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Wednesday, June 26th, 2002
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11:16 am
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I fucking love Angel.
 | My sphere is Soldier (Unity in Strength and Action), and my class is Rogue (Precise and Unhindered). I am a Dark Artist. If you were in the Republican Convention during Nixon's term of office, you would have been the one they sent to spy on and infiltrate Democratic Headquarters at Watergate. This isn't to say that you're a person of black operations or ill repute, but more to say that you have the efficiency and swift approach to carry out these tenuous, sometimes questionable, goals when most of your comrades might balk. What kind of Warrior are you? |
current mood: lulled
current music: sober - tool
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narcissistic myriad
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| Tuesday, June 25th, 2002
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11:00 pm
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I havent been home at all this week. And it feels good to get out again the way I use to, and just do what I want without being annoyed with anyone's shit. Amanda and I made up. I mean I really missed my best friend. I stayed with her on sunday night, and we just stayed up and talked even though her step brother has some 'issue' with me and hates me for NO reason. Not that it phases me because it doesnt. Her step dad on the other hand, I think is dissapointed that we became extremely close again within like 10 minutes of me being there. When I was watching Hannibal, they all had been in a bedroom talking about me, and how i've 'changed' All I know is I heard is .. ' her hair is purple, she has a tattoo's and alot of piercing -- are you sure that shes not doing drugs.. I mean she seems all passive now, and quiet.. maybe shes up to something'. Yeah. See I was being judged on looks alone again, when her and I had been friends for a year and her family was like my own, and when I come back, her mom and step dad whisper behind my back. Interesting isnt it ?. Other then that, I saw Travis ( tattooist ) again and imagined in my mind about just fucking the hell out of him and feeling his his hands carress over every inch of me and him moaning when I was hearing him ramble about coming back to the shop on the fourth of July so he can fill it back in. God.
current mood: horny
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1 myriad ::: narcissistic myriad
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| Friday, June 21st, 2002
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4:26 pm
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Its been a long week. So, lets see what I can remember. Okay.. so I partyed and then monday I went out and did some shopping and I got some white and neon yellow Volatile's. Then some pants and shirts. Then I ate at The Drowsy Poet..the best club's ever. Then for the rest of the week I bumed around. Wednesday, Mary and I went to come Tattoo parlors. Like Living Canvas, and that place was revolting. But Icon was a nice place. So, Yesterday which was thursday..The tattoo I had designed was tattooed on my right shoulder blade, and fades from a deep purple to a tealish purple. And the artist ( whos name is Travis ) that put it on was sooooo fucking sexy. All kinds of a tattoo's. Thin..blonde hair. Piercings EVERYWHERE. When I got up this morning i was surprised to find out i wasn't sore at all. I gotta go back in two weeks to get some of the purple brighter. And then i`m getting something else peirced. So, yeah. its been a "groovy" week. Oh, yeah and I went fishing with Ryan, Jason, Brandon, and Bobby.
current mood: accomplished
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narcissistic myriad
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| Saturday, June 15th, 2002
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10:47 am
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GRADUATION. I GRADUATED. YES I DID. now, tattoo's are a must as is partying.
current mood: accomplished
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2 myriad ::: narcissistic myriad
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| Tuesday, June 11th, 2002
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12:31 am
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Silence. Thats something no one ever bothers to talk about, when there isnt sound. No tv's, no radio, no phones, no voices. . .nothing. So, why should someone grow paranoid, or feel fear. Because within the confines of the mind, your playing off of the sounds and actions of other people. Its dominating, a tool used to display. It can be a friend or a foe.
