| all eyes on you |
[04 Jul 2002|11:25pm] |
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my eyes hurt and i want to stay awake but i'm feeling like i should sleep. why fight it? maybe i'm hoping that someone will say something to keep me awake. i'm still seeing spots in front of my eyes, and wishing i was doing something else...i'll stumble to bed late again tonight.
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[28 Jun 2002|09:51pm] |
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mood |
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 listless |
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red digits show me 12:44 and you're all i see. suddenly i'm realizing i miss you and the certainty of it aches. i'm wishing you here and watching the windows in case you come. it's dark and the wind has stopped. there is no sound but the ringing in my ears. 12:47 is not what i care about but nothing else is changing. then i know the truth and it hurts: nothing is changing and time doesn't stop for me. minutes sneak by quietly while i wait and i'm wasting my life away. you're not coming. 12:52.
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| does it make you happy? |
[27 Jun 2002|10:50pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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thelemonheads:mrs. robinson |
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-clothes that are just out of the dryer
-hot coaco
-gently falling snow
-the weekend after finals
-sitting in front of the heater
-a long talk with a friend
-a content puppy next to me
-dancing in the rain
-a good movie
-knowing someone loves me
-a gift of flowers
-best friends
-chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven with a cup of cold milk
-getting a cast off
-looking forward to a good time
-reading good poetry
-good books
-sweatshirts
-caring friends
-writing good poetry
-being crazy
-being loved
-shows
-dancing
-playing the drums
-moonlit walks
-singing while driving
-smelling vanilla
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[26 Jun 2002|11:19pm] |
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there are no stars tonight and i can't sleep. i don't know why i am scared.
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| watch me disappear |
[25 Jun 2002|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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afraid |
] |
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music |
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red hot chili peppers:by the way |
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i'm kinda scared. for a couple reasons. but i don't really wanna talk about it. i'm afraid if i talk about it, i will think about it, and if i think about it...i don't know what will happen.
i remember as a kid at gramma's house, geez half my life was at her house. me and benjamin made up a little chant thing: (with excitement) "we get to go to gramma's house!!!" (with long faces and dragging words) "we have to go to the rouses" and then we would do the "we get to go to gramma's house!!!" again. i remember swimming in the pool and she would bring out lemonade and cookies or something really yummy. she always did. sometimes she let us pick a peach, and the juice ran down our faces and made our fingers sticky. grandpa would finally be begged to come out and swim, and after dipping one toe into the water, he would cry, "oh good golly!" and go back inside to watch tv. she paid benjamin a doller to overcome his fear and do a beaver dive into the pool. she decorated hardcore for every holiday especially st. patrick's day. there was always candy in a pile by our plates. she let pudding form in goblets, and i remember trying in vain to get the last little bit of pudding out of the dip in thebottom with my spoon. she made us turkey and cranberry sauce sandwiches on christmas and thanksgiving nights, and brought it down to us in the tv room. i remember easter egg hunts and finding the rotten eggs from last year that we couldn't find. i remember "weeding" in the garden with her and grandpa and grandpa letting me play with the rubber snakes used to scare away the birds from the strawberries. there was the sandbox and the farm toy and the pole and the orange shag carpet in the basement. the games of snake in the grass and bullfighter. the christmases, easters, thanksgivings, st. patrick's days, fourth of july's and any other celebration or occasion. there was the Heidi coloring book that she bought for me and i still remember the way the pantry smells. she roasted marshmellows over the burner on a fork and made the best berry pies i've ever had. she made our pancakes into what ever dinosaur or animal we wanted them. she bought us lucky charms and let us watch cartoons all morning. she helped me conquor my fear of the furnace room.
i don't want anything to change.
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| don't make promises you won't keep |
[16 Jun 2002|09:54am] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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radiohead |
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you are barely sixteen, and he means more to you than anything else.
you promised this would never happen, but you "love" him. you think this will last. you don't try to change. you don't care that you promised me. you don't care.
i do.
and you're disgusting me.
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[13 Jun 2002|09:26pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed/supertired |
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music |
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radiohead |
] |
why is everyone swearing in livejournals now? are we cooler if we do that?
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[10 Jun 2002|11:49pm] |
it is 11:49.
it rained a LOT today.
i can hear my grandpa snoring through the wall.
goodDOGS tomorrow.
my eyes feel funny.
so does my heart.
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[05 Jun 2002|11:13pm] |
i don't want jim-athy to graduate. i miss him already. i want to cry. (not really, but i don't want him to go away)
i am out of school and i'm feeling kinda punky....just try and stop me!
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[04 Jun 2002|10:07pm] |
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i am frustrated, angry, confused, and irritated.
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[01 Jun 2002|11:52pm] |
so tonight i saw pedro for the first time ever in concert...we won't even talk about the other time i should have...david bazan reminds me of lonnie. a funny nerd sang before him about slides that he bought at estate sales. it was the funnyest thing i have seen in a long time. my eyes hurt. i really haven't been getting enough sleep. maybe that is your fault.
maybe it's not.
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[30 May 2002|09:47pm] |
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i want a kitty. vanessa got one. why can't i have one?
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[29 May 2002|09:32pm] |
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your chocolate brown eyes melt into my green ones...but only when the sun is shining
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[19 May 2002|10:56pm] |
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brian i miss you, where are you?
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[19 May 2002|10:56pm] |
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i just played in the drenching rain. it was coming down in torrents, and i spun and jumped in puddles. i splashed my friends and they splashed back. i was soaked. my pants were sticking to me as they turned a new shade of blue. my shirt had gallons of water in it. my hair was in my eyes, and the streams that poured from it ran into my eyes. and this is the first night in a long time that i am happy to be alive.
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[18 May 2002|10:47pm] |
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i like cats
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| picture this |
[17 May 2002|10:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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i'll find you |
] |
| [ |
music |
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radiohead:how to disappear completely |
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this is my dream: you and me in spain, or maybe italy. they all speak a different language and we don't understand but we don't care. we walk through the park and you reach for my hand. there is no time here, but if there was we wouldn't care. we don't need anything but each other to keep us happy the rest of our lives. i see no eyes but yours.
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[14 May 2002|09:45am] |
i cried tonight. then i drove. then i cried while driving.
my eyes hurt.
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