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Wednesday, August 28th, 2002
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7:10 pm - Yesterday...6:00pm...best day of my life.
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HI! Well, the reason for the title is that yesterday at 6:00pm...drum roll please...I was done working at Dick Hannah!! WHAT!? Who thinks that's the best thing they ever heard?? (Janae raises her hand followed by everyone else that knows that she hated working there). But I thought that since I was done working, that I needed to get on the internet for the first time in about 10 years and make a little posty! Well, things are good for me considering we get to go back to WHITWORTH in like a few days. Man, the summer went slow, but when you think about it, it really went fast, I mean, it seems like we were just at school! I had the best time seeing everyone at the wedding! I wish that you could have stayed longer. Me and Anne and Ellyn went to lunch afterward. It was good talking to them, actually...I know that some would think that I was a little psycho for that comment. Anywho...I miss you guys, isn't it gonna be weird to eat together at Saga again. Random. My poop just started to get solid again, here's another round of runniness. Sick, I know. Haven't talked to Kenny, even though he's emailing me and calling me, I don't return anything. Not worth my time. Ang, I miss you! I can't wait until I see you again, really, I want to spend the night in your room, ok? And we can talk about everything. Chels, I think that it's the tightest thing ever that you guys are living on my hall!! Now I have even more closets to choose from!! Hee hee!! Dani Dunn, we have to start having our little meetings again...how is the connections? Well, I am about to go to Chevy's, so I better skidaddle, but I love you all. and I am gonna like cry when we are all together again!! Peace out
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Why Georgia, why?-John Mayer
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| Wednesday, July 10th, 2002
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3:40 pm - Long time...no enter???
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HEY!
Well, I am at work this one will be short, just wanted to say HI and see what everyone is up to! work is H long, and I am tired, but I want to hear from you Whittyworth girls! Call me!
current mood:  crazy
current music: I Need A Girl Part 2
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| Thursday, June 27th, 2002
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11:13 am - Woo HOO for Dick Hannah, baby!
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I got a job!!
The best sentence in the world, I think! I wash cars...Daniel Duck made fun of me when I told him, he said, "I can't believe they actually pay someone $8 and hour to wash cars!!" and I told him that it was the luckiest job ever!! Think about it...in the sun, getting kinda tan...on my arms anyway, and driving around nice cars, not like on the road, but around the lot!! Tight, huh? I thought so! So I start Monday.
Just wanted to share this little story that I thought everyone might think is kinda funny since I was like peeing my pants when it happened. Ok, so me and my friend Brianne went to Seattle on Tues. and we decided that we wanted to go to a Mariners game. We bought tickets and we found out that we were like 2 rows from the TOP of the stadium! It was crazy, but one of the coolest things ever! I could see everything. But anyways...this guy behind us was like hellas drunk, and he was stumblin and stuff all over. Then all of a sudden he puked all over the row of seats behind us. It was the nastiest thing ever, and it smelled like the worst thing ever too! Anyways, he left and some guy came to clean it up, but he did nothing, just like kinda wiped at it, but it was all still there. So, about 1/2 hour later, this Chinese lady starts walking down the row, and SHE SITS IN THE PUKE COVERED CHAIR!!!! She was like all settling into it, and me and Brianne just sat there and peed our pants laughing!!! Someone finally told her and she stood up, and there was PUKE COVERING HER BACK!!! It was soooo sick!! But I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. It guess we should have said something but I was laughing too hard to breathe!! So, yeah, just thought that I would tell you all that, so you can laugh too.
It seems like I really don't laugh that much since I have been home...I think that I have said that before. I miss it, like I told danidunn, there is no one here that gets the things that I say. "Hallo please?" is the ultimate example. People are soooooooo confused! It's sometimes kinda funny, but also really sad.
I can't wait to go back HOME.
current mood:  listless
current music: Nate Dogg & Jermaine Dupri-Ring the Alarm
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| Friday, June 21st, 2002
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5:55 pm - Sigh, sigh, sigh...
