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Muted Faith
I'm not a traveler here.
I wished my life away
for painted stories,
pixel skies,
and violet dismay.

I'm not a prisoner here..
Although I'm bound by time,
ethereal warden.
Here I try,
and find my hands are tied.

I'm not a sinner here..
I've held my share of guilt.
That sweet remorse
can't hold me
to a lie another built.
I'm not a watcher here.
My fingers taste the sand,
strange fascination
sifted through
a pauper's blistered hand.

I'm not uncertain here..
Although my thoughts collide.
Voices only
echo what
I can't control inside.

I'm just a dreamer here..
Imagining this rhyme.
I'll leap through air, and
if I die,
it's only in my mind.

Links
| mutedfaith.com
| my reality
| the ward
| the warden
| LJ info
| LJ pics
| Memories

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Data
Name: Angel
Pen: Faith
Sun Sign: Aquarius
Moon Sign: Pisces
E-mail: faith@mutedfaith.com
AIM: labiie
Yahoo!: mutedfaith
Pic: of me

Artwork
07.31: Catastrophe
07.25: Ethan
07.08: Adlar

LJ pic: Riwen


About Me
- I'm a bitch. I know it. I'm also very cynical. I love a good argument, as long as the other person knows not to take it as a personal insult.

I'm a true Aquarian, though I'm known to have the occasional emotional outburst. If you add me to your friends list, let me know; I don't check my info page very often, so I probably won't add you back if I don't know you're there.

Then again, I've been known to do weirder things.

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capricorn and pisces. [09 Oct 2002|01:34pm]
[ mood   |   lonely ]

-.-'

Pisces is PG-13, so if you're under 13 be warned. I don't want your parents to come yelling at me or something...

capricorn )




pisces )
  22 chuckles  |  laugh at me


new picture. [27 Sep 2002|11:35pm]
[ mood   |   tired ]

It's been a long day. Had my first mid-term this morning [ACKACKACK], but I think I got at least a B. [-crosses fingers-] Just finished a long, three-hour homework project... Started work on a two-hour homework project... But at that point I got tired, and did the dishes instead.

*meep*

I've been experimenting with chalk lately. Of course, I've also been experimenting with ink [like, the quill-pen kind of ink], but that's not going too well.. ~_~

Anywho. Chalk picture. -

Jubilee, in New York )

  17 chuckles  |  laugh at me


a lot of nothing [19 Sep 2002|09:42pm]
[ mood   |   silly ]

When I was in high school / university, I used to doodle when I was supposed to be taking notes and writing. A few days ago, I found myself writing in class when I was supposed to be doodling.

..... What happened?!?!!?!

Leanne came online the other day. I wouldn't know if she comes online often, I haven't been online much myself. I wonder what changed... I mean, did my life just become that much more complicated, or did I find better/worse things to do with my time, or... Why don't I come online anymore?

Blah. I feel like I've grown up and I'm no longer allowed to play in the MacDonald's ball-play-house-thing. :\

I don't know why.

ooh, now I remember what I was going to do... I was going to finish those pictures I was working on.. Yeah...

~_~

  17 chuckles  |  laugh at me


Life, the Universe, and Everything. [15 Sep 2002|11:10am]
[ mood   |   busy ]

"Help me decide if my fire
will burn out before you can breathe...
Breathe into me. I stand alone
inside, I stand alone.."

-----

Never stay up late watching zombie movies. You usually end up dreaming about zombies.

Not that dreaming about zombies is a completely bad experience. But it's one of those things you don't want to experience more than once. I mean, people grabbing you in weird places and trying to tear off your flesh is just... unnerving.

Anyway. HI. Gods, it feels like ages since I've posted here... Not much has changed except the load of homework, and my pastimes. I've actually resorted to writing in my previously abandoned notebook while I'm at school. I can't remember the last time I wrote a story with pen and paper, before this one. But I've written twenty pages or so of this silly story stuck in my head, and I'm enjoying it with the exception of how much time it takes.

Other than that... I've gotten addicted to a video game, for the first time since tenth grade. I don't usually have that problem. I never play video games anymore. But when I start playing one, I play it until nobody could possibly beat me. Hehehe.. That happened with Super Mario Brothers [all of them], Mariokart, Zelda [the one for SNES], Final Fantasy 7 [I got Aeris to level 99 once... hehehe], Doom [but really, I only ever liked playing it when I had the cheat codes on, because otherwise I would get scared and dream of imps and stuff.], Hugo 3 [if you've never played it, you're not missing much], Round 42 [I really miss this game], ... and a bunch others. And now I'm stuck on Dungeon Keeper. X_x

I've decided that making anything with copper wire is harder than it's worth. Last night I had to employ the help of my husband and brother to get a piece of wire attached to another piece with an asetaline torch [asetaline? aset... a.. well, you know what I mean.. I think..]. For some reason, everyone flinches when my husband has a torch in his hands. I wonder if it has anything to do with that time he nearly fried my face..