current mood: distressed
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narcissistic myriad
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| Friday, June 7th, 2002
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5:06 pm
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School ended today. For that im happy knowing that i dont have to see any of those fucks that enjoyed to try and stalk me, or in the mornings when i would watch the two females make out in the corner wanting others to see them and become extremely naused with the fact. And knowing that I dont have to get up early in the mornings, and go to a place where people are immature, and they learn things about themselves. Enough of that, but last night seth and I got into a arguement on the phone, seeing him and I have been talking on the phone around 9 to 12 everynight this week. So, when we got off, I left the phone off of the hook because i knew he would try to call back, and how do you like it.. that i was right. Actually.. I dont even know why I talk on the phone, when half of the time i really dont even feel like it, and when I do.. then someone else is quiet, or vice versa. I think im going out tonight, just to get away from everything around here, to go out.. breathe and enjoy my summer before i move away or go to college. I cant leave here just yet. No, I cant. I still have a few more people that i really want to mangle before I leave, and when I do that, I`ll leave and have good memories. I`ve gone through alot of changes within this past year, i`ve gone from a person that felt every known emotion in the world only to be destroyed and left to rebuild myself, to someone that is apathetic and heartless. A wonderful transition for me. I've learned that I can't go through life and expect everything to go my way. Its not how it works, when you dont have something, you make something work shift. So that you can have something to deal with. I mean, at times im not happy but what is happiness anyway ? A good question if you think about it. Something i`ve wondered.. is why do people, when they meet someone new, that that person seems to capture your attention in many different ways, and you learn many things from them, and they learn from you.. everyone does it.. its like you gain certain traits. The traits that just.. shape shift your life more. One person.. I miss more then anything in my life.. is Amanda.
current mood: indifferent
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narcissistic myriad
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| Thursday, June 6th, 2002
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6:16 pm
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The past lingers over my head.
The mind; stronger with each intake.
The fear grasping hold of this mortal coil.
Ive destroyed you.
Its haunting me.
Your haunting me.
My soul has been crucified.
current mood: giddy
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narcissistic myriad
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| Monday, June 3rd, 2002
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3:17 pm
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It continued last night, the premention that is. But, it better not be coming from what I think its coming from, from something that should have been dis-linked. The dream was based around murder and rape, the movements fast. So, ill put it this way; if a murder happens in a few days, I wouldnt be surprised.
current mood: apathetic
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narcissistic myriad
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| Sunday, June 2nd, 2002
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9:03 pm
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What I was after to destroy has been decimated. My mind is extremely gaurded at the moment. Why ? because I have a feeling about something, something is going to happen soon. I had like a permeation last night when I was meditating, I heard the words ` webs, your mind made of my web `. Then I saw a blurred face, its lips moving but no words had been said and everything was moving so fast. There was the man standing on a half shadowed corner grinning like the cheshire cat, with a IV in his arm. Then, I saw a knife and over and over again the knife was stabbing into a brain, over and over again. So I came to the conculsion that something is about to happen. I dont want it to happen, but I cant stop it from happening. Im on edge again, and my heart, is about to beat out of my chest..
current mood: discontent
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narcissistic myriad
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| Thursday, May 23rd, 2002
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6:51 pm
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im so close and you dont have a clue. nothing can stop me now or ever. the clock, its ticking. ticking away so languidly. im waiting. waiting so patiently, for the right momet, it took you to make me feel alive.
current mood: predatory
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narcissistic myriad
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| Sunday, May 19th, 2002
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11:55 am
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its been a long week. i havent been home at all since thursday but i spose thats a good thing, yesterday i went out with my parents after getting home at like two in the morning with fifteen minutes of sleep which ive gotten use to now. we sat at the table and my dad looks at me and just looks until i ask him `what ?` he ask me if everything has been okay because ive been extremely quiet this week and i said yeah. he doesnt need to know the details thats going on in my life. no one does really -- of course my mother starts crying and boo hooing about ``your never home anymore`` i just smirk and walk away. my hair now is blue, i dyed it yesterday. its a deep midnight blue, looks black when your in a dim room. not all of it is dyed. just some pieces. yanno, everything now in my life is simmering down. its not as wired as it use to be. just tranquil the way ive wanted it or a long time. i`ve been hanging around one person for the entire week and he doesnt ask why i`m not miss firecracker anymore and for that im happy. very happy. still makes me want to laugh every time i think about some things that have happened lately..but its not really bothering me.