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Another Friday night, nothing to do. Not really caring about not doing anything. I am so tired from working, I don't even feel like doing anything. My mom is the biggest meany head ever, she makes me clean my room and the bathrooms and thinks I am the laziest person on the earth since I don't have a job yet (by the way, I have turned in 28, I counted, applications, NO CALLS). So, my brother annoys me, his friends think that he's funny, MY friends think that he's funny, and I am of course, just sighing. Not happy, not sad, not angry not content...just kinda here. You know hangin out, touchin...I mean, uh. Anyways, my inventory job is over, and now I really do feel lazy. The housesitting job fell through. The trip to Italy they were taking got cancelled. Figures, eh? Trying to get a paper route...imagine me getting up at like 4 every morning! You guys know how good that would be! ;) I talk to Kenny everyday through e mail. I think that we are becoming...friends? Who knows, I bet that he has a girlfriend that he isn't tellin me about. Miss the girls from Whittyworth so much, can't even describe. God is the one thing that really gets me excited right now. God and the thought of being a nurse. Drank SlimFast today...nasty s, never again!! Harry Potter is awesome! You all should read it, I am obsessed, I want a poster of him for my birthday which is Sept 4 (hint hint) frickin first day of school, you guys wanna have a party?? I don't think so!! Last night I went to graduation at my high school. It was totally weird. There were people there that graduated like a few years ago, my ex boyfriend included in that. We talked for like an hour after the ceremony, and he asked for my number. He said that he wanted to hang out, which was weird. It should be cool though. My brother is standing here trying to read my post so I gtg. Wurd, I'm out.
current mood:  annoyed
current music: Country Boys-"Ah, no, hell no...y'all gone off and done it"
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| Monday, June 17th, 2002
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5:43 pm - Here's to the most confusing things on this earth!
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OK, this has been a weird few days. Talking to *him* was totally good. I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing. He had been trying to reach me for weeks thinkin that I wasnt returning the calls because I hate him or something. Not the case, just was too scared, I think.
So talking went well...I laughed. It felt good. Like really good. I haven't laughed really hard in awhile. No one here makes me laugh, must be a Whitworth thing. But it was nice, I guess, to just be like friends and not be awkward.
So, I can tell that things w/ *her* are no more, but I ask anyway. He tells me he doesn't like her. He says that he wanted to leave a message on my cell saying this because he thought that that would make me call him back. No, thats not why I didnt call you, fagmaster. I just think that you are psycho. I don't know what you want from me.
He tells me that he has been thinkin about me, and that everytime certain songs come on, he thinks of me and all this jazz. He tells me that he has sent me numerous e mails, but I haven't checked the ol Whittyworth addy for like 10 years. So, I figure out how to check it today so that I can read them.
One is just rambling...you know *him*. The next, almost desperation...no joke. Example: "I REALLY want to talk to you. I think about you a lot, especially when this certain song comes on that I rememeber you like, I really miss you".
The third it titled "One Sentence". It's message is as follows: I really miss hanging out with you Janae. Thats all. So little, but so much. No meaning but so much meaning. No hintin but nothin could be more direct. Confusing to me?? I think yes.
Right when I think that I am ok, right when I am getting over it all. Right when I really think that things for me will be OK, and I will go back to dating ONE DAY, he springs this stuff on me. Makes me think, clogs up the arteries of what I like to call "thinking clearly", lettin those thought flow free. Anyways, it's kind of a strange delima to be in, because I am putting forth no effort to communitcate w/ him. I don't call him, I haven't written him back. I sometimes wonder if after I talked to him last night, if that was enough for him you know, and then I won't hear from him again. Regardless, I haven't made any effort to communicate back. I don't know how I should be feeling, or what I should feel, or why, I just know that I must be one of the most confused beings on this earth.
current mood:  confused
current music: anything by Do or Die
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| Wednesday, June 12th, 2002
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1:55 pm - Otter Pop madnesssssss!
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Well, today is 90 degrees...what does that mean? Break out the Otter Pops. Since everyone seems to like making the ol lists, I thought I would jump on the bandwagon and come up w/ some good uses for Otter Pops. Here goes nothin:
1. To eat (good one eh?)
2. To hit people with (I hit Landon w/ one that was frozen and it left a fatty welt)
3. Mush up and drink in a glass, makes you think you are drinkin something really cool...literally
4. Use them for drive-by Otter Poppings...it's pretty funny to see people run after them
5. Conversation starter. Whenever people see you eating an Otter Pop they want to know where you got it, and they want one because everyone likes them!! Maybe one day I will meet my future husband simply by eating and Otter Pop!!
