Paige's Journal

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Tuesday 12/03/2002 - 11:13 pm
Just shit.

I see LJ is running shitty and slow tonight..

So I had my policy council meeting tonight. I haven't been to one in so long because I never knew when they were, so I coiuld possibly be kicked off the council, though, I'm pretty sure they'll vote me to stay. I got the shit I should have gotten months ago, and I'm to help out with a survey thing to the community about Head Start. Bleh.

I feel like shit. My stomach just aches and aches and it won't quit. I don't know what the deal is.

I haven't done much other than that. Talked to Pat. That's about it.

srar: *Hugs* Thanks for talking with me earlier hon, and I'm sorry for the shit you're dealing with.

bluskye: just saying hello :)

Leslie: *HUGS* Hang in there hon. :)

mood:

sick

Tuesday 12/03/2002 - 03:34 pm
=)

Carrie and Jayde walking to the store -- by Carrie.

mood:

amused

Monday 12/02/2002 - 03:47 pm
!#^%$!@

So I went and took care of the payment plan at my school, and then went to Mom's work, and convinced a few people to buy some of the stuff Carrie's selling for school. Hung out there for awhile and then came home and talked with

elsnaibs for a bit.. which was most entertaining. ;) That guy rules ;)

Carrie's home now and watching Powerpuff Girls.

And and and...

;)

mood:

cheerful

Monday 12/02/2002 - 03:18 pm

Radio Disney? *winks at

elsnaibs*

mood:

mischievous

Monday 12/02/2002 - 12:46 pm

Not much has been going on with me. Just sitting around. I gotta run to my school in a few minutes to arrange a payment plan.. Carrie's at school right now. Mom also has been on my case about making a doctors appointment, so perhaps I'll call today... There was something else she wanted me to do, but now I can't think of what. Oh, get my medicaid forms in. ;P

I'm in a blahish mood. That seems to be the norm for me lately.

And--I have nothing to say. So with that, I'll talk to you all later.

mood:

blah

Saturday 11/30/2002 - 02:30 pm
Yeah...

I'm in a bit of a better mood today. Though I couldn't hardly sleep last night, and started today out with fighting with Mom. *Sigh*

I realized I kept thinking yesterday was Sunday, but that it obviously wasn't. I was wishing it was. That way I would know Jason was back in Bozeman and I wouldn't be hoping/dreading he'd call.

Now I have another day to hope/dread.

Bah.

I still can't believe he called me leaving a message saying he wanted to see me. I knew he was likely drunk when he left the message and would regret it--and since I haven't heard from him since, I'll assume I was right.

But now I must wonder. Will I hear from him every break from school he has? I mean--wtf. He'll be home Chirstmas vacation I'm sure, and I'm sure he'll have lots of spare time, and no doubt will want to get laid. Will he think of me then too? It's just not fair, and it's just not cool.

I wish I was over him. I wish I didn't still hope. *Sigh*

But enough about HIM. :)

Er.. wait. I can't think of anything to write. Hah. I'm still beyond pathetic. Maybe someday I'll quit being pathetic.

mood: pathetic
music: Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles

Saturday 11/30/2002 - 01:09 am

I'm in a bad mood.

How are you all doing?

mood:

pissed off

Friday 11/29/2002 - 05:20 pm
Yeah.

I'm about to head over to Mom's house to get Carrie. She stayed there last night. I went to sleep around 11 pm, and I just woke up now. Though I did wake up around 5 am, but I went right back to sleep. The entire time I slept, I had nothing but stupid nightmares, I guess you could say. About Pat, about Jason, about fights with Mom, about people trying to murder me, you name it, I dreamt it. *Sigh*

Pat showed up when I woke up. I sent him away, but I'm really getting bothered. I must talk to him. And now I must head to Mom's. I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. :P

mood: uneasy

Thursday 11/28/2002 - 02:23 am

I'm at Mom's. We're getting stuff ready for pies, blah blah. I should be sleeping, but I'm not. Today has been slow. I had to go to the grocery store to pick up some last minute stuff, and to KMart to pick up mom's prescription. Of course, I ended up spending money I shouldn't be spending. :P I got E.T. and Beauty and the Beast Enchanted Christmas for Carrie. For Christmas that is. :P I also got a bunch of stupid stuff that had my name on it.

All my life, I have collected things with my name on it, only because, my name is NEVER on anything. Today, every name thing they had included my name. The name I couldn't find was Carrie. I fear Paige is becoming far too popular :( I don't feel special anymore.

