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Yoda's Theme [24 May 2002|01:26pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | One Giant Leap ]

Well! It's been awhile. I have been so busy applying for jobs and subsequently being rejected for said jobs.

Chanel Lipstick. $44 a pop, but damn it's good stuff. Here I am contemplating quitting my job and being broke as hell, but I go buy a $44 lipstick. But I had to, you see. It was a succulent shade of pink and it's name was Malice. What a great name!

I've regained five kilos of the bazillion kilos I'd lost over the past 18 months. It all seems to have gone to my belly. WHY is it as soon as I get stressed, I said "Well, time to eat." I've been rejected for three jobs that I really wanted (so far) and after each time I have gone on a week long binge. My downfalls include: Magnum Ego's, hamburgers and chocolate milk. Arrgh!

Sometimes I think it would be better I just found myself a quiet corner and shoot up, that seems to be a more socially acceptable vice than compulsive eating.

I also didn't go the gym for three weeks. Which comes first, the lack of exercise or the depression? I felt crap so I stopped gymming, I felt crapper so I went to the doctor and got back on the Loony Pills™. Now I am feeling less crap so I am back at the gym. It's a fucking vicious circle, I tells ya.

But tonight I am going to see Paul Dempsey (Something For Kate) and he is one foxy mutha, so all is right with the world.

I am getting back on track. No more Egos. As for the job situation, I Am Sure Something Will Come Up Eventually™.

Right? RIGHT!??! Reassure me, people! If there's anyone out there?

3 comments|post comment

[20 Mar 2002|01:39pm]
[ mood | restless ]
[ music | Gomez - In Our Gun ]

So does anyone watch Six Feet Under? I bloody love that show. Among the best bits of Monday's episode:

Nate: And this Brenda. My... girlfriend.
Brenda: I prefer the term fuck-puppet.

Hehehe.

Personally I would prefer to be both those things to somebody. Lately I've been missing the coziness of being someone's girlfriend, you know the talking and the going out and the arguing and the snuggling. Etc. But at the same time, damn, I'm up for being somebody's fuck-puppet. It must be the warm weather these past few days.

But yeah, I'm more than prepared for both roles. You can take me out then take me.

In another SFU scene, this horribly perky mother and daughter were bleating about the joys of Spinning. They call it Cycle Power at my gym. Anyway. The daughter says, "exercise is mother nature's anti-depressant!". Ahh, I gotta admit that is true. This past few days, I felt like I was going mad. A lot has happened in the past six months. The thing where my dad went crazy and disowned me. Moving house twice. The stupid drama with my dog and going to court. Financial woe. Being utterly rejected in the lurve caper. My car being a total bastard. The looming prospect of being made redundant from my job.

I was coping really well til recently, when I started up with that whole endless crying anger anxiety crap again. I keep nicking off to the loos to bawl, or i want to punch things, or i feel like i am so tense and it feels like my insides are exploding. I felt like i wanted to cause myself harm. not as in topping myself but, just wanting to hurt. feeling so angry at myself that i wanted to cause physical pain. i am having a lot of trouble getting up every morning and there's this fucking bleakness, where i feel like i am never going to get anywhere. it feels like someone is attacking my head with a jackhammer.

The difference this time, as opposed to the Last Episode, is that the feelings have been the result of some crappy circumstances, as opposed to just coming out of nowhere. so it's more of a reaction to events than shitty things happening in my head. do you think? i dunno.

anyway yesterday i felt like i would just start screaming here at work, every word my boss said to me was grating, i felt like punching her or walking out. i got the yellow pages out and thought ROIGHT this has got to stop, i can't cope anymore, i am off to the doctor for some pills.

Then after work i went to the gym. i did a body combat class. after an hour of punching and kicking the air, i got that great rush of endorphins. i felt fantastic. sweaty and barely able to walk, but fantastic. suddenly i thought, i can cope with this shit on my own if i look after myself. i don't need the pills.

i dont' want to take them again anyway. last time, they robbed me of certain abilities. okay, i couldn't come. with depression your sex drive is supposed to drop, but mine went sky high. but it was all pointless because i just couldn't bloody get the gold medal, yknow? it was awful. that went away after a couple of months, but damn. i don't want to go there again. how'm i sposed to be a quality fuck-puppet if i can't come?

i think i want to try and deal with it myself this time. if the craziness keeps up, maybe i'll go to the doctor. but for now i will just go to the gym.

so yeah, yesterday i said i needed to talk, now i have. if you got this far thank you for reading.