6. They are way easier to eat than popsicles because they stay in the wrapper until they are gone and they don't have freakin sticks.
7. They satisfy you in a way that no other frozen treat can!
8. THERE ARE SO MANY PRETTY COLORS!!!!!!!!!!
Well, there it is, I couldn't think of anything else, but I am sure that you other Otter Pop lovers will be able to come up w/ something!!!
Wurd
current mood: amused
current music: Otter Pops in this Booty!
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| Monday, June 10th, 2002
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6:03 pm - and the search continues...
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finding a job=the most annoying thing ever!!
I hate it! I just want to have a schedule...be normal. That's like my biggest goal this summer, is to be what I consider "normal"- my knee normal, have normal friends, have a schedule, have a normal family. I wonder if many of these things can really actually be accomplished?
haven't talked to some in quite awhile, perhaps I should call them...you know who you are!!
I feel bad for my family...they seem unhappy. I think because my dad just applied for a job and didn't get it. Now my mom thinks that we have like no money or something. It was just the boy's basketball coachin job. He's still coaching cross country and track and teaching! It's not like he LOST his job! But oh well, my mom is the most depressed person when it comes to stuff like that. I remember when me and Kenny broke up SHE cried!! Anyways, gotta go eat some STEAK.
time to watch mothman and harry potter...what else to do, what else to do?
current mood: aggravated
current music: Jack Johnson-Bubble Toes
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| Saturday, June 8th, 2002
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12:01 pm - All rise for the honorable Judge Janae...
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OK...me and my bro got in the HUGEST argument last night while we were going to Wendy's to get my parents food. Here's kinda how it went:
Me: "You don't care about anything anymore, it's getting kind of rediculous!"
Him: "What's with you and all of a sudden judging everyone BUT yourself?"
Me: Silence
No talking for the rest of the way to Wendy's (except to order) and home. I just wanted to think about what he had said to me. Isn't it strange how arguments are? You think that you are always right...no matter what, really. I mean, even thinkin that Land thought that I was judgemental, I still had the thought in my head that he didn't care about anything!! I still thought that I was right!! So, I asked him who I was judging...he couldn't name anyone. I think that he's just feeling a little bit guilty about being so rude to me lately and came up w/ that since I have become kinda close to God lately. I think that he thinks that I think that I am better than everyone. Which I really don't. I never tell people what they are doing sucks, unless they ASK me, "Do you think that this sucks?". So, I guess that I should have just kept my mouth shut about him not caring...even though all he ever says is..."I don't care".
current mood: frustrated
current music: Eminem-Without Me
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| Thursday, June 6th, 2002
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6:44 pm - Hallo please?
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Well...today was my first physical therapy appt. I am on the road to recovery! YESSSSSSSS! Wish me luck. Still looking for work...maybe I can go to a rest stop and dress really grungy and hold out a cup...then I can make hellas money for college! ;) Anyways, it's so boring here.
My computer sucks so much, I want to throw it into the road and let a semi hit it. I really think that I am computer illiterate (sp?), where are Kenny and Ang when you need them???
Kinda thinkin about changing my major. It may be tough, but I think I can do it. There will be tons of work for me, but I need more of a challenge. I have always wanted, since I was a little kid, to be a nurse. And I really want to stop taking the easy way out, and become one! I think that I will be really glad that I did. There is a huge demand for nurses. My mom is really happy, and when I think about it, so am I! I get really excited when I think about doing it. I wont have much of a life next year, but that will be OK. I need stuff to fill my day so that I dont have to see YOU KNOW WHO!!
Miss everyone hellas, hope you are all good!! Peace
current mood: bored
current music: Hero-Chad Kruoeger (the Spiderman song!!)
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| Tuesday, June 4th, 2002
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8:01 pm - Hey Guys!
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Well, since I am pretty much DONE laying around, and now maybe Mr. Rogers won't be the highlight of my day, I think that I will be posting a little more often. I went back a read everyone's posts, and I loved it! It was seriously like talking on the phone or something! Anyways...I got the ol stitches out today, so I am on the road to recovery!
