<-> H347H3N J0\/RN4L5 <->

3:11pm: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

7:43pm: Charlie
He came in. Came up to me and started into a story about how, in the years long passed he did things and now he was invisable.
He said. "First they send you out to kill things. Just make you crawl like a snake in the leaves. They say go kill a rabbit for us and you go out and kill a rabbit for them. Its a routine you see. Its like a habit or the first drag off a joint. You kinda dont take to it, but then it just sort of sticks to you. Next they say just go out and kill the enemy, go kill this village of people and you say "people?" and they hit you in the face with the butt end of a rifle then hand it to you and you know what you have to do then. So you crawl like a snake out into the woods and you slither up to the village and you kill them all. I mean everything alive, everything found there cause its all been called in like a car note."

He then askes me for money, just anything I can spare cause you know he's "got to eat" and all. I gave him 25 cents for the yarn. The homless are insane. Im studying them as of late. They all just drip with this outside and lost madness.

Charlie's out there...

7:36pm: love has no name
what a day. new songs in the works and new website on its way.
going for sushi in a little bit.

work today was funny. i get to hear the fat kid bitch about how "all we need is an in store coke machine and a microwave and he'd be happy." he'd be happy with an egg machine if they made them. tank, tanker, he eats all the time. last week there were noodles on the counter top and shockingly enough also on the toilet seat. i didnt ask.

recent records purchased:
10.05.02 - 10.25.02

Madonna - "Die Another Day" single
Babble - "Love Has No Name" remix record single
SO - "Horseshoe In The Glove" album
David Bowie - "Telling Lies" record single
Jeanna Cie - "Dont Believe In Love" record single
Ish - "I could Love You" record single
Ish - "You're My Only Lover" record single
Sigue Sigue Sputnik - "Success" remix record single
Herbie Hancock - "Feets Dont Fail Me Now" album
Cyclefly - "Crave" album
House of Freaks - "Tantilla" album

Videos Aquired:

Billy Idol - "Cyberpunk - Shock to the System"
Eurythmics - "Sweet Dreams Collection"
Shakespear's Sister - "Hormonally Yours Collection"
Peter Gabriel - "Cv"

on to sushi and music.

happy pre-halloween to all and to all a goodnite.

10:55pm: I kinda suspected.
Im gald I got that worked out. Sometimes you just have to wonder, but I got it down now. Its not a very big back yard. No not at all. R- I really wonder about you sometimes.

Well the memory chain seems too familiar.
Its nine'o'clock and Im leaving here 4 ever on an airplane
Assissans sooner than later
And that memory chain

Ill just turn away, sweet F.A. from the conforts that you CRAVE.
I really wasnt amazed when I returned,
Just amazed that nothing was said.

alah alah alah
alah alah alah

Its just a factor to act like an actor
When your in your always out
When your in your always out
With the grace of an angle

I never doubted for a moment
I never forgot how pathetic this thing had become
With a lost opinion in a jaded story.
Traz Traz Traz or Key love , get out, get out, get out

Its the same hole.
Its the same hole.
Its the same hole.

*4\9*[ENTER]

5:54pm: The Dragon Rises
DRAGON *CON 2002 No Red Coat room this year dammit. Next year me, candicide, Rogue andSteve should find a panel and have at it. I mean after the events of 911 we need "Red Coat Room" now more than ever....

It was fantastic as always this year. Somuch going on, too much in the air. Havoc on roller skates with balloon animal arms and abracadabra rabbits in every hat. We put on our paradise and drank the punch, we kept it going until the last giggle was eclipsed by the shut down. No sleep, nope not ever. Just the fever and the pitch of a maverick train off its rails, but all the passengers walked way alive. Met just there where we saw the Green Goblin dancing at the drum circle and Can ran from the Mike's Hard Lemonade Ape creature 50 feet tall and the crowd sang "fully functional and anatomically correct". God bless the Vulcan's.

I do think they were just a tad bit security happy this year. Sort of a them and "us" situation.

