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Sunday, May 5th, 2002
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8:57 pm
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lead two lives,
one to expose;
the other to conceal the tears,
and to not be so composed.
One to smile and jest,
live to be carefree,
not to mention all the rest.
The other to thrive in the shadows,
cast into woes,
and to feel true emotion,
the kind that never shows.
current mood: ~
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 4th, 2002
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9:34 pm
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Six a.m.,
and no one is listening.
You can catch a sly stare
from a Siamese cat,
out of the corner of your eye.
And the sound of crumpled potato chips can be heard,
When you watch the world
come together
like a disheveled jigsaw puzzle.
Heart felt laughter
haunts the end of a breeze,
And daisy petals
leave the breadcrumb trail
back to the tree house;
he loves me,
he loves me not.
The mid night dew tickles your toes,
In the summer's long sleepless nights,
where morrow and eve
are yet one in the same.
current mood: sorry im not @ the coffee shop
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, May 3rd, 2002
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1:06 am
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Nice! there's nothing like spending some time with good friends. Stirring up the mud on the dance floor, and getting stuck in the rain under the gazebo still able to hear the conga from the open windows. Yea it was defiantly all good. Why can't call dances be like that. I can't wait until next year.
current mood:  energetic
current music: a bad mix by the DJ
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 29th, 2002
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8:47 pm
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| Sunday, April 28th, 2002
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10:18 am
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Change is good, right? I mean this is new england, and the weather changes ever 10 minutes, and they say that people are happier here than in most other parts of the country. Lots of people tell me that they don't like change, for the fear of the unknown. The unknown.... it drives some personalities further to explore it, and repells others. There are a lot of quarks about the humane race that are interesting, and yet stupid. But it is more evident in the population and it's history than in the individule. Individules (of course there are exceptions) are mostly intelegent, understanding, and intelectual, (not always logical.)
current mood:  amused
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 25th, 2002
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10:56 pm
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Dear Journal,
Yet another day, yet another hour. Tomorrow i'm gonna do Amanda's hair and D's. It'll be fun. After that i'm off to set, then possibly down to RIC, if i can get myself home. Sat morning isn't going to sit well with my folks. lol I never did get to the outlet's ... i need to do that this weekend. Drama went, well as drama goes. There are + and - every night... and every night i feel the boarders of being humane. ....... hmm many thought suddenly rushing through my head... eh on well.......
current mood:  blah
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(comment on this)
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4:12 pm
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You believe in angles?
"yeap i do"
like in real life?
"uuuhuh, they're all around us"
really? have you ever met or seen one?
"yeap, i'm looking at one right now"
me?!
"and me"
you?! Hun i think i'd know if i were an angel
"maybe or maybe not."
How do you know the difference between them and everyone else?
"you just do"
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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4:12 pm
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You believe in angles?
"yeap i do"
like in real life?
"uuuhuh, they're all around us"
really? have you ever met or seen one?
"yeap, i'm looking at one right now"
me?!
"and me"
you?! Hun i think i'd know if i were an angel
"maybe or maybe not."
How do you know the difference between them and everyone else?
"you just do"
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 24th, 2002
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3:30 pm
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well, as the ball started rolling the day wasn't great. Just the little things through out the day made it 'wonderful.' On my way to do some errands before drama tonight, my car decides to stall out and die, right in the middle of the road... about 1/2 way from the mobile station to brittany's. waving people on to pass me, there are at least 3 familiar faces...... who wave, smiled and kept on going. thanks for stopping to help guys. And it was the only time i left the house with out my cell on hand too. Thanks Mike, who ever you are, for letting me use your phone. Dad came by, and well... the quick look says the turtle needs a new fuel pump and a few other things. Note to self.... when things start to go wrong with your car..... get it a once over, because others start to go as well. Let's just hope tonight won't be a grand finally. I need something, just don't know what.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 22nd, 2002
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5:33 pm
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4:58 pm
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Dear Journal,
I got my radio in my car again!!! oh yea, and my lights work, and it beeps if the door's open and all that fun stuff, and my cigarette lighter works again,(not that i use it, but the fact that it works makes it all good.) it's amazing how happy i am after i replaced a few fuses in my car. Now, tomorrow i'll get a new muffler put in and re-do some trim work on the windows and hope dad doesn't find any other problems, and it'll be like a new car. a new car That's 12 years old. well, if it was going to be all good.... then i'd get a new windshield cause this one has lots of scratches in it, and new headlights, and a paint job... but it's close. I'm in such a good mood... so i made cookies. i haven't done that in soooo long(about a month or 2!!!)... for me that's embrrassing!Well have to make dinner, and study vocab for tomorrow before i got to set.
current mood:  cheerful
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 21st, 2002
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3:38 pm
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Dear Journal,
Home from work, talked to erin.... love that girl, hope things go well with her little sis. I finally mailed one of my letters to mike... i think it makes the 4th or 5th i've sent him, really miss that kid. Still ticked that my plans have been trashed by my parents, i really can't wait for next year. She thinks because i went to RIC with her yesterday, that i'm fine with what she's done. GRRR to her and GRRRRRR to dad, and a major GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR to them both together for being such hypocritical jerks with no logic and selfish reasoning. And no i'm not an idem on a shelf in the store that you can buy, nor an empty room that you can trash and clean up and everything is as good as new....... sorry still a little sore about that one. Back to good news. well there isn't much of it. I met this really cool girl at RIC yesterday from New Jersey... possible room mate ideas. I saw Jesse and Nick when i was there as well..... not to mention Adam. Found out that i will be trained as a full time cook as soon as i get out of school. guess i won't need the other summer job after all. ok i'm run dry of news...
