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LiveJournal for boogah smalls.
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| Monday, June 24th, 2002 |
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"yeah, he was burned out on women. burned out on any kind of dealings with humans. they made him sick. he had become so cynical over the last few years that he had it in his mind that he would never meet anyone that would matter to him. do you know what happened to that guy? he met this girl and she made him see that he was wrong. after he spent a short time with her, he felt all those old feelings come back. she brought him back to life." :: henry rollins, "black coffee blues"
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| Sunday, June 23rd, 2002 |
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| Saturday, June 22nd, 2002 |
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she said it! megan said "i love you" for the first time tonight. after she told me it was like time slowed down and someone punched me in the stomach. i felt queasy but i was the happiest i'd been in at least a year. i have someone who loves me. no matter what happens in my life as long as she keeps loving me that's all that'll matter. color me the happiest motherfucker alive. |
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| Friday, June 21st, 2002 |
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| i love how today is supposed to be the longest day of the year and the first day of summer - and i'm sporting my hoodie because it's overcast and brisk. southern california weather has been a bit odd lately, although welcome. | ||||||||
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| Monday, June 17th, 2002 |
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so i've decided to take an evening off from sitting in aim with megan and have instead decided to concentrate on things like changing the sheets on my bed and tidying up my room. why a night off? well, we talk practically every night. so i'm thinking that since we're swiftly approaching the "known each other for three months" mark [we first started talking april first. yeah, april first.] and we've been dating for almost two [our first date being april twenty.ninth - the tenth anniversary of the los angeles riots.] that we need to start logging some time off on our own. so i just got back in from best buy where i bought a new pair of headphones to replace the ones that mysteriously got demolished by someone stepping on them in my room. so headphones plugged into anger the imac bumping the avalanches i shall now spend my computer time in this megan free evening telling you what i did this saturday with megan... figure that one out. after about an hour and a half in traffic i picked megan up at two. as always she was adoreable in her little black top and a dickies skirt. after some deliberation we went to panda express for lunch and then hit trader joe's for some snacks/drinks for the car ride back to orange county. i seriously love driving anywhere with her - even if it means horrendous traffic. not only do i get her away from the distraction that is her dsl and aim but i also get to spend some quality time just talking to her. plus it's always cute when she leans over towards my shoulder and nuzzles against my arm or puts her hand on my leg. almost like she's on auto-cuddle. so we got down to orange county in a little over an hour and swung by my house because i wanted megan to finally meet my mom. fortunatley as we pulled up i noticed my brother in the front yard smoking. bonus. so megan got to meet both my mom and my brother [who's already said completley unprompted, "dude, good catch with megan man. she's seems really down to earth and a pretty down to earth chick."] and we retired to my room to watch "dogma". of course, we ended up doing a little more than watch "dogma" and i put the fact that megan was sporting a skirt to good use. a hint for future reference tho, whenever any of you out there reading this are having sex with your girlfriend while a kevin smith movie is on pause it or turn it off. there were a couple times where both her and i were chuckling mid coitus over stuff the characters said. around seven.thirty my mom got home from the store and i grilled up some steaks for the three of us for dinner. we were supposed to head over to exo at about nine to watch the fireworks from my office but ended up dragging ass watching "good eats" and "iron chef" instead. that girl loves alton brown as much as i do. bless her for that. so as a backup plan we went to the regan years and megan watched me play a couple video games. i wish she would've played some of them, but it's okay that she didn't. i know she has some different memories of the eighties seeing as how we're six years apart and all so her nostalgia differs from mine. i only wish the air hockey table was working because that seemed to be the only game she was up for. damn regan years. from the arcade we walked around downtown fullerton, which was pretty much closed down and then headed over to the train station to watch a couple trains speed by the station and talk some more. it was actually rather fun to watch her react to the trains and watch her grin as they runbled by carrying freight off towards san diego. one of the locals came by and tried to strike up conversation with us for a solid twenty minutes. neither of us felt like telling the poor sap to take off so we stuck around for one more train and took off. things were starting to get a bit cold so i offered megan my hoodie which was like three sizes too large for her and fit her like a dress. her arms came nowhere close to the end of the sleves and it just draped off her. she looked a bit silly, but at all not stupid so i didn't say anything. it was about a quarter to one and