Anyhow, it's been a slow day. I have done basically nothing. I attempted to find

jon2 most of the day, and have yet to find him. I wanna talk to him. :(

Ahh well. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Tuesday 11/26/2002 - 01:36 pm

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Look beyond the immediate; you can predict your future and make it come true. Financial situation shows marked improvement. Let go of losing proposition. Romantic reunion takes place tonight.

Sweet, I'm a fortune teller now. And who's going to reuinite with me tonight.. Anyone visiting? :P j/k

Monday 11/25/2002 - 08:54 pm
Pictures

Pictures from Halloween are here, and a couple of pictures from today are here.

mood:

bouncy

Sunday 11/24/2002 - 02:56 pm

Oh! I forgot to write how happy I am. :) Yesterday I checked my mail and... I had a child support check! So huge thanks go to Mike (Carrie's dad) for keeping his word and sending money. I am extremely grateful, as I should be able to get my daughter something for Christmas afterall. :)

*bounces*

mood:

happy

Sunday 11/24/2002 - 02:27 pm

I came home today to find a trail of footprints leading up to my outside water spout, and the water turned on full blast. Now WHY would someone do that? It melted all the snow around the water spout, but it'll just freeze solid tonight :P Anyone wanna go ice skating in my yard later? ;) j/k

Friday 11/22/2002 - 03:50 am
Do you wanna kiss me good-bye, too?

Carrie and I went to Ryan's house to visit with Pat and Ryan. It was alright. Carrie kept us well entertained for a long time with her antics, and her energy. The dog (a puppy) kept us pretty entertained too, but Carrie was getting cranky and tired obviously.

Anyhow, I had fun even though we basically did nothing. *Ponders*

But when I hugged Pat bye outside when I was leaving, he kissed me.

That's the second person to pull that with me today, so I though I'd ask if anyone else wanted to before I go to bed. :P Hah. ;)

In all seriousness, I just don't get it. Today is just weird.

mood:

surprised

Thursday 11/21/2002 - 05:25 pm
ladeda

Much to my surprise, Chris M. called me. He's an old ex-boyfriend of mine that lives in Great Falls. He told me he was in Butte, on his way back to Great Falls and that he'd be stopping in Helena, and he'd buy Carrie and I lunch if we wanted to. My first instinct was hell no, with my weight and all, but I decided to go anyhow.

Everything went fine. I generally enjoy being around Chris, and he had me laughing so hard I thought I might cry, and my stomach ached.. (good excersize for it, right? haha)

After we finished eating, we went outside to my car, and I moved it by his truck and we smoked cigarettes and chatted. Then he said he better get going, and I said I'd get out and give him a hug. So he starts walking away, and I was like what are you doing? :P He told me he was going to make me chase him, and I was like, hah, forget that then, so he turned and hugged me, and of course, he kissed me. I backed up and I looked at him and I was like, "Why do you always do that?" He apologized and said he didn't know, and I asked if he was sorry and he said no, said he'd call sometime, visit sometime.

*Shakes head* We didn't mention his girlfriend once. *Smirk*

Once again, I repeat. Guys suck. =)

me

mood:

okay

Thursday 11/21/2002 - 11:58 am
hah.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Look behind scenes; someone wants to "tell you something." Current restrictions are temporary; you will beat the odds and win the game. Broken love relationship can be mended if desired.

Hah, what a joke. :)

Wednesday 11/20/2002 - 11:33 am

People are interesting, aren't they? It seems no one can be straight-forward, and everyone must talk shit. But when they talk to you, they have nothing but nice things to say. Why is that, do you suppose? Is it like a popular thing to do? Does it make them feel cool? What's the deal?

I'm beyond tired of two-faced people. I'm just tired of people in general sometimes it seems.

Tuesday 11/19/2002 - 08:39 pm

I'm alive. That's about the most I can say on that subject.

Really I suppose it's not all as bad as that. But I still feel pretty lousy most of the time whenever I eat, and even when I don't. I have some weird lump on the back of my neck, and I'm tired of gaining weight. I now have two pairs of pants that fit. And they're just barely fitting. Why why why??

Anyone have any good suggestions on how to lose weight? It's not something I've ever thought of before. Mom thinks I should ask to have my anti-depessants switched and try another kind. Blah.

I just feel depressed. My weight bothers me way more than it should--hell, I don't even want to see anyone. Mom pointed out that if this happened over years, I'd be fine with it, but in a matter of months, it's probably quite sudden to me. That's an understatement.

Blah blah. ;)

Thursday 11/14/2002 - 10:06 am
Blahblahblah.

I really feel like I should write about something, but for the life of me I can't think of much of anything to say. It's an odd feeling. :)

Life has been blahish, I guess. I haven't been doing anything very interesting. I've hung out with Pat once in the recent past, sometimes when Chris is in town, I hang out with him. I visit Joy sometimes. That's about it.

