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Wednesday, May 14th, 2003
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1:56 pm - Emails sent to me.
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Now then I'm going to make somehting a little clear here. Emails sent to me at my PERSONAL email are subject to review by myself then everyone else as I may choose to post them publicly. So here we are with the following three all sent to me over a 2 hour span from the same person who's name will follow at the bottom. He did this with teh full knowledge that they may or may not get posted to a public forum.
---------------------email1----------------------------------
You want me to confront you about stuff right now? No.
Absolutely not. I refuse to allow myself to get sucked
into this stupid void called the Internet and try to
use words here that fall on deaf eyes. You can't see
my face, so you don't know what I'm feeling. You can't
hear my voice, so you can't pick up exactly how I'm
acting. I'd rather tell you what I think to your face,
but even now isn't good as just as I told Ben I'm out
of town taking care of business and God only knows
when I'll return. There are several things I'd like to
bring up with you, even right now, but that's
"immature" for me to do it. I'm damned if I do and I'm
damned if I don't, though, so I'm just going to leave
it at that. But if you want me to confront you
directly on stuff, that's okay by me, but it'd better
be in private and I'd expect you to come and talk
things out.
But I will say this, if you want me to bring stuff up.
You were ungrateful when I gave you that computer. You
were practically not so thankful when I spent money to
replace the hard drive when it went bad. That's a
$1300 machine in money spent over time, the majority
of it a gift from my family and I want that gift back.
Granted I might be a little immature, and I have done
some pretty shitty things, but you have always, and I
mean always, constantly expected me to be above your
standards. When that incident happened with your
Mustang, I was the one who suffered the most without
your attitude. But even then, you tormented me
emotionally by calling me all SORTS of colorful
metaphors that night and in the following days
threatened our friendship because I wasn't "mature"
enough to do things like you do. All you lost over
that car was around $400 or less. I lost not only the
money for the ticket, but my license was suspended and
I had to pay expenses to take care of that. I have a
PERMANENT SCAR on my records. I could have even gone
to JAIL that night, but thank God the cop handling the
situation knew me. All that happened to you was you
lost your temper at me for no reason and you lost a
few extra bucks getting the car back. As for the
computer, it was something I shouldn't have given up.
Yeah, I know, you'll argue that I gave it to you and a
bunch of other things. That point is somewhat sound.
But at what expense did you acquire that machine?
Mine. And you sit there with an ungrateful attitude
about that huge gift, proclaim me childish, immature,
and everything else, expect me to live up to your own
personal standards, and then later have the nuts to
"compare notes" about me with my mate...in the end
causing us to break up and you to acquire a new
fuckbuddy. Now where are you and where am I? You are
without one less friend by your choice alone with no
wish to try and talk things out face-to-face like my
ex, and I am left to sit here trying to do nothing but
argue things through stupid e-mail with your only
argument in words that I'm childish and whatever else
negative.
You want directness? You have it. I'm tired of beating
around the bush with anyone. I'm tired of being
stepped on and used as a floormat the moment people
find out I can be. And if you don't want to talk, then
whatever. But at least I came right out and told you
what's what on my mind right now because of the
circumstances, like you want. Now it's your turn. If
you care at all to be on good terms with one more
person and don't want to be a coward and hide from it,
come to me personally and let's talk. Face-to-face.
That is all I'll accept because Internet words mean jack.
----------------------email2----------------------------------------------
I can see a little misunderstanding that's aleady
occurred that you've automatically jumped the gun on.
I know you've read the e-mails between me and Ben and
saw what I said about going to Texas. Someone pointed
out to me about your LiveJournal since they know who
you were talking about. Against all reason I decided
to read it. You think I got the info about you guys
going to Texas and used it as mud-slinging material,
but I suggest you remove your foot from your mouth and
your head from your ass. I didn't care about either of
you two to the point that I finally said fuck it, I'm
done with LiveJournal forever, that I'm tired of all
the drama and stupid doo-doo, and deleted my journal.
