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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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music |
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radiohead *karma police* |
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for the next couple of minutes, im going to write. Im going to write and not censor myself becuase everything im going to say are things that need to be said. by me. and not things that necessarily need to be heard, so if you think you have reason to be offended by this, stop reading. i dont want any nasty comments, because this is my journal, and i'm talking.
i miss the way things used to be. everyone is growing so fast, and looking at all the seniors who are graduating is really bringing this to life for me. every year gets harder and harder to see more and more of my friends leave. In eigth grade, i had to leave behind one of my closest friends that i have ever had. and it was my fault. it didnt need to be that way, but it was. and its too late to take that back now. i've seen too many close friends drift apart from me while i'm desperately hanging on to threads. and maybe this is my problem. if it wasnt, maybe it wouldnt happen so often. or maybe its just the way people are growing, and i have too much trouble letting go of moments, because they dont last forever. and i try too hard to make them. i remember a time when life was seemingly perfect. i remember a time when i was friends with my friends and that was it. those were the best days. i also remember a time when i had sunk to the lowest low i could get, laying with my head on the kitchen floor, because i was too sad to get up. and it was pathetic, but sometimes you cant help what you feel, and i know the people that have felt my sadness will know exactly what i mean. I've decided that my true friends are few and far between, and ive also discovered that maybe i like it better that way. i have the people i can count on, and the rest of you can go to hell. those people know who they are. i've cried myself sick over too many things that shouldnt bother me. i don'y even know what im trying to say with this entry except that i want to thank my friends that have put up with my crap endless amounts of times, and to say i miss you to the one person out there who i care about more than anything, and who doesnt even know it. and that wasnt meant in a romantic way at all to anyone who was wondering.
ps- this journal is going to be friends only from now on.. if i dont have you added for some reason, tell me, i'll get to it.
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relaxed
disappointed
enraged
excited
cold
mischievous
optimistic
artistic
tired
content
apathetic