|
|
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
| |
8:30 am - i be that nigga , cuz.
|
Went to the park last night with Lj , Lil and Jess . Rocked some forties . nothing too exciting. Now , I'm hungover . as . fuck. and starving. I've been starvin'. We have NO food! UGH!I have to go to school. My ride is late as usual. I'm almost finished. I really don't want to graduate though. I don't want to grow up! damnit!
current mood: hungover.
current music: brutha lynch : i'm that nigga
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
| |
10:08 am
|
I had the most wonderful experience last night. God , I wish I could share it with you. But you would just think I'm insane. I think I found something for me and it's so good.
current mood: happy
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
| |
11:33 am - of course.
|
|
| |
11:25 am - Viva.
|
You know what , I'm bored in class. I think I'm gonna go a little mor einto my Las Vegas trip.
It was a horribly long and boring drive up there as usual. I had to pee alot and smoke alot of course. When we got there , finally, we checked in and went to old school downtown vegas , bought some beer and went to watch the light show. I saw this guy I know walking down the street and aske dhim what the hell he was doing there. I guess everyone was there, great. Micah came down from his room and kicked it for a while and whatever. We got drunk , got harrassed by bums with one shoe on and went home. The next day we were supposed to go to thunder from down under , but Linda and I wanted to see the Warhol exhibit at the Bellagio. I'm so glad we went to the gallery instead because it was so fucking bad ass. I almost knocked down one of the paintings which sucked. Could you imagine ? I'd kill myself.
Annnnyyyways , saturday night we're supposed to go to this soul club so we get all dressed up and start drinking , get on the bus and Lisa and I have to get off because I almost peed myself. I swear to god that was the worst decision I have ever made in my life. It took us hours to get to the club after that. And when we finally got their I sucked down shot after shot , bought drinks , puked and danced. I kicked nate in the face and was grabbing some guy's butt all night. I remember getting on stage and yelling "detroit , WHUT!" and "i'm gonna shit in your mouth , whut! "in the mic every few minutes. God , no wonder people hate me and my friends.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
11:06 am - fuck fuck fuck
|
Ok so , today is fucking insane. I got back from Vegas yesterday morning and I still feel so beat. I feel like I was doing backflips and millions of situps. I think I drank everything in sight which , haha, is kind of bad for my sobriety. ya think? I had an interview today with some women from the woman's scholarship org. I wa ssuprisingly calm and composed. I think they really like me , which is funny. I can't believe I sat in front of those people and answered all of those questions.
Tonight I'm going to get a pregnancy test. I've never been so scared in my life. It's horrible because I can't get ahold of jerk ass and I think that he should take me. He has no clue of what's going on and I'm not about to leave a message on his voicemail like , "im pregnant you fucking asshole call me back" even though I really don't want to deal with this by myself. What if they tell me that I'm pregnant? What do I do?
current mood: anxious
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, March 26th, 2003
| |
2:33 pm - the old man was dreaming about the lions.
|
Well, I have't updated in quite some time. The past few weeks have been some sort of hell for me and I'm hoping my trip to vegas this weekend will change it all. Yeah right , I'll probably end up getting busted in a prostitution sting. Haha. Nah , I hope it's a good time.
right now I'm exhausted but I have to do laundry and stuff before my dinner and meeting tonight with the kids from my 12 step class at school. I've been drinking ... oh well.
current mood: exhausted
current music: stereophonics : goldfish bowl
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, March 11th, 2003
| |
8:07 am - take my heart and send it out to sea.
|
So, my ride to school is late as usual. what the fuck eva.
I'm sitting here talking to lil about how if she doesn't go to sd with me on st. patrick's day I'm going to walk. The fate of my footses relies on her decision. I'm pretty excited to see lil' matt and stuff. Hopefully, he makes it to LB so we can go rock VIP rekkids.
let's see, I'm going to tennesee in mid april. that should be interesting considering i drank everything in memphis last time i was there and my mom tried to kill me.
current mood: cranky
current music: death on wednesday - stranded
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
8:06 am - if.
|
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
-rudyard kipling
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, March 3rd, 2003
| |
12:45 pm - blah.
|
maybe my days are numbered.
i believe they are.
even more of a reason for me to love you.
and your tab.
maybe today is the day.
the day that i will never see you again.
in that case.
today the could have beens begin.
i met you.
and all of the sudden ...
i'm not ready to die.
i'mn ot ready to crawl away.
to sleep forever.
alone.
i'm sure you'll make me feel that way though.
eventually.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, February 24th, 2003
| |
11:12 am - i got worries by the ton and getting cancer's only one.
|
Let's see here , I went and saw The Life of David Gale last night and although a bit obscene it was refreshing and thought provoking. But I suppose after watching Mr Deed's ,sticking my thumb in my ass would be intellectually stimulating.
I joined a 12 step class today. I think it's the right thing to do.
current mood: groggy
current music: blood for blood : souless
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, February 23rd, 2003
| |
1:17 pm - in line for my own funeral.
|
I blacked out for 3 or 4 hours on friday. I haven't done that in a few years. I guess I better chill out.
