Saturday, November 30th, 2002
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6:56 pm - ditched... again!
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i'm aggrivated right now. my weekend has sucked for the most part. :/ i was supposed to hang out with jeff g. yesterday and he never called me. when i signed online late that night he was away and then signed off. so i haven't even talked to him. and then today i was supposed to hang out with dan s. and that didn't happen either. :/ nobody loves me anymore. oh well. it just reminds me of why i don't bother trying to make any plans with anyone... because i always get ditched or whatever. oh well. i'll get over it. i'm gonna do something with my mom and grams tomorrow. they won't ditch me. lol.
XashleyO
current mood:  sad
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Wednesday, November 27th, 2002
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12:38 pm - it's snowing... hehe
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yes. that's right. it's snowing here in love taunton. it feels like december or january, not november. i dunno why, but i correlate cold weather with november, not snowy weather. it's all good though. it looks all pretty and stuff like that, so i took some pictures for your enjoyment. not really, lol. it was more like for my enjoyment, because i'm a geek. but hopefully you'll like them too. plus there's a picture of puppy in there (my dog).
( it's snowing in black and white )
current mood:  chipper
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7:21 am - picture time
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Monday, November 25th, 2002
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11:07 pm - ashley in b&w; + randomness
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Thursday, November 21st, 2002
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10:20 am - marion pediatrics = no meds
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i've come to the conclusion that my pediatrition knows jack shit. or all the pediatritions at marion pediatrics. and yes i'm 16 and still go to a pediatrition. i've gotten medication from them once out of all the times i've ever gone there in the past 9 or so years, for being sick. once. and i swear to this day it was because the guy that checked me out felt bad for me, because i was there earlier that week and they hadn't done anything for me. who knows though. ugh. they're so lame there. although they're really nice. but i'd like 'em even more if they ever fucking gave me anything. i mean i've gotten samples for nasal sprays to keep me from getting a sinus infection, but that was only when i wasn't sick. and they gave me a prescription for fiorinal when i was having my massive migraines. but seriously, they suck ass. i think i need to find a new doctor or something. i'm so sick and they gave me absolutely nothing. lame jerks. oh well. plus i have work tonight. not good.
XashleyO
current mood:  sick
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Saturday, November 16th, 2002
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9:41 pm - new job?
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i've been heavily considering quiting my job. not that i don't like it there or the people. because for the most part i do. it's like any other job, you have your good days and your bad days. but the hours, that's my problem. :/ but the hours are the problem. there's no saturdays or sundays or fridays for that matter anymore. so that limits me to 4 days. and i can't get there any earlier than 4pm and we shut down at 7pm now. so there's no way i can work more than 12 hours a week if i wanted to. now if i go somewhere else, that's different. i can work a variety of hours and more days. probably less physical work too. i dunno. it's just a whole thing to think about. my major reason for not wanting to quit is i make 8.25/hr. that's a lot of money for a 16 year old junior in high school who has only been working for 4 months now. i dunno...
XashleyO
current mood:  weird
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Thursday, November 14th, 2002
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12:31 am - can you take it all away?
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i'd have to say that's it's a scary thought... but i'm inlove.
i know i've said this many times, especially about josh. but for some reason it just seems to mean so much more right now. love is a very strong word. i know that. and i know i mean it 100% when i say i love josh.
i really never even dreamed that josh and i would make it this far, especially not with my track record. i've never been able to stay in a relationship with one person for more than 4 solid months. but josh is so different from everyone else. he's so much more real and true to me. does that make any sense what so ever? i've never been so head over heels for someone the way i am for him. it's been 1 year + 2 weeks + 2 days. that's a long time for me. not for him though. but i think it's one of the things i've gained from him. he's taught me a lot in a little over a year.
october 29, 2001 and january 12, 2002 are two dates that i'll never forget. the first date being the day that josh and i startedgoing out and the second date being the first time we said i love you to each other. i remember telling myself i wasn't going to fall so easily or so hard for someone again. after adam, i'd had enough. but, i couldn't help it. josh was himself, amazing and perfect and kind and loving and so much more. he's been so much to me in the past year that it's hard for me to fathom. i can't even wrap my mind around all of it.
