andy janecek's LiveJournal Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
andy janecek

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why do we let them do this to us? [02 Dec 2002|12:42pm]
what a drag. it's monday. back to the everyday grind, back to the world of the florida construction industry licensing board. i swear, everyday i'm here i end up repeating myself 12 trillion-million-bajillion times to 12 trillion-million-bajillion different people. i realize i talk about work a lot, but it completely runs my life - and that's not good. i'm 19. what happened to being a kid and partying until all hours of the night? not me. i don't get to do those things. i just get to worry about health insurance premiums and these FUCKING CONTRACTORS THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY because they're too stupid to realize the difference between an ASSET and a LIABILITY.

thanksgiving was as good as i'd expect it to be. i ate too much. all of my relatives came into town and we did the usual family grind. i spent a lot of this weekend at my sister's house getting drunk and walking across bonfires. it was fun. a nice break.

jason called me the other night. his basic training is complete and he should be back in town around the 26th. he's getting sent out to tech school in texas at the beginning of january, so i prolly won't see him much again after that but atleast i'll get a chance to party with him again in december. that should be fun. he's a good guy. i miss him.

things to do this week:

  • schedule for oil change
  • get tire fixed
  • schedule for and take cpt
  • submit mmr immunity to tcc
  • speak with an advisor about classes
  • finish xmas shopping - on payday

    i'm supposed to have a lunch date tomorrow with ryan. we'll see if it happens or not. i've decided it's not worth it for me to put much effort into him. but i'll sit back and enjoy the ride, see where it takes me. that's harmless i suppose. i love steven's philosophy -- boicott!

    to a certain lj user, i read your story about sex this morning and it was definitely T-M-I, but i think you're right in the decision you made. if they suck (or don't quite suck...hehe), get rid of them. you're worth more. hehe

  • 4 comments|post comment

    i'm leaving...on a jet plane... [27 Nov 2002|04:11pm]
    the office next to mine has 'feliz navidad' or whatever playing and it's driving me nuts. they've been playing christmas music all day and i really wish they would stop...

    [i wrote that on a paper airplane and threw it into the office...they laughed and turned it up higher. what the fuck?!]

    matt, destiny's boyfriend or whatever he is, just called me and claims that someone saw me at a party last night making out with a chick. where'd that come from? in case you can't tell i'm gay and try to avoid the 'blackhole of death' at all costs. sheesh.

    every other state department was released early today. is ours? nope. we're the work horses that get absolutely no credit. i don't remember if i posted this, but earlier this year we had a fire in our building that took out all the electricity. all state offices in our building were closed for the rest of the day, but our secretary made us bring flashlights and work at our desks...with no electricity. 500+ breathing bodies and no air conditioning. talk about some shit. eat dirt and die, jeb bush.

    i'm leaving work in a bit. headed home to dye my hair black again. i miss black. i want it back. i'm not quite sure what i'll do after that but i should be able to find some sort of entertainment in this town.

    there was a voicemail on my phone earlier..."this is ****. my screen name is ****. we met on gay.com, remember? call me back at **********." how original.

    anyway, i hope everyone has a GREAT THANKSGIVING! let's show our american spirit by eating more than we can possibly handle when there are 5 bajillion starving people in bajillionville. ha. i love america.

    6 comments|post comment

    where'd you get that from? it just appeared here, i don't know. [26 Nov 2002|03:09pm]
    "wow, i'm having a bad day today."

    that's something everyone says occassionally. for me, my life is compiled of everyone else's 'bad days'...i have a life full of them. what crap. let me preach. let me tell you of days when life was simple. and...i'm done. that wasn't too hard.

    and oh yeah, fuck ryan. why even bother having hopes and dreams when your credit card will give you everything you've ever wanted?

