| changing | |||
| 07:33pm 01/08/2002 | |||
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hey im not gonna use livejournal n e more. i had such a great time at the concert that i didn't want to write about it in this thing..it needed to be written somewhere cool...? i make no sense but this is my new journal-http://www.deadjournal.com/users/just1inacrowd/ have funn byes |
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| she said im fat | ||||
| 05:45pm 30/07/2002 | ||||
last night i slept on the floor in the ac cuz it was to hot in my room. but i had to go up there today to clean cuz my uncle is comin n maybe my cousins. woo. more people in this house. jus what i wanted.. but im goin to the concert n then sleepin at andrea's yay my grandma called me fat today.. there was a picture of me on my stairs n shes like -who's that fat girl in that picture? it's not jackie is it? -no grandma it's me.. thanks -oh well it's certainly not a good picture i don't know y u kept it -hm well i didn't think i looked fat in it -oh well i didn't think it was u.. u should only take pictures from the neck up. u have a very pretty face. -okay thanks. people wonder y i call myself fat... well here ya go! "u not fat shut up" yes i am.. ur jus a liar. ugh well im gonna go now...things to do.. belive it or not us fat people don't jus sit on our asses all day |
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aggravated| she said im fat | ||||
| 05:45pm 30/07/2002 | ||||
last night i slept on the floor in the ac cuz it was to hot in my room. but i had to go up there today to clean cuz my uncle is comin n maybe my cousins. woo. more people in this house. jus what i wanted.. but im goin to the concert n then sleepin at andrea's yay my grandma called me fat today.. there was a picture of me on my stairs n shes like -who's that fat girl in that picture? it's not jackie is it? -no grandma it's me.. thanks -oh well it's certainly not a good picture i don't know y u kept it -hm well i didn't think i looked fat in it -oh well i didn't think it was u.. u should only take pictures from the neck up. u have a very pretty face. -okay thanks. people wonder y i call myself fat... well here ya go! "u not fat shut up" yes i am.. ur jus a liar. ugh well im gonna go now...things to do.. belive it or not us fat people don't jus sit on our asses all day |
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| ive been hiding | ||||
| 01:56pm 29/07/2002 | ||||
hmm yesturday was funn... i got to hang out with people for the first time in like 2 weeks? n i met alot of ppl..some were nice.. n some i could live without phew. n hopefully today ill be doin summtin..but it doesn't look like it. my mom needs to get her mood swings under control. last night i got home n she was all nice n everything n then i got summtin to eat n brought it in the living room so i could watch tv n she snapped.. ? but today shes back to being nice so i asked her if i could "go to the mall n movies n then sleep over andrea's" lol thats the new plan for the concert on wednesday. so she said yes. phew n andrea came up with a brillant plan! hehe thanks buddy n i got another whine cooler.. yay.. but i don't know how many people r goin.. i don't think ill have enough for everyone? oh well. i am so happy i could shit.. so could andrea. lol i had a dream the other night think i beat up alison.:-/ maureen was there.. but we were in virginia n scott was there n we were goin out? n his dad drove the car n then it started to fly n iduno my dreams r meaningless n stupid. okay well thats all for now im gonna go eat. byes |
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anxious| ive been hiding | ||||
| 01:56pm 29/07/2002 | ||||
hmm yesturday was funn... i got to hang out with people for the first time in like 2 weeks? n i met alot of ppl..some were nice.. n some i could live without phew. n hopefully today ill be doin summtin..but it doesn't look like it. my mom needs to get her mood swings under control. last night i got home n she was all nice n everything n then i got summtin to eat n brought it in the living room so i could watch tv n she snapped.. ? but today shes back to being nice so i asked her if i could "go to the mall n movies n then sleep over andrea's" lol thats the new plan for the concert on wednesday. so she said yes. phew n andrea came up with a brillant plan! hehe thanks buddy n i got another whine cooler.. yay.. but i don't know how many people r goin.. i don't think ill have enough for everyone? oh well. i am so happy i could shit.. so could andrea. lol i had a dream the other night think i beat up alison.:-/ maureen was there.. but we were in virginia n scott was there n we were goin out? n his dad drove the car n then it started to fly n iduno my dreams r meaningless n stupid. okay well thats all for now im gonna go eat. byes |
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| ive been hiding | ||||
| 01:56pm 29/07/2002 | ||||