current mood: ticked
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, April 19th, 2002
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10:53 pm
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...the brick walls are closing in...
nothing to chisel, nothing to break
...false is the allusion of life...
try to breath with all your might
people say to beware the calm before the storm,
they should really board up for the rebound
current mood: ~
current music: ~
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 15th, 2002
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8:19 pm
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Ok who's the cool kid? oh yea that'd be ME. Yea i'm such a dork, i think i've reached a new level of dorkness. Yea someone call 'the book' because i've reached an all time high in the record. I need to grow up, and live a little. Yea ok it's been a day that needs some explanation:
good day vs bad day.
article 1
woke up early, got a chance to do my chores before i forgot. Went to my baby sitting job. smile smile. Yea Jared, wanted to be carried every where...... not that i mind, but the kid's almost as big as me... ok whatever... mac and cheese fight... no big, just a little soap and water... helped work on a 6th grade paper... ok time to go home, still have the ringing shouts of brotherly love in my ear.
article 2
Find out that i gave D slightly altered directions.... yea who's the screw up (with all the light arrows in the world pointing to me who's typing this at the computer). I felt/feel so bad though, it was so something that i should have caught as i gave em to her. After a million apologies i told them i'd buy them ice cream as a repayment... but i only had a 20 and a 5 on me...... so i had a collection of quarters that was called upon.... lol $13 fits nicely in a tiny bracelet box.
Article 3
yea after sitting i took myself to set to feel well..... not good.... so i went back home and got out my light dose of drugs (i had gone 2 days without and was pretty happy. Chose to stay in on the girls bowling night.... just thought it'd be best.
article 4
had the perfect opportunity to go to the movies.... and passed it up cause i didn't feel right driving to lowell alone. dork dork dork dork!
To make a long story short...... i'm doomed. Yeap that's all there is to it, i should get used to it, accept it, and move on. (key word is should... i'm still in the 'learning reality' phase)
dork dork dork!
current mood: i feel like a jack ass
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 11th, 2002
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7:40 pm
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Dear Journal,
made it through the day today (2nd time)
wrote Nicole a note... try to patch things up
saw Danielle, and met George (finally)
didn't have homework other than to study
talked with dad
went to drama
talked with Ms Slagle
i didn't think it turned out that badly.... despite the fact i'm home early to re medicate.... i think all and all it's getting manageable again.
sad note..... can't play with fire sat..... too busy.
very sad note....... must call voice-mail and cancel for this weekend er... rain check.....don't want to, but think it's what i have to do.
current mood:  pleased
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 10th, 2002
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8:04 pm
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Dear Journal,
well mom kept me home today.... it was a ' you look like sh*t' as i came down the stairs.....'thanks mom'.... 'you're already going to take that...... is it that bad already..... you just woke up'.... 'yes mom.... maybe it'll take the edge off so i can handle at least some of my classes' .... 'forget it.... i'm calling the school .... well don't just stand there go back to bed!' after that lovely conversation and a nap.... i had the need to make something... busy hands = happy hands. found a recipe for white brownies.... didn't know that they existed.....and orange squares.... kinda like lemon squares...... but i didn't have oranges so i used clementins (sp?). Oh and i also knocked off about 200ish pages in my book. what a day. tomorrow there's drama.... and i'm going, if i can walk i'm going... this is reaching the pathetic stages. blah i'm gonna go to bed....may the morning bring happiness and health.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 9th, 2002
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7:02 pm
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Dear Journal,
I know that they say you've got to have some bad days to make the good ones stand out. Yesterday was a great day, i hadn't felt that good in a few months. Today was supposed to be a good day to, until it started. I didn't even make it through school, got so up tight i couldn't relax or function. Well now when i'm feeling as though things may even out for the evening, my dad wants to be really cool. Grrrrrr! ya know, it's not like i have a full plate to beguine with. I just wanted today to go well, to go to drama tonight, and get back on track with everything. It's about 3 weeks till the show goes up and i've been there for just about a week so far.... if that. Nicole's mad at me for something, and i have no idea what it could be, and she's never been mad at me before...and now i have 3 tests to make up after school.... and i was getting some grades back today in different classes. yea looks like i'll either have to pull an A+ for 4th term or i'll have to take some finials that i should have been able to get out of. well one step forward and 3 back...... i guess since there was a forward motion at one point it's a good thing right? why does this have to happen this year?
current mood: not having a good day here
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 3rd, 2002
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3:24 pm
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Dear Journal,
well went to my new Dr today..... she gave me new meds.... nothing to have a wake up tomorrow morning and feel as good as new feeling.... more of a ok try this and come talk to me in 6 weeks kind of thing. Hell i'm up for anything as long as it helps. Hopefully it will.... cause the good lord knows how much i love this.
current mood: hopeful
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 29th, 2002
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9:47 pm
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ok good sign...........42 hours with no IV's and 24 hours with no heavy meds...... still can't do much other than sleep but it's a start...... history wont' repeat itself.... i won't let it....... not again, not this year..... it'd be so nice to wake up with no pain....... please oh please let it be tomorrow
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 28th, 2002
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10:17 am
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damn....... some one hit rewind and play........... the never really closed.
make it stop, someone anyone...... please......... just make it stop!
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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annoyed