Tomorrow Carrie's teacher, Miss Theresa is coming here for a parent teacher conference. That should be interesting.

I need to get some cleaning done today while Carrie's at school. Her bus should be here in an hour and a half or so.

An old friend of mine msg'd me on Yahoo while I was not online. That's beyond awesome, now if only he'll get back to me. I haven't talked to him in ages. :)

See what I mean about having nothing to write about?

I've been trying to catch up on journals, so I guess I'll resume that.. *Sigh*

mood:

blah

Tuesday 11/12/2002 - 10:33 pm
hmm

Hi people. Remember me? I'm alive. I talked to Carrie's dad, and it went well enough. He said he'd send money, said he'd call me back a few days later. I haven't heard from him since. We shall see I suppose.

I haven't been doing anything really. I feel horrible for some reason. I haven't much mentioned it, but I'm starting to be seriously concerned about my stomach problems--they've been ongoing for too long. And I dont' wanna go to the doctors because 1. i have no insurance, and 2. everytime something's wrong with me, it's never anything SIMPLE.

Ahh well.

Friday 11/01/2002 - 11:08 am
Halloween

Things went okay, I suppose. I shall have pictures, hopefully soon.. (*hinthint*Mom and Shawn*hinthint*).

Anyhow, Carrie fell asleep shortly after she got home from school. She's generally so tired and cranky after her days at school I decided to let her sleep for a couple of hours. I'm afraid it didn't really help, and once again, she wanted nothing to do with her costume, even though earlier in the day she was all excited about it. Mom and I attempted to paint her face, which she had a fit over, so we pretended we were wiping it off, and tried to paint it a bit more, but with not much luck. Okay, so her face looked pretty funny by this point :P

Then we got her into her witches gown, and her witches cape. She refused to wear her wig, and she didn't want to wear her hat. She was whining, and complaining, so we decided to just go. We went to the mall, and I made her put on her hat then. She went trick-or-treating around the mall, though without wanting to go up to ANYONE giving out candy.. finally about halfway through the mall she got the hang of it and started having lots of fun. After the mall we went to some houses, and then she decided she'd had enough (it was freezing) and that she wanted to trick-or-treat at Grandmom's. So we headed there.

When we knocked, mom played along, and handed her the candy like she was any other kid, and then we went in. I managed to get a few pictures, but she undressed pretty quickly. Then she proceeded to attempt to give away all of her candy, to Shawn, Michelle, Mom and I. So I finally hid it from her.. (mean mommy!)

I started feeling sick again, probably from eating some of her candy, and I layed down on the couch for a few, and somehow managed to fall asleep all night. Oops.

Hope everyone else had fantastic halloweens :)

Wednesday 10/30/2002 - 11:56 am

So the Halloween party was last night.. and it was great!:) We were feeling a bit out of it by the time we got there.. (We, being Michelle and I), and we weren't sure how to go about starting it, but once things got moving, it went great. The kids had a blast, and basically did whichever activities they wanted to do. The parents seemed to have a good time as well, and EVERY kid showed up in a costume (even the ones under a year old). It was an exhausting evening, but it seemed to be quite a success, so that's good ;)

Carrie just left for school not long ago. I'm really tired.

Tomorrow it's trick-or-treating, and then thankfully I can be done with the Halloween stuff for the year ;) I love it, but man... :)

Tuesday 10/29/2002 - 09:57 am
Stress. Halloween party stuff. Etc.

So the Halloween party is tonight. I have no idea if we're prepared, which is stressing me out. Michelle said she'd take care of the construction paper pumpkins for arts and crafts. I don't know if that's done. The cookies are done, and I'm headed to Ben Franklins to pick up some crafts today, plus I'm gonna dig through Mom's stuff. Carrie's got a brand new costume that Mom stayed up all night sewing. We've got the candy, and the toys, and the prizes for the games. I have some juice, perhaps not enough.. We have the pumpkins for the musical chairs/hot potato game, but no Halloween music. I'm gonna go get a blindfold.

The worst is probably the fact that we found out yesterday we only have 20 minutes to set up before the party.

Ack!

Stressstressstress...

mood:

anxious
music: Carole King - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

Sunday 10/27/2002 - 11:28 pm
Inside.

I'm in such a strange mood tonight. Hell, I'm not even online right now.. I'm just writing this.. will post it later. I'm sitting here listening to song after song. One song will lift my spirits, one will crush them, and make me want to cry, and others.. certain others remind me of a time that was so happy, that I smile while I ache inside at the realization that it's gone. A moment. A moment that will never reoccur.