hmm yesturday was funn... i got to hang out with people for the first time in like 2 weeks? n i met alot of ppl..some were nice.. n some i could live without phew. n hopefully today ill be doin summtin..but it doesn't look like it. my mom needs to get her mood swings under control. last night i got home n she was all nice n everything n then i got summtin to eat n brought it in the living room so i could watch tv n she snapped.. ? but today shes back to being nice so i asked her if i could "go to the mall n movies n then sleep over andrea's" lol thats the new plan for the concert on wednesday. so she said yes. phew n andrea came up with a brillant plan! hehe thanks buddy n i got another whine cooler.. yay.. but i don't know how many people r goin.. i don't think ill have enough for everyone? oh well. i am so happy i could shit.. so could andrea. lol i had a dream the other night think i beat up alison.:-/ maureen was there.. but we were in virginia n scott was there n we were goin out? n his dad drove the car n then it started to fly n iduno my dreams r meaningless n stupid. okay well thats all for now im gonna go eat. byes |
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| it's better then being lonely | ||||
| 05:59pm 27/07/2002 | ||||
i haven't written in a while. been busy having fun. but im back now.. not like it matters? kinda happy bout summtin..got my hopes up n then it jus gets crushed. hm. im tired n i need to hit someone. i think im hangin out tomorrow. if not then ill hang out with myself at the park. andrea mentioned another concert. but i dunno. i want to. but she invited me..but danny n boris invited her..not me. n it would be rude of me to go when they dont' want me to. i feel like i have to prove myself to people.. "im realy lovely..underneath it all" i think im sick. i feel really hot. n sick..? me n andrea had a dream about dennis.. she's talkin to him now. i had another dream about him the next night... i can't get away from him... it's not enough that everything reminds me of him during the day..now i have to go n dream about him? i swear my mind hates me n wants to make me mad..n insane. "did anyone consider what annie might have in mind?" well im going now. got some things out by talkin to myself. bye ann |
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irritated| 11:17am 23/07/2002 | |||
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hmm it's tuesday.. hmm what was i suppose to do tuesday? ooh thats ryte the concert that i had be dieing to go to for the past couple weeks.. the one that i wouldn't take no for n then made up a plan n risked being grounded for the rest of my life... ryyte now i remember!.. but nooo instead i have to clean out my room before my mom searches it. nice huh? yeah jus what i wanted to do. looks like a 4th day in a row of doin nothing.. woo go ann that's a record! no online 4 a week.. no phone 4 a week.. yesss! well i hope everyone is having fun while im driving myself insane. u can all tell me bout all the fun ur having..ill be sittin here gettin fatter. bye! |
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| fuck yes | ||||
| 07:02pm 21/07/2002 | ||||
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| too much sugar | ||||
| 02:30pm 21/07/2002 | ||||
concert...very soon. i don't want to wuss out..but im worried. hmm. it'll be worth it tho. hehe i was cryin (tears of joy) cuz im jus so excited! woo yesturday i didnt really do anything. andrea went to her dad's...n she's like my only friend i guess? so i went to la park with katy n my mom n my aunt. funfun today i went shoppin with my mommy n katy. i dont' like shoppin. it's annoying. im discusting.. ive gotten so fat. i started off the school yr buying _ size jeans n then i went up in the middle of the school yr n now i went up again. i jus keep gettin fatter wait til next yr... PHEW watch out! today i might go to applebee's lol n visit danny. only if katy takes a nap cuz i am not takin her in there if she is cranky no one's really on.. flounder is nevr on.. only for the 5 mins inbetween her busy schedule. hehe well even tho i haven't talked to her i think she's happier now.. maybe thats y? heh hmmm.. no good music on la radio i listened to the wonderful cd scott made me. lol he's so sweet ya know.. makin me a cd of the one singer i probably hate the most out of all of them. he said he wrote a poem thing too but he still hasn't sent it! hmm my mommy is mad.. i have to go. toodles |
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| (1 pill | pop in a pill) |
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| forget everything u think u know about me | ||||
| 12:32pm 20/07/2002 | ||||
andrea's is most likely goin to her dad's..if not i think we r hangin out with boris.. i wish him n danny lived in the same town... wel i dunno.. i guess too much of me would make them not want to be our friends. happens sometimes ya know? yesturday was cool.. we were acting like retards but it was funny. i was playin with katy this morning n now my knees hurts alot.. im too fat they can't support my weight. my step dad is soooo gay. he sits there with his legs crossed n runs his fingers through his hair....WHAT STRAIGHT GUY DOES THAT?! ugh... he needs to die.. now! me n scott had a serious conversation hehe n were makin plans to kill our dad's mine is- burn the couch.... with him on it! hehe good one ryte? n yesturday with the salad... i told andrea n jackie but im sure u care too so here ya go- he gets up n makes a salad ..n he askes me..seems nice of hime ryte? BUT i said no... cuz he didn't wash the letuce.. who knows who's hands have been on that?! he didn't wash his hands... n 5 mins before i saw him pickin his nose (n now eatin it doesn't count as cleaning) n didn't wash the tomatoes. hmm... sanitary?! I THINK NOT! i've had enough of him... guys suck. they either reject u (my dad n every other guy).. or don't give 2 shits (my step dad n the rest of the male population)... |