Um.

My child is learning to fence, for some reason. o.O Not even two years old, and she knows how to hold a kendo stick.

Must.. Update... Site... Today...

I think it's gotten harder for me to come online, because I'm never alone anymore. My brother's come here, and when we're together we tend to watch TV/movies, play games, talk, ... actually do things. LOL. So if anyone wonders, that's why I haven't been online. I'm very rarely alone anymore, and I've always felt bad about being online while other people are here. Maybe I'll get over it soon.

O.o ... My brother wants to charge entrance fees to people who enter the house.

I had my first art evaluation the other day. My teacher actually yelled at me in our last class for doodling when I should have been drawing. [Try to figure out THAT one.] Maybe it was because I was drawing in my sketch book and not on the newsprint. I hate newsprint... All my really dark pencils aren't really dark on newsprint, because they're still graphite. I actually have to use charcoal to get a decent line on the thing - which is still impossible to erase.

Most of my pictures are on the nice 14' x 2304981230943' paper [or something], which is why I haven't put any of them on my site. WAY too big for my poor little scanner. And messy. And charcoal-ish. Hum.

Oh. Yes. For anyone who wanted to know, the zombie movie last night was Resident Evil. It was decent, as far as a horror movie goes.. Contained all the horror movie elements a good scare flic should. But as a decently designed movie, it fell short. The plot sucks. Too many good people die. And stuff.

I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME.

There. I feel better.

Have a nice day, I still luff you all, sorry I haven't been around. ^_~

  17 chuckles  |  laugh at me


insignificant. [01 Sep 2002|08:33pm]
[ mood   |   numb ]

"This is how you remind me
of what I really am."

-----

Throughout the thoughts that plague my mind, the endless rhyme and reason of a rhymeless illogical existence set apart and stuck together, there hangs this gray expanse of wasted energy and dark suspicion. I know it's there, I know there's a reason, a better reason; and even my mind, when I can fathom the deeper waves and keep myself above the current, still only manages to grasp enough to keep me buoyant.

It's a thoughtless expression that goes into picture, into line, into every twist of graphite and ink and every smear of color captured on a bloody sheet. That cloud, that ever-looming cloud, wavers low over my existence like some sinister reprieve - some distant storm along whose tendrils I'm awash, lost in some fancy dream.

I don't so much mind the dream. It's what keeps me here, always here, always studying, watching, hoping for some wisp of light, some bright flicker of electric current to brighten the dark blankets.

I'm not the only one here; but sometimes when the currents sweep their way, huge watery arms that slosh and splash and tunnel through like liquid snakes, it seems like I am. They vanish, disintegrate, specks on a field of blackened blue, insignificant as me. We're all insignificant. Some darker power looms above us, all around us... Some of us worship it, some of us fear it, and some of us drown ourselves in lieu of its might.

As for me, I follow its silent meandering, crater-nonsensical pattern to keep me guessing, always guessing. It's what it wants. A guess. A feeble clasp to some belief, some hope, some reprehensible understanding, just long enough to keep my arms fighting for a few futile seconds. Then dash, and it's gone again, lost to the waves again, somewhere beneath.

But it doesn't matter. The straw of faith keeps me there, pulls me over the waves again, and flickers away on the wind. And I'm lost again, tossed again, timeless sensation of swells and sweeps and stirring remorsefulness, one more piece of sanity lost to them. What's sanity, what's sanity, that dismal piece of logic they call sanity? Believing their beliefs? Holding on for holding's sake? Fighting for nothing better to do, no other way out, no other way but to fight, to struggle, to slap at the waves that would drink me in a heart-beat, a feathered beat of grim imagination?

It never mattered to them. The storm, the cauldron we're all stirring in. When the water starts boiling, dead bodies rising in their peaceful slumber, burnt flesh from the bottom of this metal pot coiling against the salacious swell of liquid, we'll all be gone. Gone and dead and buried. This struggle won't matter. These lines upon a paper, pixels upon a screen, pulse upon a dying, rhythm-less tune will fade, melt, mix with the bodies, more flavor for some bulging god's redemption.