current mood: peaceful
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narcissistic myriad
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| Tuesday, May 14th, 2002
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9:01 pm
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original sin rocks. that was a really good movie. as was spiderman. and i hope im going to be getting a job, so i`ll be working most of the time now-a-days. so i can get some extra cash and do what i want to with it. which i think i might get a new account and off of my fathers so. that will be good. i was looking at roses today, when i went outside and they are right below my window, and i got pricked by a thorn that hurt like hell.
current mood: accomplished
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narcissistic myriad
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| Monday, May 13th, 2002
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2:12 pm
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i have report due on the 26th about the effects as of what the full moon has on someone; and so far its quite interesting. I missed Adult Swim last night, and that pissed me off.
current mood: mentally fucked
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narcissistic myriad
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| Sunday, May 12th, 2002
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9:35 pm
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i`m feeling extremely distant and I dont want anyone to ask me whats wrong. no I dont want to deal with people or hearing their pathetic mishaps. i havent looked at anyone since i returned home this morning. I dont feel like talking. I dont feel like doing anything but sitting alone, reading and having my solitude. yes, saturday i went to the prom with a friend of mine. it was fun. i wanted to beat the shit out of his ex but other then that it was fun. anthony on the other hand -- guess what babe.. you -think- i`m worried about that female you had at the prom..trying to make me jealous ? bring someone who is worth being jealous over. makes me almost want to bust out into a fit of snickers and stab something. i`m restless, im bored and im tired of bullshit. i was thinking about something this morning when i woke up at ryans. -- how people act like they care, when they really dont. when they say they understand when they haven`t a clue as to what is going on.. its amusing how many people in this world do that. they don`t care. pride would be my sin if any that i`ve committed maybe even lust. Mmm. I`m going for a run soon, i`m in the mood to just run. as for my nature..no im not the sweet creature everyone thinks I am. i dont even feel like masquerading that im some sweet creature when im not.
current mood: extremely distant
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1 myriad ::: narcissistic myriad
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| Friday, May 10th, 2002
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2:32 pm
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It has been a really long week for me. As was stated below in previous journal entrys I have been a very sick bitch. But i`m better now -- now that i am well i think im better then i was before when i was sick. I saw a old friend of mine i hadnt seen in ages today. and he doesnt look the way he use to look. at one time he was really big..and now hes extremely thin, hes almost smaller then i am. I know for a fact he`s doing drugs again. This morning, Ryan and I walked out in the hall to see some people that stand out in the hall, and I glance over -- and just who do I see..``stalker boy``. I think Ryan told him to back off or he was going to hurt him or he fucked with his head. So need less to say..After seeing him I just grinned. Then as the bell was ringing I went to my first block and we watched some video on..``drinking and driving`` because tomorrow is prom. needless to say..I fell asleep. I woke up and we had started watching the end of `dragonheart` that movie is the best. Other then that.. I have to get up early tommorow and get my hair and shit done for prom and take over a billion pictures.. I loathe that.
__________________________________________________
 Definitely one of the lesser known of mythical bests, you are described as having the head and legs of a cock, the body of a serpent, and the wings of a bat (although there are wingless varieties). You were the blame of hundreds of thousands of deaths in the middle ages. Your breath and even gaze was deadly. Hundreds of basilisk hunts were organized to get rid of you. The hunters would carry mirrors so that, if they encountered you, they would have you look in the mirror and destroy yourself! You were a potent symbol of death and in some cultures the embodiment of Death himself. In Christianity, the Basilisk was linked with Satan.
What mythical beast best represents you?
current mood: nostalgic
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narcissistic myriad
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| Wednesday, May 8th, 2002
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4:23 pm - carve out your heart with a spoon.