I haven't been on there for weeks now even to read
your entries until this morning. I didn't know either
of you had gone to Texas to see Ben graduate until my
ex-Ben told me where you'd gone. And then when I
thought about the days you two had mysteriously
vanished, I relized that's where you'd gone. It was
from HIS e-mail alone I used as throwback, not your
stupid LiveJournal.
Please remove your head from your ass before you jump
the gun on anything else and act like an ass like you
did, by deleting me from your friends' list and hide
all on the basis you thought I was using your
information to start shit when I hadn't logged in for
a long time to read anything.
---------------------email3-------------------------------------------
I'll be perfectly honest now, and this message has
gone to both of you simultaneously. I sat and thought
for a long time after seeing how you are acting in
regards to the things going on between all of us.
I simply want nothing to do with either of you, now
that I think of it. Nothing is going to happen between
any of us except reciprocate bad feelings with me.
You're both users, screwed me out of what was a good
relationship, friendships, a computer, and other
things. Want me to really piss and moan about me being
the one who's hurt and pretend that I'm the victim
here? Well, why not? It might be childish but I am,
you have, I'm not pretending, and what's done is done.
I have literally nothing now except my home with my
family and my own mind and body. I gave up about all
of my possessions as peace offerings and signs of
frienship, and in the end there was no gratitude at
all. Nothing can be gained by arguments. Nothing can
be resolved because there is an absolute stalemate.
Leave me alone for good until you two can come to a
little bit more of a sane mind and heart and find a
better way to interact with me other than continually
using your only argument that I'm childish, immature,
or whatever, and using that as your only weapon to try
and put me down and tell other people how bad I am.
Do not e-mail me; I have filtered both of you out.
Contact me one more time, and I mean just one more
time after this, I don't care what it is or how, and
I'm reporting you to whatever company you went
through. I don't want to see either of you, not even
to return any of my stuff. Don't set foot on my
property or even drive on it. This is the final
warning and I'm not being childish one bit about this.
When I have the money for the apartment expense and I
have proof in my hand that I owe that, then I'll pay.
Not before. And I still want my computer back in
working condition.
Good day, gentlemen, and have fun with your ill-gotten
gains. The two words I hate to say to anyone, and is
the end....
Now then the above all came from the same person as follows one more would be harrassment and subject to legal action.
Jaffrey Montgomery resaire@yahoo.com
Now normaly I would jsut let this slide off my back but this time I saw it as a personal attack and false claims for attention. Was I ungrateful? no, why was the computer given to me? He was going into the military and wanted me to have something I could use that wasn't breaking down. I was more than grateful for the gift to the point I didn't question picking him up from the bus station after he was let go from the army. or did I listen to my two room mates at the time and jsut send his butt right to his house that very night. Sticking my neck out to get him his old job back only to have my goodness thrown right back at me when he jsut skipped town to move to another state, leaveing me with a towing and storage fee that I couldn't afford. Even when i weaseled months later and got my item back for $100 it broke me to the point I had to borrow money from the person I had brought out to hopefuly purchase said vehical from me.
As far as him fixing the computer when the HD took a dump, it was stil under warrentee and the shipping to the manufacturer was neglagable for about $5 which was refunded on return. Seeing that the computer in question has been over here for at least 2 YEARS and has been in my keeping for the past 8 months I'd say it's mine lock stock and barrel as abandon property to my care. If by chance it comes missing anytime soon I already have a prime suspect in it's theft and I will push charges.
As far as any other expenses are concerned they can be delivered to this person by means of their mother or father since I still know where both work at. So in closeing if this person who not only pointed this out to him and the person to whom I'm refering. if they would both grow them a pair then I'll take you serious, tho if you really want the computer retunred but I can't come on your property or see you.. Then I guess the speed limit in front of the house in which you reside is still 55mph and i know the computer will work up until the time it bounces off the ground a few times.
