sarah's journal

3:16 pm - Happiness on a tiny budget

Car wash: $4.00
Full tank of gas: $18.25
WA State Patrol totaled vehile inspection: $50.00 - Pass
Fuel Emissions Test: $15.00 - Pass
Getting lost in Bellevue: Check
Mucho swearing: Check
Little black sticker that says "2003": $62

Driving legal again without fear of being pulled over, passing all the tests, relieving a five month worry, being able to keep my old plates with the great number and old script-style "Washington", a short line at the DOL, a new title with MY name on it as registered owner, and not a single word about needing to pay my obscene parking tickets debt before relicensing: Priceless!

I have a little sticker next to my VIN now that says my car's officially a rebuilt salvage. Funny, since all the rebuilding was done with duct tape and cable ties. The nice patrolman listed them as "minor repairs".

current mood: gleeful and relieved

Thursday, July 25th, 2002

4:20 pm

Dreams last night about being laid off from yet another engineering firm, where my coworkers were the ones I didn't like from the last job and the boss was the annoying one from two firms ago. I told the moderator in the layoff that I saw this coming, due to lack of work. She laughed at me and said there was plenty of work, I just wasted all my time online. I woke up way too early in the day to a feeling of dread, since it took a little while for me to remember I don't work in engineering firms anymore and I still don't have a dayjob, but I do *have* jobs.

Later, I was zoning out while driving to Bellevue and almost followed my old commuting trip until I caught myself and remembered not to take the 405 exit. It brought me back to half a year's worth of memories. I don't miss working there at all.

I hate hate hate Bellevue and yahoo.maps.com! Today I was going to get my car inspected at Washington State Patrol, which is some unnecessary hoop to jump through before I can have new plates for my totaled car. I need the plates so I can try to get new tabs before the end of the month. So I read what very little information about the inspection there is online and use maps.yahoo for driving directions. I write them down, head to a car wash, scrub, vacuum, shampoo, and tidy the car, and hide all the road turtles.

The driving directions got me lost in the middle of nowhere for a good twenty minutes. Turning around a good many times, I finally find signs for vehicle testing (in the opposite direction from the driving directions). I sit in the waiting lanes at the vehicle inspection place for over half an hour, only to find it's the wrong place. The attendant gives me vague directions to the other side of the highway, where I spend another 10 minutes turning round and round trying to find the place. Once I finally get there, it's 3:31pm. The sign says they stop testing at 3:30.

Today makes me simultaneously want a hug and to beat something with an aluminum baseball bat.

current mood: so very grumpy

Wednesday, July 24th, 2002

2:29 am - :adore: :adore: :adore:

I found my Space cd!

djxavier13 had it since last year's rooftop party!

How can heaven hold a place for me,
when a girl like you can cast a spell on me?
(Mental images of Janene Garafolo stomping a car.)

Upside of the evening: I spent about $6 to subject the whole bar to my music selectionfor hours, including Front 242, Cure, Tool, A Perfect Circle, and other bands I won't mention for fear of legality....

current mood: happily absorbing sound
current music: Space - Money

(4 comments |comment on this)

Tuesday, July 23rd, 2002

3:26 pm - alternative to the falling dream

In the last dream before I woke this morning, I was cruising along a windy country road at around 60mph, following the flow of traffic, behind one of those Access mini busses. I'm not distracted by something particularly in my car, but my mind wanders to empty spaces as I do routine things such as open my mail and think about my computer. I glance up, bringing myself back into the car, only to see I'm still travelling at 60, right at the back of the stopped bus.

The feeling is something I thought of and feared much when my brakes were so bad. Just the terminal SWOOOOOO...

...and snapping awake right before I bury my car into the bus.

current mood: anticipating
current music: Dave Matthews, which always inspires housecleaning

Sunday, July 21st, 2002

10:09 pm

Tonight I was supposed to get all fancied up and go dancing at Vogue, but my body didn't want to and it's so damned hot. So I really didn't mind when someone called to cancel. I had already gone to the grocery store and was baking a pizza.