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| 10:23pm 18/07/2002 | ||||
but it got better as the day went on..i stopped crying n got my act together. went to jackie's, andrea shocked me. ate alot of pizza went in la pool. found out alot of things today.some bad..very bad. n some good. i don't like it when ppl don't think of ur feelings... i know i sounds selfish. but i hope i don't make anyone feel the way some people make me feel. andrea seems better...not as sad. ya know? jackie got me a lighter from florida.thanks buddy i didn't get them anything.. i didn't like go shoppin or nuttin.. cuz i was too busy having sex. well im gonna go now. tired. head.hurts. |
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| virus | ||||
| 12:18pm 18/07/2002 | ||||
it was funn the plane ride was good..very comfy..the guy isttin next to me went to sleep, i wanted to take a picture oh him n show him. my uncle was there to meet me. n we had to drive like 5 hours ugh. his girl friend..my uncle's girl friend, he got a divorce from my aunt, n now she's like anerexic n depressed. :sigh: look what guys can do to u. well his grl friend is fake... fake nails, fake red color in her hair, fake boobs.. probably lipo cuz she said use to be fat. ugh she's nice, but i doubt that is real. ugh the wedding was really nice. n pretty too many ppl food was good lol i caught the bouque! lol long story but in the end i had it. alot has happened since ive been gone, don't know if i can hang out.. my mom "missed me soo much" yeah ryte, she jus missed havin soemone to yell at. so i ended up cryin myself to sleep last night ugh. n now i might not get to see the real ppl who missed me. blah. soo glad to be home! i didn't get to spend too much time with pam n them but when i did it was funn! hehe. got to talk to scott for like 4358787 hours bout alot of stuff. thanks buddy. well ill write more.. or not. i dunno. byes! |
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| im all packed ::tears:: | ||||
| 04:24pm 09/07/2002 | ||||
well anyways. boris made me n andrea cds of coal chamber yay thanks buddy. n danny got my a duckie n copied a cd for me. hehe tank u!! they r cool. woo yesturday was cool but we missed flounder. maybe today? we got into 2 arguments. i felt likt white trash. i cleaned the whole house today.. ugh. i am gonna be kissing my mom's ass til the concert. i have to go. n if that doesn't work i cam up with the perfect plan. here it is.. (cuz u care!) i will tell my mom that i'm goin to andrea's dad's house for rose's birthday party cuz she wants me there. n i wil tell my mom it's on monday (the oncert is on tuesday) this way she won't immediately know that im trickin her. then when she says yes ill be like oh wait rose's birthday is on monday but the party is in tuesday.n she already said yes so she can't change her mind jus cuz it' s a dif. day. so i will go to andrea's house n my mom will think that im goin to her dad's later.. but nope. im goin to a concert. hehe. i am so happy. i was cryin last night.. tears of joy.. i am so excited. i am goin. ahh. yesturday wil said- u look happy i paused for a sec n then said- yeah.. i am. hehe. well ill leave on a good note. byes! i wont' be updatin for bout a week... ill be in virginia. incase i don't make it back alive (lol) i love you all! have funn! not too much! i will miss u all desperately |
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| (2 pills | pop in a pill) |
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| who will save me | |||
| 10:01pm 07/07/2002 | |||
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hmm. haven't written in a few days. i hung out with flounder. it was cool. andrea was punished tho. we missed her. we saw a cool movie.lilo n stitch. it was funny n sad. we had funn.. katy was hoggin her tho, big show off. im talkin to flounder ryte now. yay. i downloaded a bunch more songs n got more tabs.yet i still don't have a bass.cuz that makes sense. confused. i was bored so i made a picture trail thing. it's cool.well i think so. kinda started packin for virginia. made mental lists of what i need. i need alot. i gonna miss ppl. i gonna like cry all the way there. i love planes.... i don't wanna fly alone tho. n i don't wanna be there alone. i don't get y everyone is too busy to go to a wedding... exspecialy my mom. amanda n them raised me while she was workin nights n sleepin during the day. the lest she an do is go to her wedding after not seeing her for a couple yrs,but no. lets send a 15 yr old there by herself. oh wait is this the same 15 yr old that we won't let go to a concert with other ppl... hmm.. cuz she's not responsible enough? oh yes but we will let her go on an AIRPLANE by HERSELF cuz that makes sooooooooooo much FUCKIN SENSE. ah. i think thats enough? |
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| the crushing weight on my shoulder | ||||
| 08:07pm 05/07/2002 | ||||