5 comments|post comment

[19 Mar 2002|03:56pm]
i need someone to talk to. i'm losing it here... dammit
1 comment|post comment

Stinky britches [12 Mar 2002|04:27pm]
The person who invented Lynx aftershave should be drowned in a bucket. A bucket filled with Lynx aftershave, preferably.

I remember a guy who must have marinated it it overnight, then he had the nerve to wonder why I broke up with him.
4 comments|post comment

[01 Mar 2002|08:19am]
[ mood | restless ]

It's a new day and still this ultra frustrated mood has not died down at all. bloody hell. and i am no closer to finishing my stupid marketing thing for work.

the higher the stress in my life gets, the friskier i feel. perhaps it's just my brains evil way of trying to distract me from my work? i don't know.

going out for magaritas tonight, i don't even know how to spell it. anyway, i'm sure the alcohol will make me even worse. HOObloodyRAY!

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Abandoned Child [28 Feb 2002|10:41pm]
[ mood | naughty ]

This poor live journal. I don't show up too often do I? it seems to me every time I come here it's because I am feeling sexually frustrated. At my other slightly more popular internet presence, I can't just write, "today i'm climbingupthewalls crazy horny", because i'd have dozens of comments from weirdos offering all sorts of things. not that there's anything wrong with that. but my best mate from uni reads it, so does a co-worker, so they just don't need to be hearing about that stuff.

luckily, everyone has given up on me for dead here at LJ, so i can write about anything.

i have this stupid marketing crap to write for work by tomorrow but do you think i've done it? nooooooooooo! all i can think of instead is shaggery. bloody helllllllll. it's all too much. sometimes one just needs the stress fucked right out of them.

here are some people on television that i wouldn't mind fooling round with.

- noah wyle on ER. after a decade of watching that show, suddenly i find him attractive.

- the dad on malcom in the middle. is that sick or what? i dunno, there's something about him, perhaps the all-pervading scent of deranged father and impending mid-life crisis.

- that movie 'cruel intentions', also known as 'the worst movie in the universe', that bit where reese witherspoon climbs out of the pool, she's wearing a plain swimsuit, a delicate shade of aqua, and her ass just looks sublime.

but that's not television! so that's cheating, dammit.

i also get crushes on game show contestants. not dumbass ones, like who wants to be a millionaire? i mean like in the old days of sale of the century. i wanted this one guy Len so bad. he was a hottie. he went all the way, the cars and the cash jackpot. hubba hubba.

then i was watching jeopardy! reruns on foxtel, there was this american guy, well of course he was bloody american, it's an american show. he was in his 40s i guess, silverish hair and the deepest sexiest voice you ever did hear.

he went all the way too. he won the car, i dunno what car it was, perhaps a chevy avalanche like on survivor?

that's what's missing from australian survivor. The Chevy Avalanche.

also: gratuitous Mountain Dew placement.

also: african desert resort Visa transactions.

anyway. i just ask you this. why can't the game show guys go all the way with me?

4 comments|post comment

1-2-3 [18 Feb 2002|06:04pm]
Hello Mr Journal, I'm still around.
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Ahh [06 Feb 2002|03:52pm]
You know when you're holding hands with someone and they kind of slowly rub their thumb back and forth along the inside of your wrist, god I love that feeling, I could just explode. I miss it.
2 comments|post comment

Summer? [04 Feb 2002|11:08am]
Today is a day that warrants the use of the term "freezing my tits off". It's supposed to be summer, dammit. It was rainy when I left for work but I thought it would be the nice sweet summer rain of a dodgy Mills and Boon novel, but nooo it's nasty cold rain.

And here I am in a t-shirt with arctic air-con. My sister has the car today so I can't go home and get some more clothes.

It's not the cold I mind so much as the erect nipples. Mine seem to leap up at the most inappropriate times even when the weather is warm. So when it's cold it's even worse.