So tonight's one long happy I-love-me night. Spinach garlic mushroom pizza, riesling wine, fresh white Gerbera daisies, topless and in baggy pajama pants. Mazzy Star - She Hangs Brightly and So Tonight That I Might See, Smashing Pumpkins Pisces Iscariot, Sunny Day REal Estate and Tri State Killing Spree all loaded into the spinner, set to shuffle.

This is nice. Maybe I'll watch a movie later. Amiele is out on video now, and it fits the mood...

current mood: i love me

Friday, July 19th, 2002

9:53 pm - Gar! Gar gar gar gar!

Friday night in Seattle - red lights being run, jaywalking, drunk driving, drug sales and use, speeding, all sorts of stuff the SPD could keep busy with. Instead, I get pulled over on Broadway. They let me sit there for many minutes, wondering what I possibly could have done. Apparently, they ran my plates for the hell of it, noticed my tabs were FOUR DAYS EXPIRED, and then noticed my plates were expired too (from the totalling of my car). Much explaining that my insurance knows my car is ok, that it's been ok'ed to drive by a mechanic, that it's only minor body damage, that I was going to get those taken care of at the same time I get my tabs renewed at the end of this month... To top it off, turns out having road turtles in my car is an offense. After mucho talking, they ran my ID, found nothing, and let me go.

Tonight a customer fondly called me "buggy-bug". Maybe from the bumble bees I usually wear in my hair and around my neck, I dunno, but it didn't bother me. I found it cute. She also reminded me a lot of

k8tey and made me miss her a little.

I've been thinking of pets a lot lately. Perhaps the reason being single isn't as easy as it used to be is that I no longer have the unconditional love of a dog to keep me happy. Getting another pet would be good, since the fish just doesn't cut it. But what? I'm not really prepared to take on all the responsibility of another dog in my life. I'm not really a cat person. A bird? Only if it were a smart, personable bird, like another love bird. I've enjoyed keeping them in the past, but am I willing to have crack-o-dawn shrill chirps for me to get up and play? I'm not sure if there's a good answer right now.

I got two new colors of stripey tights yesterday. Time to go put some on and go dancing.

current mood: angry.sad.apathetic
current music: city noise

(8 comments |comment on this)

Thursday, July 18th, 2002

2:07 pm - summary of one of my best days in a long time

Yesterday: 1:30am, 600+ miles round trip, a wheat field, merlot, grapes, a flag, no flamingoes, a magenta sunrise. "You down with DDT? Yeah you know me!" Kicking up dirt clouds behind the car, sleeping at a truck stop, falling asleep in the bathroom, breakfast at Martha's in George. A closed ampitheater, scenic view stop, wading in the Columbia River, ice cream, the produce and antique barn in THORP, wandering the Roslyn cemeteries. 117 photos and a sunburn. A cold shower, a nap, coffee, drinking, and dancing like I haven't danced in months. Sleep.

I want to write the whole experience out, but I'm being distracted and should find something to take my mind off the grumps of today.

Tuesday, July 16th, 2002

10:36 pm - Damnit

Where can I get pink flamingoes at 10:30pm on a Tuesday?
(6 comments \|comment on this)

2:23 pm - a good day

Yesterday I spent most of the day visiting my dad's mom. She likes the red hair, nose ring and crenoline, and spent much of the time staring at me. She says she hardly ever gets to see me, and wants to take it all in for memory. While packing some last things from the move into my car, I looked inside the keg-sized cooler I had bought for loft parties and found a bunch of missing things - my boots, my green on green striped shirt, a $50 xmas gift card to Bon Marche (yay, new bras!), the arm to my couch, and a Best of Bizarre book. I had been missing all of them since March's move. I catch the ferry back, and squeeze in a yummy dinner with good company at Julia's. Muddled strawberry drinks, hummos plate appetizer, and grilled portabello and spinach on a wheat roll. I rush to work, change my skirt, and open the second bar just in time for us to get slammed. People packed so tightly that there was almost no way to get through them. We ran out of glasses and were serving out of plastic disposable picnic cups. And to top it off, they'll let me have off for the weekend of the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco so I can have a road trip this year. Yay.