I met somany new people and spent alot of time with the D*Con Unusual Suspects. ( No list required you know who you are.)

The roving chaos of an event like this is intense. Oh and I was kidnapped by Johnathan and candicide. They forced me to eat Sushi for the first time. I think Im addicted now. Thanks to you both for that.

The Ice Machine cometh. N13ERU will be playing live at Dragon *Con 2003. More on that later.

There is a pain in life
which visits us all.
Of course, we want to know why.

Why?

If this pain be unjust,
then actions are futile,
living is joking,
and the world is bad.

If our pain reflects justice,
then it follows to spend our lives
rooting out our faults
one by one with out end,
like street dogs forever
with fleas.

Iggy Pop_

5:04am: "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty or safety."
-Benjamin Franklin

2:01am: Diamonds are a girls best family member?
This was on CNN the other day. Im both disturbed and amused by it.
Life Gems. Is this the future?

9:22pm: But I was only singing...

4:40pm:
C.H.O.

4:28am: That Joe Jackson is a real cool cat...
Did you ever bust a cats face with your fist and feel this little crunch after your hand slides away? That look of surprise and fear in the eyes and teeth dripping from their ruined lips. This little piggy blubbering sound enitting from a lumpy face.

Theres this little dj crawling around my building. Likes to get really piss drunk and try to beat his woman in the parking lot.
I really couldnt just drive off seeing what was going down. I couldnt back away and pretend it wasnt happening. It was in park before I knew it, the door was open, the sky turned red. I think zombies can feel something if you hit them hard enough. I like to think each sold hit kind of jared little memories into his head.
Like when he was a kid and his mom took him to his first Christmas party. Orniments dripping glitter and fake snow on torchlight angels, presents ready to burst with excitment like his lip. Crayola red, stop sign red, red rain, velvet red, but no St.Nick.
I bet he always though he grow up to be a better man then Daddy. And theres Mom with her Ambrosia salad and pin curls in her hair. Leather faces twisting greetings in the shimmering tintsle and uniforms all dressed up. All the Eggnog a kid could drink till he finds the adult stash and feels dizzy. Lennons "Happiness Is A Warm Gun" playing, then Mr. Wilson laughs and changes it to a Traditional Xmas tune which goes over better. All I think some people just need a little help once and awhile. A helping hand. Well I bet its going to be hell wearing headphones with a swollen ear. "I need a fix cause Im going down.....momma..." And the record in my head keeps skipping on the phrase "fat goth chick...errt..fat goth chick..errt....fat...errt...and the sky gose red again.

8:37pm: No originals..everythings reproduced.
I wasnt in line. I didnt care to wait, or even dream about the day it would happen. I didnt care and still dont.
I saw Starwars II for a buck last week. I kept thinking "why the hell am I here?" It was pure crap. 100%.

Christoper Lee is the "paste villian here" man of the year. I hope he's in Joe dirt II - III. T.V.s Dracula...
So in the end its Yoda v.s Lee, mano a muppeto in a battle to the sequel. Yoda can throw down. That part what amusing and kinda worth the $1.

What I really want to see is the young 150ish Yoda scooting around.
You know? Just wearing his clubbing robes and some slick sketcherz.
Down at the bar using his Jedi-premaster skills on the little Yoda-etts. Hot Yoda porn. Mad mind skills sporting a goatee and driving a convertible low ride land speeder. Big Pimpin Yoda back in the day, down in the Yoda hood. What the fuck is Yoda anyway?
Perhaps, and this is just me thinking out loud here, perhaps Yoda is a future version of Kermit the Frog. Like after Oscar the Grouch sold him a butt load of tainted acid, down on the mean streets of Sesame. I dont know.

Imagine a toned youthful angsty Yoda. Like Bruce Lee only shorter and, ummm greenish. With his teeth capped in silver, and a few issues of the "Zork" choose your own adventure books hanging out of his back pocket, Zelda game boy music playing in the distance.
His long raven black hair slicked down Walken style. "Looking for the hot bitches I am" or "Yoda seeks back door action. Gay first timer I am."

