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Friday, June 28th, 2002
11:54 am - Whatever happened to all of the heroes?...
John Entwistle, bassist with The Who has been found dead in a Las Vegas hotel room just before the start of a US tour. He was only 57.

RIP dude.

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9:07 am - 'It was a day, much like any other day... 24 hours long and ending in a Y'
I have decided that today I shall be unfazeable. I just can't be arsed to stress about things really.

Had the best support call in the world yesterday:

User: Hello, I need a bit of help
Me : Whats the problem?
User: My keyboard isn't working now
Me : Whats wrong with it?
User: It's melted....

She had inadvertantly spilled a few drops of water into it, and so was using one of those little hot air foot heater type things to dry it out. Unfortunately she was nattering to the person on the next desk at the time and so didn't notice that all the keys from the return key rightwards were starting to droop and shrivel up :)

User: I don't believe it, this has to be the most stupid thing I've ever done!
Me : No shit?.....

Also went to endorphin yesterday but felt like utter shite and couldn't breathe very well, so apologies to neomix and Mandy for leaving so early.

Ooooh, just had a call from a very nice gothy type on the third floor of our building who's offered to make me a cuppa in return for help with her Email.... tattybye :

current mood: indifferent
current music: Jesus Jones - Idiot Stare

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Thursday, June 27th, 2002
3:59 pm - *whoooooooosh*
I have just ordered the bits for a new pooter!

Athlon 1800xp
Akasa 785SE cooler
Elite K76SA MB (266/333 compliant)
128Mb 2100 DDR
40Gb Western Digital HD
Mercury KOB24 case + 300W PSU
Keyboard/Mouse/1.44 drive

All for the princely sum of £250 :)

And I also notice that card makers using Nvidia chipsets have done something quite odd... the typical cost for a Geforce 4 TI board using the NV25 chipset was around £250. Now you can get a 64mb variant (the Ti4200) for as little as £135 which is only clocked marginally slower than the 4600 at 250/450 or so. The thing is, the chipset is tolerant of overclocking through a simple desktop app to around 310/600 which is actually faster than the top end board. Ok, so you get less memory but unless you're running the thing in FSAA mode at 1600x1200 or above it doesnt really make any difference. The 128mb board is actually clocked slower to keep the price down anyway (cheaper chips y'see). Bargain of the week folks! ;

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11:21 am - Ok, I give in...
Names and stuff... )

current mood: Hayfever induced snuffliness
current music: Pixies - Bone Machine

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Wednesday, June 26th, 2002
3:37 pm - ++++BRAINDUMP++++
Having one of those days where coherent thought just isn't going to happen, so I may just as well get all of the odds and sodds out of the way to clear some mental space...

----------------------------------------------------

Back to writing music again. I've reached a few conclusions about why I was having trouble:

1. I was overworking the tracks too much
2. I had a specific end in mind, rather than just doing it because I like it
3. I was letting the details get in the way
4. I suck at lyrics and really shouldn't try... ;)

Anyway, thanks to a certain person listening to my waffling the other day and setting me straight on a few things (much appreciated)I'm now back on track. We shall see how it goes..

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BeOS r0x0rs my s0x0rs.. it's just a shame the company was brought out, and that Microsoft gave them such a hard time through the courts over the single OS licensing issue on OEM machines. Still, OpenBeOS have taken over the open source side and may hopefully get the thing back on its feet sometime soon.

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The latest version of Fruityloops makes me realise:

a) Just how damned good it is

and

b) How easy it is to sound like any of a number of bands without really trying...

*coughAPBcough* ;)

----------------------------------------------------

Stephen Byers costs taxpayers £1billion even after he left (and that was resigned and NOT booted), Prescott and around 22 of his cronies take non-stop trips to Brazil to attend environmental summits (Oh the irony, Mr 2 Jags..), the government are still pouring money into their new offices even though they're hardly ever used, were built without the legal minimum disabled access, etc (2 Granite desks for the lobby at £17k each? Hired palm trees for the cafe at around £8k per year?). And we'll take this for how long?....