(comment on this)

1:56 pm

Vivid nightmare last night of a monster eyeball in a cone, attached to a 4' spine. Many people I know were in the dream, because the monster would dive into human bodies at their tailbones and hide inside to assume the human form and get close enough to kill me. But the humans would liquify after a few minutes, so it went through many. I escaped by getting into the bar and 86'ing it.

I've spent much of the past few weeks either generally afraid and hermitting or having too much of a good time to remember to do things I ought, so today I'm making a big To Do list. So while I'm at it, anyone care to add to it?

Edit: Stuck in head now - "Big to-do! Big to-do!" Damnit, my Wisconsin is showing.

current mood: forcedly un-lazy

Saturday, July 13th, 2002

7:55 pm - ow, my butt!

Today I biked to work for the first time ever. And I biked home too! Yahoo maps is hozerd and keeps wanting to show me I-5 routes, but it's still approximately four miles each way. I feel damn good, and I only had one panic attack at work when the thought of my car being nowhere nearby crossed my mind. I love him, but I've become way too dependant on cars. current mood: sweaty
(5 comments \|comment on this)

Wednesday, July 10th, 2002

2:08 pm

Pulling tangles of wires out of a big box to hook up my sterio (something I never even bothered with during the stay in Bremerton), I wonder what the heck is with all the yards of speaker wires.

Oh. Heh. That's right, I used to wire speakers all over the place in SoDo. I miss my loft. It seems like so much longer than only a year ago. :) And it's been so long since I've had to make a quick run to the 24hr Home Depot for necessities or costuming supplies...

current mood:

nostalgic
current music: Mother Love Bone - Cloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns

(comment on this)

Monday, July 8th, 2002

12:26 am

AAAAA! Get THIS SONG out of my head now!

Had a dream last night about my neighbor. He's pretty interesting-looking anyway, bald and covered with tatoos everywhere. But in the dream he was part human part cougar and crawled toward me on all fours in a very cat-like way. He looks at me, smiles and reaches out his hand. His arm was swarming in little baby snakes that looked and smelled like sauteed onions. Dripping in baby snakes. Intriguing...

Friday, July 5th, 2002

4:45 am

Sunrise, again. Hazy this time.
Something about this day feels new, as if things really are different from here on out. I had a mind full of things to say about jobs and breaking points and humanity in the smallest of places tonight when I got home, but instead I chatted a bit and mixed pre-dawn songs out the windows to the sleeping city.

I'm not tired, but I should take the daisy out of my hair and rest now.

current mood:

peaceful

Wednesday, July 3rd, 2002

6:01 pm - Has anyone seen my boots?

Black patent vinyl upper-calf length, 4" hourglass heels, shiny D-ring lace holes. I can't find them since before the move, and was thinking I may have left them at any of the places I crashed at while couchsurfing. They're great boots, and I'd like to see them again.
(comment on this)

Tuesday, July 2nd, 2002

9:59 pm - nifty coincidence

Tonight while working at the pizza place, I deliver to a building with some free stuff stacked inside the front door. A bunch of useless stuff, nothing catches my eye except for two stacks of cds, still in cellophane, all the same cd. I pick one up, take it with, unwrap it in my car, and listen. It's Tri-State Killing Spree, a band whose name I've heard before, but couldn't recall any of their music.

After listening for a bit, I think I should have picked up another copy for

izador. This sounds like the stuff he enjoys listening to. A few songs later, I check the case for the name of the current song, and it's My Socrates. That's wierd, that's the name of Louis' band. What's the connection?

