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LiveJournal for Nick/Yaruar.
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| Wednesday, January 15th, 2003 |
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Books - ( Read more... ) Poetry ( Read more... ) Music - ( Read more... ) Films - ( Read more... ) Artists ( Read more... ) |
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Messing about with photoshop. Both taken by the lovely and talented  agent5 |
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| Monday, January 13th, 2003 |
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Sometimes I think some things have to be said. I'm not going to name any names, but the people involved will know who I'm talking about, all the rest of you can disregard it as little more than a cautionary tale. Someone has been stirring and trying to cause trouble between a good friend of mine and her partner for what can only seem to be selfish, petty reasons. I just want to say one thing on the matter in a public forum as the stirrer decided to use LJ to make their opinions known. Noone recently has had a better understaning as to the emotional state and desires of my friend. We've not know each other very long, but I consider her to be one of my best friends and we share levels of trust and honesty which I can't recall having with anyone else for a long time. I, more than anyone, have seen and heard just how much she loves her partner, how much she misses him and just how much she needs and wants him on all levels. I've been one of the people privilaged enough for her to open up to about her relationship and anyone who says anything contrary to the fact that she loves him really doesn't know her, or has serious issues with her, or is just a fuckwit. Just because everyone hasn't seen these things doesn't mean they aren't true. If the stirrer happens to read this message I have one thing to say to them. Grow up, you are being a twat, fuck off and get a life rather than trying to ruin other peoples. People messing with me I can cope with. But when people fuck with my friends, it crosses a line. I'm a bit unsure of what I will do if my suspicions as to whom this person is are confirmed, I'm about 85 percent sure atm. I hope I can be man enough to just ignore then like I did the last person who fucked with a friends life. That is all. |
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| Sunday, January 12th, 2003 |
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This weekend has been a mixture. B-movie was fantastic with good friends. Spent most of the weekend being exceptionally happy. Today has been less good. Somone is being a fuckwit with regards one of my best friends which is enraging me. They don't even have the balls to be honest about who they are. We think we know who it is, but that doesn't make things even better. It's made me think about starting friends only posts which isn't something I've ever considered doing before. But when someone is using LJ and other related forums to really hurt other people it sucks. I just hope that the petty, hateful words of this one individual don't hurt my friends to much and don't ruin my friendships (and potential friendships with their loved ones who contrary to these words they love totally) with people I really care about. Had to put things in perspective though. Met up with one of my oldest friends today. Haven't seen Log in 5ish years due to crapness. We got back in touch a few months ago and things were going great for him and I was so happy to get back in touch as I've really missed him. Then (as quite a few of you know) his boyfriend Mark died over christmas totally unexpectedly. We finally got together today to have a drink and it was good just talking. It seemed like we'd never really lost touch which was great. Just chatted and stuff and had a laugh. Went to camden where he was meeting Mark's best friend and a load of the cyberdog crowd. Was nice to meet them and chat to a lot of the people I've only met in passing in the past. I don't kow how many of you out there knew him, I didn't, but I know a lot of you did. It's his funeral on wednesday and my heart goes out totally to all the people who knew and cared about mark. It seems, from talking to people, that he was a great guy and was well loved by those around him. Its been odd seeing just how many of my friends past and present actually are joined in some way through each others realtionships. This has been a weekend of great emotional highs and lows. I'm sure they average out, bu it's been a rollercoaster. More than anything it again highlights how important the moment is, maybe we won't get another. Stop with all the petty small minded shit, it's not worth it. |
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| Saturday, January 11th, 2003 |
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B-movie was fun.. Spent far too much money, but had a great laugh. Was good to see a lot of old faces there as usual. Got drunk and danced to cheese which was nice. Took a blow to the chin at some point and post-nellie I noticed that I was dripping blood onto the floor. Oops, got plasters and went to find mirror, but the mens loos had none, fortunatley Lourens was there as he made a decent substitute nurse. Was really great to see everyone there and to meet some new nice people. Other news, my luverly brother gave me an x-box for christmas, so don't expect to see me much, especially when I get the x-box live service running. Think I'm going to go play Halo for a bit. |