I can't quite see clearly anymore. The sky once separated, bright and dark, sun and cloud, storm and calm. Now it's all a mixture, all a swirl of dead emotion painted with a watered brush over some bleary canvas. What artist rendered such violent surges with a measly palette of grays? What sick, sadistic bastard stirs this sea with such cacophony?

Or is it even sadism? More frighteningly still,
we breathe at some unfeeling Creature's will.

  13 chuckles  |  laugh at me


^_^ [30 Aug 2002|11:11pm]
[ mood   |   silly ]

Apparently, my skeleton half-people are disturbing.

XD

mmm... I have a new race of zombie people to do my bidding!

The zombie will eat your soul! )

  22 chuckles  |  laugh at me


classes. [21 Aug 2002|03:45pm]
[ mood   |   groggy ]

Song quote:

"A word from the president.

...To all you public kings who helped me win,
I'd like to thankya.
Cuz now I got the world swingin from my nuts,
and damn it feels good to be a gangsta."

-----

Well, for everyone who wanted to know...

I've been to four of my classes so far [won't get to the fifth one until Friday]. I love two of them, like one of them, and the other one is going to kill me. X_x

Art History is so cool. ^_^ The teacher is kind of scary, but that's okay. I think it's going to be interesting... at least the first half of it. We're studying art all the way up to the Rennaissance - ancient Greece, Egypt and prehistoric art. :D It's in a dark room with comfortable seats too, so I have to remember to bring caffeine or something to stay awake. o.o;

I have a figure drawing class that ranks up there [not quite my favorite, but that's just because it's hard]. eesh, we had to draw fifteen pictures in my last class. But it was interesting, and I love the teacher's approach. And he plays music! WOO. And he doesn't use the text book. So that saves me $75.

Then there's... Visual Design, or something. I don't know, because the last two classes we've spent talking about each other. LOL. It's one of those "get to know everybody" teachers, but I've kind of forgotten what the class' purpose was because of it.

... The class that's going to kill me is Drawing: perceptive systems. It's a still-life drawing class. I HATE still-life. I'm an imagination-drawer, I take things out of my head, or I can sometimes draw figures if they model for me. But still-life?!?! That's like... so wrong. [but it's a required course, so blah.]

I still haven't been to whatever this "American Creativity" class is supposed to be. It was the only elective that fit into my schedule, which is the only reason I took it. >P Ugh. I have such a bad feeling about it.

  20 chuckles  |  laugh at me


schedule! [15 Aug 2002|03:45pm]
[ mood   |   accomplished ]

Well, I missed the main shuttle bus this morning. So I didn't get to go to the opera house and spend all day doing the "OL-planned activities," like talking with people like me, and meeting new people and whatnot. However, I did things that I actually needed to get done [somehow, the needed items are avoided the first five days for more important getting-to-know-each-other stuff, which I was never good at in the first place].

I fixed my schedule. :D

Time/DayMondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFriday
8:30-11:15visual design visual design american creativity I
12:15-3:00western art & ideasfigure drawing [:D] figure drawing [:DD] 
3:15-6:00 drawing: percept.syst. drawing: percept.syst. 


I found my mailbox. OMG it's like... on the very top! I couldn't even reach it when I stood on my tip toes! ... Sometimes it sucks to be vertically challenged. X_x I'm thinking of requesting a lower box. Then again, I'm thinking of inventing some weird platform that involves that golf cart and the recycling bin I saw next to my box. Ah well. Maybe I'll just develop spider-powers and climb my way up the side to check my mail.

I went to their art store and got all the supplies they said I needed, for about $100 cheaper than I'd thought it was going to cost. That's always a plus.

Now.. Must finish pictures and do other mundane stuff.

  5 chuckles  |  laugh at me


neo-paganism. [14 Aug 2002|09:44pm]
[ mood   |   careful ]

I had someone ask me today what religion I am. I was at Ringling for Orientation, and I was passing the Interfaith Council booth, when a student volunteer reached out to shake my hand.

"Hi! My name's Josh, I'm a member of interfaith council. I'm actually a Jew. This is my friend Dan, he's a Christian. What religion are you?"

... I stood there blankly for a moment. I know what I believe, it's so easy for me to lay out what I believe... but I never actually put myself under any category besides "Other" when it came to religion. I had my own special religion, or something.

So I said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm pagan."