I get home and ask, and Louis used to be in Tri-State Killing Spree.

current mood:

amused
current music: 3sks - Mendocino Girl

4:46 pm

I drove to Bermerton yesterday and picked up the last full carload of stuff. There's a few things left, but nothing important. I came back to town with enough time to haul everything upstairs (heavy stuff - books, gargoyles, books and more books), change clothes, and rush to work. Work kicked my ass, a ton of college kids all wanting 4 or 6 long islands at a time, plus needing to barback while I worked second bar.

cor_tenebrarum gave me a spare monitor of his (yay!), and I'm back online at home. Tons of email and posts to wade through, but that needs to wait until after work tonight.

I'm breaking out in stress zits. Greasy food, chocolate, makeup never gives me problems, but stress me out over important things and I break out horribly. Anyone have a good solution to making lots of tiny whiteheads go away?

In another few days, the new place will almost be presentable...

Saturday, June 29th, 2002

9:16 pm

The hardest thing about the new job is not knowing drinks, handling rowdy drunks or changing stubborn keg taps... it's finding all the different ways to artfully and tactfully turn drunk men (and an occasional woman) down. And yes, Friday night was a reminder that I need to stop getting drunk and bitter and bitching to the contrary of such things.
(1 comment \|comment on this)

Friday, June 28th, 2002

3:34 pm

CorTenebrarum: You don't need a man. You need a skeleton with a perpetual hardon. current mood: giggle fit
(5 comments \|comment on this)

3:21 pm

Moved most of my stuff Wednesday, with help from

cor_tenebrarum and

djxavier13 for the full trip, and

starknokage and Steve on this side. I thought it was hilarious to have to run all the stuff across Pike at the tail end of rush hour. The only parking we could find was across the street, and the bitches at Texaco wouldn't let us use their parking space.

Spent all day yesterday unpacking and decorating. My room looks like a giant dressing room, with clothes decorating it from celing to floor and mirrors everywhere. The 10' celings are great for hanging wings and crenolines. Unpacking my flogger collection made me sad, because it's been way too damned long since I've used any of them.

I put my computer up on the desk, plugged everything in, and found the monitor died. I checked all the connections, and still no luck. Also, two of my three bettas died within two days. At least Nico seems to be not getting ill.

General feeling of angst again. Working a double shift again tomorrow. :silent calm panic:

Tuesday, June 25th, 2002

3:17 pm - moving

I'm getting the truck tomorrow (Wednesday). I think I have as many people as can fit in a truck for the Bremerton side, but any help in the early evening on this side would be appreciated, if anyone's available. I could really use someone to just hang out on the back of the truck while we unload it, to make sure nobody walks off with any stuff while we're making trips up the stairs. I've never worried about that before, but being on Broadway and Pike I don't really trust leaving the truck unwatched.

(6 comments |comment on this)

5:18 am

I love seeing the sky turn from violet to cobalt and turquoise, watching the sun reflect in the skyscraper windows. Good morning.
(8 comments \|comment on this)

Monday, June 24th, 2002

3:07 pm - shaddup, self!

I've been pretty down on myself lately for how much I've been slacking or scatterbraining or just plain doing unusual things. But y'know, fuck it. I'm going through a lot right now - new home, new job, new occupation, new living schedule, new habits, new people... I need to cut myself more slack. How do I know I'm not doing what I ought when I don't know what ought is anymore? Especially when I'm throwing away a lot of the oughts that I hated and have no more need for, such as ought to wake up to an alarm at 7am to commute to a day job I hate, or ought to look for a new day job, or ought not to sleep in until 1pm on a Monday?d

I still have a few major worries of my old life hanging over my head, but this new life I'm making is a good one, and I should just plain start enjoying it for what it is.

(3 comments |comment on this)

1:41 pm

15 hours of sleep, an installed land line, and a paid lj account.
I feel refreshed.