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| Thursday, January 9th, 2003 |
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anyone over there got a retail copy of office 2k pro and is in central london. trying to do a deployment - got the licences, but we found all our media is OEM and this can not work using a remote install...... arrgh, anyone wanna lend me the media. |
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| What five things would you tell someone who didn't know me, if they asked you about me? Or just list five things you know about me, I'm not fussed. (It doesn't have to be five. Three would do.) | ||||
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| Tuesday, January 7th, 2003 |
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Lyrics quiz, courtesy of me, if I can actually remember 10 lyrics... ( Read more... ) |
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| Monday, January 6th, 2003 |
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flight to glasgow went with few hitches, apart from far too long a delay. eventually made it up and got a lift off turbolord to the flat of drunken excess only to find that everyone had already gone to the pub. ( Read more... ) |
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| Sunday, January 5th, 2003 |
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Here are a few of the images myself and agent5 Image heavy. All images (c) myself and hellen respectively - use without permission will result in a severe arse kicking. Many thanks to her for the beautiful one of my back. ( Read more... ) |
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| Friday, January 3rd, 2003 |
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So that was the end of the year. celibrationmass was over and work on the friday sucked 12 flavours of arse. BUT. spent the weekend chilling out with agent5Drank wine and ate icecream with hellen to help cheer her up and let her play with my fat pipe all night [1.5mb adsl you perve] Hopefully we can both get some more good pics soon and get into some serious experementation and creating which I think is what we both need. anyway, have to cut this short, I've got work, more on the nye shenenaginans later. |
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| Saturday, December 28th, 2002 |
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wet shaving of legs takes fucking ages, especially if you haven't shaved them at all for months.. this will just be for special occasions then.. but, my, does it feel nice. |
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| Tuesday, December 24th, 2002 |
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Not started drinking yet, must remedy that. Stress at work, but I'm off till friday so I don't give a monkeys gonads at the moment. Chilled out. The last couple of weeks have been a bit of a rollercoaster. Lots and lots at work, deadlines and setbacks, the usual project joys. Odd stuff going on in my personal and emotional life. Over recent months I've been coming back out of myself and allowing myself to have feelings rather than forcing them into my depths only bubbling up in times of extreme stress. This is good, but a bit disconcerting. It's been a bit up and down. Leading a somewhat unconventional lifestyle means that I'm up and down a lot... Fortunately my wonderful friends have keep me peachy a lot of the time. Been thinking of friendship a lot recently, just how transient it is and how I never seem to develop friendships which last long term... I've been thinking a lot about trust too recently. Experience has taught me I can trust very few people. It's only recently I started trusting anyone. One realisation is that I put a very deep significence upon truth. Maybe I shouldn't, I don't think other people do, or at least not to this extent. I sometimes wonder whether my past is enough to justify the paranoia I feel when it comes to people. Maybe I should just accept that people won't always tell the truth and to a certain extent almost everyone is two faced. Maybe I should take people on face value. I seem to have two levels, total trust and total mistrust. Normal people must have some compromise. I don't like questioning my friends reasoning, I wish I didn't. Maybe I'm too demanding, maybe I should just chill out a bit. I know I'm far from perfect and I probably bend the truth from time to time, but I do hate myself every time I do that and I try not to. Every time I lie I feel like part of me has died. I often wonder the reasoning behind other people doing the same. They are probably as weak as me, but it doesn't help. Actually this is sounding a bit indulgent, but actually I'm not too bad at the moment. I'm missing some people more than I feel I should ever have the right to, but fuck it they are wonderful people and make me feel good. I think it's an end of year thing. I'm feeling down about all the friendships I have let wane and the ones which I can't work out a way to get back. My friends mean EVERYTHING to me, they are the reason I keep going, they reason I create, the reason I laugh, the reason I cry tears of joy, the reason I've clung onto this inexplicable rock floating through the infinate all these years. I'm really looking forward to the weekend when I get to hang with one of my newest and dearest friends, looking forward to AJ getting well (*hugs* hon) so I can go and spend time with her and the equally beautiful and facinating