It sounded so foreign to me. I wondered what my dad would think, if he knew I'd just said that. I pictured his jaw dropping, or him disowning me on the spot, or him calling for an emergency youth group meeting to save me or something.

The christian's jaw pretty much dropped. He gave me one of these horrified looks. The Jew was a bit more understanding - he actually smiled and continued shaking my hand. "That's great, we have several pagans, you should drop by sometime and see how diverse we are."

Well hum. When I got some time to myself later, I began researching religions. LOL I never did it this way... I was looking for a religion to fit into the mold I'd already created. Something close to what I believed.

And the closest thing I've found so far is Wicca. I guess I could consider myself a Wiccan. I mean, I don't hold ceremonies or celebrate Sabbat... but I do cast the occasional home-made spell or scribe the occasional sigil on a talisman or do the occasional reading for a friend from tarot cards and rune stones. I don't hold to the idea of a God and Goddess.. but I do believe that a creative force exists in the universe. I read this from a website on Wicca that described my beliefs of the afterlife almost perfectly:

Some believe in ancient legends of a Summerland where souls go after death. Here, they meet with others who have gone before, review and integrate their previous lives on earth, and are eventually reincarnated into the body of a new born. Some believe that after many such cycles -- perhaps some as female and others as male; some lives with a high standard of living and others in poverty; some in positions of power and others suffering oppression -- that the individual accumulates sufficient experience to go on to another level of existence about which we know nothing.

I've always believed in the Three-Fold law, and the Wiccan Rede [though I never knew they were called that, or that they were even Wiccan ideas].

Ergh. So I guess if I have to label myself, I'd call myself a Wiccan. At least until I find something that suits my description more accurately.

Evil Witches [just thought this was interesting.] )

  52 chuckles  |  laugh at me


la-dee-da. [13 Aug 2002|09:20pm]
[ mood   |   predatory ]
[ music   |   tonight, and the rest of my life - nina gordon ]

Song quote:

"Down to the earth I fell
with dripping wings.
Heavy things won't fly.

...I feel so alive.
This is all I want to feel tonight.
I feel so alive,
tonight and the rest of my life."

-----

Well I've spent the last two free days trying to tighten up a bunch of loose ends that seemed to have come undone over the last few months. I went to Ringling to get my schedule, but they had conveniently gone to lunch five minutes before I got there. So I still don't have my schedule, and won't have it until tomorrow.

Mere found me the name of that song [song quote], it's been driving me crazy.. I mean, I practically knew the whole song, and I couldn't figure out its name or the singer's name. But now I have it! Woo.

I have to file a fictitious name-thingy with the state of Florida so I can accept checks and whatnot under my business name. -_-; Which is gonna cost me more money. But oh well. Hopefully it'll be beneficial in the long run.

I feel like I've waited my whole life for tomorrow. I don't know why. I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to feel that my whole life has just been culminating up to this one, fine point; but I can't break away from the thought. Nothing else seems to matter, right now... it's like everything I've done has been for this, and my heart for the first time in a long time feels so hopeful and burdened and ... I don't know.

Have you ever just known - you can't tell how, but you just know - that you're supposed to do something? That all your life is driving toward one point, a point that sometimes seems so far away or so obscure that you can't possibly reach or understand it? And all you want to do is touch it, or know it, or somehow find a way to meet that point. It almost becomes an obsession. A thing that you sometimes refuse to look at because it seems so hopeless, so impossible, so ridiculous; and if you say it to someone else you know they might not even understand... They'll tell you to grow up, quit being silly, quit dreaming. But at night, when your thoughts float away, they float back to that one, fine point. You can't stop them. It's there, it's always there, always haunting your every dream, always waiting and following you like some dark shadow that you can't quite break free from.

I'm not saying that I've found that point. But when I sleep at night, when I dream, I can see the point now... I can almost smell it, like a dog following the trail of some skittering fox. I've just caught that vague scent again, and it's like suddenly, I know exactly where to go. Everything, for one brief and illuminating moment, seems so easy and so perfectly planned. I know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know what that point is, I don't know where I'm going... But I can smell it, I can follow it, the path is right there and it leads to the point. And it's all that matters. I don't know how, but it's all that seems to matter.

I've forgotten the game of "What's the point?". I've forgotten the old questions and lazy musings and pointless snuffing up trees with a few mundane squirrels. It's the chase that's driving me now, somehow, and whatever the point is, it's forcing me toward it. I have to find it. I have something, a vague scent, a vague direction, but I have it. The shadows are still there, the questions still hanging in the stale, cold air like some sinister drug to slow the senses. But the questions don't matter. Did they ever matter? It never mattered what the point was, what the end was; it was always the game, the chase that drove me. The competition. The silly race to prove myself worthy.