----------------------------------------------------

current mood: blah
current music: Peace Love and Pitbulls - Elektrik

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Friday, June 21st, 2002
2:10 pm - Bands
I've been trying to put a new band together for a while now. I left my last band (which split soon after) about 6 years back because I was sick of doing all of the work, writing all of the lyrics and most of the music, arranging all the gigs and publicity, etc and receiving no help whatsoever.

Since then it's been a huge struggle - the sort where things just don't seem to come together. We're either missing a key member, or issues pop up that prevent people spending as much time as they'd like. Consequently I've been thinking very hard (as in, not getting any sleep) about what to do next.

Tbh, I'm just not sure I have it in me anymore. Everytime I start to pull things back together I seem to run out of steam, and the knockbacks are getting harder to deal with. Yet whenever I see a great band play, I remember what its like to be up on stage and have everything come together *just right*, and I just feel renewed and ready to go all over again. The thing is, that feeling is fading faster than it ever has before..

People who don't really know me would be wondering by this point what the big deal is. 'So give up, don't worry about it' would be the type of advice I'd expect to hear. However those who do know me will appreciate that music is an absolutely massive part of my life, and has dictated the way I've lived for years now. I'd still drop everything to follow it if I could. Right from teaching myself to play, through those first few gigs, then onto helping new bands out, arranging events, playing guest and session spots for other bands.. I could never get enough.

It was the first thing I found in my life that I was truly *good* at and could follow regardless of what anyone else though. There were no rules (at least, none worth speaking of), no peer group harrasment.. every achievement I made was mine and mine alone, and nobody could take that away. I lived and breathed music non-stop for years and it helped me through some of the toughest parts of my life (and believe me, there have been a few...). It defined what I was, and reaffirmed what I wanted to be.

So now I find myself in the position where the only thing I've ever been unconditionally passionate about seems out of reach and getting further away each day. I just don't know what to do.

current mood: depressed
current music: VNV Nation - Kingdom

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Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
4:39 pm - Oooh, cripes Chief!
I appear to have picked up a random friend on my LJ which is lovely as I've never had one before!

So welcome enslore - hang on to your sanity and feel free to make yourself a cuppa while you're here! :)

current mood: sleepy
current music: Suzanne Vega - Night Vision

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10:03 am - Edu-me-cational standards...
We're currently running student screening programmes for the new intake to identify any potential learning difficulties that we can offer help with, thus avoiding any stress during their courses caused by dyslexia and the like.

It has been noted that there are a surprising number of people getting even the most elementary questions wrong, which reminds me of something my cousin said quite recently..

She works as a teacher at a primary school, responsible for a group of 8 and 9 year olds. Many of these children will actually forget how to write their names if they have more than a few days off school. She recently attempted to teach them about currency and change by giving them all a handful of coins and creating a 'getting on the bus' scenario - she would tell them the fare and they would have to select the appropriate coins. The vast majority would just hold out their hand with all of the coins and look confused.

I'm certain that most teachers are as dedicated as they always were (in some cases even more so, mainly due to anger at the system) and I can't see any reason for the innate intelligence levels of children decreasing so what's the reason? Are the parents underestimating the importance of backing up their child's schoolwork at home? Is life so hectic and stressful that they can't find the time, or are they opting for the quick fix of sitting them in front of the TV in order to keep them quiet?

I was actually at that school years ago, and I could read, write and perform basic maths to a fair level by the time I started at the age of 5. By 7 I had read every book in our meagre library and was assessed as having a reading age of 13. All this was solely due to the effort my dad took to teach me as much as possible in my pre-school years. I find it hard to believe that things have changed so much.

