Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Cap'n Grim's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, June 13th, 2002
5:33 pm	Musing on metal and Manray Call me a nu-metal tool, but I listen to Toxicity constantly. Serge is a showman. And who doesn't love powerchords? But I think there is something very operatic and musical behind all of the screaming. I wonder if Serge was classically trained? Am kicking myself for not introducing myself to Bridget last night. And there were other folks who looked familar, maybe from LJ and from other places too. why can't I be the sort of person like I used to be, just walking up to random folks and saying "Hi, I'm Jeff. How are ya?" For some reason this used to be so easy before I moved to MA. Now I'm a mouse, meek, lame. I cannot remember the last time I struck up a convo with a friendly looking stranger. Granted, last night Mark put we in a shitty and spiteful mood. I will NOT take him to any more non-hippyesque events. It's sucky because he's the only close male friend I have since Lil Jason moved back to Portland and Larry and Lisa dropped off the radar. It was the first time at Manray in more than a year. Anyway, he kept complaining "The music sucks, I don't want to dance, the drinks are too expensive, when are we leaving?" I was finally like, you KNOW what Manray is like, so why did you fucking come? He's like, well was either this or watch the Sox. So I say ok, just shut the fuck up until she stops spinning then we'll go. That and debating whether or not I should go to the booth, get up and dance, introduce myself, etc. every fucking social situation becomes a goddamn production. No more of this! Swallow my doubts, go up, say hi, make a friend. No more fucking dipshit, you dipshit. Current Mood: pensive Current Music: System of A Down: Toxicity (Comment on this)
4:04 pm	A mixed bag. On one hand I had a GREAT lunch with the supreme Mrs. Dugan. she's the OG Danish earth mother. I was so jealous hearing about her exploits in HAvasu canyon. I would go today if I could. I miss her, hopeful will see her mo' often now that she's down the street in Walt-ham. On the other hand, I had to deal with this: (This is so asinine as to be laughable. I hope Art falls into a puddle of toxic waste.) "Jamie:" "I would like the opportunity to respond to the incident that Arthur L. refered to you about me punching a wall and engaging in unprofessional behavior. I believe these accusations to be completely overstated and unfair." "On the day in question, I was manning the phones. The volume of calls became overwhelming. Jamie (you) were not available, Dave was away from his desk. Arthur was at his desk but he was on the phone. I had an urgent matter that I needed him to look at, so I lingered at his desk for a moment. He did not acknowledge my presence, so I figured that I would have to talk to him later. As I was overwhelmed, I rushed off. In the process, several of my fingers and part of my hand lightly slapped the edge of his cubicle wall. I admit to being frustrated at the time, and I admit that I tapped the wall in irritation. But I did not punch the wall, nor was the blow to the wall heavy or violent in nature. It was a tap of irritation, excusable in the stressful situation I was experiencing at the time. My anger was not directed at Arthur nor any member of our team. This is the ONLY incident of me doing this. If Arthur believes that I have had a similar physical display in the past, I may safely say that he is mistaken in his mind, or perhaps he is thinking of someone else." "I also take issue with Arthur's assertion that I act unprofessionally toward him. I have NEVER yelled at Arthur, nor spoken to him in any sort of negative or disparaging manner EXCEPT when I am the target of his irritation. There are countless times where Arthur has become aggravated with me because he was sent a ticket by mistake or was not his responsibility. I constantly find myself dealing with his frustration and rudeness, but either I tell him that I do not appreciate the way he speaks to me, or more often I just ignore it. I do not take these incidents personally, as I understand that Arthur becomes agitated at times due to his overwhelming workload." "I have heard Arthur swear at other Company employees and have seen him flip out from stress in the past. But I think this is the nature of helpdesk work...constant pressure and sometimes your coworkers become the unintended recipients when "blowing off steam". In this case, I was blowing off steam, but it was not directed at Arthur, nor do I think that this is a serious incident that merits any sort of discipinary action. I apologize to Arthur if he feels my frustration