    3 comments|post comment

    a mere patio to you, an entryway into heaven to me. [21 Nov 2002|04:39pm]
    so many things. so many thoughts. so many trials.

    i met a boy last night. ryan is his name. i've learned to never trust your first instinct when it comes to things like this. i'd love to trust them, but i can't. not yet. my mind has been in a constant state of confusion all day. more accurately, a constant struggle between being confused and being in utter estacy. my mind. what a joke. don't watch the phone. keep an open ear.

    my dad hit a semi a few hours ago. traffic was bad. too many cars. too many ignorant people who received licenses through the florida department of transportation (key word here: florida). he's fine. his truck's not. if the person you hit tells the trooper it's not your fault, why is the trooper permitted to say it is? whatever.

    leaving work. home is calling me. maybe ryan is too.

    3 comments|post comment

    it's my party and i'll cry if i want to. [07 Nov 2002|04:40pm]
    today's my birthday, so i didn't go to work. after tuesday's election results, the thought of going to work again really sucks. who would have thought that after all the hell jeb bush has put our state through, he comes out victorious and wins another term. he wants us to just die. he wants to tie us to stakes and burn us until we empty our pockets into his swelling head. not only that, but effective january, leon county will have an increased sales tax to benefit public education (am i in school? no. should i pay for school if i'm not in it? no.) AND you will no longer be able to smoke in any public workplace...which means i'll be confined to my home and car or freezing temperatures just to get a puff.


    destiny and i went to visit jacksonville a few weekends ago. we're looking for a new and exciting place to move to. we toured downtown, were assaulted by peanut-throwing boy scouts, and got lost more times than i wish to remember. all that aside, it was a great weekend. eventually we decided that jacksonville isn't for us. we'll probably stay in tally and rot away the next 15 years of our lives, much like our fellow tallahasseans.


    it's been a fairly uneventful birthday, but i wasn't expecting much. 19 isn't anything to be too excited about. destiny wants to hang out with me tonight, so that could be cool. i'd like to get in touch with karin and caton, too. i really want to tell karin that i hung out with patrick and bryan last night. patrick's her dreadful ex, so i'm sure she'll find it amusing.

    anyone want to pack up a cute boy into a little box and fedex him to florida for my birthday? that'd be great. thanks.

    11 comments|post comment

    eye candy... [22 Sep 2002|02:19pm]
    i've been busy lately, but i'm determined to start updating my journal and livejournal friends again. it won't be today, but sometime this week. here's some new pictures to perk your interest. my friend destiny made me sit for a shoot. there's a total of 32 pictures but these are my favorite 2 3 6:

    23 comments|post comment

    no more drama. [11 Sep 2002|08:36am]
    i love you, all.

    on this day last year, i was listening to the radio listening to the horrible events of 9/11/01 taking place, much like everyone else. today, i offer my recollection of those events. don't fear. take guard and live on.

    http://www.livejournal.com/users/bluestare/day/2001/09/11

    1 comment|post comment

    we've got unique ridges... [31 Jul 2002|10:46pm]
    i've neglected my journal, as well as my lj friends. i apologize for that. i'm not really in the mood to go back and review in detail everything that's happened since my lasy update, but i'll atleast give you something to read. here's the nutshell version of my recent life: i broke up with padraic in hopes of gaining some space. after that, i met someone and pursued a relationship with them - that got rudely shot down, so as far as boys go, i've given them up for a while.

    the position i held with the state was temporary. when that job expired, i was unemployed for three weeks. last week, i got a new permanent position with the state, so that's been keeping me busy lately. i'm basically one of 50 secretaries that handle the incoming calls into the department. it's a no-stress job, and i make $11.25/hour, so it's great considering i'm an 18 year-old high school dropout.

    i'm not going into details, but life hasn't had me too happy lately. i've been extremely lonely. the job transition process has been a bit stressful and the lack of funds associated with that transition has added to that stress. to all of you that have told me that 'people you love will eventually come back to you if you're patient' - well fuck you. if you're one of the many people that have spilled that worthless piece of advice to me, please, refrain from giving me advice in the future. advice isn't very helpful if it's a load of shit.

    oh, and for you lj punks, i'd like to point out that i haven't posted ANYTHING in over a month. it's nice to see that NO ONE missed me. bastards.