Anyways, I am now looking for a job, maybe 2, and trying to figure out some way that I can pay for my schooling. Loans and scholarships...man what a hassle. My mom seems to think that I could never make it on my own...I'll show her!
I think that I am not at all over Kenny, but I think that he's the biggest jerk I have ever known. It's so weird to think that like a few months ago he was kissing me and just last night I found out some gay things about him. Oh well! What can I do, he will always be an ass to me, but of course my first true love!
Well, I gtg, I am going to watch Harry Potter! For all you Whitworth people I know that's a surprise!! I vowed never to see it, I know, but I think that I will go out on a limb here!!
current mood: chipper
current music: Pass the Courvasior
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| Thursday, May 23rd, 2002
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8:14 pm - Oh gosh...what's it like to OPEN and have people probing around inside of you...??
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Um...don't take that the wrong way, guys! Ha ha. I mean surgery, I have it tommorow. I think that I am nervous, but I guess that really I am not. I was more nervous like two days ago as weird as that sounds. I just wonder how much shock my body will go through when they start "probing", if you will. I guess that my doctor is one of the best or something...what I want to know is who they are comparing him to??!!? Is there some dr. out there who just totally sucks or something, and mine is just good compared to him? Or is it that all of the dr.s are good, and mine is good compared to them?? With the luck that I have had this past year, I hope that it's the latter!!
OK, since Ivory is so into the list making I want to make a list too. It's a list of the things that I hate most about my mom when I haven't seen her in forever.
She tells me what to do
She tries to make me forget about Kenny...not happening
She thinks that I am lazy
She tells me to watch what I eat
She MAKES me go to bed at a decent hour
She makes a big deal out of everything
She hates the music I listen to
She thinks I spend too much time getting ready
She thinks I spend too much money
She ALWAYS talks about me getting a job, somehow our conversation always goes back to that
OK, since I am still in the list makin mood, I will make a list of the things that I really like about my mom:
She gives awesome advice
She thinks that Kenny is the biggest ass hole on the planet
She tucks me in
She makes me food
She prays for me outloud...which is better than someone just sayin, "I'll pray for you"
I can talk to her about God
I can talk to her about Kenny (although she hates it)
I can talk to her about anything
She tells me that I look pretty
I can tell that she's VERY worried about my surgery
I can tell that she really really loves me!
Well, I guess that there are a million other things that I can tell about her, but I think that it would get kinda boring. I bet that if she could make a list about me, it would be a lot longer on the negatives than the positive, I am sometimes not very nice. But seeing as how she really is the best and I get along w/ her a lot better now that I am not at home, I think that she could be quite possibly one of the best moms ever. Feel free to argue if you think that yours is better... ;)
current mood:  anxious
current music: Bye Bye Love- Jo Dee Messina
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| Tuesday, May 21st, 2002
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12:41 pm - Sterile sickness
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I went to the hospital today for my pre op. People there are so cranky, so many nurses pretty much bit my head off. I think that all the cleaning stuff around that place gets to their heads and makes them want to be mean to people, since the germs can't.
Anyways, I think that my surgery will go pretty well. I don't really know what the pain will be like, and that's what people keep tellin me will really suck. Its hard for me to imagine though because I really don't think that anything can out-hurt a broken heart or saying good bye.
I think about my friends from school all the time, I wonder what they are doing, and where they are. The ones that are on lj I know a little more about, and I have hung out w/ Mindy pretty much 24-7 so I know about them, but the others I still wonder about. I hope that they are safe, and I wonder if they are thinkin about me. I heard that everytime you get goosebumps people are thinking about you...I have been freezing all day, maybe it's a sign. I wonder how often Kenny gets goosebumps?
current mood: curious
current music: N'Sync-No Strings Attached
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| Monday, May 20th, 2002
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11:28 am - Chisels
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Ok, well, as much as everyone hated leaving and I hated watching it, I am really glad that I am gone from there. It was seriously NOT FUN being alone in the dorm last night! It was all windy and I was cold. The Rat was w/ SB all night, and she told me that she was going to come home and hang out w/ me...she of course didn't. He seems like a real winner! :S
I watched KP drive away from my window without even coming to say good bye to me...kinda sucked, but help me let go really. I think that I will really miss his roommates...him on the other hand...eh.