was aimed at him, because it was not. I will refrain from angry displays such as this in the future, no matter how trivial they are in actuality. I do not want Arthur or anyone else to be under the mistaken perception that I am angry or dangerous." "Again, I believe that Arthur is greatly overstating this incident. And if he pursues disciplinary action, I submit that he too should be held accountable for his past actions during stressful situations as well. I think that this situation could be resolved with open dialogue, not through complaints and Human Resource actions." "Jamie, you know that I have been a model employee since I started with the Company. I have recieved compliments both from the field and from my coworkers. I have never been late, never called out sick, and never messed up or slacked in my responsibilities. I treat all of my coworkers with respect and comraderie. I am surprised by Arthur's claims about me. I welcome the opportunity to tell my side of the story in more detail and restore what I thought was a satisfactory working relationship with Arthur." "I am writing this on my own behalf and I swear that I was not prompted to do this by anyone other than myself. I was told of Arthur's grievance by Jamie (you) and I feel that I have every right to tell my side of the story." "Thanks for your attention." "Captain Grim" (Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.) Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: tribe: love movement (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 12th, 2002
4:54 pm	today FreeBSD 4.6 came out and I had a major orgasm. My conversion to geek is complete. I feel like I've gone over to the Dark Side. (Comment on this)
9:29 am	I now officially dislike my job. Work politics are possibly the most aggravating and inane waste for time in the world. Why does the American corporate structure have to always find the worst yesmen for the job? Resumes tell how supposedly competent people are, but what hires you and keeps you at a job is the ability to bullshit, to lie, to kiss ass. It's a shit state of affairs where my boss, the first good boss I've had since my hotel days, has to leave this company because he asked people to be accountable and they bitch about "unfairness". How can I come in and work with these assclowns everyday and not look at them with utter distain. He gets viewed as a hothead because he is NOT a yesman. So I guess he didn't play the game well enough. The boss will be missed. He is a good teacher, a fair boss who expects a lot, and a nice guy. I greatly enjoy the new grill. I need to have a bbq party very soon. I wish I knew more than 7 people in this city. I want a big huge party with kegs and massive amounts of grilled meat, veggies, smothered in bbq sauce. I want to blare the music until the wee hours of the morning, when the cops show up. I want to get drunk and puke in an inappropriate place. I want to wake up in the morning, witness the carnage and spend the day cleaning up. Current Mood: restless Current Music: Public Enemy -Fear of A Black Planet (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 11th, 2002
3:48 pm	Gems from the Metaverse Excuse O Mat I won't hide the extent of my sin -- I wandered into the dark wood of error, disappointing my parole officer. No one can wallow in more dejected self-loathing than I, though I emphasize I remember none of the details. All I can do is resolve to do better next time, and redouble my efforts. As for you, don't have a conniption. I got news for you: you aren't so blameless as you think. Some of us have to work for a living. But I suppose I'll never get any peace till I say it-- I'm sorry. Jeez, people can be so manipulative. I won't participate in a whitewash -- I messed up, disappointing my family and friends. No one can deprecate this failing more than I, though I emphasize no actual penetration occurred. All I can do is solemnly repent, and ask for your understanding. I am completely pathetic. You've reminded me-- oh, it haunts my dreams-- that I have behaved once more like the brute I am. It would be your right for you to leave me festering in well-deserved pain. Say the word, and I will drive nails through my skull in apology. I think I-- I kind of-- well, I screwed up and all. What I mean is, well, my apologies. You know, I'm really sorry. Is that ...I don't know, what else can I say? Current Mood: amused Current Music: Bad Brains - Black Dots (Comment on this)
