| Final Post |
[07 May 2002|02:27pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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As you can see, this is it. It took me two days, but this journal is now safely tucked away from curious eyes. The whole process has been extremely cathartic, as I feel this part of my life is now over and I am free to move on from here. This decision was made as a result of months of contemplation and was not really triggered by any recent "drama" despite what I have previously indicated. I've wanted to do this for a while, and after basically reading this whole journal over the past two days, I feel even more certain that I have made the right decision. I've realised so much about myself through this. It shocks and disturbs me to realise that I make everything about myself. I've been living through this journal, and the word that first comes to mind is unhealthy. I haven't been living. This journal has given me an easy way out of everything. In here I talk myself out of potentially great things. I criticise my every thought, feeling, decision. I write nonsense that no one really needs to read, and in doing so have lost a good deal of respect for myself. Hence, it is time to stop. I read the crap I've written in here...the thousands of meaningless posts, and I wonder not only at my priorities, but also in my way of handling--or not handling--things. In short, I need to grow up.
Please forgive anything I may ever have said in here in moments of stupid hotheaded aggravation. This started out as a place for me to write out my thoughts to HELP me see things more clearly. It has ended up doing just the opposite.
My friends list will remain intact. Remove me or keep me as you wish. I will continue to read your journals. Or most of them, anyway. I am not really disappearing...nothing that melodramatic, this isn't a final farewell (and all my contact info is still here)...but merely doing something for myself that should have been done months ago. It doesn't involve any of you. It's time for me to face reality.
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