And here I am again, bounding after some silly and mysterious point, following some vague trail left to drag me along like a good little pup. Nevermind that my legs are tired, and I need a good night's sleep. The point doesn't wait. It doesn't slow down for a quick nap, it just keeps going, slinking forward, scurrying off in the shadowy distance until I won't be able to smell its tracks anymore. No, no rest here. I'm eager to the end, curiosity driving me forward, as it always will.

And now that I've compared myself to a dog, ...I think I'm going to go howl at the moon or something.

Will write more tomorrow. v.-;

  6 chuckles  |  laugh at me


Eulogy o.O [09 Aug 2002|08:49am]
[ mood   |   chipper ]

[lol, mainly for mightyd]

My days have trickled to an end,
no more I'll keep what I intend
quiet, staid and locked within.
I'll let you know.

Bob, I wish you could have stayed,
the humor died that you once made -
and without you, I'm underpaid.
Glad for you, though.

Ned Flanders- uh, Len, my mistake!
always donned his Sunday-fake
mustache-smile; and with each take
I wanted to explode.

Dan, I asked you what you wanted,
gave my all to help provide it.
Somehow, though, I'm disenchanted
with this weary load.

Karen. Ooh, did I forget that
project? Well here, I'll just get that
for you. How's tomorrow sound?
Yeah. I thought so.

Do your own damn paper inserts,
bitch. And there's my special insult,
just for you! Not any subtler,
like your own.

Just because you don't know F10
from that box's other functions
doesn't mean you can't be taught.
Telemarket-hoe.

And to the many former clients
bitching that I'm not suppliant
changing their insurance agents
when my boss says no,

deal with it. Or try and make me.
I'm not moving till you pay me.
I can't help if they won't let me,
and they won't.

You have an agent, Mark in Venice,
just cause he's not in this office
doesn't mean you have to reem us.
Leave us alone.

To all the other clientele
who didn't call and give me hell,
or kept their voice below a yell,
and didn't know,

I really did appreciate you.
Here, I stayed and worked to keep you,
I'll be missing all three of you!
Jane and John and Joe.

I think that's all I have to say.
And now I'm going to fade away,
with one last thought. FUCKING HOORAY!
I finally get to go.

  10 chuckles  |  laugh at me


last day!! [09 Aug 2002|08:42am]
[ mood   |   apathetic ]

Quote:

"Nice LADY.
These shoes are too SMALL for your FAT foot."
[Animaniacs]

-----

The EMO Sub-culture [I swear, this guy cracks me up.]

So I say fuck it. I'm making my own subculture. We're going to take the name "Soundies" and when people ask us what kind of music we listen to, we'll reply, "Y'know. I like stuff with like, sounds... different sounds, y'know?" We'll wear pocket t-shirts and have long, well-kept hair.

And let me be the first to say, "I am not a Soundie."


-----

It's been awhile sense I've posted an opinion on ...anything, really. I think it's overwhelming apathy, coupled by better things to do with my life. Everything I have an opinion on has already been reproduced into words that would far out-reach my own, so why add to the clutter?

Then again, it's been awhile since anyone asked my opinion on subjects like that. I'm rather talkative when someone gets me started / shows an interest in my opinion on something.

And, for another thing, the questions on which people tend to ask my opinions I honestly have no opinion for. Like the creation of the universe. [Well, this one is old, and I have since gotten an opinion on this topic; but I'd rather not share it with anyone.] A friend of mine who was looking for a philosophical debate [and a way to turn me toward Christianity] prodded me on my opinion about creation. He said he could scientifically prove his standpoint.

I said... I have no opinion. It was the past, and whatever happened happened, and it doesn't really matter any more. [I'm not big on history, I rather like dwelling on the present and future.]

He argued that the history of our various religions were the foundation for them, and without them we have no base to stand on.

I said... I don't care. I know what I believe, and if I'm lacking an opinion on something, it's probably for a good reason. I'm sure you could prove creation at least a dozen times, while if I asked an athiest, they could prove evolution a dozen times. Whatever. It doesn't matter. It's a moot point.

That argument went on for awhile.

So, until someone asks my opinion on something that I have an opinion on, I'll stick to my meaningless rambles on spiders and art and life. And maybe one-liners. And HTML. I'm better when it comes to abstract reasoning, anyway.