Personally, whenever I see the latest wave of townie thugs trudging around our town centres, mumbling monosyllables at each other along with ubiquitous 'wot' and 'innit' present in almost every sentence, I can't help wondering if its already too late..

current mood: contemplative
current music: New Model Army - A Liberal Education

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Friday, June 7th, 2002
11:01 am - A game that time forgot..
Ok, so I know I posted a lot about all time greatest games a week or so back, but following a conversation with Nothing/Noodles/other random people on #uk_goffs I felt it my duty to remind you all of the greatness of the late lamented Looking Glass Studios and in particular their classic FPS System Shock 2.

For my money this is the greatest FPS ever. The storyline is immense, the psychological implications of the events in game are terrifying and the sonics are... godlike. This is the only game where I've turned it off at 4am after a large playing session because I simply couldn't take anymore adrenalin and tension for the night. It's genuinely one of the scariest experiences you will ever have whilst sat in front of a computer (unless you inadvertantly stumble across Bernard Manning and Dame Edna Pr0n...). Its also incredibly compelling and draws you into the environment and the game history with consummate ease - the addition of sound recordings hidden all over the 2 ships made by (presumed dead) crewmembers is a touch of genius, and the ghost images that occasionally manifest themselves in places where terrifying and fatal accidents have occurred will definitely give you the shivers.. I can honestly say that I've never been torn so much between wanting to discover just what happened in the game's past, and just putting the thing down to save myself from a case of the screaming ab-dabs :)

Do yourself a favour - read the review on IGN and then go and hunt down a copy - you'll thank me for it..

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8:46 am - Pah.
You can always tell that things are going pear shaped when you read three entries on the same page from people who have been made to feel like shit by the actions of a few, and when every third person you speak to on #uk_goffs is in hiding under a different nick.

So to the people who seem hellbent on causing havoc and ill feeling: Sort yourselves out - this is not a playground, its not a huge game. These are real people and they have feelings too. And to everyone who has been on the receiving end: don't let it stress you - your own self-esteem and the opinions of your friends and those close to you are far more important than petty sniping from somebody at the other end of the country with nothing better to do.

current mood: irritated
current music: NMA - Vengeance

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Tuesday, May 28th, 2002
1:15 pm - 'Pop, pop, freeeeow...'
Nicked from TCB, Stevenothing, Echo, etc:

My top 5 games of all time (In no real order)

1. Gran Turismo 1 & 2 (Ok, more than one game, sue me ;)
2. Elite
3. Stunt Car Racer
4. Kikstart 2
5. Tetris

Honourable mentions go to... )

current mood: discontent
current music: Pixies - Velouria

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Tuesday, May 21st, 2002
10:37 am - It's 1990 and all's well...
Went to see Jesus Jones last night at the Princess Charlotte here in Leicester.

The band always remind me of that time around 1988 - 1992.. the Stourbridge scene was in full swing, the NME still believed that people gave a fuck about what they thought, band t-shirts were for more than just keeping the cold out, dungarees / tie-dye / doc martins / Brightly dyed hair / plaits / stripey tights / battered para boots / painted combats / love beads, etc.

Gigs were a major event - they felt like a form of bonding between you and like minded others, and the concept of tribe was still very strong. There was always a buzz about getting to the venue and getting as close to the front as possible before it started so that you could get a good place, but not so close that you looked like an overenthusiatic fanboy ;) The venues were almost always small, dingy, sweaty, but had that edge that made your senses twitch with the first surges of adrenalin and anticipation. Gig etiquette was unspoken but absolutely cast in stone:

* Treat the support band right
* Never buy shirts before the gig or you'll overheat or lose them
* Never drink *anything* on tap
* No fists in the pit - keep your space with your arms
* Help people out if they fall
* If someone surfs or dives, help them - if you don't want to, stand somewhere else
* If you get passed a drink of water, sip it and pass it on
* If you can take it, let people sit on your shoulders for certain songs
* It doesnt matter who you are, where you're from or what you look like. You're here, and that's enough.