12:52 pm	dreck stupid work politics. the boss looks as if he's on his way out, and the lead may go too. they've been drummed out by the fact that they have tried to organize the depratment and hold people accountable for their stupidity. And in return they've gotten employees going to HR complaining about unfair treatment. i hate the fucking American work ethic. i hate people who are so blind that they can't see that if they are asked to do something, it's because it's their fucking job to see to their responsibilities. Yet they feel so put upon. Laziness! i work hard. i earn my money. so in short this place is going to become a pig's eye within 3 months. i've been thru this before. time to polish off the old resume and put it back out there. the lead says i have nothing to worry about because my work is exemplary, but today's the day I see the writing on the wall. If I fail here, I may just move to colorado and become a shoeshine boy at the airport. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: tricky -maxinquaye (Comment on this)
Monday, June 10th, 2002
4:41 pm	first ever goth song? i propose that the first ever goth song recorded was "set the controls for the heart of the sun". reasons: bizarre instrumentals cool tragic bassline spooky lyrics roger waters' odd yet cool vocals. it's either that or "knight in white satin" but that came later and it's not a very good song. Opinions? Agree ? Disagree? Don't care? (Comment on this)
3:02 pm	Haven't done a bloody thing today beside screwing with the BSD junker. They are supposed to release FreeBSD 4.6 today, but it hasn't hit their ftp site yet. I await it with baited breath. The sooner they release it, the sooner I can incorporate our thin client into it and I can get this project off my plate, and thus rest peacefully at night without going over the scripts in my nightmares. /home/user/jeff/bsdnightmare.tgz God, I'm such a geek. I can go home and admire my new BBQ. I won't cook tonight, but I'll stare at it lovingly out the back door until I go to sleep. Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Lyricist Lounge (3 Comments |Comment on this)
10:26 am	Woken up at two AM by boss saying that one of the common drives was having major system errors. spent 2.5 hours trying to troubleshoot, then relized that a coworker removed the anti virus software and its live update reinstalled itself and totally destroyed the drive! the guy's feeble excuse was he wanted to take off the AV to increase his backup performance! Ok dope, did you think to ask anyone first? And this is an accomplished tech, many certs and so on. So I'm tired. But surpirisingly not aggravated. Despite the fact that I blew out a tire yesterday and am out $180 for new ones. Somehow none of it matters. Now that I have some extra cash, it seems to still flow thru my fingers like water. An ok weekend with Dee. We bought a bbq, a REAL charcol Weber grill. I've never bought anything so utterly cool in my life. It's out on the back porch, so I'm a bit worried about getting it stolen. I may just be lame and put a bike chain on it agaist the railing. Made burgers and dogs, sweet corn on the cob. I would bbq every gd night if I could. I think bbq'ing is one of my most favorite things to do in the whole wide world. Simple pleasures. I get my love of the grill from both parents. Current Mood: recumbent Current Music: Operation Ivy compilation (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 7th, 2002
3:23 pm	Let them fire me. I don't give a fuck anymore. This week's been awful. I'm going to go home and be rightfully pissy. Note to supposed friends: Thanks for nothing. Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: goldie remixes by dj speedball (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 3rd, 2002
4:35 pm	ALAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM LJ AT WORK!!!!!!!! Well, until I get a wireless NIC, I guess this is goodbye for now. Email if you'd like, jstrunin@hotmail.com. See yas. Current Mood: enraged (Comment on this)
1:36 pm	scary musclebound neo-nazi looking guy at bank had the following shirt: "i ass-raped your grandmother last night" isn't that illegal or something? could he be hauled in for that? called S. There was no answer. v-nice says i am being a dog by not breaking up with dee immediately. she has a very excellent point. Current Mood: full Current Music: manu chao - clandestino (5 Comments |Comment on this)