His personal add would read:

Attractive I am, loving long walking on beaches and cuddling on couches I can. Cute 2ft 3 male. Big eyes and nice hairy ear stalks.
Yoda next door look I have. Down to earth and spiritual seeks other for Jedi Mastery and fun. Please no smokers, drugs or Darkside. If this is you please contact you can: GreenMuffin@JedisDoItBest.com

That would be more entertaining then both Episodes 1-2 put together. The new Star Wars is crap. Put it in the recycle bin please.

I waited until the last possible moment, when you were just about to forget to spring this on you.....

9:12pm: Dont let them shoot lazers into your eyes jerm!

5:52am: Galactic off center
Chains, chains alive.
Chains, chains that bind.
I was never paranoid, or pilled down.
I always knew when the sun was sinking.
Im going to lay down and listen to the end of the rumor.
Just slip undercover and head for the car.

That bitch has got a freeway, man I tell you.
A script for a jesters tear.
That bitch has got a freaky kind of radar.
I think that bitch was Christ for awhile.

I dont get stoned, I dont fuck alone, I dont park my fork in a dim little outlet.
That bitch has got murder on its mind.
Grim teeth, grey eyes, squatters in the house of life.
Cook it up, endless nite, bitches got a rave going on in its mind.

Hook in mouth, hook in head, got 5 paths to wander, said "Im already dead"
But I never got used to it.
It was the babble of the family and adult t.v.
When I slid out of the womb, they started talking at me.
Babys got a kill switch and a warm warm bottle of vino,
babys got a Trojan attack for when death trys sticking it in.

Under a branch bitches got hurricane eyes, lips all pout and pucker, smooth machines glid out of site.
But I never got used to it.

Weak knees at loves fantastic lie.
Left at the altar with no sacrifice.
Loves whore. Loves funny little shout. Loves poor.
And love cant figure love out.

But I never got used to it.

4:07pm: No one takes evacuation orders seriously.
The earth is returning to what I remember. Grey mid morning sky with storms on all fronts. No lemon yellow sun, just the white disk hung, same as the moon.

The water is more dangerous now. They have poision in everything. They are attacking the body. They designed a fantastic virus that seeks us out. The root of this could be money. The cell from hell. We cant see how it kills. Its in the food and in the air. It comes out of the T.V. its sonar sweeps.

We beach ourselves. We kill the infected and the healthy to try to contain it. Cronic wasting. We are over zealous to slaughter, burn it all , burn it down because of a knowledge gap.

We generate new life. Give it gils, I have a hole in my hand. We only see the dead when they are hungery. When they come rattling to our door. Im at your door now. Im the green dog boy, Im mulch with a smile. I am the width of a human hair, between two sheets of plastic. I am militarized, may I take your order.
I am $1 per square foot. Im your palamino trick. I never leave the screen. I call from the grave and listen to you ask "Who is there?" 3d optics, god fucks me with life. My soliders have an edge and it is death, the education of death, death addiction, new technology.

Is there a storm in your house? Who the fucks got my keys?

5:48pm: The line
Its a small investment. Its all chance. Someone dies just days after posting a cheesecake spread in her journal. Out of the blue then gone just like that. Our last talk was really good and Im pretty glad it was on one of the years we were not in a "fake" argument. Its fun to set things like that up with certain friends, from time to time, "this year we are ememys, next year we'll make up" gives a little perspective to things. People are dropping like flies, I cant keep up.

Theres no debate when its your time people. Its a small investment. Its all chance, its a done deal. Over half the friends, people I once called "friend" are dead now. Either in the grave or just up and walking around bitching about how their lives suck and how they "had the gun in their mouth but just couldnt do it." Ive heard that story somany times and I really have no sympathy for it, its stale, it dosent hold water. See I designed this kick assed death chair a few years ago. Just one kick and its over, no turning back, no lingering "oopse, ummm ouch" just one kickoff and its a one way ticket to harpland. Thats pretty creative albeit slightly demented, but if i decide to build it one day trust me my webcam will be on.

