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[15 Apr 2002|11:41pm] |
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I'm a very lazy journal writer. No doubt about that.
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| lyrics that come to life |
[24 Mar 2002|11:37am] |
Nobody could hurt me like I know you could hurt me
but there's nothing in this world that I want more
Nobody could take me to the places that you take me
Places that I've never been before
With my eyes wide open knowing full well
I could fall from heaven
I could fall from heaven
I could fall
I could break
that's the chance that I take
I could fall
Look at me I'm flying, just a breath away from dying
Holding on to you and letting go
As I walk across this wire above a lake of fire
And lean into the wind that starts to blow
With my eyes wide open knowing full well
Do I hide my heart? Do I lock my door?
Do I tear it out so it don't feel no more?
No, I risk it all knowing that I could fall from heaven
I could fall from heaven
I could fall
(inspired by: Evan and Jaron's I Could Fall)
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[23 Mar 2002|10:20am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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nelly furtado - on the radio |
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alrite well, HC is not too bad. i'm getting used to her energy and it's not a bad thing at all. maybe she's a little light-headed, but she's not exactly evil or anything. at least she's better than rita, who is considered to be my best friend but suddenly woke up one day and realized that she wants to find newer and more popular friends. hell..
speaking of emailing amy, i wrote her an extremely longgggg email the other day. it was like 6K... and when i tried to send it, something shitty happened to the computer and i lost everything. god, i was so angry i didn't bother writing any emails since. and now amy sent me an email saying that she has no one and i'm not even there for her. so i better start writing...
this song is sooooo cool. i luv it.
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| things are getting better |
[17 Mar 2002|12:13pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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Nelly Furtado - On The Radio |
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i went to swensen's yesterday for a comfort sundae. it was definately very comforting. ICE CREAM IS ALWAYS AND FOREVER COMFORTING. i've had a very tough and depressed week. when the problems at school started to get better, the things at home got worse. it was probably a "family argument day". i don't want to get into details. let's just say, the ice cream solved everything. all my problems have now chilled and life has become a little less painful. by the way, there's this new waitor at swensen's... i've never seen him before. he's so incredibly cute. guess i'll be having ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner now! not to mention- brunch and supper as well.
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| oh sucky day |
[12 Mar 2002|04:53pm] |
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mood |
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 nauseated |
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music |
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some freaking loud stuff the boy next door is screaming to |
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my neck hurts. even worse, my ear hurts. i think i sprained my neck from tilting it too much. couldn't help it. i needed eardrops again. they are starting to hurt. my ears are seriously the most sensitive part of my body. i can't believe i end up in the hospital almost 10 times a year because of my ears. it gets swollen on the inside and there is a pressure imbalance. as small as it may seem, it fuckin hurts..
i also feel like puking. i've felt like this the whole day. what is wrong with me... can't i just live a nice healthy and happy life? what have i done wrong?
anywayz... overall, today really sucked. i don't know how to say it so that i won't sound like an antisocial freak who is paranoid, boring, and miserable.. coz i swear to god i am not. it's just that... i don't feel like i'm understood.. by my friends... not even my so-called closest friends. i just feel like i don't have any friends. any real friends... ones that will be there when you need them... ones that will stand up for you when no one else will... ones that care about you... and most of all, ones that make you feel good about yourself. am i expecting too much or being cynical in some way? coz that's what i call a friend. and apparently, i don't have one. *blah* i miss vienna.
