[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
dorkula of nerdulon's LiveJournal:
| Saturday, March 29th, 2003 | |
| 6:57 pm | medicated zombie brain seeks healthier pastures so the concensus on my head drippings was that it was disgusting... most people agreed that i should seek professional medical care... i went to the doctor on friday (?) and he was less stupid than most doctors ive been to... he gave me a hardcore decongestant and some prescription allergy medicine... im kinda zonked out but not too bad... at least he gave me the option of not getting antibiotics... he said he thought it was prolly an upper respiratopry infection combined with a super hay fever attack... i think ive finally made my decision on grad school and i think its gonna be madison... as much as it pains me to not move to california, i think madison is really where i will get the best education with the least stress and unhappiness... i havnt sent the official letter yet, but i think i will monday in other news i think im gonna drop my honors degree... i just dont care and neither does grad school... this honors seminar sucks my balls and i have a 45 minute presentation scheduled for wednesday that i havnt started... the guy at the honors department is going to be upset but fuck him, he sends me garbage email virtually every day and needs to get bent... the great thing about dropping the honors degree will be that i think thatll make me done with undergrad... ill still have to graduate at the end of th summer, but i wont have to take any classes, i can just do research and work on the move and hopefully spend some long overdue time with my friends... im moody... been cooped up in my basement too long... today consisted of working on my presentation for senior seminar, browsing google for pix of bacteria and browsing the personals... hehehe... im lame... no but i watched knockaround guys and rules of attraction last night... rules of attraction is fucking great... it reminded me a little of cruel intentions, but way better... so then i went to the website and saw there was a personals page, which is great cause the movies about totally fucked relationships... so i started an account and went ad browsing... what can i say, im a pathetic dork... i think im finally over the i-want-to-get-back-together-with-ex-girl phase.. thank the gods... ive been playing an obscene amount of free cell and 3d pinball (space cadet) watching lots of excel saga and hellsing... blah... i need to be healthy... my armor comes on monday and i = excited... i will never take it off... and i will be INVINCIBLE!!! bwahahaha... foolish mortals you cannot harm me with your puny weapons for i have ARMOR!!! hehehe... k, thats all... -ta, dorkula |
| Friday, March 28th, 2003 | |
| 9:49 pm | oopsy so i fucked up... i blame the sinus medication... but the anti-war march is not til next saturday... same time and such, i just got confused as to the weekend... sorry for any inconvenience... -ta, dorkula |
| Monday, March 24th, 2003 | |
| 6:55 pm | strange things come out of my head (not for the faint of heart) caution... this post is disgusting... if you have a weak stomach dont read it... so for any that dont know, ive been sick for a few days... and im sitting here at my computer and i blow my nose for the one millionth time in a few days and its like a projectile shoots out of my nose into the tissue... slightly startled i look down and am shocked to see somthing that looks (to my color blind eyes) remarkably like brain and/or lung matter... hmmm... i walk upstairs with my bit of tissue (double entendre anyone?) but none of my color vision having family memebers cares enough about the well being of my brain and/or lungs to looks at the contents of the kleenex... so i ask you, my friends... who is brave enough to view the contents of my head and/or chest cavity??? send your email address to dorkula@angelfire.com and i will send you an authentic photo... with any luck its somthing benign like a bloody chunk of bacteria laden snot... although it may range anywhere from a bit of sinus cavity wall to brain/lung matter to a strange alien fetus implanted in my nose to pupate into a fully functional alien overlord who will someday conquer the world in the name of my head diseases... act now before i have to start charging for the photos... those of you that know me well enough must realize that i am not joking... -ta, dorkula p.s. come on... how often do you get the opportunity to view dorkula's head meats?!?! |