8:27 am	Long weekend. Worn out. Want to go see brigid at Ceremony tonight, but I may puppy out of it. I started running again, on my full on "no carb, no dairy, extra vitamin, work out like mad, lose weight to impress a woman" diet. Sore all over, hehe. dee and i went to paradise city arts and crafts festival yesterday in Northampton. I love Northampton, would love to live there some time soon. i enjoyed myswlf, mostly, but I wanted to smack her a few times. she's just so fucking annoying at times. i HATE it when people assume that they know what I am thinking or feeling. She runs off at the mouth about it. And all weekend I have been preoccupied, almost obsessed with the thought of dating S. I was going to call her last night but I chickened out. My tarot reading about S. and I was very favorable, though it is evident from the cards and from my own impressions that she has never thought of me as more than a friend. But why not try? The sun in Position 6 representing a great fulfilling...something. Friendship? Relationship? Who knows? I am going to call her today after lunch...stay tuned. Current Mood: confused Current Music: Bjork - Post (Comment on this)
Friday, May 31st, 2002
4:41 pm	going home for the weekend. not sure what it will bring, dee-wise. forgot to mention that i saw S. last night, she really wants to hang out! yikes! it got very busy today. everyone have a nice weekend. Current Mood: complacent Current Music: none (Comment on this)
12:28 pm	dum dee dum *Cap'n Grim sends out mad love to all the ex-HNetters out there. May the Hood Plant data center rest in peace! May all the DSLAMS all rest in peace! Raise your glasses and toast to increased bandwidth!* not much going on today. testing out different x configurations for our BSD rollout. I think I like blackbox the best. XFCE is totally nonsexy. If the point of open source UNIX OS's is to get away from MicroSlut-sytle market domination, why do all of the desktop environments look totally Windows-like? dave had the absolutely brilliant idea of blue ribbon bbq for lunch. yeah i know, i am an animal killer. but there are few things better than a half rack of memphis rubbed. delighted to find out that the old bat admin secretary who sits across from me is retiring on june 6. no more of her evil glare and boring stories about the Senior LPGA tour, or whatever. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 30th, 2002
4:41 pm	a good day. dee and i being cute. dave came back from his honeymoon today. it rained in jamaica the whole week he was there. And it rained on his wedding day. Isn't it ironic? Dontcha think? My new X Windows config has taken all bloody day to complile. It's being done over the WAN from Brian's /usr/ports on his box. I am convinced that the Company's network consists of several thousand 28.8 modems working in tandem. My kingdom for an OC3! i mistakenly got a 3 musketeers today instead of my usually peanut m&m;'s. what a huge disappointment that was! the 3 musketeers has no character at all! it's all fluffy and chocolatey! no crunch, no peanuts, no nothing! thoroughly disappointing. Current Mood: happy Current Music: trey anastasio - cayman review (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:42 pm	"...only wankers" my musical tastes have been suprisingly hippie-ish in nature today. DMB, Phish, Dead, Strangefolk, early Floyd. not an industrial/hardcore/electronic note in the bunch. maybe happiness is conducive to silly hippie music. damn hippies and their stinky patchouoli. traded nice emails with dee. i am looking forward to going away this summer to Quebec with her. saw Trainspotting last night for the first time in ages. Best quote by Renton: "Music is changing. Drugs are changing. Even men and women are changing. In a thousand years, there'll be no men and women...only wankers." LOLLLLLLL wankers! Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Strangefolk (Comment on this)
10:19 am	stupid fight with Dee last night. this is not working so well. yuck. but i'll reserve judgement until this weekend is over. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 29th, 2002
10:33 am	forgot to mention that when i shaved my head the other day, i also shaved off my goatee. this was a huge mistake! my face is round as the moon. i'm not a fat guy or anything, but it makes me look 10 lbs heavier. I look almost the same as Bob Geldof did in The Wall when he shaves everything off. i did not shave off my eyebrows, however. "Pink is not well, he's gone back to the hotel..." i must grow it back ASAP. (Comment on this)
10:19 am	yipee! A glorious, wonderful day. My mom actually grudingly agreed that paying off my CC with savings was a solid idea! That means thousands of dollars in debt gone! That means money in my pocket! Savings for the future! I am over the moon with joy. Warning to people about credit cards. If spending goes unchecked, they will absolutely ruin your life. Spend within your means. Let yourself enjoy life, but be mindful of what debt can do to you! You know what this means...celebration time! Time to go out, eat, drink, dance, and be merry! Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: die fantastischen vier -schizophren (7 Comments |Comment on this)