Andi. Looking forward to new years to go see Fuzz and all the guys and just smile and laugh and hug my friends. Looking forward to chilling tomorrow with Dave, colleen, Emmie and Pog and just relaxing. Looking forward to flying to new york to hang out with Micol and Jillie and terrorise their local boys, looking forward to all my friends new and old I will see in Vegas, looking forward to whitby in november which will be a huge blast. Looking forward to putting my head together with Adele and the others and coming up with new ideas and angles. Looking forward to dragging Lois out clubbing to a non goth club so she can perk, looking forward to friends old and new. And that's just the things I have planned, there are many more. My mantra for a while is going to be "these are the good times, these are the reasons to be" Time for a beer I think. I'll raise a glass to you all at this time of year. |
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http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item;=930609267&category;=1210 the things you find on ebay! |
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| Monday, December 23rd, 2002 |
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Alan Cummings' boyfriend is called Nick. It means he will be mine. Ohh yes. |
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This weekend has certainly been an interesting one. Gig was great on friday as noted. Sat I just chilled out during the day and slept for 3ish hours to recouperate. Shira came round to crash the night before NMA. Got my eyebrows replucked.. Mmmmmm. Got up late as we were both completely knackered and bimbled rather late to PA chilled which was a top few hours. I forgot how enjoyable chill out sessions are and it helped calm my growing panic attack. Just chilled out for a few hours drinking coffee before nma. Went to meet people in the bull and gate pre gig. Bumped into loads of people. I totally love NMA gigs, it's like visiting a family every time I go, apart from there are no really annoying relatives... Spent the evening drinking, dancing, catching up with people, lusting after cute chix0rs and generally having a great time. Got out early and saw people I didn't see there including Hatchet who it was great to see and a very drunk marge. Missed the last central line train home so had to wait in the cold for a nightbus, grabbed a kebab and went home to watch the end of predator and continue to perve in the general direction of the gorgeous Erynn-Elisabeth. Went to bed, went to sleep. All in all the gig was great. Support band didn't fit in whcih was a shame, but NMA rocked totally, was a great gig, with a great atmosphere. Just trying to remember who I saw is indicitave of how good a night NMA is. Shaun, Shira, Gothwin, Izzy, the NMA boarders (must read and post there sometime) Clive, Pog, Erynn-Elisabeth, Pete, Hatchet, Chris Damage, Chris Chaosphere, Nils, Krys and Jamie, Boglin, and many many more. |
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Has been brought to you in conjunction with the letters SO and the numbers 19 Nothing quite so scary as fat policemen with semi-automatic weaponry blocking your entrance to the office... ho hum.. wasn't allowed to watch either.. |
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| Saturday, December 21st, 2002 |
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Got invited to the SSS/goteki/mechanikal cabaret gig. MC ware a bit flat, interesting, but didn't really do it for me. Much fun was had with silverajagent5Gotecki started slowly for me. I didn't like the early stuff they played, seemed really flat and empty, but then they played the faster stuff with more defined basslines and I got more into it. When they do the more D&B;/gabbaesque stuff it works a lot better. Was fun and danced a bit. Suffered my usual camera envy at Adrian as he was taking photos. Perved over cute girl with shaved head mmmmmmmmm. SSS rocked big time. Pure cyber rock and roll. Love it. Some short fat ugly guy barged in front of aj and was being a twat so I went into defensive mode and pushed between him and AJ and stood my ground, I think he got the message not to back into me and he calmed down when he realised I wasn't going to move for him (those 100's of gigs of frantic pitting helps here, it takes a lot to dislodge me when I want my space. Gig was fucking loud, which was cool when I moved away from the stack pumping out the bass. Gig ended, I was on a total high. Lusted after Andi as he looked even cuter than ever with his sexy blue hair, had a "moment" which really threw me, in a totally good way, couldn't stop smiling all night afterwards......... I still can't get over just how sexy that man is... Cute bois++#*perve*perve*perve* headed off eventually bumping into avalon_blissThe rest of the night was great. I'm really glad I went out it was a totally totally good night. I feel really tired and content. The stresses of the week are gone. NMA tomorrow I can't wait. Hopefully Shira will be round later and we can just chill out. Need to eat and have a bath as I must smell rank... I can't get over how much these last few months have helped me settle and feel good about myself. I'm beggining to like myself again and it's a good feeling. TO all my friends. You are lovely beautiful people and I thank you all. *kisses* |
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LiveJournal for Nick/Yaruar.
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tired.
angry.
contemplative.
grateful.