The gigs were always explosion of light and sound, brash and energetic. The bands may not always have written about the most deep and soulful subjects, but they played with spirit and passion. The believed in what they were doing, and they all remembered only too well what it felt like to be on the other side of the barrier...

And afterwards.. watching the stage crew break the kit down, almost trying to wring the last ounce of pleasure from the night.. seeking closure. Walking in a vaguely homewards direction with people you didn't know before the gig and will probably never see again, dissecting every single last moment from the previous couple of hours, swapping stories..

Convinced that this will last forever.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I was worried that last night would make me realise that all that was gone, lost to a world of commercialism and image consultants. That all the things I cherished, the buzz of bouncing from one gig to the next and always having something on the calendar never more than a week or two away, the feeling of jumping high out of the crowd and into the blaze of strobelights.. that they were lost in time and preserved as nothing more than doubtless rose-tinted recollections in an all too cynical mind.

But the lights dimmed, the sirens blared, the blue spotlights pulsed in time, the band bounced on and hammered straight into 'move mountains' amid a crashing frenzy of sound and light...

and I was 16 all over again.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe its not quite the same but relatively little ever is. I'm glad to have been there.


I was alive and I waited, waited
I was alive and I waited for this
Right here, right now
there is no other place I want to be
Right here, right now
watching the world wake up from history

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Monday, May 20th, 2002
10:56 am - Atteeeeennnn...SHUN!
Righty!

For those of you who have only recently started to read this journal, I feel it's time to remind you of the existence of the Post-It Posse H.Q.

A great many people have been asking about how they can become affiliated to this great organisation, how and where they can meet up with the founder members, which colour of post-it note annoys people the most when stuck to almost every piece of furniture they own, etc. This site should provide those answers.

You can also contact us on postitposse@yahoo.co.uk and if you're very good you'll receive the occasional mailshot to keep you informed of official Posse operations.

That is all. This journal will self destruct in 5 seconds..

current mood: accomplished
current music: Kirsty Hawkshaw - psyclone

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Friday, May 17th, 2002
11:20 am - Random wibblings...
Off to see the new Star Wars film tonight. I wouldn't say I was a major fan of the SW series in general, but there's a lot to be said for a bit of entertaining high-impact braincheese to take you out of things for a few hours. And Yoda is a dude ;)

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The current 'ask me a question..' trend is interesting - it got me thinking..

I think that most of my friends know me well enough to know that they could ask anything of me at any time (and quite often do so) even though I reserve the right not to answer if the reply would compromise or offend/upset other people. Having said that, they're all people I know well IRL, and so I'm comfortable with that. Which does raise certain questions about the artificiality of social life on the net.

How many times have we seen online arguments sparked off by misunderstandings between people who don't know each other well enough to really appreciate where they're both coming from and how the things they say are intended to be taken? There are people we see every day of our lives who we wouldn't open up to simply because we're not *that* close to them, yet we'll willingly reveal very personal details of our lives to people we know less, and generally wouldnt recognise if we bumped into them in the street.

Which all begs the question: why are we surprised when these situations turn bad? What is it that makes us prepared to enter into intimate dialogue with almost complete strangers while many of us don't even know our neighbours? Is it the sense of safety through electronic detachment and if so, what does this say about us?

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People should learn the difference between IT support and Life support - you have to be prepared to help yourself at times too... And how come support staff are constantly undervalued, even though you're expected to be a genius in any vaguely technical (and not necessarily computer related) field you're quizzed about?

Ask a great many people certain questions in their jobs (which are generally far higher paid) and it becomes very obvious that outside of their little boxes they just don't have a clue - yet they cut up rough when you refuse to say what precisely is wrong with their friends auntie's second cousin's computer that 'keeps going wrong' or decline to explain how they set their answering machine message up...

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Everybody should be forced to drink a very tall glass of perspective and soda every morning before being allowed to interact with other people.

