Just think of me and I will you. Said.
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| I wish I had the chance to prove myself. |
[16 Jun 2002|10:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
rejected |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Brandtson - Holly Park |
] |
Man I fucking hate this shit. I tried. That was pretty much all I could do. And if anyone knows me at all, they should know that it annoys the fuck out of me when I try so hard, and go through everything I could do...and it fucking blows up in my fucking face. I’m sorry I fall into shit headfirst. I’m sorry I tried to be too nice. I’m sorry I give a fuck. I’m sorry what I do with my life pisses you off. And I’m sorry you can’t explain your own feelings. But please try not to blame this on me. Because if anything...I get this gut feeling in my stomach that happens over and over. Caring too much has become some kind of long awaited ritual with everyone I meet. And then there’s you. I wanted to hang out with you more. Alone. But of coarse everything always FUCKS up. So in the past week I’ve managed to loose so many people I care about. And sadly enough, you dont even amount to one of them. So fuck me straight if I don’t cry with you. I did what I knew. That was all I could do. GOD DAMNIT IM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF. And tomorrow you probably wont give 2 shits about me or my fucking bloody hand. I do what I want. Get the FUCK over it. Most of all I’m fucking sorry this makes no sense at all.
Other than that...today...I hung out with Kyle all day. And I am all smiles about that. We watched Dashboard Confessional unpluged...hahaha. Cooool. I think things will only get better.
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| I'll call or see you around. |
[15 Jun 2002|10:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Starting Line-Forever In a day |
] |
How come no one needs me.
How come Im always the one crying.
How come no one really wants me.
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| I'll Pick Up Everything You Left Behind |
[15 Jun 2002|03:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Starting Line - Drama Of Summer |
] |
Last night was fucken awesome. Piebald was amazing. Glass jaw was even better. There was so much energy. I was happy because the place was packed and we got dead front. Right after Glass jaw was done there was some kind of god-damned fire. So they kicked us out and told us the show had been moved to Jackrabbits where Soapbox7 was supposed to be playing. I’m not sure if that screwed up there show or not. But anyways...everyone fucken took off like their life was about to end. When we got there some other band was playen. I wana find out who it was cos they were reeeeaaallly good. Then my babies took the stage. They fucken rocked. Made me love them 10 times more. Jessica got some pictures. I didn’t get home till 2 but it was worth the screaming I had to endure. I ended up spending the night with Jessica. Ugh. I wana watch Gummo.
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| Misguided Feelings Placed In Two - Faced Hands |
[12 Jun 2002|02:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Forever In A Day - The Starting Line |
] |
I have no idea what the fuck has happened to you. You’re so completely different and I try to deal with it without being a bitch, but you just need to get over yourself. I swear to God if you yell at me one more time.... You have no place to be a fucking ass hole to me, so I don’t know what the fuck is stuck up your ass. You think just because your girl doesn’t like you anymore, and now your in some kind of fucken local band your so much better than anyone else. Get over yourself PLEASE. Your being so fucking too faced lately and trust me, I am not the only one who has noticed. I’m done dealing with all your little attitude problems. You’re a fucking physco ass bastard and I hope one day you realize that this world does not revolve around you. You fucken go off on people and then come back like 2 seconds later apologizing for shit you said when you blew things out of proportion. I've had to deal with people like you my whole life and I'm done. Fuck You.
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[10 Jun 2002|05:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cold - Gone Away |
] |
Awesome! You're not one of the teeny bopper kids new to LJ
who think people actually care about them and which smurf
they are! In fact, it possibly pisses you off! You try to keep
to yourself on LJ so that random newbies won't add you to their
list. Don't be afraid to tell them to fuck the hell off, even if
they are your friends.I took the LJ rating test by Atomic Blue and Cracker Face!
Nothing much new. Broke up with Mark. Been hanging out with Jessica like everyday cos she’s 10 times better than you. Got a job at Sonny’s. Don’t have to work till Wednesday...thank god. Get my paycheck Thursday. Another thank god. Going to The Juliana Theory show on Friday. Yet another thank god. Things are going decently. Yesterday I saw bad company with Brett and Jess. It was actually pretty good. This morning we woke up and went to go eat pancakes. *Yeah* Then drove to fucken may port to get her tattoo touched up, but it was closed. Today seems like its gonna be one of those waste of days. Nicko and Brett are supposed to call me sooner or later. I’m going to take a nap cos ima tired.
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[07 Jun 2002|02:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
God damnit I hate feelings.
They always ruin everything.
|
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| Meeeeeaning....Im like 10 thousand times better than you. Duh? |
[05 Jun 2002|02:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mineral - And Is |
] |
What Jelly Belly flavor are you? I'm -
Find your flavor here!
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| All The Shows Ima Bout To Hit Up |
[05 Jun 2002|10:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Juliana Theory - Goodnight Starlight |
] |
Someone Go With Meeee
Update.
07.19
Cue Estey
Jacksonville, FL
A&R; Showcase
Jackrabbits
06.06
Whole Wheat Bread
Jacksonville, FL
The Voodoo Lounge
06.14
The Juliana Theory
Jacksonville, FL
The Marquee Theature
8:00 12$
w/ Glassjaw and Piebald
06.28
The Gloria Record (Mineral)
Orlando, FL
Back Booth
ALL AGES EARLY SHOW! DOORS @ 6:00 PM
06.28
The Get Up Kids
Orlando, FL
Masquerade
w/ The Jelous Sound
|
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| Never let love pass you bye. |
[05 Jun 2002|07:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Mature |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mineral - Parking Lot |
] |
20 I act like I'm 20.
This test was brought to you by BLX - For all your cheap satire needs. Take it here.
Nigga Nigga what now.
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