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Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in
Jay Barnes' LiveJournal:
| Sunday, May 13th, 2001 | |
| 10:46 pm | here we go again???? hi there fight fans, the long wait is over......I'M BACK!!, now, since i left you, i started seeing a girl, (sue) i'm having a lot of fun at the moment and praying that "SHE" doesn't affect me again, talking of which, i didn't see her for a few weeks, then bumped into her, she said she missed me and hugged me tightly, i ACTED cool/casual, but the temptation to hug her back was massive, but i didn't, (even after a few beers) impressive or what?! anyhow, she text me today asking me to come to the pub, when i replied no, she wrote back, "i have a very short skirt on" the images flashed through my mind, and it took several moments to recover from temptation and NOT run to her, she is not frightened of loosing me, just her power OVER me! still, it wasn't easy. i don't think she is being fair, after everything that was said, she still insists on these little mind (and heart) games, the thing is, i'm not a strong person when it comes to her.(not yet anyway). needless to say, i DIDN'T go, but the image is still with me, and YES i do feel guilty for my thoughts, but it was never going to be easy was it now?! the main thing is, whatever i go through, i don't want to hurt somebody else (sue), this has really got to end.......NOW!!! but i think i'm doing OK. see ya all soon. |
| Wednesday, April 25th, 2001 | |
| 10:50 pm | VERDICT: PLAIN AND SIMPLE, SHE SAID NO. WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE? I'M DONE............. |
| Sunday, April 22nd, 2001 | |
| 9:50 pm | the plot continues.... maybe thickens Hi, well, natasha and i met up on saturday, we went to a big biker do in a pub, not the best place to talk! so we didn't! which i must admit was a real gutter, however, we had a good laugh together and shared some alchohol! on the way to the car we held hands and walked arm in arm, held hands in the car on the way home,it felt right,despite the two twats in the front continuously taking the piss. just as i thought the day was over, and was resigned to being still in the dark, i asked if she was busy on monday, and the words she used gave me a glimmer of hope. she said we should take it one day at a time, now, i'm not sure what she was refering to, but needless to say i see hope! hopefully i'm not being too optimistic, the last thing i need to do is build my hopes up any further.(if that's possible) anyway, we shall see. i need her. |
| Thursday, April 19th, 2001 | |
| 9:59 pm | Hello adoring millions, i'm back!!! HI people, WELL have i got some news for you. my much maligned love life has taken a twist for the...... better I HOPE! i decided to talk to natasha, to see if she thought if there was any hope of us ever getting back together....SOON. in fact i asked her out.(to put it childishly) the question was posed in a "beating around the bush" kinda way, something along the lines of, "would it be the worst idea in the world if WE got back together?" needless to say i dithered around for at LEAST 30-40 minutes first, then i preceeded to gush on about how great and fantastic we would be together etc etc, really selling myself, she said that i didn't need to sell myself, but the most important thing is that she didn't say NO! we are meeting up on saturday when she finishes work. on a VERY serious note, if she says no i don't know WHAT i'll do, i've building up to this for months, she is my one and only, my entire universe. i would genuinely do ANYTHING for her! what more can i say? i KNOW i could make her happy, she HAS to say yes. PLEASE. my sanity depends on it. anyway, i'll let you know the outcome soon. |
| Saturday, April 14th, 2001 | |
| 10:55 pm | AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, that's better well, sorry about that last entry, felt a little morose, my best mate stu and i just had a laugh at matt's expense, i'm not sure he took it great. i spent FAR too much money today and yesterday, oh well, it was fun. i may post a song or two for you people to ridicule, i like them though, and i suppose that's what really matters! ( i hope) ooh, gotta sneeze: that's better, and no stu, i wasn't spacking out!!! anyway, that's me pretty much done for today, speak soon, goodbye my pretties!!! |
| 9:25 pm | today. today has been rather straight forward, the general run of the mill day. i did have a moment of meloncholy though, came accross a letter from my ex (natasha) which was in my wallet, must've been hidden there for a while! she put it there for me to find when we were together, it was filled with love. how pathetic am i? it's been over 2 years since we split, yet she still manages to affect my relationships and my heart. (heavy sigh) but then we DID go through everything possible together, from her affair to the abortion. i think i'm still in love with her! i'd better go before i start listening to the old rock ballards! thanks for listening. |
| 12:45 am | general me. i am here, of that i am certain, then what, iam forced to ask myself, is the invisible force that fills me every so often,that elusive creature we call "emotion"? one minute you feel on top of the world, then, you hear a particular song, or catch a whiff of a familiar scent, and a ghost like hand grips your heart and squeezes all the joy from it! a touch morose i agree, it's just that it happened today and i had to write! see you soon! |