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Friday, August 16th, 2002
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3:08 am - oh my GOD.
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i went to the church tonight. guess who i saw? marcos. marcos fucking gonzales. yes, i realize that name means nothing to any of you, but oh my GOD! i havent seen him in 3 years or more. he hated me. heh. i broke his poor little heart. aw. whatever. anyway, so i see him, and i stop him and im like, marcos? and hes like, no. im his brother. im like whatever, he doesnt have a brother, and if he did he wouldnt look EXACTLY like him. then he said marcos was dead. and he wasnt kidding. he really expected me to believe it. so i was like, ok well hmm. then he told me that marcos is really living with his parents in waxahachie and he is his twin brother, and is now taking over his life. i was like, so, youre still a pathological liar huh? god it was annoying. but still, it was pretty interesting to see him again. this one guy at the club came up to me and said, "im sorry, but wow. you are beautiful." and then walked away. i was like, eek! hes lying. heh. and i got licked in the ear by some weirdo who cornered me and chelsea had to pry him off me. he was really drunk. ew. then some other random weirdo told me i had on a nice outfit and kissed my cheek, then walked away. i was like, what the hell is this? growl. and then, this cute guy who calls himself crow bit my neck. it was delicious. now, about my outfit, i was wearing my red leopard print pants, which are sorta baggy, and a black tank top. not even a spaghetti strap shirt. and my belly did not show. i looked so normal. there was this girl there that wasnt wearing a shirt, but she sorta had one painted on... it was pretty neato. anyway. im going to bed now. g'nite.
current mood:  loved
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| Thursday, August 15th, 2002
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12:26 am - *blink*
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oh this is no fun. im sleeeeepy. and i have to wake up at 6am tomorrow so i can go babysit sebastian because chelseas babysitter is in the hospital. i would be sleeping right now, but the baby is awake. why? because she slept all day. why? because she got 4 shots today, and if she wasnt sleeping she was screaming, so i let her sleep. and now, shes perfectly happy and awake. and im tired. so im gunna go watch tv. *yawn*
current mood:  sleepy
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| Wednesday, August 14th, 2002
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3:03 am - ew.
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my cat likes to eat grasshoppers. big crunchy ones.
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2:10 am - 2 month pictures
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aw, shes 2 months old now. =)
heres her in her cute tye dye outfit. her ear looks like its sticking out, but its just the angle. heh.
shes all like, what is that?
this is the cutest one. =)
current mood:  awake
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| Monday, August 12th, 2002
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1:46 am - men suck
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i just got back from chelseas where i had to help her clean up a nasty mess her ex boyfriend jason made. he threw a goddamn hissy fit and broke a lotta glass and moved out half his shit and left the other half in the doorway. he got mad because chelsea asked him to keep an eye on sebastian (who was dead asleep by the way) for 30 minutes while we went to my house so she could borrow some clothes for her new job. he said he would watch him, but when we came back all this stuff was broken and stuff. hes such a stupid punk. and hes 32 for gods sake. oh, then he came back and told chelsea to move all his stuff back in the house until he could get it tomorrow. i told her she should put it in the dumpster. but she wouldnt. sigh. so anyway. he pissed me off. growl.
current mood:  aggravated
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| Monday, August 5th, 2002
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6:13 pm - i cant get you out of my head
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growl. i met this amazing guy yesterday. he spent the night (no, nothing happened) and took me and cameron to the dr. today. he was so sweet and he carried cameron and talked to her and he was hilarious and he kissed good, but for some fucking reason i just couldnt kiss him. i wanted to, but it was so weird. i think im afraid to get involved with anyone. oh, and it didnt help that hes leaving for virginia in 4 days. hes in the navy. he is a nuclear engineer. he makes lotsa money and he has 2 nice cars. growl. =( hes gone now and i cant stop thinking about him. it makes me sad cuz... i have no idea why. im retarded. i just met this guy. but hes almost everything i want in a guy. so far. *sigh* i wish he'd come back. *pout*
current mood:  discontent
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| Friday, August 2nd, 2002
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12:30 am - yay!