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| Tuesday, May 13th, 2003
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11:59 pm - Misgiveings.
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Due to events beyond my control I'm now being forced to only update in teh form of friends view only. Sorry if this screws with your scrapeing for information to use as mud slinging. But some folks out there are don't have the pacage to come right ouit and confront me about things I have to say so thusly I'll just have to arrange things differnetly.
There is one person I'm speaking about here and if he would ever grow up and come forward to make his "demands" outright and not hide behind a false aura of 'I'm the one who's been hurt' I amy concider haveing him as more than a aquaintence which even now he doesn't have. No longer is he welcome near me tho I won't be openly hostile towards this person I won't actively acknowledge them either. Basicaly this means, you made this of yourslef and your actions. Deal with it and elave me alone period.
current mood:  annoyed
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| Saturday, April 5th, 2003
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10:54 pm - Hey Ho This Crap Hole has Got To Go.
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Freaking landlord is raiseing the rent to $375 a month for what reason? Well we don't know, it's jsut being raised without reason. On top of that rent is late by a few days.
Oh yea, update.. Just paid the rent and asked why the rent was going up. The reason if you pelase *drum roll* To help cover the cost of renovation to another trailer which we could rent for about $350 a month.. Gee Can ahrdly afford $300 a month but we can get a crappier trailer for $50 more a month. Funk dat beotch, going to se eabout getting out of here by the end of the month again. But anyone willing to take in two, a bird, fish, cat(s), dog(s). Multable plushies and about a single 2-3 room moveing truck of stuff.
Anyway that a side went and saw a freind of mine and spent a good amount of time with him. Downed two good beers and a burger then jsut talked and laughed for hours. Got home a bit ago and I have to say that he's not really a bad guy. Just one has to get used to the little bits that make him who he is. Well I'm kinda tired but feeling good, had a slight buzz going for a while and now i'm mellow again. Take care all love you and wish you the best.
Fox out.
current mood:  mellow
current music: NickleCreek - Solid Ground
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| Friday, April 4th, 2003
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2:50 pm - Well alright.. I'm cool in my own way.
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Which member of the Homestar Runner gang are you?
Well today I'm off work today. Not much to do other than sit here and do little things OL or paly witht eh dog. But that aside, I want a DQ blizzard, maybe with oreo or peanut butter cups mixed in. I should go a head and grab roomie to get checks and stuff then get one. Should be nice since I haven't had one in a while.
Other news is a old roomie and friend should be dropping by sometime tomorrow if he does then a pleasent surprise awaits. I'm not going to say what it is till he either sees it his self or til tuesday. Either way it's pretty much sold as it is and jsut needs to be picked up and paid for. It'll be good to get money and a healthy profit on top of that. Well that looks about all for now, anything else happens I'll just make a new post for it.
Fox out.
current mood: good
current music: Donna Summers - Hot Stuff (Full Monty)
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| Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
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12:29 am - Writeing of fiction.Not real.
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I went out today, the sun was bright and the air was warm but still I felt chilled as something was missing. Looking around I listened and didn't hear the sound of birds chirping or singing, the rustleing of the leaves was also absent. As i looked around more I saw a car diveing past and it was then I realised that I couldn't hear. A split second and my life had changed. No longer would I hear the subtle sound of a clock ticking or the rumbleing of cars as they drive along the road outside.
My hearing was gone. I couldn't stand anymore as I just broke down there to cry and try in vain that hopefuly it was jsut earwax plugging my ears. But it was not to be, years of infections had taken their toll and finally my ears threw in teh towel. I am deaf.. No more can i hear the sound of my friend's talking to me or my love as he comes near, all are gone to me now.
I sit many weeks haveing lsot my job and meaning in life from this then one day I wake to pitch blackness around me, not a sound to be heard as I knew already my hearing is gone. To dark to look at my watch as i fumble for a light switch, I feel teh click as it turns on and the slight warmth from teh light on my skin but still I don't see.