It's really hard for me though , because if it's around ... I'm gonna get tight. Especially lately since I've been all lonely. I'm just going to get my jaw wired shut. I'd probably find some way to get sloshed intraveniously .I woke up and went to class on saturday drunk as a mofo and my teacher knew. Everyone knew. I was drunk at 10 in the morning. The rough part is , is that the only people who understand are the drunks ....but they don't have anything helpful to say.
I remember when I was a kid I drank like a madwoman and everything was fine. I had no responsibilities and I didn't give a god damned about anything or anyone. I don't know what's better ...
current mood: restless
current music: clancy eccles : open up
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, February 17th, 2003
| |
5:13 pm
|
I was doing fine .... don't know what happened.
current mood: crushed
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
12:24 pm - bow chika bow
|
Friday : Lil , Don and I went to some bar and got trashed. Made a few enemies , made a few friends.
Saturday : Well , I had my first nude model in class and it wasn't uncomfortable at all. After the first hour it's just like drawing a stick. It was all gravy until she got into this pose and her asshole was pointed at me. I'm sorry , I've never looked at someone's asshole. To boot , I was all hungover and smelled like butt , smoke and whiskey . It was horrifying.Looking at a butthole for half of an hour will change your whole outlook on life. So after the butthole , I went home and slept. Skinner picked me up at 8 or so and we went to see steve's band. They rocked.
Sunday: I went to see Nekromantix at chain. I saw an old friend there , which is always enjoyable. I went bowling and drank. Apparently , I'm terrible at bowling.
current mood: blah
current music: death on wednesday : life's heartaches
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, February 13th, 2003
| |
3:46 pm - Here we go again ...
|
Lillian , Don and I bought a bottle and drank in the park last night. It was raining and I felt like I was 14 again.It's so funny because no matter how pissed off I can talk to Lillian. Her and booze ...that's all I have. I think Lillian's probably alot better for me and my poor little liver.
Anyways , Going to Antonio's on Friday. I can make an ass out of myself again. But enough of this , I'm having an anxiety attack and i don't like it.
current mood: hungover
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, February 10th, 2003
| |
10:37 pm - some got pencils and some got guns
|
I think I'm going crazy. Now, I swear there is screaming coming from the corner of my block. It's scaring the shit out of me , because it's like acid burning flesh type screaming. It's probably some crazy crackhead. My neighborhood is turning to shit and it's driving me insane. An employee at the check into cash on the corner was shot 6 times this week. 6 times.
Need money quick ?
Check into cash.
current mood: cold
current music: atmosphere : party for the fight to write
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
1:25 pm - Even when the sun is shinin' I can't avoid the lightening.
|
Well, I drank about twenty martinis on Saturday and was fuckin' dying in the Antonio's bathroom. I had a great time becoming aquainted with the toilet and I can't wait to go back for $2 martini night again. After all of the tequila I also consumed I didn't feel too hot , but I sure did look lovely in my new skirt.
God , I feel so stupid.
current mood: distressed
current music: Travis : dear diary
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, February 6th, 2003
| |
5:48 pm - The grass is always greener ...
|
I never had the "grass is always greener on the other side" problem , because both sides look pretty damned shabby to me.
Anyways , Cockface Kevin is talking shit and telling me that I won't be let into the CA show. Well , Kevin , I got something up my sleeve for you and it's called "chels is' gonna remove your mutha fuckin' testicles , biatch". No, I don't need that kind of god damned karma. It's such a sad world where people have to keep down someone just because they don't like the fact that they stick up for themselves. It's kind of disheartening. Yeah , I feel like the god damned underdog over here (not the superhero) and it's getting old. You'd think more people would be down with honesty and loyalty. Nope, folks dig the bullshit. They like making everything way more complicated than it needs to be. Well, a big fuck you to people like that ... and there mothers.
On a lighter note , I should be out of school soon. I've been kind of lagging so I kinda of changed my deadline from december to march. After visiting my mom I needed a fucking few months to recoop. haha.
current mood: silly
current music: travis : the grass is always greener
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
| |
8:43 am - Mornin'
|
Oh , California skinheads and their silly attitudes. They all think they're Joe Hawkins / John Wayne hybrids , when in reality they're all dorks. They've all turned it into some social ladder. Even the anti-skinhead skinhead types are turning into fruit cakes. Honestly , skinhead isn't that cool. Listening to generic Oi! , wearing that same stupid outfit , and acting tough everyday isn't that cool , especially when you're in your late 20's ! I'm sorry that you were made fun of in highschool and becoming a skinhead gave you a chance to fit in and claim some sort of identity , but you are a homosexual.
Thank you.
Haha. Anyways , I attended my first class at USC this weekend. It was very intimidating , but I'm sure I'll get used to it. Although a bit scary , After class I felt like I had actually accomplished something. With new confidence , I came home and finished a painting that had been collecting dust.
current mood: cold
current music: rolling stones : beast of burden
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, February 4th, 2003
| |
9:07 am - boogedy boogedy boo.
|
Hello Journal , It's been a while. I need to vent.
HATE. HATE. HATE. HATE.
I'm so sick of people who can dish it out , but can't take it. I'm perfectly fine with throwin' around words . Hell, I'm good at it. But when you're runnin' your mouth in the backround and shit your pants when I bring it out in the open ... that is gay.
GAY. GAY. GAY. GAY. GAY.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, January 20th, 2003
| |
8:48 pm - ooh rah.
|
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it badly,
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