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cameron's umbilical cord thing finally fell off today. im so excited. heh. i took a picture of it. ill post it when i get them developed. hee hee. so yeah, cohens parents are gunna pay $525 to get a paternity test. ha. and as soon as the results come back and they know shes his, then they get to pay me money. ha ha ha. i have the cutest baby in the world. =) i must sleep now.
current mood: sleepy
current music: baby noises
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| Sunday, July 28th, 2002
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6:47 pm - hee hee hee
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| Friday, July 26th, 2002
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1:05 am - aw
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cameron likes to knaw on her fingers. its so cute. =)
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12:46 am - moo.
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i suck. really. im going to go to cohens house tonight to try and talk to him. three in the morning is the only time i can probably get a hold of him. it sucks. ive left 3 messages on his machine in the past 3 days, and i know his mom has just been erasing them and not telling him. grah. but his mom called me today and asked me what i wanted, and i was like, why do you wanna know? heh. but she bitched me out cuz i told her i didnt trust her to set up the paternity test, and she was all like, well i dont trust you cuz you slept around and blah blah blah. i had sex with one other guy, once. 3 months before i got pregnant. growl. anyway, its none of her business anyways. but yeah, i suck because im going to go talk to cohen and tell him i miss him and want to give him another chance. but this time i want to actually get to know him, instead of trying to make him into who i want him to be. and if it turns out that i dont like him for who he is then fine. i hope its fine. i dunno. blah. i just know that i miss him and dont want anyone else to have him. ha.
my mom asked me today who i was. i said im a person who wants to see beautiful things. thats all i think i want out of life, is for everything to be beautiful. i dont think its going to happen. oh well. i can try.
*blink* well theres 2 more hours before i go to cohens. if hes not there then hes at mikes, and i dont know where mike lives now except that its in little elm. so then ill hafta figure out how to find out where mike lives. grah. i have no patience. if cohen doesnt answer his window when i throw rocks at it tonite then ill come by in the morning just to make sure he didnt sleep through it. god i sound desperate dont i? am i? i dont think so. i just want to get something done and why not try my hardest to do it?
growl.
current mood: discontent
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| Friday, July 19th, 2002
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11:42 pm
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| Wednesday, July 17th, 2002
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1:39 pm - yuckyuckyuck.
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I just took a bite of yucky chicken. ickk.
*drinks coke*
ok better. anyway. I went to the dr. today for my hand. she said I have tendonitis, and she wants me to wear a brace thingie. I said no. heh. Its not that bad. I just cant reach for things with my right hand. No big deal. I just don't have the money for a brace. heh. The cardiologist also called me this morning to gimme the results from a long time ago when i wore the heart moniter, and she said that when my heart rate goes up then my heart has an early beat, and it makes me feel funny. she also said that i should stop drinking caffeine, i shouldnt drink alcohol, or smoke. and i should exercise cause itll help. poo on that. growl. *drinks caffenated coke* yum.
mk bye now.
current mood:  bored
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| Tuesday, July 16th, 2002
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1:20 am - hee hee
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i got cameron's 1 month pictures taken. shes so cute. =) not the greatest pics, but hey, shes only a month old. its the best we were gunna get. heh.
current mood:  drained
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| Saturday, July 13th, 2002
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2:23 am - stupid me.
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well i went to see cohen today. i picked up the pictures of cameron from walmart and decided to go give him one. he didnt seem mad at me, and he didnt know his mom had called me. i dont think he has any doubts hes the father, and he said hes been looking for a job. i told him why i didnt want to get a paternity test yet, and i told him that when we do get it, i want his visitation to be supervised. of course he didnt want that, but i told him he pretty much has no choice. i asked him what he had been up to, and he said that he was just looking for a job and then hanging out. and he said he went camping with monica. i was like, who the hell is monica? and were they alone? and he said that she was a friend of chris' and that they went with a bunch of her friends. i was jealous. he said he hadnt found anyone new. but i dont know whether to believe him or not because hes so sneaky. he had 2 phone calls while i was there and he apparently felt that i couldnt know who it was or hear the conversation because he left the room each time. anyway, i left him saying that when hes ready to talk and when he wants to see her then he should call or come by. *sigh*
i hate myself for missing him.
heres a pic of him i made last nite:
i really should be sleeping. i think ill go watch tv.
current mood: stupid
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| Wednesday, July 10th, 2002
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12:57 am - the answer to life, the universe, and everything. 42.