we've shared so much with one another... sorrow, secrets, life, love, happiness, pets, presents, everything. there's so much between us. and there's so much ahead of us, most of which i hate waiting for, because it's all so wonderful. i just can't imagine my future without him and i don't want to, not at all.
i may look at other boys and other girls and think wow he/she is hott, but there's nothing behind it, it's hollow. but, when i look at josh i melt, even when i'm upset with him or we're having a little arguement. every now and then i think what would it be like to have someone else in my life? and i'm reminded of every reason why there isn't, why josh is the one.
JOSH, I LOVE YOU!
^^those were taken on 10.29.02, our one year anniversary. :D
( edits )
current mood: cheerful
current music: cheers / nick-at-nite
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Monday, November 4th, 2002
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6:26 am - good morning to you all
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i only had about 45 minutes of sleep in the wee hours of the morning. ::cringes:: work and school are definitely going to suck as a result of this. not good, but something i'm just going to have to over come. i think the reason for my lack of sleep was because i was worried about josh. he was supposed to meet me online and he didn't, but that's because his computer was being ghetto (which i didn't know until i called him at about 5:45am). i'm getting sick! not good. i hate being sick. i definitely don't want a reapeat of freshman year, that just sucked. especially not now because i work and stuff. oh well. hey, anyone know of any good parties? i've been really wanting to go to one lately. i guess that's about it. i'm out of here. bye.
XashleyO
current mood:  bored
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Sunday, November 3rd, 2002
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12:42 pm
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Wednesday, October 30th, 2002
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10:18 pm - its hard to look in the mirror these days. when everyone is something you'd rather be.
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i start typing an entry and i erased it all... i have all these things i want to say and no way to say 'em.
XashleyO
current mood: sad
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10:09 pm - riiiiiiight
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Sunday, October 20th, 2002
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7:22 pm - lameness
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girls can be so lame. even girls who are 6 years older than me can be lame. listen up, NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR TITS!! ugh. i just ran into some idiot girl on picturewhores showing her tits to everyone. at least put that shit behind an lj-cut. there sure as hell wasn't nothing nice to see. post 'em all you want, but put that shit behind an lj-cut. i hate when people do stupid crap like that. plus the whole concept of showing your tits, ass, penis, and pussy on the net for comments and attention is lame and degrading. when you're in it for a job and do it tastefully, that's different. or if you're showing yourself to someone you're with. do you get what i'm saying? ugh, whatever. sluts will be sluts.
XashleyO
current mood:  bitchy
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Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
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3:15 pm - digi cam time
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these were taken a few minutes ago with a digital camera... enjoy!!
this one makes me look like i have horns growing out of the sides of my head
aww, i look like a little girl... if only i truly looked adorible like that
that's just a dumb picture to show my ugliness
XashleyO
current mood:  tired
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1:48 am - lots o' cam shots
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i've been meaning to post these forever since i got my hair cut, but haven't. oh well. but yeah... here are a shit load of pictures.
( don't let her ugliness break your eyes )
current mood:  stressed
current music: sister, siter_disney channel
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Monday, October 14th, 2002
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9:09 pm - death
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*death always makes you feel strange no matter who it is. or how well you know them. it always leaves you thinking differently about things.* - matt white
that's an excellent quote from my best friend. i think it's such a true thing. i never thought about that until now. but he's right. when you hear about a death it always effects the way you feel or changes how you think about something a tad bit differently. sometimes you don't realize it. that's how it is though. i just thought i'd share that little quote with everyone.
XashleyO
current mood:  okay
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Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
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9:52 pm
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i'm sorry. don't ever talk to me again. i'm not worth of you. you being everyone i know. :*(
current mood: depressed
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Thursday, September 19th, 2002
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7:39 am - i have importance in this world
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woot! lol. i'm going to help russ hand out stuff. he's making a 'zine, which is free. he's give me some copies of that and some free samplers to hand out. i love doing stuff like that. it's so much fun!! :p
XashleyO
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Tuesday, September 17th, 2002
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11:16 pm
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this whole post is going to be a long bitch session from me.
i've made a couple of decisions...