-----

On another note, it's my last day here!!! WOO! ...I'm thinking of writing a eulogy or something to everyone in this office.

  18 chuckles  |  laugh at me


i shall annoy you with surveyness! [08 Aug 2002|01:42pm]
[ mood   |   silly ]

[taken from keywood.]

my name is: unimportant

I may seem: apathetic. But it's probably just because I don't care.

but I'm really: ... detached from that thing.. you know.. that thing! Augh, you know what I'm talking about.

people who know me think: I have weird dreams.

sometimes I feel: like a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

my days are pretty: rainy, this month. -watches clouds gather again-

yesterday: -sings- All my troubles seemed so faaar away!...

i: jklmnop?

i like to sleep: in a cardboard box with an empty can of pistachios.

if i could be doing anything right now I would be: saying something inspirational. Hang on... it's coming.... - Ah, no, it died.

money is: the element that enlarged to compensate for whatever element is missing from our sphere of life.

one thing I don't have that I wish I did is: time.

one thing I have that I wish I didn't is: red widow spiders!

all you need is: air. Air is good. Competition is bad. I like jell-o.

all I need is: wait, was that a trick question?? ... I have no idea what you need!!! -stare- Maybe a good psychological evaluation, if all you do is go around asking people what they need and never giving them any of it. Damn you!! DAMN YOU!!... [we apologize. this program is experiencing technical difficulties. please be patient.]

if I had one wish it would be: MINE. You can't have it. My wish.

When I look in the mirror I see: the other side of the mirror! ... oh wait, no, that was the wormhole. Um... glass? My bathroom wall? Toilet paper!...

love is: patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. [-stupid bible verse lessons engrained in memory...-]

my body: wasn't there a song that started like that? They played it on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or something.. The part where Casey followed that kid, Danny, to the Foot's hideout..

if an angel flew into my window at night I would: probably be sleeping. Or be in the other room. I'll have to post a sign outside my window now saying "All angels and disembodied spirits, please follow the hallway to the livingroom and wait in line." Or just nail the window shut and post a big sign at the living room window.

if a demon crashed into my window I would: Now see, why do angels fly and demons crash? I mean, if I were an evil being with huge, sleek black wings I think I'd be a little less clumsy with my well-endowed self. And if the window were closed for the demon [because obviously there had to be a reason for the demon to *crash* into something], why automatically assume that it would be open at the time the angel flew in?? - Oh. Um. I would... probably ask it to leave..? Unless it wanted a muffin or some help for the wounds the glass inflicted over it when it *crashed* through the window.

if I could see a few people right now it would be: pretty normal. I don't know about you, but I see a few people every day.

i live for: green m&ms.; They're like Scooby-snacks.

I dare you all to: ask me a question I can't find a silly answer to.

i am afraid of: banana spiders. ¬_¬ LOUSY VICIOUS JUMPING ARACHNIDS.

it makes me angry when: I'm going to eat like a taco or a piece of pizza or something, and my hand's all full because otherwise the stuff would drip everywhere, and right then a fly lands on my glass. You know? And then you have to find a place really quick to set the darn food, all the while flailing your elbows at the fly and screaming at it [like that's gonna scare it off], "SHOO! SHOO! GET OFF!" and then your daughter starts crying because you're yelling, and your husband calls out "What's wrong??" and all you want to do is get rid of the f***king fly but it's stuck to the side of your glass and its hairy little legs are slowly sloping down the side, and you KNOW it's gonna float its obnoxious way down to the drink and take a sip. So you set the messy thing on a plate or a napkin or [usually] some important paper that you really needed, and you start waving your hands over your drink - but it just makes the fly [who was already tipping over the side] go further in your drink! -.... um.

I dream about: ... if you don't know, I'm not telling you.

i daydream about: roller-blading across roof-tops and casting magic missile and destroying evil Cthulian monsters. My imagination is a very scary place.

one year ago, I: was.. sitting at this desk, typing. AUGH.

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"Oops, we made a mistake..." [08 Aug 2002|11:48am]
[ mood   |   stormy ]

Halfway through the hurricane season along the eastern coast of the US, meteorologists release revised reports of lessened activity, contradicting their reports from before about an increase in hurricane activity this year.

Um. Wow. I couldn't have guessed...??

We've had three named storms so far, and we're halfway through the damned hurricane season. As an avid hurricane watcher, I know that we get an average of 9 named storms, five of them turning into hurricanes, and one of them passing category 3 in strength.