went to andrIa's dad's house for the forth of july. it was cool. i set off my first firework thingie! lol it was cool. i got barbells for my ears, my aunt n cousin jus came in, they think im stupid. yeah well they can shove it up their ass for all i care. i don't get ppl. n parents..what's the point n tellin me i cant get summtin pierced? like andrea said- it's not their body. my mom wouldn't let me die my hair until after my family came to visit... whats the point of that? she wants me to be lil miss perfect or summtin, like on the tv shows that she grew up watchin. perfect..yeah cuz there's such thing as that? oh fucking well. we didn't get to sleep til like 5 in the morning..lol then we got up around 2? thats the latest ive gotten up. i started packin for virginia already lol even thoi have like 5 days? i dont' wanna go on the plan. arg. i would rather walk. hmm that would be cool. phew im pooped. |
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| (1 pill | pop in a pill) |
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| sprinklers | ||||
| 10:16pm 03/07/2002 | ||||
helped my grandma put up wall paper. got moneys then hung out with jay n danny (his cousin) n boris! im gonna name my cat boris it was funn ran through alot of sprinklers. then danny got us soaked with the hose n whatevr. it was funny. they tired throwing us in the pool.. but im too fat. peole are really stupid. they think they can mess with me n get away with it? hmmm.. no?! n lie n talk behind my back.. but i ALWAYS find out.. kinda funny. we went to donalds n like everything andrea had on was stolen by me n her bag by dennis. lol funny.. n sad at the same time. bye |
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| (2 pills | pop in a pill) |
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tired| its fucking hot | ||||
| 05:40pm 02/07/2002 | ||||
i hate my step dad. lets put in the air conditioner so that only the living room can get cold... hmm.. funny.. that's where he is EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY SITTING ON THE FUCKING COUCH ALL THE TIME. where's dad? hmm...might wanna check the FUCKING COUCH ahhhhhh i swear... if there was a gun.. any gun would do. jus. boom. woke up early so that i could help my grandma with puttin up the new wall paper.. but she decided not to do it today.. maybe tomorrow. my mom is such a loser. it was soooo hot.. but nooo who cares if my room is the hottest room in the house? pssh.. not me? go clean ur room...um no mom it's too hot. i would rather kill myself. oh shut up n go clean ur room.. blah blah blah. step dad- do what ur mother tells u hmmm.. let me think... now im not gonna do it since u want me to. so i would suggest u shut up. yeah so then i went up stairs... i sat down on the stairs n cried sooo much..i had like a nervous brake down. ugh. i felt like kickin my foot into the wall. but i didn't. i jus sat there n cried. then fillin out my application... okay im stuipd so i asked my mom to help me. step dad- read it n answer the questions. no.. u can shut up now. step dad- write ur name u fuckin done now? -write ur age okay i get it now shut up. omg i would tell u more things but i really am embarressed. i swear... here's my promise, my goal- i will be in the news paper for killing him. |
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| (8 pills | pop in a pill) |
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| throwing sharks | ||||
| 10:16pm 01/07/2002 | ||||
but then i went to andrea's it was her brother's birthday ..n my cousin eddie's birthday ..n jay's dad's birthday ..n frank's mom's birthday coool we went in the pool n then went into town with her brother n went to music land. her brother is good at playin the guitar.. too good actualy. he needs to cut it out then we went to stellas n then back to andrea's but her brother wasn't there lol. we forgot him. then cake time.. n food time. i ate sooo much but it was good the back inthe pool... sooooo funnie! we were throwing the sharks around n jus made a game out of it.. n I WON ..i don't know? n then we went on the boogie boards.. lots of funn.. very difficult. hang 10 dude narly tubeular! lol n then we weredrying off n daning... well jus like spazing out kinda. but it was cool. phew.. im tired! nite nite |
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| (2 pills | pop in a pill) |
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| where's my bag? | ||||
| 09:06pm 30/06/2002 | ||||
got up kinda early, called kay-day n we went to the fair wih my mom n katy n my aunt kathy n cousin chrissie. my cousin is such an embarresment. i feel bad for my aunt.. n the rest of the family. ugh. she wore an outfit that you would see a strippe wearing at a club. it was discusting n her ass was hangin out. my mom was very mad. cuz it's us not apropriate. ugh. anyway the fair was cool.. somefun rides then me n kay-day went to the movies n saw mr deeds. it was cool. funny funny. we snuk into anoter movie lol then i came home. i got an application to king kullen... it's my last choice. i don't care n e more. i know il hate it but i need a job.. now. report cards..yay!.no. lol i did okay. pretty good. everyone was poud of me... except for my mom. i was proud of myself. she said if i didn't have pool,art,n orchestra in my schedule i would have gotten like a 70 as an average.. which isn't true. but i dunno. she was jus being a poopie i have to take my regents over.. i bet im like the only one. but she said for an honors student i should have done better. :sigh: |
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