#1. i am not quitting my job or cutting down my days like i was planning on it. i have no life anywas, with or without free time. i might as well do something some what productive with my time that's not needed for school.
#2. i swear on something this time that my internet use will be very limited. it's useless. if someone wants to talk to me. they can call me at my house #, 5083863277. i'm tired of trying to make an effort with people i now and don't know. it's just not worth it anymore.
#3. i have almost no friends. josh is a give, he is my boyfriend after all. of course he's still my friend. the only one who really shows they care and is always there for me is matt white. jeff has been pretty cool too. he listens to me bitch all the time about everything. and it's been nice to start to rebuild the friendship that i had with rose. i missed. and as for everyone else, chances are i don't like you. i may, but who knows. chances are no. don't give me shit for this, because i'll just ignore it and pretend you never said it. i don't give a flying fuck anymore.
#4. i'm taking a year off after high school so i can make some extra needed money for college and such.
#5. i am moving out of state asap. basically after high school is done for. i don't care anymore, i really don't. there really isn't anything left here for me. i need somewhere to start off fresh. far away from all of this bullshit.
i guess that's about it. bye.
XashleyO
current mood:  pissed off
current music: do you really want me (show respect)_robyn
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Sunday, September 15th, 2002
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2:54 pm
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it's cool. rose and i are friends again and we're talking it's nice. we hung out for a little bit today, but not very long. we went to park avenue. she bought some food and bedding for her hampster and i got some rocks for the fishies.
i'm going to turn the big fish tank, back into a fish tank. woohoo. it sucks that my gecko died. so i got green + purple rocks, i think i'm going to need a third bag, but i'm not sure. we'll see. i'm going to slowly put work into this fish tank and make it look good.
i got a dunkin' donuts coffee. yummy. i'm so glad. i love my coffee. i'd die without it. lol.
i'm thinkin' of startin' a store on my site. to sell pony bead bracelets and string ones. my dad gave me the idea, when i was workin' on the one for josh and he said i should braid three of them together and sell it on ebay. but ebay is too complicated. it'd be much easier to do it on my own, at least i think so. we'll see what happens.
well, i'm out of here for now. bye.
XashleyO
current mood: bored
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Wednesday, September 11th, 2002
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6:12 am - 9/11 survey
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1. Where were you when you heard about the attacks on the Pentagon and WTC? at home, because i didn't feel good that day and therefore didn't want to go to school
2. What country/group did you suspect immediately? i had no clue who would of done sucha thing to us
3. Who were you with? How did you react? my dad, he's the one that told me. i was shocked, saddened, in disbelief and so many more things.
4. Who did you call first? i think it was my mom who was at work, but i'm not sure.
5. What did you do the rest of the day? watched the news, waiting for more information and to see if anything else so terrible was going to happen.
6. Did you have any friends or family killed in the attacks? luckily, no. which i am very grateful for.
7. Do you think 9-11 should be a holiday? yes. because this is one of the most tragic events in our countries history and it deserves more than just one single day to remember it.
8. Do you think even a % of the money donated really made it to the families? yes, because this was a huge tragedy, not something minor in comparison. i think a huge percentage went to the families and organizations.
9. Did you feel an increased sense of patriotism? Did it last? yes and no. i showed how i felt a little more, but that's about it.
10. Have you flown since the attacks? How soon did you fly again? no, but i think, seeing as though it's a year later now, i'd probably be comfortable flying, just more cautious and alert.
11. Have you been to ground zero? no.
current mood: sad
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1:14 am - did ya miss me?