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*** Braindump complete - that is all **

current mood: weird
current music: New Model Army - BD7 (Mean Old Scene)

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Monday, May 13th, 2002
11:47 am - Ouchies
Still recovering from the aftermath of dentistry - the checklist over the last six months stands so far at:

* One front tooth part rebuilt and reshaped
* Anther front tooth root filled, fitted with a metal post, and fully crowned
* Two large serious fillings to molars resulting from wisdom tooth damage
* Two rearwardly teeth removed after being broken in half by molar movement
* A number of inbetween and temporary twaeks during above work

This translates to approximately one appointment every 3 weeks over the last six months. And to think I had a total phobia about dentists before I forced myself to go. Having got over this, I have to report that it was actually fine and no trouble at all - just goes to show what a good dentist can do! :)

The last tooth removal was only on Thursday though, and its still a bit painful which is not what I need today. My gap is actually healing well, but its the force of having a large chap with a miniature pickaxe forcing your jaw down and to the side while attempting to dig out a broken root under local anaesthetic that causes the wobblies - I feel like I've been repeatedly kicked by a team of cossacks.

Ho hum

current mood: sore
current music: Bad News - Warriors of Ghengis Khan

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Sunday, May 5th, 2002
8:01 am - How *not* to run a metal might...
Decided to check out the new rock night at Industria (a townie club in leicester) last night.. what a mistake *that* was!

We left the lovely cosyness and great music of the Lamplighters and mooched down, only to see a queue of about 200 people stretching back along the street, and its only 11.30. Decided to wait for a few monutes to see how much it was moving rather than trek back to the pub.

A doorman/promoter wanders along the queue handing out fyliers for the club we're already waiting to get into. A small chubby asian doorman who has put on white facepaint, blacked out eyes and fake blood on his shaven head.

Hmmm.

Maybe this lot don't understand that looking like Uncle Fester isnt the best way to endear yourself to a metal crowd.

Slightly concerned, we eventually get to the front of the queue to find that they're only letting in 4 people at a time, so the group of 12 or so of us have to be split up to get in. Doorman refuses to say whether or not half of us only will get in, leaving the others on the street.. He tells us that it's packed inside, but when we ask what the capacity is he says 'a few more and I'll be happy.'..

Hmmm again...

So we eventually get inside. Thoughts arrive rapidly in this order:

1. Fuck, there's a lot of people
2. Fuck, there really *ARE* a lot of people
3. Wheres the floor?
4. The queue for the cloakroom appears to be around 300 people long and fills a quarter of the floor.
5. Why the fuck is there a muppet in a cloak and a skeleton mask hanging from that large wooden crucifix pinned to the column in the middle of the floor.
6. What am I saying?!?! Why is there a crucifix there to START with?!?!
7. Why can't I actually walk anywhere? Ah yeah, that'd be the people mentioned in points 1 and 2

We eventually got to the stairs (5 min for a 20 metre journey) and fled upstairs to try and find breathing space. located about 7 square feet of floor space at the back of a bar filled with skaterpunks all being obnoxious, and paid ridiculous amounts fotr crap drinks to barstaff with an apparent inability to actually get you what you ordered.

Looked down at the dancefloor and realised that even if a song cam on that *only you* liked and wanted to dance to, you couldn't because there wasn't any room in the building for the people already on the dancefloor to move off. To be fair, the music was actually pretty damn good but whats the point if you can only sit and listen to it rather then bouncing around?

Bumpd into Space007 and Neomix at this point. Neo seemed less that impressed with the whole thing too. There was also a Lilgreendave bouncing about somewhere, but he's even harder to see in a large crowd than he is normally so I didn't get to say hello ;)

Finally left in disgust after less than an hour, only to be collared by the promoter (Uncle Fester) on the way out and grilled for feedback. Spent a pleasant 10 min or so explaining politely that he didn't know what the fuck he was doing, and he should attempt to understand the market a little more rather than just trying to cash in on it, and then mooched off home.