    12 comments|post comment

    don't let it bring you down... [07 Jul 2002|09:22am]
    i've got so much to say. unfortunately, after reading all of the negative entries everyone has posted, i'm reluctant to post my postive one, but here goes.

    padraic and i broke up. things just weren't working. i didn't think a two-year age difference would be anything significant, but it surely was. we just have two different lives. there's things i want to do that he can't, and i can't even do them by myself because then he'd be really upset. it was a no-win situation that i think needed to come to an end. he's still my bud - we've hung out like everyday since then - so that's how it shall stay.

    on a different note, i've met someone. his name is ryan, but i'd be inclined to recommend he change his name to perfect. there are two sides to my feelings for him, so it's probably easier for me to break it down:

    jaded, puppy-love first impression: i absolutely adore him. he seems to be everything i've ever wanted in a boy. i love listening to him tell stories about his life, his friends, his wants and desires - it's all absolutely beautiful. i can truly say i've never met someone that fits my "relationship criteria" so closely.

    realistic first impression: i don't think he likes me. it's so hard to say. i can't figure him out at all. the few times we've made out, it's been amazing. for me, it's nothing sexual. i love the way our tongues collide, and the feeling i get when our lips connect, but that doesn't help me figure things out at all. i'm trying so hard not to rush into things, but i want things to work out, that's for sure. i think i'm being hard on myself, which is making the whole process harder. i have very low self-esteem, and that makes it hard for me to be myself around him this early on. i don't think that's a trait that he would necessarily respect. he's so expressive, and i'm just a soft-spoken coward. what would he want with me? regardless, i'm doing what i can. i refuse to change anything about myself for anyone, but if there were a button i could push to make him fall for me, i'd push it in a heartbeat. i'd love to know more about this boy.

    anyway, it's nearly 10am, but i just got home a few minutes ago. i wanted to post this while it was fresh on my mind, but we didn't get too much sleep last night so i'm probably going to hit the sack.
    6 comments|post comment

    and so we leave, with one more light... [24 Jun 2002|08:47am]
    the good side of the post:
    i had a lot of fun this weekend. on friday, padraic and i chilled with amy and jenn. i got drunk; padraic stayed decent. fortunately, together we were able to devise and execute a safe plan home. on saturday, my relatives came into town and we had a "family gathering" at our house. afterwards, padraic and i went over to my brother's house and hung out there for a while. we took off from there and headed to amy's again, this time being much more responsible with the alcohol. we spent the majority of the night there, and finally ended up back at home late in the night.

    yesterday was funtastically super-duper! padraic and i (how many times does 'padraic and i' occur in this post?) ventured off to valdosta to see trisha yearwood perform at wild adventures. anyone who really knows me is probably thinking, "andy? at a trisha yearwood concert?" all i can say is my boyfriend likes country music. hehe...anyway, we got to the park around 2:30pm and didn't leave until 10pm. by the time we left, we were soaking wet and pissed that our brown leather belts bled through onto our clothes, permanently staining them with streaks. after the drive home, we got to my house around 12:30am and went to bed soon thereafter.

    the bad side of the post:
    when i got to work this morning, i turned on my computer and logged on to livejournal as i do every morning. as i was reading my 'friends' list, catching up on everyone's weekend festivities, i came across a post that left me feeling so lost. odds are, if you're listed as a friend on my journal, you've probably read a comment or two by sebastian. this boy was truly in love and shared every aspect of that love with his loyal livejournal friends. his last post was june 3rd - "I always sleep better when he's lying next to me, because when he's lying next to me, all is right with the world."

    all is right with the world now, sebastian. vincent is at your side and eternity awaits you...

    read the final journal entry for more information...