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there's a lot of random stuff to write abut... where to get started...
kat and i are kind of talking again. i don't think i could say yet that we are friends once again. but, i can say that we've been talking nicely and about genral shit. it's good. so far anyways. hopefully it will stay this way.
i've been talking to jeff a lot lately. other than my boyfriend, he seems to be the one that makes the most effort to talk to me. sad isn't it? oh well. but it's cool that i got him to talk to. we're supposed to hang out this weekend and go to starbucks. rockin'. it should be fun. i doubt we'll be able to hang out though. who knows though. we'll find out.
dude, i have snails!! the turtle tank is on my computer desk, next to my monitor and keyboard. i saw this little brown thing, at first i ust didn't pay much attention to it and figured it was part of one of the plants inside the thing. but then the thing started moving. i looked at it closely and it was a freakin' snail!! and slowly more snails started to appear. all together i've seen 5 at once. crazyness. i wonder how many are actually in there. my guess is that they were in the plants or their were eggs in the plants, that i got from the pet store when i first got the turtle and stuff. who knows. :/ it's so strange. but it's funny. they're like super tiny snails and it makes 'em oh so cute.
i got my pictures from maine developed the other day. hell yes!! i'm downloading the software and shit for my scanner now. i'm going to be so pissed off if it does't work. it's taken forever and then some to download this shit. lol.
well, for now... that's all i got to say. give me a while and i will write more. bye.
XashleyO
current mood:  confused
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Monday, September 9th, 2002
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1:34 am - !!i hate my room!!
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that's it. i refuse to sleep in my room ever again after tonight. i cannot, i repeat, cannot deal with the bugs. my room is a mess like anyone else's room might be. it's not "dirty", if ya get what i mean. but it is in the basement and therefore i have fucking bugs and spiders in here all the time. i fucking hat ethose things so much and i constantly have them running around in here. i can't fuckign stand it anymore. i'm going to clean my room up all nice and wonderful, but i refuse to sleep in it anymore. i lied in my second sentence. i will sleep in my room after tongiht, but not for much longer. i'm going to probably turn it into a room for my animals or something. i'm going to clean it up, super good and that will be it. i want to get out of this fucking crappy ass room. i've told both my mom and dad that and i'm getting nowhere. so fuck it. i'll do what i can about it, on my own. i'll clean whatever i can, when i have time to. this room is going to look perfect and after that, i'll never sleep in here again. not unless someone has some miracle way of keeping the fucking bugs out of here. i just can't deal with them. that's it. i'm out of here. bye.
XashleyO
current mood: pissed off
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12:40 am
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you fucking bitch!! ugh. now i'm ripshit. i've been online, mainly to download the software for my scanner. it was taken forever. it was like 66% done, maybe a little bit more and the fucking thing popped up as i went to click on something else and fucking made me click on cancel. :(
XashleyO
current mood: pissed off
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Sunday, September 8th, 2002
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3:20 pm
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i just finished my relflection essay on 9/11 that i had to do for us history. it was kind of a strange thing to do... i dunno.
today's events
open a bank account
put some money in the bank
get a money order
do 1 hour photo for my pictures from maine
get some wife beaters
get some pants for gym
hopefully i'll be able to do all of that. also i think we're getting domino's for super. yummyness. pizza, cinna stix, and their new kickers. hell yeah.
well, i'm out of here for now. bye.
XashleyO
current mood: okay
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Friday, September 6th, 2002
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6:21 am - some one died and jeff became my best friend
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yeah, the subject line describes my dream to the T, lol. but yeah... my dream last night was super weird. all i remember is that someone jeff gross and i knew and cared about and were both close to at one point died. and because of it, for some reason, we became best friends. it was so real and vivid, although i can't remember shit from it. that's strange... i hate dreams that were like last nights, because they're usually a vague preminition of what's to come, if you think about it. and i don't want that to happen at all. well, it'd be super cool if me and jeff became best friends, because i need a best friend. lol. but i don't want it to be because someone died. ya know what i mean? well i'm outta here. i just wanted to get that out before i forgot it.
XashleyO
current mood: sleepy
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Thursday, September 5th, 2002
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6:34 am
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hell yeah!! i got up at 6:15am. showered, got dressed, got my school shit together, did my hair, and brushed my teeth... oh yeah, got my dad up to. and it's not 6:45am yet. lol. i have like massive crampage right now. i can tell today is going to be miserable. i think i'm going to take some water with me and maybe i'll even take something for the cramps. well i'm out of here for now. bye.