Tears of anger and saddness pour from my now covered eyes. I can't hear myself curse the world around me for takeing two of what makes me who I am. It's not enough that I can't hear my love when he comes to myside to see what is wrong. But now I can't even see him till he touches me, I hold him close knowing he's speaking and crying as well tho all I can do is hold him and speak.. At least I think I can still talk. I tell him that I'm scared and for him not to let go, tho he does. I cry more but he goes beyond my grasp. I fall out of bed to follow him but I'm lost, I eventualy find the bed again then crawl in to sob myself to sleep.
Some time later as time itself has lost meaning to me I have a itch on my nose but my arms feel like lead. I'm cold all over but I have a itch that's driveing me insane on my nose. I can't hear or see him when he comes in tho my head moves as he lifts it to repostion to feed me soup. Panic.. I can't move.. just freaking great.. Deaf blind and now I can't move.. How wonderful. I hate everyone except for my love who has been here all the while, never will he leave me.
I think I'm awake, everything is a buzz and smells like cardboard. The buzz feels good as it means i think I can feel again. My hopes are dashed however as hours pass. I know, I ocunted the seconds and minutes then hours in my head. Hours pass, then a day. Then another, and a another.. Days soon roll into weeks, I lose count somewhere at a week and half or so. Am i dead or alive? is this why I've worked and strived to give everyone the best to be had. To end up a peice of meat that keeps going just liveing. No this cannot be, my love is here. I was jsut asleep when he came in, I know he's here. i can feel him, i can feel others as well. All my friends are here my family is as well.. Joy they're all here to see me.. I could jsut cry as I want to hug them all.
Wait, they're getting further away. No don't leave, please. I'm here Don't go away, jsut reach out and touch me I know I can feel you. Something's wrong, sadness and tears fall. Why? I'm not dead.. Am I? Damn.. Dead, just perfect. I'm dead and now I can't hold my friends and family close.. I wonder what they are thinking and doing right now.. How long have I been dead. it couldn't have been long, oh wait a minute. There, right there I fele a familer feeling of warmth and tenderness. All alone right there in the darkness somewhere.
Found you my love.. Fear no more I am here.. Man look at you all here, my friends and family.. All of you can see me now. How long has it been.. twenty years you say since I died of heartfailure. Wait.. if I'm dead and here, and you all are here too.. that means.. You're dead to. Doesn't it jsut suck to be dead, well that's true. Not much been going on here since I got here, just been dark and lonesome but now it's not. You're here to hold again.. How I've missed you, never going to be without you in my heart and soul.
Openign my eyes I can see my room, my watch reading a time of 2:03pm. I have to go to the bathroom. And the birds are singing outside. I'm rested and my thoughts are clear but I feel empty from not haveing those I care about the most nearby. Maybe in death I will finally see them.
Fox out.
current mood: loved
current music: Nickle Creek - Darkest Hour
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| Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
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4:42 pm - Long distance.
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Got a call this morning at about 6:15 am. Normaly I cuss anyone ou that calls that early but this was a speacial person who was calling to ses how I was doing. A call all the way from Utah. Of course I was thrilled but at the same time boggeled as sleep still had it's grasp on my mind. When my thoughts cleared enough I admitted my deed and then started chastiseing myself for doing it (refering to yesterday's post at about 3 something)
All was well and things are doing good with him. He's still doing the schooling and hopefuly he'll pass all his courses easily then be a happy pup driveing a big truck over the road. Still distressed over what I did and to those who know me best I'll be this way for a long while. I did it and I accept it as mine, my mark and thus my shame to bear.
Fox out.
current mood:  depressed
current music: Bad Company - Bad Company
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1:47 am - Boredom and worry rolled into one.
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| Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
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11:33 pm - *rubs the back of his head then grins sheepishly anime like*
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Um.. You're all going to want to pound me for this, but nothing happened cept for talking future sense. Yes I will leave work when I move, yes my car will be dead someday.. And yes the place I'm in will be sold. Just not all at one time.