    4 comments|post comment

    it will be. [19 Jun 2002|01:45pm]
    please, allow me to share something with you.

    it's 1:15pm on wednesday, june 19, 2002. i'm sitting in my big, red chair in my tiny, dark cubicle within a mass of other cubicles occupied by state employees in big, red chairs. i just finished devouring a double cheeseburger from burger king. i'm wearing a pair of faded jeans, a white shirt with blue stripes, and a blue bracelet, all of which were purchased at abercrombie.

    today, i'm fortunate enough to have the opportunity to leave work a few hours early. unfortunately, i'm leaving to attend a memorial for a man who was killed by cowardly, uneducated beasts. david was his name. he was a division manager for steak 'n shake - the same division manager that opened so many doors for me. there's so much to do before the memorial. god, what will i wear?

    on my way back to the office from burger king, i stopped by village inn to see if debbie was going to attend the memorial. she is, as well as glen, a loyal customer who's been visiting steak 'n shake on a daily basis since our store opened. well, it's not OUR store anymore since i chose to relinquish my tie and nametag, but i hold that store and the people in it close to my heart. anyway, at village inn, i was reacquainted with sharon, glen and debbie. they're all going to the memorial. i remember seeing david at the memorial for glen's father who died a few years ago.

    i'm stuck in a daze. i'm at my desk in my tiny, dark cubicle wondering what is in store for my future. who will i be? what will come of me? will i succeed? will i live? will this big, red chair be the instrument used to carry me to my final resting place?

    i miss you, steven. and i love you.

    i miss you, mike. and i love you.

    i miss you, charles. and i love you.

    i miss you, sam. and i love you.

    i miss you, angela. and i love you. and your baby.

    in my 18 years of life, i've seen a lot of people come and go. some went happily, others left with cold hearts, and some even went without any recollection of "going anywhere at all."

    my bracelet's too tight. it's starting to make my wrist limp. that makes typing a very challenging task. my armpits itch. perhaps it's due to that new deodorant i'm using which claims to eliminate odor for up to two days. or maybe it's because i'm lost. it's said that your ears ring when someone's talking about you. maybe this itch and limp wrist mean something too. maybe i'm just a fag.

    it's time for me to go. it's time to step foot into a land filled with broken hearts and lifeless remains. there's people to comfort. there's tears to shed. we celebrate life, we celebrate accomplishments, and then we complete the cycle with a celebration of death.

    boy, life away from this big, red chair and this tiny, dark cubicle is frightening. especially when you're alone.
    11 comments|post comment

    let me take this awkward saw... [07 Jun 2002|09:46am]
    let's hear it for friday, the most anticipated day of the week! it's finally arrived to grace us with three days of irresponsible antics and charades. my friday will most likely consist of much smoking after i leave work at 5. i'm definitely looking forward to that. this week has been nuts at work. most of my attention has been on the agenda for the june board meeting. we should be wrapping it up today, so that's an accomplishment in itself. florida's future...right here, right now...scary, isn't it? for those of you that haven't had the experience of living in florida, you're missing soooo much...like beer-guzzling rednecks with big trucks and body odor, or senior citizens who, when they see you walking down the street, call the cops and insist that you're a terrorist from afghanistan. in normal states, people have parties and hang out at clubs, restaurants, bar, movie theaters, malls - you name it. it's a completely different story in florida. here, we all gather around and take turns saying "so, what do you think we should do, guys? i dunno, what do you think we should do? i'm not quite sure - what do you think we should do?" that topic never expires. and those questions are always left unanswered. that's florida for you - thanks jeb! keep up the good work!
    7 comments|post comment

    and i still love you, new york... [03 Jun 2002|03:07pm]
    unlike most mondays, i awoke today feeling rested and ready to begin the week. this weekend was full of adventure and for once in a long time, i felt like i was actually having fun.