I wish nipples were adjustable, like power windows. I went out for lunch with some work people the other day and got a ride in a sporty Lexus. The power windows were the smoothest I'd ever seen, I couldn't stop moving the window up and down just so see the glass gliding. Why can there be a secret button on my hip or something that can wind my nipples up and down?

I would also like: adjustable thighs, deflatable arse, twin airbag knockers.
1 comment|post comment

Keep on lovin' youuuu [01 Feb 2002|11:33pm]
Oh delightful! "Keep On Loving You" by REO Speedwagon is playing on MusicMax. You have to love this daggy old stuff. When I said that I love you! I meant! That I'll love you foreverrrrrrrrr!

Yeah.

What a crock, love and all that.
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Keep your damn bloggie [01 Feb 2002|03:16pm]
Hey, kids, don't ever win a stupid Bloggie. It's only been 24 hours and already the jerks are coming out. Emails just to say you suck, snide comments about undeserving winners, people saying 'it's not even a blog, it's a journal', dumb comments like 'your car is ugly'.

For two years I've flown below the radar and built up a nice following of nice people, today the audience tripled and while 95% of feedback was nice, the other 5% jerks really leave a bitter taste.

Oh well. I'll get over it. Not going to let a few fuckwits spoil my fun.
1 comment|post comment

Worries [31 Jan 2002|02:54pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | 7 Worlds Collide - Neil Finn et. al. ]

Hello little neglected live journal of mine!

I feel the need to hide in here today, there's hundreds and hundreds of people visiting the other site, I feel like I can't say much there anymore. It's getting ridiculous.

I am letting things overwhelm me lately. I thought I'd stop doing that, but noooo. 3/4 of 2001 was so cruisy for me, I really had my shit together and I was handling things well, none of the AngstyPants behaviour of the past.

Here's some stupid crap I am worrying about:

1. My job. Basically there is no work in our group anymore, they're trying to get rid of us but for some reason can't retrench us. So morale is so low and everyone is miserable. I half this half-arsed CV and have been looking in the paper and gazette for jobs, but I know I could look harder if I wasn't so lazy and afraid. I hate that feeling of not knowing what I want to do or where to look... so vague and directionless.

2. My car. Things keep falling apart and I ha -

you know what, i am feeling so bloody blah that I couldn't be bothered even explaining what the issues are.

3. my dog

4. $$$ or lack thereof

5. my body

6. my family

7. that bloody Chapters site in which i cannot seem to contribute anything worthwhile

blah blah. blah, i say.

i know things aren't really that bad, i just have to get things in perspective, redefine goals, and other Oprahisms.

Or maybe i just need some sleep.

one nice thing i have is this little crush i have that makes me feel all giddy and smiley. it just sort of crept up on me. nothing can come of it but i will just enjoy the feeling.

i don't really write anything interesting in here, and i don't punctuate properly, but i just need to talk every now and then.

I have this flatmate, who gets stressed over everything and is constantly crying to me. But every time I say I am upset over something, she is so dismissive and says "You're worrying over nothing, stop making problems when there isn't any!" I am so tired of people who dump on me but never give anything in return.

Bitch, bitch, whinge, whinge, I know. Sorry. But god i would just die for some cuddles today.

7 comments|post comment

Collaborate and listen! [23 Jan 2002|01:34pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]
[ music | SFK - Beautiful Sharks ]

I am currently in this collaborative writing project, a new site. It's going along pretty well, except for I keep getting the feeling perhaps I shouldn't be there. The other writers all seem to be rather serious in style, whereas I am used to writing more humourous bullshit. I know you can't tell from this crappy LJ but the other stuff I do elsewhere is different.

So I don't know, everyone seems quite serious there. I tried to crack a few jokes with some of the writers and it just didn't go well.

I don't know what it is about me and the internet. In the Real World™ I don't give a flying fuck about what people think of me. But online I always seem to be more sensitive and more worried about how I am perceived. It is strange.

I have to write another chapter for this site, and I am dreading it like you wouldn't believe.

La la la la.

So much is going on right now I don't know where to begin. Perhaps I will being by going off to the bathrooms here at work to have a quick nap. Back soon.