I'm sorry for upsetting everyone by posting that. But I'm doing ok really I am. Got a new tool box and some wrenches after a nice dinner and good long walk around in a mall and a bookstore. Reading back over it and seeing the replies was distressing to the point of I knew I'd gone to far and really upset you all. To dear Atae, you called twice but we were out for the day, to Blueotter. Would be very nice to meet you again as well as your mate. Plus if you do get down this way I have a surprise that you'll jsut have to see to beleave.
My friend Stil, I know you're going to twist my arm then make me say sexylupine for that.. But it was jsut a really bad april fools joke. I'm not really crushed just schemeing and evil.. Never wanted to cause either of you distress. Love you all dearly and I await the pelting of tomatos very soon as i deserve it.
Fox out.
post Script : I'll leave the previous posting up as a mark to my embarrassment.. Possably even mark it in memory as somethign not to do again ever. It was wrong and very cruel of me and for that I appologise to you all. I'll fix something in it forthwith, somethign I should have put anyway but didn't.
current mood:  embarrassed
current music: National Geographic Theme
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3:40 pm - It's raining on a bright day.
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Well it was bound to happen sooner or later. This situation has nearly broken me for all that's been going on.. Car is dead.. Job is gone.. and home is going. Can't go anywhere and no one will come get me.. Time to jsut curl up and blow away in the wind. I'm done.. Next game please.. please..
This entry isn't real, never was but parts will be in the future. Tho I dunno baout teh no one to come get me part. Sorry for any misconceptions and ill will. I'll understand entirely if you jsut want to pelt me with rotten fruits or stones. Or just tell me i'm mean and not talk to me again, I was cruel to post this and thusly I'll leave it to mark my shame for doing so.
(*emotion* Shamed)
current mood: crushed
current music: Kansas - Dust In The Wind
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5:25 am - I'm slipping.
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12:04 am - Don't look at me.. Nothing to see here.
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You are meant to become a serial killer. You
definitely have some unresolved issues:
necrophilia? oedipal complex? depression?
mania? masochism? After you leave a messy scene
at one of your last ventures, the police will
find you, and put you in jail. Although you get
the electric chair in a very months, you will
have had a few affairs with lonely women who
want to "help you" and your macabre
story will inspire countless novels and books.
Too bad you're not around to reap the royalties
!!The AMAZING Future Predictor!!
brought to you by Quizilla
You are - Black Sand. WOW you are rare! If people
knew you existed they woud wonder about you all
the time! You love the sea and are made of
harder stone then most- not easily worn at all.
You are rough and durable and burn people's
feet who dare to walk over you.....You are a
thing of dreams and imagination
* Which of natures amazing entities are you?*
brought to you by Quizilla
Tried checking my email and two of the three I have to check with one click arn't responding or jsut arn't there. Gee sounds alot like my day so far.. Count on something jsut to watch it let you down.
Fox out.
current mood: cynical
current music: Greg Allman - Midnight Rider
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| Sunday, March 30th, 2003
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3:05 pm - More thoughts.
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Thought about offers and one from a semi-unlikely place of Aussie land from a dear individual. As much a i'd love to take that offer and leave right now, it's a little far but not out the question for consideration. My thoughts go to current and future beign tied together effectively. Since I'll be haveingt o get rid of my means of transportation I'll be without wheels. Tho if I go to Mass to live, it'll be fine as I don't really think I'll need them.