XashleyO
current mood: cramps
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Wednesday, September 4th, 2002
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11:57 pm
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everyone else sucks. well, my friends that are in school suck. they all seem to manage to find the time to come online. i don't. fucking-a. lol. that's what happens when you work not too long after school, ever weekday. not good. oh well though.
yeah, so i started school yesterday. it's all right. there's only one teacher that i don't care for. but, for the most part school is school. ya know?
my schedule
physical education / fh1 / mrs. lee
us history academic / c204 / ms. mcgonicle
algebra II b / b205 / mrs. fairbanks
english III academic / d311 / mrs. pearson
mrs. pearson, my english teacher, is the one that i don't really care for. i think she's a bit too strict and uptight about things. but she cracked up our whole class today and the class next door by SCREAMING some line from a book. lol. that was some funny shit though.
i have to write an essay reflection about 9/11 for my us history class. not yet, but it'll be soon. i think i'm going to start it early though and get it out of the way. hopefully i'll do good in this class. i did crappy in both of my world history classes last year. i want to do better this year.
i have shit for people in my classes.
phys. ed. / brooke galligan & sean chamberlain
us history ac / brooke galligan
algebra II b / brooke galligan
english II ac / charlie silva (i don't even talk to him though)
so basically all i have is brooke. i love ya brooke, but man. wtf?! i have no one else to chill with or talk to. i only wanted one person in at leat oen of my classes, but no. :( jeff gross. me and him wanted to have at least one class together, but we didn't. that bites hardcore. he's super cool and funny, but nope, he's not in any of my classes. he's in my lunch though and he promised that he'd try to say hi to me ever day.
i bought "a farewell to arms" by ernest hemingway on my way to work today. so i got to read that whole book by sometime next week. i'm going to try to finish it by sunday night, but i'm not sure if i'm going to be able to. i want to finish it by then, beause i'm not sure when the test is, on it. maybe our english teacher will finalyl remember to say something to us about it. who knows.
well, i guess i'm going to go for now. there isn't too much to say. buh bye.
XashleyO
current mood: bitchy
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Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002
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5:58 am - i want the sky, never let it go
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i'm off to school in 45 minutes or so. at least to the bus stop anyways. ugh. i haven't slept at all. this sucks, but oh well. nothing i can do about it now. i hope wes is at the bus stop this morning. if not, yeah, that's definitely going to suck. right? right. lol. everyone else at my bus stop sucks. although tanya has gotten pretty cool. she shares a lot with me about her life and shit. kind of surprises me. it'll be cool to see her. btw, for those of you who don't know wes or tanya, they're brother and sister. just so you all know. i wonder who i'm going to see at school today, i hope good people. i'm a tad bit nervous, but not much. i just hate the first day. it's mucho boring. oh well. yeah. enough about that. bye.
XashleyO
current mood:  nervous
current music: puddle of mudd
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5:48 am - what a wonderful morning
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geez, another moron looking for some lame kicks. i hate bois who should be men. ugh. they all need to grow up!!
( another winner )
current mood: annoyed
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12:27 am - no earthly ships will ever bring him home again, bring him home again
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it seems like everyone is slowly leaving me. i feel the need to runaway. freddie moved to sumter, south carolina. didn't even say good bye to me. nothing, not a fucking word. just up and left. :*( he's supposed to be coming back in a week or two to get the rest of his stuff. i should make sure he stops by and says hi to me. i miss that kid tons and now i know i'll never get to see him again. i just know it. i remember a little over a year ago when he was trying so hard to get with me. but it was so sweet. lol. he left me a teddy bear and a rose in the middle of the night (each one on a seperate occasion). and once he walked far at like 3am, just to come and see me. he was great. and he was always there for me. people used to talk shit about him, say he was dirty (sexually) and stuff like that. it was all bullshit. very few people actually took the time to talk to him, to get to really know what he was like. oh well. life sucks, right? right, that's what i though.
XashleyO
current mood: sad
current music: dido
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exhausted