3 comments|post comment

[15 Jan 2002|03:22pm]
Warning signs it may be time to look for a new job

Boss: Hey, can you edit this document for me?
Boggle: Sure, what is it?
Boss: My CV.
1 comment|post comment

Shidoniiiii [15 Jan 2002|02:19pm]
[ mood | besotted ]
[ music | Pulp - We Love Life ]

I am the Bad Sister, you see. That is why I didn't get invited to accompany the Mothership to Sydney where she is staying a posh hotel for a conference. I haven't been to Sydney in about 18 months (Gomez concert! woo!) so I was pouty about not being invited first but then realised a few things:

1. Trip would involve a three hour car trip with the mother. Three hours!

2. Trip would occur in mother's shoddy 1986 Mitsubishi Colt. The colt is shit coloured. The fancy hotel has valet parking. This means i would had have to climb awkwardly out of said car, hand the keys to a snooty valet (no ordinary keys mind you, my mother has one of those gigantic sets of keys with a key to every fucking door in town and looks more like some sort of metallic sea urchin) and watch snooty valet sniggering at me.

3. Would have to share room with the mother who snores like a bulldozer.

But still, my sister set off yesterday afternoon and i felt a stab of jealousy. It wore off this morning when i called her and she reported mum had been snoring all night without skipping a beat so sister had been forced to sleep in the bathtub.

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Mullettown [07 Jan 2002|11:18am]
This fair city turned into the Land of Mullets this weekend as it was Summernats. Every loud stinky souped up car in Australia was here too, along with a few blonde chickies in bikinis.

I'd forgotten all about it, to be honest, until Saturday night. I was dining in a fine restaurant when the Mullet Family walked in. You could just see the waitresses bristle at the sight of three generations of stone wash denim. There was a dozen of them all up. Grandpa Mullet in tight jeans and a Holden T-Shirt, bald on top but long Billy Ray thang happening in the back. Then there was Mullet Jr with what we'd call back in my hometown PUBE HAIR. You know the kind. Tight curls. Very bloody tight.

Then there was Mrs Mullet, she had bleached blonde hair with a gravity defying fringe. Her skirt was shorter than the fringe, and she had a nice thick elastic belt on. Then came assorted Mulletkids, all blonde and spiky on top with flowing locks in back. Even the daughter. She was also wearing a short denim skirt and sparkly off the shoulder top that wouldn't have been out of place on a Young Talent Time episode, circa 1984.

They wandered in with their stubby holders and VB and bellowing voices. "Izzit BYO mate? Bottled wine only? Aww c'mon mate I only just opened this one."

They had to stick four tables together to accomodate the brood. They considered the menu for a long time. "Ey Daaaaad! What's risotto? Can't we just get some chips? Daaad!"

"Gawd it's PRICEY luv! Jeeeeesus!"

"I want a milkshake!"

After much arguing they discovered the Kids Menu ordered a dozen serves of nachos.
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Phone Home [30 Dec 2001|12:09pm]
I've always maintained that Jessica Rowe, Ten News, looks like an alien. An alien as depicted on The X-Files and the like. You know, the pointy head. Channel Ten is an Equal Opportunity Employer so they had no trouble giving an alien species the late night news gig. Good on ya, Channel Ten.
1 comment|post comment

Mmmpphhg [23 Dec 2001|11:47pm]
ICQ! I have no idea if people hate me or if the big flower is conspiring against me. But whenever I see someone online and send a message I don't get a reply. Hmmmph.

Oh wow, I can hear thunder. I love storms. It's been soooo smotheringly hot for the past few days but the suffering is always worth it because of the big sexy storm that follows. Woo.
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Hurrah [20 Dec 2001|12:37pm]
[ mood | frisky ]

Get out of my dreams! Get into my car!

Now them's some deep lyrics.

Tomorrow I am meeting some folks off the internet. Now that's going to be fun! It's always nice meeting internet kiddies. Sometimes it can be the start of a beauuuuuuuuutiful friendship! Or not.

:D

I think chicken and cheese were just born to be together. Oh yes.

Hey hey, you you, get into my car.

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That's so 1996 [19 Dec 2001|02:45pm]
Hey. Remember cyber sex? Do people still do that?

If you were a decent writer it could be quite erotic sometimes. But if your style was more HEY U WANT MY 10" DICK? then, not so sexy.
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