Learning more things to cook and how to cook them. I guess it's something I do to relax that and drive alot. Cooking and driveing to relax, I'm different. While most get a buzz on or just veg out watching TV I'd rather be driveing down lonely roads or cooking in a kitchen. I have a urge to make a nice hand sliced bacon, egg, tomato and cheese sandwich. The egg has to be over medium, and the bacon sliced thick. Not that store "thick" but hand thick at about a 1/4 inch thick or more. Cooked till it's done but still soft. Cheese over the bacon then covered witht eh egg while two slices of tomato flank the egg and bacon, salt and pepper to season on some mayo, the bread doesn't matter but I perfer a french bread like a big hoggie. I may make one like that soon, perhaps about a pound and half of bacon, at least a half dozen eggs, about the same amount of cheese. Twelve slices of tomato.. Mmmmm..
Chicken and rice also sounds good but that's for another time. Anyway that's my thoughts for now, going to have to get the makeings for that sandwich tonight tho for now I'll have to make do with store sliced stuff. What I need, one loaf of french bread, eggs, mayo, cheese, tomatos and bacon. Lots of bacon, then a heartattack to follow. Yummy stuff just hope I can enjoy it without mellowdrama about it.
Fox out.
current mood: hungry
current music: Dj-Mystik - Moonlight Shadow
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| Saturday, March 29th, 2003
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1:53 am - Working stiffs.
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Come to realise that people around here do not appreciate anything that is tried for them unless you are of direct friendship to them. As a employee it is my duty to see that the customer is served properly. Be it with a side of mashed potatos and coleslaw or butterbeans and mac@cheese with your choice of cornbread muffin or roll. Ok anyway, it's my job to se ethat their needs are reached as far as getting their order and makeing sure it's delivered to tehm in a prompt fashion. Simple it would seem and in some cases it is and really appreciated that is has been done.
Other cases however leave a film not unlike eatting really greasy food, the film that seems to cover your toungue and the rest of your mouth. It just doesn't wash off and makes you sick if you drink something. Well this is also to be said, I applied for another workplace today literaly while on teh job as it was a delivery to the same place I would perfer working at. One big reason is this, less wear on my quickly running down mode of trnsportation. since it's close to 26,000 miles since I got it a year ago last month. Doesn't sound like much but concider that was built up about 2 to 5 miles one way at a time with shutdowns and restarts each time. Anyway as much as I love gettign cahs at teh end of the nights from overages on delivery orders (tonight $68) I can't afford to do it anymore. Plus if the other place does full time hours for similer pay I'll still come out ahead 40x5.25hr x 2 =390.60 for two weeks. Right now I'm scrapeing by with about a high of $222.43 for two weeks. Factor in a averge week of tips and it puts it over $462.43 for those two weeks.
Ok now this is where the math gets funny. the 462.43 is everything if i were to not spend a cent of it on anything, includeing food and gas while working. Say a average night I go thru about $5 in gas and i only work four nights so that $20 a week for two weeks is $40. 462.43 - 40 = 422.43. That was just gas, now for food which I can eat at work but it makes me sick to eat there so I go to Wafflehouse and spend about $11 a night (Once a day eatting) four nights is $44 for two weeks its $88, so 422.43 - 88 = 334.43. Grocery shopping comes next and can run from anywhere between $10 to $85 so I'll do a medium and say $40 for the week or $80 for two 334.43 - 80 = 254.43. Bills and rent share are 342 a month now then going by jsut this alone and without any surprise expenses i should have about 166.86 (two checks a month and that should be my clear just there).
Ok, now that is out the way I'm going to move along and show you my nice match. Yep has it's own propane tank on the bottom and lights with a click. Can melt pennys and burn bugs quickly. Well i'm tired and his drug on long enough, I bid you adue.
Fox out.
You should have been a fennec!
What should you have been in this life?
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh yes, this is number 200 in posting. Yay me, big 200.
current mood: drained
current music: Carol Of The Bells
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| Friday, March 28th, 2003
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3:14 pm - Choices for teh future.
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Ok now it's game time and it's gettign towards teh final quarter... Ok that was cheesy but ehre goes anyway. I have several choices as to where I'm going to end up and what I'm going to do, one is texas with Ben and Hanna, another is Massachusetts with Atae and Fox while a third is possably CA with yet another person. While a fourth would be to bouce around for a while and live with the mom again where ever she ends up at.