| 1:37 pm | fuck the dentist stupid dentist made me take out my damn earrings for my ex ray and i cant ge tthem back in... i think ill be sporting a padlock for a while as its easier to get in and out than the damn 4 gauge captive bead... in other news... my brother sent me this... i will almost surely be attending... April 5th -- "Michigan Says No to War" - March and Rally - in honor of the 35th anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. - meet at old Tiger Stadium (Michigan & Trumbull) at 10am. March at 11am to Hart Plaza along the Detroit River (Jefferson & Woodward). Rally at 12 noon. Sponsored by John Conyers Michigan Leadership Peace Summit... also, im sure that like me many of you tried to avoid the oscars last night... but it just so happened that i was walking through the living room to see michael moore get best documentary for bowling for columbine... it was frickin great... "We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elect a fictitious president," Moore said. "We live in a time where we have a man who's sending us to war for fictitious reasons, whether it's the fiction of duct tape or the fiction of orange alerts." he went on to say "shame on you, mr. bush" and made a reference to it being a very bad thing for a politician when both the pope and the dixie chicks are against you... hehehe... that guy is awsome... k, thats me for now... -ta, dorkula |
| Saturday, March 22nd, 2003 | |
| 12:45 am | politics drove me to drink... and im not even a politician... so i wrote this a while ago and reading through it it seems more applicable now than ever... as always, feedback is welcome... whisper the time has come to paint the dollar red with the blood of the countless dead never again as it was before you cant justify a war innocents killing innocents sausage fingers stuffing pockets full seams ripping for every bill a life for every life 1000 eyes dripping tears of blood real people underneath souls cant breathe abandoned by their cause population inflation faster than our egos fostering labidos we cant possibly sustain begging for pain or pleasure falsity, our only treasure huberis never look within always without humor is we deserve it least why so many fast at a gluttons feast we want no part passiveness is not compliance violence always breeding violence solving nothing escape your silence by learning how to speak a scream merely uses up your breath bounces off the walls leaves you standing deaf a hush shall fall for a whisper heard by all |
| Tuesday, March 18th, 2003 | |
| 8:09 am | marghhhhhh... (i want to die) that is the sound my brain currently makes... i was in san francisco at 9:00 last night (technically berkeley, but whos counting) counting?!?! nevermind... needless to say i havnt slept... i woke up at like 6 in the morning yesterday on account of jet lag... the visit to berkeley was frickin awsome... the campus was even beautifuller than cornell... i could spend a week just staring at the huge trees... theres all these redwoods and eukalyptys but ive got some other faculty i would like to work with so ill prolly email them... i guess the housing situation has gotten better the last few years in the bay area and finding a place to live is no longer the american dream... its expensive, but i guess there are some places that arent too bad... the cash situation is about the same at berkeley as at cornell and with each school i visit i become less sure where i want to go... i guess the downside to berkeley is that the program there is brand spanking new... this could be a very exciting thing, but it could also be very bad... i mean it would be cool to be on the ground floor of a program starting up... especially at berkeley, but at the same time theres prolly lotsa kinks not worked out and we would be the guinea pigs... dunno... its a hard choice... i think im gonna wait to hear back on the fellowships from madison, contact the other profs at berkeley and maybe cornell... and see how things pan out there before making any sort of decision... i guess at this point im leaning more toward madison or berkeley... ill prolly talk to some profs at wayne whose opinions i respect and ask their advice too... but yes, so anyway... my plane arrived at 6:somthing this morning and guess what i did... i drove to campus and took a shower in the new fitness center... one more reason i like the new fitness ccenter, even if it is ugly and poorly placed... my clothes are stinky but i doused them in frankincense so its not so bad... my eyes feel like someone poured rocksalt in them but thats nothing new... im just really tired... i did so much walking yesterday.. craziness... and if anyone ever flies to the oakland airport the gourmet burrito place is awsome... i have hunger, maybe i will get a very very un-gourmet burrito from toxic hell b4 class... ugh... red eye to shower in fitness center to class is not a good combo... i feel like i will die and i pity anyone that comes to see me for tutoring today... k, this fucking thing is long enough... time to go turn in some of the worst writing ive ever done... -ta, dorkula |
| Wednesday, March 12th, 2003 | |
| 12:16 am | just one thing heavens a fucking joke... dont get offended cause im drunk and completely serious... |
| Sunday, March 9th, 2003 | |