Death, death, death death death death death. How many people will die in your circle? What do you learn from those events? Can you truly justify the endless complaints of how you are a victem, the misery you live in, the over dramatic bull shit you spread out, the bloated sad face, the "oh im so fucked up, can you help me, I cant help myself...oh help me Im a mess" How much can you bleed?the repeated testifying of afflictions, the soap box of pain, darkness and stagnation, my hips , my face, im stupid, i cant do it, I suck, my genes are bad, Im so lonley, I didnt go to Canada to meet the Pope. You got freedom you got choice you got the fucking steering wheel dont complain to me about it. Its a small investment. Its all chance, and in the case of being alive its not a done deal.

(Dawn Ill miss the inperson debates we had.)

3:06am:
IN THE FUTURE WHEN LOOKING THROUGH THE ONE WAY MIRROR IN ROOM 303, PLEASE REMEMBER TO TURN THE HUGE SHOCK OF FLUORESCENT OVERHEAD LIGHT OFF. THE SWITCH IS BY THE COFFEE MAKER AND CLEARLY LABELED "FLIP TO OFF POSITION WHEN INTERROGATION IS IN PROGRESS"

SINCERELY MGMT_

2:04am: 1000 Psychic Wars: Continue

3:44am: A day with the neighbors 6 doors down.
There were far too many excited kids packed into the family car that day. It was hot my skin hurt and it smelled like orange mad dog. The entire trip down Fruitville road was slow and made the asphalt seem endless as we rolled, windows up towards I-75.
I had just gotten the new Snake Eyes action figure from Walgreen's and took to carrying him around with me everyplace I went. I really wasnt sure if I liked him better that his old version. That one stayed locked up in the chest with my only Crystar toy and Secret Wars guys.

So we pull up to the movie house all giddy and frantic. The heat making us sweat and the excitement of this huge new amazing film looming at us like some second coming of E.T. We bolted up to the ticket lady exclaiming the name and time of the film we so desperately wanted to view. Our little sweltering minds in a blaze of popcorn fumes and fresh sodas. Then into the cool con-finds of the theater. We find ourselves sinking into the spongy vats of seats wiggling and all too ready to be stunned. This isnt good enough! middle row? no closer to the action! We jump up, parents yelling at us, drinks spilling everywhere a promising box of dots wasted on the sticky floor. Up Up Up to the front row. What a wonderful idea. Now we can truly be part of this film. This close nothing will be missed, not one special effect, not one second of the power struggle between man and this strange new alien force, nothing will go unabsorbed. The parents join us cursing and cursing the dots candies stuck to their shoes and we laugh at their idle threat to take the lot of us home. Even if they really were going to its too late, the movie has started!

The 8 of us sit bolt upright in our ugly seats scanning the huge screen, eyes glossy and gummy worms in our hair. Oh god the trailers! more wonder and shock, look there, and oh thats going to be wonderful but when, when will our super eagerly awaited blockbuster start! Then its on. oh the first precious seconds, we have our heads angled up to see the screen, anticipation gathering, spines tingling. A high view of a neighborhood, the pan and arch, there among the streets and brown shingled roof tops, a special house, we zoom in, closer, the window, those lucky kids inside. Those kids we saw on the T.V. commercial, yes they have no idea that an alien is coming to meet them. Just by chance? or cruel design, oh let us see!

At this point I think it started to hurt. Being that close to the screen is hard work, you have to really keep your head at this unnatural up rise angle. I ran out of soda and no one would share so the "thirst" set in. Very dry, still no alien.