I'm getting to old for this with all honesty as I jsut want somewhere stable to live and stay at. I want steady work I enjoy doing that doesn't deal with the public at large. Perhaps I will take the offer to go to Mass and live or go to Texas, don't really know yet tho definatly truckdriveing is looking more and more like somethign I'd want to do. I know I was told that staying with Ben and Hanna would be for as long as I would want but I know that time will over stretch the welcome and make for ill will down the road. Maybe stay a month with them to make sure they are all settled in and make my other move, most of my junk can be sent in packages then I get a flight up. Perhaps that's the way I'm going to do it, just need to work out details.
Going to have to sell the sodacan, I can see it already as not lasting another season with the way things are going. Now got to work out how I'm going to move around it, as I've promised to drive the moveing truck/van to San Antonio and that Ben's truck is going there as well, may see about getting one of the big ones then laoding the car in the back. Just have to make sure I take ramps for it to get in and out. Maybe take it out there and sell it to a mexican or soemthing.. The truck is going to go on a full car trailer as the axle is still bent on it. Do things right and it'll only take one truck to move even if I do that which is my plan to do. Everythign i own can fit in the little car while everythign else will be outsdie of it and still pelnty of room to load things. Just have to work a tad harder to get enough to get the biggest truck I can get.
Anyway that's about all for now the more I think about this the more it makes sense and seems liek it's going to work.
Fox out.
current mood: anxious
current music: Nickleback - This Is How You Remind Me
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1:14 am - Day's events.(Some sick parts at the end.)
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8am :Sleeping
9am :sleeping
10am:sleeping 10:15am :woken up for some odd reason that involved "I need you to ride with me over to get my mom."
11:15am :Finally leave the house 11:35am :get back home.
11:40am :screw around in teh house then see off roomie and her mom.
11:45am wash all my clothes shower as they wash and play OL.
1pm :shower again.
1:15pm :play OL more.
4pm: get clothes out of then put into dryer. then play with kittens and watch TV.
8:30ish pm :go get food.
9:15pm :showeragain (feeling icky)
12am : unload dryer and contemplate washing 14 dishes while complaining to myself and the bird about lack of clean dishes and things to eat/drink.
1am :cook raman noodles.
1:10am :evacuate noodlesand bits of sausage outside next to a tree. Shower again.
1:15ish am :write this.
2am :wash those dishes.
3am :watch anti-virus slow things down while it cycles.
4am :forget why i'm staying up so late.
4:05am :remember why.
5am :start thinking about bed and nice and soft it is.
6am :really think about bed and how soft and warm it is.
7am :shower again last time then go to bed.
current mood: nauseated
current music: Journey - Highway Run
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 27th, 2003
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2:55 pm - yet another innaine quiz. Three more to 200.
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1:44 pm - Intrugueing.
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current mood:  contemplative
current music: Luca Truilli - Legend Of Steel
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4:07 am - Reminded of Ben's entry before he left.
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Written and originally recorded by John Denver
Also performed by Peter, Paul, and Mary, and now currently performed by Chantal Kreviazuk
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn,
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go I'll think of you
Every song I sing I'll sing for you
When I come back I'll bring your wedding ring
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, let me kiss you
Then close your eyes and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
To all those out there where you'd rather not be and to those with loved ones in teh same situation, there is a candle burning in the window where a blue furred kitsune lives to lead them home should they or yourself get lost. Just to remind myself and all of you of whom i speak I'll put his last entry here as well it follows after I sign off.
Fox out.
