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["What are we gonna do now?"]
So Buffy the Vampire Slayer has finally ended. And God knows why, but I feel like a piece of me has died. To be honest, I never really liked the show. It was hokey. The fight scenes were obviously staged, the sets were typical and low budget, the monster's makeup was usually pretty lousy, the villains were always defeated with a fairly simple and quickly determined method, and the computer effects were usually pretty awful. But over the past three years I've managed to see every episode of its seven year run, most more than once thanks to excessive syndication. None of the monsters really made me worry, none of stakes (excuse the pun) ever seemed too high for the Slayer. It was just a cheesy show after all, so I never doubted things would always work out and the bad guys always get their due.
So why can't I let go? Why couldn't I just not watch every Tuesday? Because things didn't always work out. Angel left Buffy. So did Riley. And now so did Spike. I got hooked on the show because it wasn't about the cheesy monsters. The show was about the humans. It was about the bonds people struggle for and the hope that keeps them strong enough to keep going, even when those bonds are broken.
Take Spike, for instance. William the Bloody fought to win back his soul. He found within himself the strength to love purely and completely and to fight, no matter what the cost, for that love. But he died alone knowing that nobody had ever truly returned that love. And he died a champion. "I love you." "No, you don't. But thanks for sayin' it."
Buffy, Xander, Willow, Dawn, Giles and even Faith. These are more than character names. They're a family. They fight, they yell, they hug, they cry, but they never give up on each other. They never turn their backs on each other when it really matters. They fight on. They look past each other's mistakes and forgive. They learn to grow together. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that true greatness is measured by the friends you keep. Nobody knows you better than the people you let into your heart.
And so I'm forced to look at my life and wonder, "Do I have any friends? Do I have the kind of friends that I would call family? Would they follow me into hell? Would they depend on me for support when they needed it? Would they forgive me my failures?" I can't honestly say yes. But I suppose the answer isn't up to me, it's up to them. But I still wouldn't say yes.
At any rate, it's finally sinking in that the show is over and I'm feeling pretty torn up about it. As lame as it seems, that family has become my family. When I need a good laugh, Xander cheers me up. When I need a bit of extra pep, Willow's adorably sweet and kindhearted nature lifts me on a ray of sunshine. When I'm feeling bitter and angry, Spike helps me let off a little steam. And when I feel alone, Buffy's brooding gives me a place to hide. I can't tell you how many dreams I've had that took place in Sunnydale or that various Buffy characters appeared in. Somehow, within the past three years the world that Joss Whedon created became a part of me, and as fantastic and bizarre a world as it was, I felt at home there.
But now it's gone. |
blah
lonely
depressed
hopeful
5 (83.3%)