we had two choices - take her home or go to my office and eat some ice cream. since both of us were jonesing for ice cream we got a pint of ben and jerry's at vons and some whipped cream and headed back to my office. much to my supprise tim was still at exo, so he finally got to meet megan and i got to show her my office. soon after we showed up tim took off and we ended up eating the ice cream and i happened to use the whipped cream in some creative ways. needless to say, one thing led to another and we ended up having a rather satisfying bout of sex on my desk. how satisfying? let's just say that things went on for twice as long as they normally do and we both reached orgasam at the exact same time. that shit normally only happens in movies, so i feel like a major fucking stud right about now. at this point it was about two.thirty in the morning and i really needed to get megan home. so in the wonderful afterglow i drove her home and managed to get there in under an hour. as i pulled up to her place she nuzzled my arm again and told me that she didn't want to leave. truth is, i didn't want her to leave either. i wish i could've taken her to my place and had her back in the morning, but i don't think her mom would have gone for that. right before she got out of the car the last little kiss she gave me was straight up fucking electric, which made it all the more hard to say goodbye. a quick jaunt thru almost abandoned one.oh.one and five freeways got me home in forty minutes and i got home and layed in bed and stared at the celing thinking about our day. everything felt so right with the world at that point. i almost up and posted about the day to my lj right then and there but decided to hold off for a bit. so that was my saturday with megan. thirteen hours and twenty minutes of me and her time. not sitting in her bedroom making out and fooling around but actually going out and doing things. it was rather nice. we've gotta do that more often. okay. my laundry's done. time to go throw things in the dryer... |
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| Thursday, June 13th, 2002 |
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*sigh* after the fiasco that was work yesterday [see: disgruntled ex-customer; hauling a free fifteen.hundred pound ups down a flight of stairs] i went up to megan's place and we hung out for a good three or four hours. while most of it comprised laying in her bed fooling around i think the best part of last night was just laying there by her side. i wish i could have fell asleep right next to her. when i'm with megan all that matters is that i'm spending time with her. the rest of the world can piss off and burn down for all i care... as long as we're hangning out -- that's all that matters. maybe it's still weird for her to say "i love you" back. maybe it's too soon for me to even be "in love" with her. all i know is i've got a big ol' knot in my stomach every time i'm around her, and just one kiss makes that knot go right away. that and she makes me a better person. every time i see her she starts me up and makes me want to conqueor the fucking world. i feed off her energy, which is fortunate because she's an honest to goodness powderkeg. case in point - i was tired when i got to her place last night and after spending four hours "playing" with her [which is rather tiring] i left her place at midnight and couldn't fall asleep until three. one of these days i'll actually funnel that energy into something good... reguardless, every time i tell megan i love her i honestly mean it from the burning pit of my stomach. and if it takes her another year before she says it back, so be it. at this point i'm locked in to her. hopelessly devoted to the faint chance that someone will love me back. welcome to my life's reoccuring theme. |
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| Sunday, June 9th, 2002 |
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megan. *sigh* that girl makes me glow so damn bright inside. to be completely unoriginal and borrow from the police, "every little thing she does is magic"... i finally introduced her to the guys on friday at 2600 and it seemed to go swimmingly. she made cookies for everyone, which didn't all get eaten - but it's cool, they're mine now. all mine. anyhow, it looks like she digs my friends and it looks like my friends are cool with her. hell, they assclubbed her a couple times - which she was actually cool with and laughed at. and she seemed to fit into the dynamic well. i actually wanted to head home at one point and she was like "why? i'm having fun." but when i finally did get her home she just sat in my car and wouldn't leave. she didn't want to. i'll take that as a good sign. oh, and last night i headed down to her place and we hung out for a bit. just kinda laying in her bed watching tv and occasionally kissing and such. that was rather nice. so simple and kick back. after a while queeg gave me a ring and headed down with snuggles and we went to denny's to grab some food and chill. when i dropped her off we talked and kissed for a bit in the car and as she got out i said "i love you" because i'm completely enamoured with her and she burns in my stomach. now she's a bit funny about the l word for reasons i won't get into here, but she stoped, put her hand up to her mouth and let out a little squeak. then she said "i almost said it. i'm not sure if it was just to be cute back or because i really, really do. but let's just say you're very special to me." she almost said it... dude, score. i think things are going rather nicely and are just gonna get better. |
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| Thursday, June 6th, 2002 |