Date: 2003-03-22 20:04
Subject: Packing bagges and getting ready to leave
Security: Public
Mood: content
Music: leaving on a jet plane
well i just got back from visiting a friend of mine, and i am so glad that i got to go befor i am off. i got a chance to laugh my ass off, and forget the trouble ahaed of me. pure bliss to not care about a thing and just have fun. i believe that now i have no worries about going. ya i am going to miss my family n friends, but it is only for a little while.
well i have cut my hair, worked out, got my mind set to do what i have to. now i need my favorite hat n shoes and i soon will be walking out the door. please dont worry about me, just keep me in mind and pray for those who are in iraq.
i will know when you remmber me, cause i will be remmbering you. in these last few days alot of people must have been thinking about me ^_^
tommorw is my last day, so if ya need me, call me or respond to this. i will be spending most of the day with my wife, but i will be around to talk aswell. hope yall take care.
untill nextime
*waves as he walks out the door*
"be back in a few"
Du.
current mood: sympathetic
current music: CCR - Long As I Can See The Light.
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 26th, 2003
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9:59 pm
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A COPPER Dragon Lies Beneath!
I took the Inner Dragon online quiz and found out I am a Copper Dragon on the inside. My Inner Dragon is the mighty warrior of dragon-kind. It's just that simple. Coppers show up when someone's about to die. Coppers don't mess around, and they don't play evil games like Red Dragons. They don't bother with magic, like Gold Dragons. They exist for a purpose, and they serve it well.
But what sort of a dragon would I be if that really was the whole story? I also like to stomp my enemies, start the occasional war, and spend lazy hours preening my battle aura. My favorable attributes are strength, physical abilities, thriftiness, warmth, and longevity in battle. Just in case some puny human (or conniving Red Dragon) thinks they can get the drop on me, I've got a concealed breath weapon - gigantic masses of Fire. Hey, it's the tried and true way to cook a cow in 0.75 seconds.
I like the other opening i got better so i'll put it here as well.
Your Inner Dragon is the mighty warrior of dragon-kind. It's just that simple. Coppers show up when someone's about to die. Usually they just go ahead and take out his best friends too, just so he won't be lonely in the afterlife. Coppers don't mess around, and they don't play evil games like Red Dragons. They don't bother with magic, like Gold Dragons. They don't run and hide like White Dragons. They're there to do a job, and they do it well. (Think Special Forces...)
Anyway, that's all for now. I'm evil and good at it. Sit back and watch me work jsut don't get in my way else you'll become part of the everafter.
Fox out. Copper signing off.
current mood:  working
current music: The Rave Method - Oxygen remix
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5:05 am - Just out of reach.
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Was looking at things I'd like to have, once again on the internet for oh.. The past seven hours. But everything is far out of reach while others I can only think about haveing. Not really distressing as far as dispairing as I see that there is so much I would love to have jsut so I could give it to another and see their smile. But it's not to be, a pleasure denied from me. Another pleasure denied is being able to travel effectively to see things like old farm equipment shows where there are steam tractors and other nick nacky stuff.
My car is scareing something abd now (Yes I'm haveing to drive it still til i get something else.) As the vibration stopped for a while the other night then started back twice as bad, i had to borrow my boss's car to finish out the night then on the drive home it stopped again and stayed that way all the to the mid section of the driveway before I think it started again. Could mean it's gettign ready to fall off or it could jsut be reseating it's self don't really know yet. Tho I really hope it's the latter of the two.
I really would love to have this jsut as it is http://home.off-road.com/~merls_garage/mdpics/md053.jpg But there again it's out of reach and thusly unattainable. Another item I'd love to have is this http://www.olive-drab.com/images/id_hemtt_full.jpg but same as the above.
It matters not right now as most I can do here and now is jsut do what I've bene doing for close to a year now and hope things don't change for the worse. Just hope the future is brighter so that I'd not have to live like this for longer than I have to. Can't wait till I get out for a vacation to PA to see folks and meet new ones, would make three years running I've gone and each time seems to jsut get better.
Hope to see a few folks there, if not then it'll be a time to jsut escape and not think about much if anyhting at all.
Fox out.
current mood: disappointed
current music: Satellite Dub - Chemical Intervention
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