Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in Calina's LiveJournal:

Friday, August 10th, 2001
9:19 pm	My dying past I put my whole past of Vidor into one box. Destroyed it now its gone. I'm saying good-bye to Kat and Liz...I'm letting it all go. It hurts so bad. I have to let it all go. I even let go of Josh! I loved him for so long. How could one person make me see how much my life sucks. If I just changed for the better it would be so much better. Well at my school i'm in theatre arts and choir. I'm going to be a good little gurl and find me some good friends. Good-bye Vidor jack asses! Have a nice life. I hope my life works out now that i have let it all go! Current Mood: content Current Music: *Stupid Gurl by Garbage* (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 7th, 2001
7:03 pm	Blah! Well I'm over Michael. ^.^ Liz and me are no longer friends. Katrina said best friends are not for 16 year olds but her, Liz and Lori are really close. I feel left out. Oh well. I'm starting a new school and will make wonderful friends I hope. I might even find someone better than Michael. I'm going to stop worrying about it. Its just I feel so alone. Does anyone care about me?? Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: Survivor by Destinys Child (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 4th, 2001
11:54 pm	Hear me purr Michael completly hates me. Last night I got drunk, called him at Clint's and bitched him out. Liz isn't talking to me and I just got home from Kat's so I can't talk to her. I went shopping today fount me some really cute clothes for once. I guess that made me feel better. Not really though because I really like Michael a lot. More than i thought I could. I never like guys because I love Josh. I mean I go out with guys but its not because i like them. I may be attracted to them and have a good time with them but its just i don't like them. Now I like Michael. I feel it. It feels like the time me and Josh started dating except Michael don't want me. He said I need serious help. Oh well. No one can help me! Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 1st, 2001
8:57 pm	Abashed the Devil stood and felt how Awful Goodness really was! I feel real creative tonight. I worked on my scrap book it looks wonderful. I developed some more pictures but i'm getting those tomorrow. I'm thinking about "michael". I wrote a poem. Its been awhile since i've done that. I wrote 3. A happy one, a sad one and one about death. My 3 feelings of the night. This guy just asked me why i'm not goth when i like goth things. I don't know really. I dress how i want and like what i want. I'm not into wearing all black just sometimes. I like to wear my fishnets when the time is right or wear some realy punky. I'm just not the same person i was 2 years ago. Time has changed me and i think soon i'll know who i really am or maybe not. I created a cute profile. Its awesome. I wish i had aol back. I miss it. I think i'm addicted. lol. Not really. Well I have to go. I have to get up early to go register for private school. Bye Bye Current Mood: creative Current Music: Bath Water by No Doubt (Comment on this)
6:48 pm	I hate my life. I went to westbrook and i can't go to there school. I have to go to Central and it will take 10 days after I go to Central to get me into Westbrook if they have any open places. So my mom is putting me in a private school. what fun that will be. i'm talking to michael. i miss him. oh well i got to go bye Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: *none* (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 31st, 2001
11:32 pm	Blah! I have to go register for school tomorrow! What fun! I feel better with myself tonight! Helped my mom around the house. Losing Michael. Maybe I'm to blame! ^.^ I really love him its not like i'm in love with him. I just love him. I haven't thought much of Josh so its all good but tomorrow i'll see him and love him all over again. I want Michael though. Oh well. I wish Kat would talk to me. I'm upset but peaceful. Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: *Lithium by Nirvana* (Comment on this)
5:05 pm	i feel like a loser I feel like i have no friends. I feel like no one will ever like me. Michael, everytime i try to talk to him he signs off on me. On the phone he is nice and calls me back. I think i have something wrong with me that will never be fixed. I'm going to give it 3 weeks. If i don't make friends at westbrook i'm just going to kill myself and get it over with. i'll always be a loser and it will never get better. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Simple Kind of Life by No Doubt (Comment on this)
Monday, July 30th, 2001
6:16 pm	the emptiness of youth My two best friends are turning on me. They went to the mall and didn't invite me. Liz said she was going to babysit her sisters kids but she really lied to me. I'm not going to be really pissed until i know the truth. I guess they don't really like me. I'm just going to stop being friends with them and make new friends at Westbrook. Chrissy called..we are still good friends and michael has killed my heart. he seems to never want to talk to me. hopefully i'll just die. Current Mood: crushed Current Music: Fuck this world by Slipknot (Comment on this)
1:54 pm	The wait is over.. Today I took 2 test and i'm not pregnant. So i have to go to the doctor thursday to get a checkup since i'm having really bad pains and no period! At least i want have no kids! I'm working on getting a job tomorrow. I need a car bad, so I can go out and do whatever I want. Liz and Kat came over they are really great friends I'm so lucky to have them as my friends. They are so wonderful. ^.^ Well thats all for today. I have a headace and I'm talkin to Kyle and Amy. Bye Bye Current Mood: relieved (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 29th, 2001
9:23 pm	Yay! Michael came over tonight!I'm so happy now! We talked for an hour about everything. He really likes me hes just not ready for a relationship since his last girlfriend fucked him over pretty bad. I think thats the reason why. Hes afraid to be hurt. I'm afraid too but I think i've lost all that was left of my tiny heart! He promised to take me racing with him and that we will always be friends. He is so nice. I think "i'm in love". I'm just crazy.I'm going to give this time. Time heals everything and i believe fate will bring us together again or maybe never. You just have to have hope sometimes. Well I got to go call Liz and talk to her about tomorrow. Bye-Bye Current Mood: loved Current Music: All I want to feel tonight..don't remember who sings it! (Comment on this)
6:30 pm	Broken hearted again... I've been dating this guy since I moved back to Tx. Well maybe 2 or 3 day after i moved back. Met him at a party of my friends boyfriends. He was really nice. A cowboy someone i would never date! He was really nice but of course. I scare them all away, I think something is really wrong with me or maybe i'm to forward or mean. I don't think i'll ever figure it out. No one will tell me the truth. I feel like an object and like no one will ever care. It sucks bad! Michael was such a cutie and really nice. Men are such jack asses. Why can't they just be nice and tell a gurl that they don't like her. Well enough drowning in my sorrows. Tomorrow I'm going out with Kat and Lizzy we are going to dye my hair blonde! I get to start a new school want to look my best for Josh. My best friend Amy from La is moving to Toledo Bend. Really happy for her. She gets to start over and i hope she does good. I love her we are like sisters and always will be!Well got to go for now. Well got to go! Later~ Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Horrible by Jack Off Jill (Comment on this)
6:22 pm	Single again.... I've been dating this guy since I moved back to Tx. Met him at a party of my friends boyfriends. He was really nice. A cowboy someone i would never date! He was really nice but of course. I scare them all away. I think something is really wrong with me or maybe i'm to forward or mean. I don't think i'll ever figure it out. No one will tell me the truth. I feel like an object and like no one will ever care. It sucks bad! Michael was such a cutie and really nice. Men are such jack asses. Why can't they just be nice and tell a gurl that they don't like her. Well enough drowning in my sorrows. Tomorrow I'm going out with Kat and Lizzy we are going to dye my hair blonde! I get to start a new school want to look my best for Josh. My best friend from La is moving to Toledo Bend. Really happy for her. She gets to start over and i hope she does good. I love her we are like sisters and always will be!Well got to go for now.Talk to you another day Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: sad love songs about losing the one you care about (Comment on this)