( Lots of pointless rambling.. )

What the hell was the point of this post?

mood:

contemplative
music: Dido - Thankyou

Sunday 10/27/2002 - 08:25 pm

I hope you'll change your mind. I hope you'll talk to me. I hope you'll find you always knew the things that aern't always so obvious, yet always exist.

You know who you are.

Friday 10/25/2002 - 08:39 pm
All I want for Christmas is a new keyboard... a new keyboard... a new keyboard.. :P

I just got done eating dinner. Carrie and I decided to do it our own ways, so she had chicken noodle soup (She ate the whole can), and so I decided to just make a chicken patty sandwich thing. Unfortunately now I feel sick.

I dunno what's going on. I know once I had my gallbladder removed, I had troubles eating things sometimes, but for so long now, nothing has seemed to bother me. Now it's as if every time I eat, I feel sick, or get sick. And it's not as if I'm in pain after I eat, as I was when I had my ulcer, I just *feel* sick. Bah.

Hah. Maybe I'll lose weight this way :P j/k

Carrie and I went grocery shopping, which was pretty okay, and then on the way home, she was asking where the sun went, and so, in trying to honestly explain (and making no sense to her), we stopped by KMart and I bought a globe. I doubt she truly understands, but now she knows that the world is round, more or less, and people live on the other side. She was having fun spinning it over and over, and trying to relocate where we live. :P Kids =)

I've been contemplating over Christmas, and I realize with my current financial situation, I can't afford to do much.. So I figure that I can more or less likely find money to get her one good present. And so, I've been pondering over this.

Anyone have one of those or know anyone who has one? I want to get some opinions.

Anyway, now Carrie's relaxing and watching a movie, and I'm probably gonna call Joy or something. So I'll write more later, or tomorrow, or hell, next week. I dunno. :P

mood:

sick

Thursday 10/24/2002 - 12:13 pm
Randomness.

Last night I cried. It's been awhile, and yet I felt as if I'd never stop. So I finally decided to read a DragonLance book to get my mind off myself. That worked.

Unfortunately then my stomach decided I shouldn't have eaten pizza for lunch yesterday, and the next thing I knew I was in the bathroom throwing up. My nose started bleeding in the middle of it. I've never had that happen, and for a moment I thought I was throwing up blood. Wonderful stuff.

Didn't you all want to know that?

I'm starting to get scared of the Halloween party. Everyone said that likely only 6 parents would agree to this. Maybe it's my natural charm on the phone, but only one parent has not given a definate confirmation, and that was because she has to work and can't make it. So far the count is 33 children. Thankfully that's with a count of 23 adults. But the classroom isn't that large.. though we do have the hall to use as well.. but...

I still have more parents to call, and no one's called the morning class families. I've heard from 4 of them myself. There's still 12 more to be asked. And 7 more afternoon families.

I really hope this party turns out well and the kids enjoy themselves. I'm going to be awfully disappointed in myself if it sucks, since I'm doing so much of the planning. Wish me luck.

mood:

scared

Thursday 10/24/2002 - 01:55 am
Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my very best friend in the entire world

Jon.

I love you so much. *HUGS*

mood:

loved

Wednesday 10/23/2002 - 08:35 am

I just slept from 3:30 PM yesterday until... now. 8:30 am. ACK.

Tuesday 10/22/2002 - 12:06 pm
Oh dear. :P

Stolen from

Dawn, because, well, because I can. So yeah. Please put your answers in comments for me? *bats eyes* :P

1) Am I one of your friends?:
2) Am I nice to you?:
3) HONESTLY you think I'm Pretty?:
4) Do you ever think about me off-line?:
5) Would you ever f*ck me?
6) What do you like best about me?:
7) What annoys you most about me?:
8) One word to describe me:
9)Do you notice a strange habit I have?:
10) What is the nicest thing I have done for you?:
11) When you hear my name, what do you think of?
12) What is my best feature?:
13) What guy/girl do you picture me with?:
14) Would you ever go out with me?:
15)Are you related to me?:
16)What was the BEST time you've had with me?:

~Put an 'X' for each that refers to me!~
Outgoing { }
Shy { }
Caring { }
Nice { }
Sweet { }
Mean { }
Freaky { }
Preppy { }
Slutty { }
Ugly { }
Pretty { }
Dorky { }
Stupid { }
Smart { }
Boring { }
Bright { }
Colorful { }
Funny { }

~How Well Do You Know Me~
When is my birthday?:
My middle name?:
Who do I like?:
What year did i graduate high school?:
My age?:
Any siblings?:
What color are my eyes?:
What color is my hair?:
What school do I go to?:

~One Last Question...
Do ya love me?!:

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