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my back is killing me.
i had a bad morning today. cameron woke up at 10 am, like normal, but she didnt go back to sleep after she ate like she normally would, and i wanted to go back to sleep but she wouldnt stop crying so i spent the next 2 hours calming her down. so i was really grumpy.
there is not enough time in a day. im 2 weeks behind on my medical transcription stuff. which is bad because if i dont finish the course on time then i fail. which is gay. i would have wasted 1500 dollars. so i have to do some serious typing this week. but i also have to clean the house because if i dont then my mom thinks i sat around all day, and she'll get mad and make me get a job. and i dont want a job. it would only be on the weekends, but thats when i get to rest. so no. job is bad.
i pulled a tendon or something in my wrist. it hurts when i reach to pick up things. i have to go to the doctor.
i am seriously thinking about getting another credit card so i can get a digital camera. that would probably be a bad idea. actually, its a horrible idea and im not going to do it unless i do get a job so i can make payments. damn cohen. if he hadnt made me so goddamn mad then i would be getting child support right now and i would be able to make payments.
anyway. trip is leaving and its not fair! *cry* why dont things ever go as planned? im never planning anything ever again. i wish. =(
my god. i cant believe i havent talked to cohen in over 3 weeks. heh, i barely noticed. yay me! except i get a little sad everytime i hear a weezer song cuz we danced to weezer at my apartment a long time ago. sigh. that was sweet. but then all these memories of the bad gay fucked up things he did come to me and i dont feel sad anymore. heh, so yay.
i have a stinky baby. so im going to go make her unstinky.
current mood:  hungry
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| Saturday, July 6th, 2002
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10:55 pm - well.
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10:52 pm - ahem.
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| Saturday, June 29th, 2002
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9:49 pm - pictures
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cameron got her first professional photos done today. =) shes 15 days old.
my favorite:
shes kinda cross-eyed in these.
in this one the brown fuzzy thing is supposed to be a bear.
isnt she cute? say yes. =)
current mood:  amused
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| Friday, June 28th, 2002
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2:40 pm - labor
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ok so i guess ill write about my labor experience now. heh. so i woke up at 5:30 am friday morning, june 14th, because my tummy was hurting. so i got up and walked around trying to make it go away, and i knew i was having contractions, but they were so irregular and they went away when i walked around so i figured they were false. then at about 6:30 am i had a really really bad contraction, and i woke my mom up and told her i was having false labor. she got all excited and made me pack my hospital bag and we put the car seat in her car and stuff. but we took our time and we planned on going to the dr. at 11 am, which was when i had an appointment already. so i was going to go into work with my mom and make my baby announcements on her computer. but, she wanted to stop by the car wash on the way and get the car cleaned. so we did that at about 9 am. while we were waiting for the car, my contractions started being regular and 5 minutes apart, and my mucos plug fell out. it looked like a slug. heh. so we decided to call the dr. he said to come in and he'll see if im in labor. so we went and i was dialated 3 cm and he sent me to the hospital. my mom figured i would be in labor forever so we took our time getting there, and we finally checked into the hospital at 11 am. the nurse was a bitch and annoyed the hell out of me the whole time. at about 3pm the contractions got really painful so i asked for some demoral. it just made me feel drunk and i couldnt really talk and i cant remember much from the 30 minutes that it lasted. i did really good dealing with the pain all the way up to then. after that i guess i went into transition cuz it hurt really bad. =( i wanted more demoral, but the stupid nurse said she would have to see how much i was dialated first, then she left the room and didnt come back until i was screaming and the dr. came in and told me to push. heh. 15 minutes later at 5pm exactly cameron was born and i was ecstatic.
i had called cohen at about noon, and left a message on his machine telling him i was in labor, and he finally called me back right when i had started pushing, and i was in between pushes and yelling at him telling him that he cant be in the delivery room. but it didnt even matter cuz he got there a few minutes after she was born. heh.
grah, shes crying. byebye now.
current mood:  content
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| Monday, June 24th, 2002
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12:54 pm - =)
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shes 10 days old now. shes so cute. =)
i had something to write about but i forget. oh well. i want chocolate cake. yum.
current mood: awake
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