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work, work, work. working on a site for exo that may or may not need to be done but will look good in my design portfolio either way. bumping the new kid606 [which i love the shit out of] drinking a rather tasty vanilla coke. i've got to finish the la2600 blog tonight and start work on the mindless page for mybelovedmonster.org. neither should take long if i buckle down on them. i'm still not looking forward to my possible demise as a member of the employed nation, but why worry when whatever happens will occur if i can help it or not? i'm not as peaceful as a hindu cow, but i'm close enough. "getting fired," tyler says, "is the best thing that could happen to any of us. that way, we'd quit treading water and do something with our lives." |
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| Wednesday, June 5th, 2002 |
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megan makes this impending doom seem copeable... i didn't have to get drunk. in fact all i had was two beers and i spent the rest of the time talking things out with her. it's official, my girlfriend kicks ass. |
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| Tuesday, June 4th, 2002 |
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recovering slowly but surely. even tho i get really bad coughing fits from time to time and i still have to blow my nose every half-hour, i'm really doing much better. i'm working some bugs out of the new exo page and i really need to finish the la2600 blog before it's tenth birthday on friday, but i know i'll get both done this week. over the upcoming weekend i need to update my portfolio of sites... all i've got down on my resume at the moment is the one for exocom wireless but i think it'd be a good idea to include guerrillanews, gomi no sensei, my beloved monster and death race 2002 in there too. of course, the new exo site will get included in there too... oh and the defcon note exchange site when it gets complete. fuck. maybe tim is right. i am trying to singlehandedly recreate the internet... |
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| Monday, June 3rd, 2002 |
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i like the new elvis costello. quite a bit actually. i just downloaded it and i'm probably going to pick it up when i've got some spare cheddar. oh, on the upside of things it feels like the cold is giving in. perhaps it's the champagne bottle sized serving of raspberry lambic i had last night that helped deliver it's deathblow, but other than the occasional annyoing cough and a random blowing of the nose i feel pretty okay. bonus. |
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| Sunday, June 2nd, 2002 |
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| i'm really digging on the newest eels album. sure it's harder than anything they've done before but it's still really damn good. i wish i had a way to play it in the rental car while i take a drive, but it's got a piece of shit stereo that only does am/fm. i need to drive to get some issues ironed out and wrap my head around some stuff. most of all i need to eat up about a hundred and fifty miles today or else the mileage will look a bit off since travis fudged things about two.hundred miles in my favor when i picked the car up and i really didn't drive more than forty.five miles yesterday. things would seem a bit off if i returned the car after renting it for a full weekend and it only had fifteen miles on it, no? | ||||||||
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i can't sleep. since i've got a car until monday morning i could go for a drive to calm my mind - but i'm sick and i doubt i should be up any later than i am already. i really, really want to go to sleep but i just fucking can't. the darkness is whispering things in my ear again. it's keeping me down with shit i really don't need to hear. it says these things from time to time but lately i've been able to ignore it. i tune out the low level noise and it gets louder. maybe it's trying to tell me something... never before have i been so happy but felt so emotionally detached all at the same time. how can "mister in love with being in love" be like that? reciprocation, or lack thereof. no matter how much of myself i pour into this effort, very little comes back. maybe i'm completely off base here. maybe i'm expecting too much too soon. she looked so goddamn beautiful last night. every bit of her oozed perfect. but the situation i'd gotten myself into was akward so i stood off to the side while she enjoyed herself. i'd occasionally check on her but i otherwise kept to myself. i found it a bit hard to mingle with anyone seeing as how i was probably the oldest one there not working the event. what could i say? "yeah hi, i'm the twenty.four year old date of that ravishing eighteen year old over there. no, i will not buy you booze." in the end, all i could do was be there for her. it was her night anyhow. i pour every bit of myself into being her man when i'm with her. i can't help not to - she's fucking amazing. perhaps that's what's wearing me down. reguardless, i'm breaking. but now, sleep. more later. |
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| Wednesday, May 29th, 2002 |
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dear jesus, i didn't know it could get worse... i've dozed off at least twice at console and once tim and jim get back from lunch i'm going home early to take a late afternoon nap and stock up on liquids. "drug me with natural vitamin c / drug me with pharmaceutical speed / drug me with your sleeping pills / drug me with your crossword puzzles / drug me with your magazines / drug me with your fuck machines / with a fountain of fads / more rock and roll ads / drug me, drug me, drug me me me" |
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| Tuesday, May 28th, 2002 |
