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LiveJournal for curled up like a little fetus.
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| Saturday, February 23rd, 2002 |
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-i'm getting sick again. -a big black guy told me i had cool hair. -my uncle flew in from cali last night. -11 relatives are visiting now. -everyone keeps asking about school and psats and sats and i wish they would shut up. |
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| Friday, February 22nd, 2002 |
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him: tell me something new and meaningful me: about me? him: about you, about me, about us ... me: i don't think i have anything ... new and meaningful. that's the way it is with me lately. everything just feels ... empty. |
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 Which 80's tv toon are YOU? | made by kt of p-e.org. |
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| Thursday, February 21st, 2002 |
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my day which was supposed to be super busy ended up being nothing at all. nik called to cancel our plans for tonight because he hadn't slept or something else of equal irrelevance ... and when i went to meet lily she never showed. so i'm here instead, staring into nothing and listening to the commercials playing in the background. people suck. |
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"i know we never follow through, but what can i say, c'est la vie." well, what can i say? fuck you. i can't believe you called me to say that. |
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| something is making me uneasy lately. i don't know why--i hope it's nothing. i want tomorrow [later today] to be good.... | ||||||
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| Wednesday, February 20th, 2002 |
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R You are restricted. Well done, you're now "Which Movie Classification Are You?" Test created by Jamie - take it here. |
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Subj: no subject Date: 2/19/02 2:43:52 PM EST To: L0st pixiE ____________________________ call me. ____________________________ |
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| Tuesday, February 19th, 2002 |
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i want to believe there's safety to be found in you and me, in us. something tells me it'll be like the last time though. your eyes turned to stone and mine glazed over as i crumple in the corner. i think about how stupid this sounds and i want to smash my head against the wall. i don't love you. how could i? love is nothing but a fickle misconception. |
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| Monday, February 18th, 2002 |
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so ... i went shopping with my mom today. haha! i can't remember the last time i did that. but it was ok ... 'cause i didn't have to pay for anything. i got new chucks [promised not to deface them till after the relative go], an xoxo mini skirt for $4, an xoxo denim halter thingy for $4, a studded belt ... checkered undies .... oh--and i made $75 selling gold. so, now i've got some money. |
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| Friday, February 15th, 2002 |
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oh the memories. Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty |
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i so sick. just woke up. looked in the mirror. my face is bloody and there's mascara stains under my right eye. the inside hallow of my elbows hurts alot--like someone's been punching me repeatedly there. my neck feels like it can't support the weight of my head. my stomach looks hallow. i'm not hungry. i think i lost some weight maybe. i don't remember my stomach looking like this before. typing hurts my arms--must stop. |
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| Thursday, February 14th, 2002 |
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nik: happy valentine's day. pixie: stop saying that--it's not happy. [i shove open the door and go down a flight of steps.] nik: sarah! [i go back up the steps] nik: it is happy--i'm your valentine--tell everyone. pixie: what everyone? nik: i don't know--the superficial [he trails off] [insert long hug] pixie: alright. i'm happy. i gave him a mixtape i made in the wee hours of the morning. he gave me a photo of myself smiling. i think he's the only person who's ever been able to get me to smile in photographs. |
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| Wednesday, February 13th, 2002 |
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so ... advanced painting sucks. i think pulver has some sort of problem with me ... only, i don't know why. he never says anything about my work. he never looks at my sketchbook, even though he looks at everyone else's, and he yells at me. i got there late today and he was all pissy--told me to go out to the bulletin board and take a photo ... so i get out there and all that's left is sid vicious [the photo is really really dark] and ice-t. so, of course, i choose vicious , because ice-t is just that ugly. when i got back into the room there were no seats, so i was forced to sit on the nasty floor. i ended up laying down on my belly, because sitting all hunched over the paper wasn't comfortable. and then, every time he passed by he'd call me sid. [go figure.] |
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| Tuesday, February 12th, 2002 |
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maybe this is the way it's supposed to be. running my fingers over your spine in the stale air. |
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you tell me to call. you complain when i don't. i called you--left a message at 3:01 am. 4 am brings nothing but bitter rewrites as i talk to myself. i'd post it here but i don't wanna--and i couldn't fit in the part about sid and nancy. |
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| Monday, February 11th, 2002 |
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| i wish you could smile. | ||||
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| Saturday, February 9th, 2002 |
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blood drips over my forehead meshing into my white hair and staining like smashed cherries mascara bleeds from beneath my eyelids burning all the way down like gin on an empty stomach and if i lay still while you put the ribbons from cassette tapes you'd smashed in your spare time [idle am hours from 12-5] over my pale flesh-- well, i'd be your tragic beauty your frozen, broken corpse. |
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i was starting to feel like i don't want people reading my confessions. but then i looked at this journal and realized half the time i don't even know what the fuck i'm talking about ... so in all likely-hood, nobody else does either. [shrugs.] if anybody needs t-shits, t-shirts.com has some pretty nifty ones. |
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| Thursday, February 7th, 2002 |
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i hate feeling like this. i'm sorry i was so fucking selfish last night. i'm so sorry. i remember her looking at some of the pictures he took of me and saying, "god--you look suicidal." and she was serious. and i promised myself [and you silently] that i wouldn't look like that again. not in your photos. not ever. but i feel it crawling over my face again. that saddness. there's so much death and pain around me right now .... i'm sorry. i know it's no excuse. |
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LiveJournal for curled up like a little fetus.
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