We have Bertha, which is now nothing but a meager tropical depression off Texas' east coast, and Tropical Storm Cristobal, which is spinning farther away from us [but surprise surprise, we still can't bind coverage on windstorm insurance because it's in Florida's map grid].

Taken from the national weather service [www.weather.com] -

"Hurricane experts with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration were the latest to release an updated seasonal forecast this week. They called for seven to ten named tropical storms, and said four to six of those systems would strengthen to hurricanes. Of those hurricanes, one would reach Category 3 strength or higher, making it a major hurricane.

Earlier this year, experts released forecasts that called for more activity. They say a few recent developments prompted them to lower expectations."

Hm. I wonder what recent developments could have thrown off the whole course of our hurricane season.

I mean, the first half of hurricane season is supposed to be the bad half. And now we're on the decline. AUGH. I didn't see one good storm. Cristobal isn't even a decent tropical storm.

I want my hurricane, demmit. >_<

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banana spider [08 Aug 2002|08:01am]
[ mood   |   twitch ]

Poem Quote:

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
but I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep."
[Robert Frost - Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening]

-----

Why is it that just saying banana spider can make me twitch? Bleh. I think it's James' fault. I don't remember being so afraid of the durn things until one of them jumped at my character's face [I have a horribly vivid imagination, it was kinda real to me. ¬_¬].

But. I found out those spiders that have been amassing themselves around my house are not banana spiders [even though they really looked like them]. They are [or at least two of them were] red widows. Has anyone ever heard of a red widow? red widow picture )
BLAH. For some reason, even though they're more poisonous, I can deal with them better than banana spiders.

stupid banana spiders -mumblemutter-...

Only two more days here. X_x. Have to call FedEx.. Go to the mall and get that application.. Finish pictures, update webpage, finish filing, clear out desk, get my !@#$ schedule [but I can do that on Monday]...

Oh, yes. The only schedule they sent me was in a Parent's Handbook that said something about "helping your children make the transition into college." They sent the parent package to my house. And the first four days ["orientation"] are supposedly for residents to move into dorm rooms and say goodbye to parents. x_x. I said goodbye to my parents like.. three years ago.

Ah well.

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bad days [07 Aug 2002|07:57am]
[ mood   |   blah ]

Song quote:

"I don't live in these rooms..
I just rattle around.
I'm just a ghost in this house.
I'm just a shadow upon these walls.
Quietly as a mouse, I haunt these halls."

-----

Some days, it just doesn't pay to get up.

Right. Well, after I got home from work yesterday, I called to make my tuition payment. I told the guy, "Look, I think I'm a couple days late, I hope that's okay."

The guy tells me, "Sorry ma'am, your account's closed. You need to talk to your school and see if they have any other options for you."

I just about strangled the guy over the phone. After gulping down the new lump in my throat, I asked, "What..? So you're saying, because I'm two days late, I can't pay this anymore?"

Guy: "No, I'm sorry ma'am, I can't accept the payment. You need to talk to your school and see what they can do for you at this time."

... So I hung up, I threw the phone across the room, and I decided I needed a good cry. It would probably make me feel better anyway. For some reason they usually do.

Five minutes into my pity party, the guy calls back.

Guy: "Is this Angel -----?"
Me: "Um... Yes..."
Guy: "Angel I'm so sorry, I made a mistake. You can make payments on this.. I thought the account hadn't been activated yet."
Me: "Well that's okay, you just crushed my whole world, no big deal." [that made him feel horrible, but it felt soooo good to say. X_x]

He was incredibly apologetic to me after that.

ANYwho.

[disturbing dream]

Lost a job to another artist. Ah well. Maybe I didn't need the added stress. Have too much else to do anyway.

Otherwise... I made a new character for James' latest obsession: Everway. Never played it before. But it looks pretty cool. I loved the card system, he introduced me to that with tarot cards awhile back, and I think it's a lot more fun [as a story teller] than rolling dice. My new character's name: Onna Chance. [on a chance that James will actually run this game. LOL James ^_^] Picture a 16-year-old Lilu from The Fifth Element, and you have my character. Incredibly quick learner, but horribly naive. And nice, stringy, bright orange hair. :D ...Will probably have a pic for her soon.

And I have three good possibilities for a part-time job [one of which was promised to me on the spot], so as soon as I get my schedule from Ringling I should have another job. Hopefully today will be better. X_x.

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stuff. [06 Aug 2002|08:34am]
[ mood   |   thoughtful ]

Song quote:

"I'm your only friend,
I'm not your only friend,
but I'm a little glowing friend.
But really, I'm not actually your friend,
but I am..."