Last night I learned that my huge clawfoot tub is long enough to fit my legs from heel to ass and then some, without bending at the knees, and deep enough that I can rest my head on the back lip. However, with my shitty water pressure, it takes about half an hour to run a bath and by the time it's full, it's cooled down to lukewarm and not worth it.

Friday, June 21st, 2002

3:27 pm - calling all earthlink peeps

My primary email account, mediavore@mindspring.com, has been a sub account ever since I got it. The employee who was hosting it for me got fired yesterday. Before the address disappears, is it possible for anyone to switch it over to their name? Would any of you be so kind? I could buy you a drink or pack of smokes tonight or something else, if you like... current mood: ack!
(2 comments \|comment on this)

Saturday, June 15th, 2002

2:27 pm - wierd dreams and wierder awakenings

I've been having lucid dreams about the new apartment, where I'm in there and know I should be dreaming, but watch things happen. Night before last, I knew that the person in the living room wasn't really there, and to prove it to myself, I tried reaching out and running my fingers through his hair, knowing I shouldn't feel a thing. Yet it felt as if the person were solid. Last night I dreamt that someone had tried opening the front door, but the chain had stopped them from coming in. Hopefully these are just dreams, caused by disrupted sleep and not me actually sleepwalking again.

I woke up at 7am to the sound of breaking glass. I couldn't figure out where it came from, but as I tried to fall back asleep I kept hearing clink... clink... I wake up and see a blur that shouldn't be on my little chandelier. I get creeped out, put on my glasses, and see it's only a pigeon. I *really* hate pigeons. I've been leaving the living room windows open, and forgot to lower the blinds last night, so it probably just wandered in. I grab some newspaper, expecting to have to chase it out, point at the window and yell "get the hell out!" and it just flew away. I curl back into bed and debate wether to go to Bremerton for another carload of belongings and strapping my mattresses to the top of my car, and fall back asleep.

I woke up again around 11 to people chanting and cars honking. I thought maybe it was the pride parade, but it wasn't passing. I get up, look out the window and see about 20 people outside QFC, protesting the use of savings cards. Bleh. Of all things to get worked up about...

So yes, I've been sleeping there since Wednesday night. Every night before bed, I curl into my window sill with a popsicle and watch everybody leave Neighbors. I'm thinking Tuesday is a good day for moving my furniture over, but for now I just have blankets, a full closet, kitchen and bath stuff. I'm happy.

Thursday at work, M came over to where I was working the door and said "you'll be bartending with me at 10". ACK! I wasn't supposed to until Sunday and had planned on going over my drink flash cards to refresh my memory, but I won't turn something like this down. It turned out to be nothing worth panicking over, since I barbacked and worked the cash bar whenever the bar line got long, which didn't happen much on such a slow night. The sudden promotion came from them firing the day bartender for continually coming in an hour or more late, so everyone gets shifted around.

And it couldn't come at a more perfect time. I was just wondering how I was going to swing rent each month. Hey, a promotion is a good answer.

current mood:

jubilant
current music: aurafice noise, until I get a land line installed

(4 comments |comment on this)

Tuesday, June 11th, 2002

8:46 pm - ...PATION!

Ok, I know I said I'd put down the LJ crackpipe earlier, but one more thing... I GOT THE APARTMENT! List of stuff I'm selling off coming soon. This is the fourth place I'll have lived in a year, and I want to shoehorn myself into the tiny little place and not budge for a few years. current mood: pack pack packity pack
(10 comments \|comment on this)

4:32 pm - anticip...

If I get the apartment, the long front walk-in closet will be turned into a darkroom and I intend to finally learn how to develop my own film, so that the next time an opening for a king county forensics photographer opens up I will be ready. That and I've just plain been wanting to learn for a long time now.

There was an opening last January, but the only qualification holding me back was the inability to develop my own film.

current mood: waiting while trying not to