What was happening here? Oh god had we gone to the wrong movie? What if the kids in the next theater we seeing our film? Oh no, this had to be what happened. Just then he appeared. Our fantastic creature, there in all his glory 1000 feet tall. But something was wrong. He had a big belly and little stick legs, his skin looked like an orange peel and his head, well his head just looked stupid. It was like a painted football with huge nonthreatening bulging crappy blue eyes. His ears were silly and wiggled to and fro. He spoke with little disapointing "meeping" sounds. My neck was hurting and I really wanted to cry. It went on like this for what seemed to be 6 hours. This pain and this really rather gentle and sleepy alien being getting chased around and looking like its little spindle legs would break at any moment. The it was over at something like hour 15. We just sat there as the house lights came up. The projectionist cut the film short of its full credits, lending to the idea that there must be a god someplace.

We were ruined, sad and really in pain. We gathered ourselves necks still crained up wards and headed for the family car.
"Mack & Me" was the worst film Ive ever seen in my entire life, well up to that point in my life anyway.

10:54pm: Taking some down time. Let's see what comes next.

8:49am: ( Modern English: Little Tokyo with report. )

9:45am: Famous Blue Rain Coat
It's four in the morning, the end of December
I'm writing you now just to see if you're better
New York is cold, but I like where I'm living
There's music on Clinton Street all through the evening.

I hear that you're building your little house deep in the desert
You're living for nothing now, I hope you're keeping some kind of record.

Yes, and Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
Did you ever go clear?

Ah, the last time we saw you, you looked so much older
Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder
You'd been to the station to meet every train
And you came home without Lili Marlene

And you treated my woman to a flake of your life
And when she came back she was nobody's wife.

Well I see you there with the rose in your teeth
One more thin gypsy thief
Well I see Jane's awake --

She sends her regards.
And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad you stood in my way.

If you ever come by here, for Jane or for me
Your enemy is sleeping, and his woman is free.

Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.

And Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear

-- Sincerely, L. Cohen

10:10am: Memory 82 vs. Memory 02
Who in your minds is at the forefront of new thinking in 2002?
I'm just curious as to who you feel is pushing beyond the confines of the conventional and making some kind of "new" statements?

It cant all be prepackaged formula and spoon feeding can it?

8:48am: Memory no.11.07.94

I fall through an open window
Into the ravenous nite
Into eyes and lips once smiling
The long dark howling
The wind at my neck

I rise up and am aware of you
The wet, fevered searching
Sharing our breath
Before that slate grey ocean
Rolls us awake

The thin veil is open
Is starved
Is hung on the tip of my star
Before we go clear

The limbs not yet regamortis
The vision not gone
A crown of satellites,
Pointed fingers wandering like
Army's over my sensory deprived mouth

Thick it trickles down
Helpless I kick and urge it on
Smothered in this endless honey
Sweet,I am buried
I am drowning
In my fountain of youth.

I fall through an open window.

8:39am: TRVST

We run as ghosts in daylight
We forget what our fragile skin tells us
We lie about it and
We pretend
We see it everyday and still,
We forget.

We sink our hands into the green green grass
We touch water every day
We dive out and find another
We fall in love and
We forget.

We have hearts that drive these bodys
We have bodys that feel everything sharply
We have minds recording all events,
Present, Future and Past.

For as many moments as we have,
Are not as many moments as we would choose.

We hold a hand full of red red sand
We hold the stopwatch, wings out streached
We exhale into eachother
We diminish and
We forget.

3:34am: O.B.E Walls mean nothing.
New songs are coming out slowly. Theres a diffrent action now. Most of the previous work on "Drawn" is just not relivant to my mind set now. "Drawns" concept was simplicity, basic piano structures and tight drums. It seems that something else is coming through now. A more direct atmosphere is evolving.

Due to worn out Md disks I lost a few songs I loved. So the rewrites will no doubt take on the new mind set I now have.
I've created close to 20 songs in the last 5 months. Out of those just a handful were what I was looking for.

Im working on a new area of what Ive learned at this stage.
There are alot of pointedly graphic emotions coming out. So far its quite a departure from the last 2 albums and something Im really looking forward to playing live, soon.