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| Three in da morning |
[06 Mar 2002|02:44am] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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Ed Harcourt - Apple Of My Eye |
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i can't believe it. i fell asleep. seems like i didn't manage to get anything done, including my essay. well, like i said, i'm so so so tired. i don't think i get enough sleep these days. for tonight, i set my alarm clock to 4am actually.. thinking i might wake up then and work on my essay. but nah... the goddamn essay kept haunting me in my dreams, so i couldn't stand it. got up, went to the bathroom, and here i am... clueless of what to write and falling asleep once more. i just hope that typing in this journal will keep me awake for a while. i really have to finish this essay by tomorrow morning. screw me! #&%$#@&%$#&@##
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[05 Mar 2002|08:32pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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god i'm sleepy. i have to write an essay for classic myths & legends tomorrow... i don't wanna do it.... honestly, i don't feel like bullshitting right now. i just feel so tired. the other day he told us to write a detailed plan... most people wrote a page or 2... i wrote 3... but Parker wrote 10+!! he's out of his minds... but teachers like it though. it shows EFFORT. freaking ugly effort, i'd say. oh well, i feel like i'm getting a B or lower for this stupid course. who cares.......
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| i love my mum |
[05 Mar 2002|07:43pm] |
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mood |
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 touched |
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my mum said, "don't worry if no one loves you. my love is so much more than everybody else's love combined. and with all my heart, i love you."
*sigh*
i love my mum. i really do and i'm not being childish. she's the best person in this world and even if she wasn't my mum, i think i would still love her. because she is not just a wonderful mother, but a wonderful person. people often say that when they grow up, they don't want to become their mother (but of course they do). well.. for me, to become just a part of my mother is the greatest thing that would ever happen. I'm not scared of dying, but i'm scared of living without her.
now why have i mentioned this motherly topic all of a sudden? probably because i just watched A.I. Thought it was just about robots. I guess not. If you haven't seen it, I strongly recommend it!
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| sucks |
[21 Feb 2002|05:52pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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i feel so damn alone.
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[15 Feb 2002|09:33pm] |
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Thank God, It's Friday.
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| i'm beautiful |
[14 Feb 2002|09:12pm] |
if i was beautiful like you
i would never be a fault
i'd walk in the rain
between the raindrops
bringing traffic to a hold
but that would never be
that would never never be
'coz i'm not beautiful like you
i'm beautiful like me.
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[14 Feb 2002|09:04pm] |
I'm a Water Spirit
Love, emotions, and relationships fill your days. You are constantly thinking about others, especially the ones you love. Others consider you a romantic and a fool. You give yourself to others, but don't give too much, even the breadmaker must eat.
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| valentines is coming up.... yay! |
[13 Feb 2002|06:55pm] |
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mood |
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 grateful |
] |
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music |
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fiona apple - across the universe |
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well, i decided to finally add michael to my icq list. i've been such a fool... i should have made a move ages ago... and not 1 day before valentines! but oh well, i'm confident and in a good mood right now... so i better follow my heart and message him before i start hiding again.
oh yeah, today this little kid on my school bus gave me a valentines card. he's in 1st grade, korean, and the most adorable kid ever! he likes to sit with me and give me candy, or whatever's in his pocket. he's so incredibly innocent, and that is what i admire about children... they're not corrupted like we are. i just wish i had a little brother like him! anywayz, his card read:
Happy Valentines
Day
(a messy drawing of a heart)
I love You
s-weet ! thanks kid, you made my day..
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| this film |
[12 Feb 2002|03:45pm] |
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watched this film called "painful secrets" or something like that.... it made me cry. probably becoz it was like watching myself at my worst times.
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| to add or not to add |
[09 Feb 2002|10:59pm] |
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mood |
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hesitated |
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music |
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all saints - pure shores |
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if you like someone... is it wrong to search for their email address? ..and what about adding them to your ICQ list? would you add your crush to your ICQ list? or is that too strange........... well, the thing is, i think i'm obsessed with this guy. not like i'm a psycho stalker or anything. i just like him a lot. my friend just got his email addy for me and all i can do is sit and stare at it. i don't think i have the guts to do anything. i want to add him to my ICQ list so badly, but i'm afraid i might make a fool out of myself or run out of things to say. what should i do?? god, i feel like i'm experiencing puppy love for the first time.. again.
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[07 Feb 2002|09:44pm] |
this reminds me of something. i use to have a big cherry tree at my old place. i think they cut it after we moved out. what a shame.. it was a great keeper of my many childhood memories. i just wish i could go back to those days again. they were such colorful days.
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