Executive summary: avoid it like the plague

current mood: aggravated
current music: Sepultura - Slave new World

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Monday, April 29th, 2002
10:44 am - Thinking calm thoughts.... :)
Anyone here study T'ai Chi?

I decided that I really need to get some type of focus into my life - everything is too manic and I'm juggling so many things at once that even when I try to relax I can't fully let go. So the reasoning goes that if I can't chill out by thinking of nothing, the best way would to to chill out by concentrating on something, and T'ai Chi seems to fit that bill perfectly.

The real bonus though is that it (for the most part) doesnt involve combat in any way - I hate the idea of having to spar to progress through most martial arts. I'n not interested in hitting people, or about attaining levels at other peoples expense. It's all very personal for me, and I'd rather develop as and when I'm able rather than through forced examinations. Tbh I don't care what other people think of my abilities as long as I'm happy with them..

So if anyone has any advice re. the different styles, and/or recommendations of tutors, it'd be greatly appreciated :

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Thursday, April 4th, 2002
1:42 pm - Back to reality...
Cambridge was a giggle :)

Olethroses DJ set rawked, despite technical difficulties with getting the laptop to patch in (which seemed to involve a bank of speakers vanishing for some reason..). He even played NMAs Vagabonds, which earned him a RAR of ridiculous proportions from me! The Cambridge mob are exceptionally friendly to the point of you wondering when they're all going to point to you and go 'Ah-HAAAAA!'. fortunately this failed to happen and I was left thinking that it was the nicest goff scene I've ever visited. Rar to all of you! :)

I have to report that Posse presence was strong, with myself, Sir Dave of H, Our gracious host, GrahamB and DJ Olethros (who may or may not have been encoding subliminal messages into his set along the lines of ' ph33r the posse.. resistance is useless, you will be postificated'). Midnightmoon was duly textually harrassed as per request and all was well with the world :) Other pleasant surprises included finally getting to meet Kgoth ('moo'), seeing perf and valkyrie again, meeting microgirl at long last ('baa') and failing to step on any landmines.

Wednesday was extremely pleasant, and included a wander around the city and environs under the watchful eyes of our other host, Emma. We sampled possibly the greatest toasties in the world from a little place called Indigo, and sat in the sunshine near Kings College munching and slurping coffee.. it was most tranquil. :)

Emma then took us up to the top of the church tower of St Mary the Great (I think) from where we could see over the entire city and out to the horizon on all sides. It was an amazing view, and strangely peaceful. Enjoyed a small but worthy Philosophical conversation with Olethros ('philosophise with him dude!') over the nature of humanity using the buildings as illustrations before being accused by microgirl of talking shop and geeking (ENOTAPAIROFGEEKS..much) and then wandered off to explore a little more.

Emma turned out to be a repository of knowledge spanning architecture, local history, culture and trivia and the whereabouts of Richey Manic, and kept us all entertained for the next few hours (which was no mean feat, believe me!). Armed with the freshly acquired knowledge that 2 colleges have a dispensation from the queen to eat swans, we pootled off to the train station from which I trundled my merry way home.

Rocking :)

current mood: bouncy
current music: Five 5 Point 0 - Double X minus

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Thursday, March 28th, 2002
1:43 pm - Posse alert!
You heard it here first! The post-it posse's Irish division is coming over to our fair shores on Tuesday April 2nd to play a DJ set at The Calling in Cambridge. All support will be welcomed!

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Thursday, March 14th, 2002
6:45 pm - Smokeward bound...
Well, it looks like I shall be in sunny Nodnol for the first time in ages tomorrow.. going to the Macwarehouse trade show at Vinopolis on the Southbank. This is good because I get to play with all the swanky new apple-type toys, but bad because I have to go to London to do it. Not got anything against Londoners whatsoever, I just don't really get on with the place. Ho hum.

Never mind, I shall endeavour to enjoy it!

current mood: bouncy
current music: New Model Army - Flying through the smoke

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