-----

Augh! Why can't I ever find the one sketching pencil I want to use??

... And why do I always find things right after I complain about not being able to find them? I mean, I want to have at least a legitimate five minutes of complaint-time before I find the damn thing.

.. -mumble mutter.-

Went to Michael's yesterday [the resident art supply store], and found out they're hiring. Ugh. So I snagged an application, and I'll fill it out probably tomorrow... Wait, no, I can't fill it out until I find out my schedule. I called Ringling about that a few weeks ago and they said they'd work with me, but I still haven't been told my schedule. Nobody gets their schedules until the first day of school.

So that leaves me dangerously job-less. Thank goodness I have art-projects that are paying.

We went to the grocery store on Sunday, completely finished shopping, then had to leave it all there because neither of our paychecks had cleared and we had about a hundred bucks in the account. -.-; Was going to go shopping yesterday when I got off work, but we called our bank first, and the checks still hadn't cleared. I hate banks. I really do.

But. I got two new sketch pads and a portfolio-type bag. It's really cool; it came with a flat board inside. I feel all artsy now. Kind of needed the sketchbooks to finish a few projects.

And I think we're going grocery shopping on my lunch break today. Hehehe, race-shopping. God, I used to watch those Toys-R-Us commercials that advertised their toy-spree giveaways.. Those kids with the shopping carts who would run down the aisle and just sweep things off the shelf and let them all fall in their cart. I've always wanted to do that. Just walk along and sweep everything off the shelf without paying attention to it.

... I lost my train of thought.

... Anyway.

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[05 Aug 2002|07:52am]
[ mood   |   tired ]

Song quote:

"The battle's done,
and we kind of won,
so we sound our victory cheer.
But where do we go from here?"

-----

Well, it's my last week here. I've written so many stories on this computer that I need to get four or five hard disks and save them all before I go deleting stuff. :\

new picture. )

Trying to finish my quiz, but I haven't had time to draw the pictures for it. I'm almos tempted to use old pictures, just to get it moving... but I'm waiting. x.x. Will hopefully have time after the next few weeks.

Five pictures in one week. Yeah, that shouldn't be so hard. X_x

I need longer weekends.

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lineage o_O [02 Aug 2002|03:16pm]
[ mood   |   hot ]

(Taken from shiren :)

1. What is your lineage? Where are your ancestors from?

mother: mostly from France. Have one ancestor who was a native american.
father: mostly from Austria, but some German in there somewhere.

2. Of those countries, which would you most like to visit?

Eh... probably Austria. I'd love to go back to Spain though... that was beautiful.

3. Which would you least like to visit? Why?

O_o I don't know, they all have their certain appeals.

4. Do you do anything during the year to celebrate or recognize your heritage?

I don't really take much pride in heritage. It's a part of me, sure, but it doesn't mean it has to define me. I'm really just an American, no matter where I came from.

5. Who were the first ancestors to move to your present country (parents, grandparents, etc)?

mother's side: don't know. She traced our lineage back before the 1800's, and we were still in Florida. Native american line goes back all the way here, don't have any records of when that started. She did get to one guy, somehow, in the 1600's [never asked how] that was a musketeer in France [which is why I said France].

father's side: my great-great grandparents. They fled from Austria to Poland, and from Poland to New York, trying to escape the world war. My great-grandfather [Adam] was actually born in Poland and lived there for two years.

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reminiscing [02 Aug 2002|08:08am]
[ mood   |   nostalgic ]

Song quote:

"Order in the court!
Order in the court!
You people have been brought here for drinking!"

"When do we start?!?!"

-----

I went on a reminiscing trip last night. ^_^ I downloaded about ten songs from way back when my parents used to play them. Brazos at Waco - there's a song I haven't heard in ten years. God, it was great to hear it again. :D Neon Moon, Midnight in Montgomery, Foolish Pride, Playing Possum, Third-Rate Romance, Carribbean Sunset [er.. the "Feelin' Hot Hot Hot!" song], Ghost in this House, I Saw The Light, ... songs that, six years ago, I professed to hating with such a passion that I would twitch when I heard them. And last night, they all made me smile. :)

And every time I hear one, it reminds me of another one they used to sing. Hehehe..

Oi. Back to reality. Hopefully I can get some work done before the voices in my head start yelling at each other again. Hope there's game tonight.. Must have more Cthulhu... -zombie drone-

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