It's so weird, now that I am not in the dorm's and I am at my aunts house, I really really like being alone. I just sit here and I think about all the things that I really need to do, and I am not distracted by stuff that would normally distract me. I kinda like it.
Something else, this may sound weird, but I don't know what to do about a curfew here! Eeek. Should I ask? I guess that I should, just to be polite, but what if they say like "Come home at 10!" and then I will say..."um, what? That's what time I wake up!" Ha ha ha.
I kinda wanted to post these lyrics that I heard that I like...taking a cue from Ivory:
"All the chisels I've dulled,
Carving idols of stone,
that have crumbled like sand beneath the waves,
I recklessly built on my dreams in the sand,
Just to watch them all wash away."
I just wonder sometimes if more often than not I think about things that are so petty that I am almost making them idols. There are so many things that I shouldn't be carving, and just letting God be the center, but that is seriously almost impossible. I know that I do it, yet I keep doing it, and it really doesn't help in making me happy and content. Well, here's to the chisels...and hopefully they can someday remain sharp.
current mood: melancholy
current music: Carly Simon-You're So Vain
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| Sunday, May 19th, 2002
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2:54 am - Board games, anyone?
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OK, thanks that guys are too much for me right now.
I think that I seriously just trust people too much, I have tendency to actually look for the good in people, God forbid.
Then I get hurt. Lied to. Played, if you will.
Games are the most interesting thing. Think about it, people play games, people get hurt. So why do they play them? What's the point? I mean, unless you are purpously trying to hurt someone, then really, why do it?
I think that maybe there are times in my life that I think that I can do whatever I want, I rule my life, I know what's going on, I know what I am doing, how I feel/how I should feel. But then someone comes and plays games. No need, just gotta throw a monkey wrench into my plans. I guess that that would be God telling me that I am little too cocky for His liking. Who knows. The only question I have is; why must I always be a game piece to be played and moved by someone else? When's it my turn to roll that freaking dice?
I guess that I am learning that I really don't want to roll it, I see how it affects my moves and how I have no control, so I shouldn't want to put that on someone else. Another question;
When will the game end?
current mood: disappointed
current music: Jennifer Knapp-Undo Me
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| Saturday, May 18th, 2002
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5:35 pm - Sick, sick, I hate it!
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Dude, I don't know how I will be able to do this every year! Leaving everyone is so sad. I think that we will be able to stay in touch though, through this s for scrilla! Ha ha. Anywho, Kenny was pretty gay today. I think that I reall might, um, what's the word, dislike? him?? Who knows, I think that I may be going though an anger stage. He was coming over when I was walking over to my friend Whitney's room...and he yelled my name. He told me that he was coming over to see me. Same game. Plays with my hair, tells me he wants to hang out...thinks I look good, etc. All just a damn game I tell you, he still needs to know that I am under his control you know, he sees that I am letting go...THAT CAN'T HAPPEN in his eyes. Have fun Joni, see you next year.
current mood: annoyed
current music: Jars of Clay-Sinking
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1:48 am - so sad...everyone is leaving
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Gosh, I hate it when I have to THINK about saying good bye, but when I actually have to do it, I feel like I should just run away so that I don't have to!!! Sometimes, like right now, I wish that I was the one who was leaving first, but since I have to stay here I am stuck with the disgusting task of seeing everyone off. That includes all the people who are the biggest and best part of my life. All of the people who really care about me. All the people I really care about. What will I do now? Hard to say. Try to keep in touch I guess, but sometimes I feel like that isn't enough. These are the kind of friends that you want to spend every minute with, which I pretty much have for the last, oh I don't know, 8 months. My life will be totally different now...people won't get it when I say, "Yeah, girl, what up?" and they won't know when I tell them that I am hellas bored they will look at me and think that I am just attempting to be a gangsta. But what I think hurts the most is that they will all be feeling the same way. Knowing that people miss you back when you miss them I really think is THE worst feeling of them all. I will just have to know that I will be busy, summer will be OK, and I will be back with them all at the end of 3 months. 3 months too long if you ask me!
current mood: sad
current music: Billy Joel-Piano Man
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