    thursday: after work, i met up with padraic and we ventured over to monkeyfest 3 at the moon. it's an annual birthday celebration concert for our local pop radio station. toya was the headliner - opening acts included mpress, fusion, tamara (featuring concept) and luis fonsi. ironically, as i write this recollection, one of toya's hit songs, i do, is playing on my office radio. i'm sure you've heard it - "i do. i wonder if you feel the same way i do. i can see it in your eyes i entice you. so, come on, shorty, if you think you can roll, with an iced-up playah ballin' out of control." ha, i feel like such a dork. it was my first pop concert. damn those kids for stealing my pop cherry.

    friday: like every other day, padraic and i met up after work. it was payday, so i wanted to go out and spend some money. we went to get dinner at mozaik, a trendy little restaurant in market square. we had porkchops, romaine hearts, and macaroni and cheese which was described much more eloquently on the menu. upon our arrival, we were asked whether we wanted our water to be "bottled or tap? spring or sparkling?" we knew we were out of place, and our ticket for two came to $52, including tip, but it was a nice change of pace. it was classy, and tallahassee lacks classiness.

    saturday: after trying out mozaik, my tastebuds were craving great food, so we went to osaka, a japanese hibachi bar, with karin, caton (karin's boyfriend), thomas (caton's friend), and thomas' date, whose name i can't recall. this time i spent $42 for two, which isn't as much as mozaik's tab, but is definitely more than i typically spend on a meal. i'm used to happy meals and chicken nuggets - not four and five course meals. after osaka, we went over to caton's and everyone rolled on white clovers. they were great rolls, pure and clean, and it was a great way to end the night.

    sunday: i slept. a lot. finally, i awoke and met up with padraic at jason's house. jason got a new bong, so we inducted that into our routine and smoked our night away. i sluggishly arrived at home around 2am and fell right to sleep.

    i was reading this article about the world trade center disaster and found myself crying at my desk. the article retells the timeline of that day for numerous survivors, as well as victims. the details sent chills throughout my body, and made me realize how close to home new york really is. physically it's far, but the love for our family and friends is as strong in florida as it was in new york city that day. this is a must read. i printed it and hung it on the wall of my cubicle for my co-workers to read.

    6 comments|post comment

    radio free virgin! [28 May 2002|04:49pm]
    in all honesty, most of this weekend is a blur, but i'll try to describe what happened. i went to lincoln's graduation on saturday. the ceremony was much shorter than sail's, which was unexpected because it's got nearly 10 times the number of students. i stayed to watch my friends walk, then i headed to jason's grandmother's house to help prep for his graduation party. i spent the afternoon with jason's family, which was odd to say the least, but it was fun and i think he enjoyed seeing his father again. since jason was loaded with graduation money, we left the party and went to his house and smoked ourselves nuts. from there we went with bryan to come kids' house and smoked somemore. padraic and i left, high as hell, and ventured to lake ella, where we fell asleep until 1am. we got up, drove home and crashed for the night.

    sunday was spent much like saturday, full of smoking and sleeping. on monday, my family gathered at home to have a memorial day cook-out. it was lame, being a family event and all, but padraic was there so i wasn't too bored. after the cook-out, padraic and i met up with his friend mellissa and we ventured to st. george island to catch some rays. we spent a few hours there, drove home, watched a movie, then fell asleep.

    now i'm at work, getting ready to go home. the sky is falling outside, so the ride home won't be fun, but atleast i'm going home. it's better than being here.

    3 comments|post comment

    your love will light the way... [24 May 2002|09:36am]
    surfing the sail website, i found some cute pictures of charles. i thought i'd share them: charles.jpg, charles2.jpg. seeing them made me smile, but at the same time they've left me with a sense of emptiness. i do miss him.
    5 comments|post comment

    now our dreams are coming true... [24 May 2002|09:16am]
    last night was sail's graduation. although the ceremony turned out great, it was hard to be there knowing that at that moment, i should have been on that stage collecting my diploma and giving my parents something to feel so proud about. i consider dropping out of sail to be one of the biggest mistakes i've made in my 18 years of life. a diploma still came to me, and i've been granted the rights and priviledges of everyone else, but it's just not the same. i missed my moment in the spotlight. i could have done so much more. regardless, i was glad that i was there. it was much like a huge reunion for me, seeing people i haven't seen in years. it was a great night, and i'm glad i was there to see my friends shine. congratulations whitney, destiny, lauren, michelle, elissa, tim, jackie, everyone else...