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so the cold seems to be going away. no more horribly sore throat that burns when i breathe, so i've got that going for me. i went to bed at ten.thirty last night - probably the earliest i've been to bed in the past year, maybe year and a half. so i got a good nine and a half hours sleep and i feel good even if i'm still light headed and dizzy from the slight sinus headache. that's what tylenol and sudafed is for. i'm gonna be out of it at least until tommorow. tonight after work i go get fitted for my tux for megan's prom. i've already got the car reserved... it was actually cheaper to rent friday/saturday/sunday with a monday morning return than it would have been to get a car for just friday night with a saturday morning return. let's hear it for weekend rates! hopefully my friend travis is working the afternoon i pick it up and can waive the mileage for me or upgrade me. time to drug myself up and walk downstairs for a sprite. |
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| Monday, May 27th, 2002 |
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i'm sick and at work on a holiday. figure that out... only a couple more hours until i'm out, so i've got that going for me. i hope megan doesn't read this and feel bad. i knew what i was getting into when we made out saturday. i knew i was probably going to get sick. i just wanted to kiss her tho. speaking of megan, it looks like her computer is still down. piss. i'm going to have to have my dad drop ship her that laptop from work tommorow. i'd like to take it down there myself and help her get it all set up but with my cold i think the most i should do is sleep. my cell phone is still down. it has been since saturday and it's all sprint's fault. i've gotten them paid they just haven't processed my payment thru yet. what a sack of assholes. i'd go yell but apparently they close around six today since it's a holiday... guess who gets off work at six? ten points to you if you say me. okay, back to work. two hours to go. blah. |
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| Sunday, May 26th, 2002 |
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| in about five minutes i'll have been up for twenty.four hours. to celebrate this milestone, i will sleep. i will sleep better than i have in the past couple nights. i will not allow myself to wake up before two in the afternoon. cheers! | ||||||
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at this very moment i'm still at megan's house... in her room, sitting on my laptop while she sleeps. actually, she's rather cute when she sleep... sprawled out on her bed, quietly snoring. i could watch her all night. in fact, i probably will watch her over the screen of my laptop until i have to go... i'd much rather be in bed with her - badly. however certain circumstances keep me from falling asleep curled up next to her. let's get it out of the way and call those certian circumstances "her mom". the circumstances let megan have the house to herself tonight. not purposely because her daughter's boyfriend [that'd be me] was coming over, mind you, but because she had a gardening class today and then ended up sleeping over at a friend's house to lessen the commute of going to the temple in the morning. after finding said information out i tried to do what any sane boyfriend would... i begged. "your mom isn't going to be home tonight or tommorow until the afternoon? let me stay over." to which megan replied, "i'd love to have you stay over but i'm worried that my mom is trying to catch me.". so eleven rolls around and i'm still laying on megan's bed still horny, nekkid and wanting sex and she's begging me to fix her computer as she checks her aim messages and livejournal. how me is that? i'd been promising to do so for almost a month now, and i'd finally brought all the gear i needed. of course, by that time i'd missed all forms of public transit for the evening. i kinda hoped after upgrading megan's pc to something faster she'd do something like set her alarm for 5am and kick me out then - but she was still worried that her mom would come home early and catch us sleeping together. of course, her worries were justified seehing as how she's eighteen, still in high school [graduating in mere weeks] and living at home. so i didn't fix her computer. i couldn't. the motherboard i brought was shit and upon putting her old pc back together i not only discovered crippling hardware conflicts out the ass but also the fact that she has a pretty nasty virus residing in her boot sector. i'm going to suggest a reformat, a cleaning and a reinstall - backing up anything she really wants to keep on floppy. i hate to tell her to reinstall, but that's the only option i have when a system is as fucked as hers is... :/ fuck. i'm nodding off. must. be. strong. must resist pull of wonderful sleep. i think it's time for some red bull from the store. in an hour and ten minutes the first bus out of here starts up. i plan on being on it. once i get home around seven i can sleep til at least two or three. that'll kick ass. what won't kick ass is wondering when megan will get her computer reinstalled... ugh. i feel like shit because i can't fix it. but if she formats/reinstalls she should be just fine. i hope she can get her dad or brother to help her out with the reinstall seeing as how i'm busy sleeping tommorow. part of me thinks as an interim i should take my spare laptop [the one that'll eventually go to butterbee] and let megan use it until things get fixed. piss. tired and upset i'm going to head to the fridge to see if there's anything to drink before i leave, otherwise it's gatorade and vodka for me. |
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LiveJournal for boogah smalls.
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working.
amused.
loved.
drained.
content.
busy.
okay.
sick.
tired.
frustrated.