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i am extremely worn out. i got maybe a hours worth of rest last night. i had this nightmare of spiders and needless to say without getting into the details that i couldnt sleep at all.
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narcissistic myriad
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| Monday, May 6th, 2002
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3:28 pm - ever dance with the devil under a full moon ?
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Which Anne Rice Vampire are you?
by Tera
i had to go to the hospital last night. yeah thats right im sick i was badly dehydrated and my temptature was up really high like 102. and then i was sent to the doctors office today and i got two different types of med's. which more then likely i wont take because i dispise medication. it was funny because i had to go right as Jen and I got off of the phone i promised her i was going to take something else..and instend i went to the hospital. but now im out of it perhaps its because i had a fever and its going away -- or its the lack of sleep ive been getting. the doctor suggested that i stay out for two days. today and tommorow and maybe even weds. my eyes are killing me and i feel stoned..
my mother is going to have surgery tommorow. shes getting her thumb rebuilt and then coming home from it. so she's going to be all strung out on hydrocodine. which i envy her for. because that shit is really good. makes you all stoned and sleep like a baby. and when she wakes up...guess who gets to take care of her ? thats right moi. so isnt that ever so grand. i feel so fuckin' lucky.
current mood: predatory
current music: goo goo dolls - here is gone
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narcissistic myriad
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| Thursday, May 2nd, 2002
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4:22 pm - so lets all stab the queen!
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Of course as soon as i walked into my goverment class and sat down, guess what. A few people that are `friends` ask me if I was in love with someone, in which i told them no. and so, it was a discussion with us four...the entire class period. I exclaimed to them that i dont fall in love. nor will i ever again. love is a weakness and its just another way to tear someone to shreds. two `friends` of mine have been in a realtionship. both of them..and said:
``oh you'll know, when you just cant wait to talk to that person - or when you fight and then just make up with them, or when you know that no matter how far apart you are that your within their heart. When you hate them to the point of love``
Okay. No. You know what I did. I got sick..I mean puking sick right infront of them. I HATE that. Oo it urks me to the point of return. I think I would rather be locked in a room listening to pop music then hear that love bullshit.Of course Jennifer told me its because of my past. And how every realtionship i`ve had with someone that i was fucked over. It might be true. Who knows. I know one thing I dont let anyone in.
I`ve made that fatal mistake once it isnt going to happen ever again. I`ve become a loner, well ive always been one. So die just die die die die.
Oh! I got my prom dress, yeah I got it monday its perfect. Its a 20's style dress. Its black and all glittery. I'm going with Ryan. yes. And I hope he doesnt pull that shit again of `oh i love you` and brings me roses. no that isnt cute. But i'll have pictures by next tuesday seeing the prom is on the 11th.
current mood: restless
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narcissistic myriad
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| Sunday, April 28th, 2002
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11:59 am
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its been raining all day -- and for some reason everything for once around here has been quiet. thats extremely unusual for this household. but when i got up around 11 something all i did was turn on cartoon network and watch cartoons.
my eyes are killing me because of my allergies. i couldn't even breathe. So friday i did go out and ahem i was quite the savage. i never went back in the woods to check on someone that i had left there. mm. so i wanna start reading a new book, so i think i might go to barnes and nobles soon, possibly sometime this week. and for those who think im lazy and clueless, then just -try- and step up to fuck with me. I dare you.
current mood: horny
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narcissistic myriad
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| Friday, April 26th, 2002
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2:11 pm
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so its friday, and it feels like a monday. not a good feeling. i mean everything for once is so solemn. no noises except for me typeing and music that my mom is playing. i'm going to stay home today.
i love -my- kymmie.
plus i've ive done today was sleep in all three of the classes. i can't help it, but my insomnia is gone, and i slept good last night, so anyway yeah. i'm going to lay down for a bit.
current mood: exhausted
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1 myriad ::: narcissistic myriad
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