    today's end will start a three-day weekend. i'm definitely looking forward to that. i've got two more graduations to sit through - lincoln's on saturday and ace's is later in the week. i'm sure they'll all be long and boring, but i look forward to them. this is a new chapter for all of us, and it's comforting to know that we're all in it together.

    for steven: i'm truly saddened to hear about jackson's passing. i remember hanging with sarah and thinking about how powerful and strong she is. give her my love.

    2 comments|post comment

    baby i got your money... [20 May 2002|10:47am]
    i slept in yesterday. didn't get up until about noon. spent a few hours putzing around the house, then headed off to visit padraic at work around 3:30. on the way home, i was craving some sushi so i stopped by publix and got some. when i left publix, i saw an amazing site at the gas station. i noticed this bright yellow neon filling up. it was all decked out with a ground kit and shit, so it caught my attention - especially since it was bright yellow. i was observing the driver and it turned out to be a cute, 20-ish kid in a wheelchair. he seemed so tough, driving around in a little car, pumping his own gas. it was just a neat thing to see. i'm glad people can overcome things like that. hehe - it started to make me think about what sex would be like with him...

    finally i got home and devoured my sushi while watching rat race with my parents. it was a great party...you all should have come. bah.

    it was hard coming to work this morning. hell, it was hard to get my eyes open. the only motivation i had to get up was knowing that it was so beautiful outside. we've been having some VERY hot weather in tallahassee lately, but this week has had highs in the 80s and lows in the 50s. that's a dramatic change from what we've been having - roughly 95 degrees all day long...ick. i'm planning on taking my lunch to lake ella to enjoy the day. fuck being stuck in this office with no windows.

    8 comments|post comment

    every rose has it's thorn. [15 May 2002|11:35am]
    i've tried to avoid this journal lately. in fact, i'm contemplating taking it offline. most of the archived posts end up haunting me with images of times i wish i could relive or even times i wish i could forget. i hate being reminded of the past, and of things that i've fucked up. i'm tired of reading about how happy the rest of the world is. everyone's lives seem to be so completely perfect next to mine. even people with problems have something to keep them happy.

    i have a boyfriend.
    i have a job.
    i have a car.
    i have a home.

    i've got everything i physically need, but have none of the things i want...

    fuck it. i don't know where this post is going.

    9 comments|post comment

    ...so i'm gonna keep on dancin'... [10 May 2002|11:57am]
    i was playing the queer duck game at sho.com in my office a few minutes ago, when one of the old bitches comes in going "aww, what are you playing? quacky duck! so cute! quacky duck!" i just kind of said "umm, it's a stupid game." and then closed the browser window. i hate stupid people. especially old, stupid people.

    padraic just called me from school. jason is dragging him to his house to get some tylenol. it's neat to see that my boyfriend and best friend can hang out. speaking of which, things with me and padraic are still well. he got a job at clark & company, a hair salon in the tallahassee mall. i think he'll like it. he gets off at 6pm so we're supposed to head to olive garden to have dinner. then we'll probably meet back up with jason.

    hope everyone is doing well. stay safe out there.

    3 comments|post comment

    you are not alone. i will think of you. [03 May 2002|10:13am]
    everything seems to be getting better lately. the stresses of life and the consequences of being a pessimist are slowly creeping out of my life and good things seem to be making their way in. days of sadness have been replaced by moments of tranquility. i'm beginning to clearly see that life's downs can easily be turned to ups if you just put a little effort into it. padraic and i are dating. when i got to my office this morning i was greeted by a voicemail he left me last night. small things like that are what show that some people are compassionate, not just self-righteous morons like the majority of the gay community.
    7 comments|post comment

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