| 11:37 am | this is me at cornell hehehe... so this weekend has been awsome... the campus is more beautiful than any campus ive ever been too... the people are nice and a few of the students that were visiting i had met at u of w madison when i was there... most of them are leaving today, so i had breakfast with a couple people and then took a shuttle to campus where i am presently bumming around... i climbed up this clock tower thinger on campus (no, there was no rifle involved) and saw a chimes concert... the tower has 21 chimes in it which are manually played 3 times a day by students dubbed "chimemasters"... the whole dealy actually takes a lot of effort to work and the guy playing (he was new) was sweating and puffing... it was really cool to watch and for hal0zer0, he played you are my sunshine for the whole campus to hear... the best bit is if you climb above the room with the chimemaster guy you can actually go up on the roof and get a view of the whole campus... theres waterfalls and cool stone bridges and ivy and hiking trails everywhere... the whole town is laid against a backdrop of not-so-distant rolling hills... just walking across campus is a workout... i dunno... its such an experience to be on a campus with so much history... theres even a interfaith chapel which i was surprised to see was adorned with a banner bearing a variety of religious symbols... the most amusing thing to me is that the symbols for the god and goddess were sandwhiched between a crucifix and a star of david... the woman that was showing us around is also pagan and said the chapoel holds solstice, lunar, equinox, harvest and other such pagan celebrations as well as drum cirlces... i think it would be fucking sweet to attend a drum circle in a chapel... all the churches on campus are gorgeous tho and many have tombs of famous smart people... thats your history lesson for the day... "tombs of famous smart people"... i so dont deserve to go here... hehehe... nobody tell them that... theres actually a really active SCA in ithaca and the metals department has an arms and armor smith... cool stuff... k, im gonna walk around campus somemore and prolly catch the bus back to the hotel this afternoon... maybe a bar or somthing tonight... i went to the local "alternative" hangout and aside from the cheesey metal band it was pretty fun... they played lotsa cure and new order and such (it was retro night) maybe ill try a campus bar tonight... or just stay in... who knows... im uber broke so it may come down to a choice between booze and food... always a tough call... ill be home tomorrow evening provided there is no blizzard or other such natural disaster... indecision racks my brain... madison or cornell??? i go from being sure about madison one moment to unsure about anything the next... i suppose only time will tell... -ta, dorkula |
| Tuesday, March 4th, 2003 | |
| 11:10 am | o yeah one of the sword fighting books is a bunch of illustrations and captions by this swordmaster german guy and the illustrations are great cause they actually show people getting stabbed, bleeding and dismembered in the instructive pictures... like this will happen to you if you suck... hehehe theres even rules for a fight between a man and a woman where the man is given a large mace and forced to stand in a hole while the woman has 5 pounds of rocks tied up in a veil which she uses to beat the guy in the head... he tries to pull her into the hole so he can bludgen her while she tries to pull him to the edge of the hole so she can strangle/bludgen him... funny shit... thats really all now... -ta, dorkula |
| 10:49 am | im not wearing any pants, film at 11 so i got my massive shipment from amazon yesterday courtesy of my sisters generous gift certificate for belated birthday and xmas... i got a bunch of daniel quinn (the holy, the story of b, and beyond civilization),they will be available for the borrowing after ive read them... i also got some tolkein (the silmarillion, and tales from the perilous realm)... finally i got several sword fighting books... im also expecting my sword to arrive today so watch out world... i am totally ready to start learning how to sword fight... root was talking about kendo lessons which i think would be uber cool as long as they dont expect me to take out my piercings... although moneys may be a problem as i have none... we shall see... I leave for cornell this friday... im so excited... then i get back on sunday and have spring break... unfortunately ive barely started my two term papers and i have to give presentations on both of them after break... no fun... so i think much of my spring break will be spent working on these... then on sunday im off to berkeley for a quick visit and tour of campus... im not even gonna be there for two days, but it should still be a blast... i think i will prolly not wind up there since the money seems impossible, but i will reserve that judgement until after the trip... at least the trips should get rid of my travel bug for a while... now i just need some money to sate the tattoo bug... ive been itching for one for a while now... ive got several that im totally ready to get... soon hopefully, tho i doubt it since i still am not even close to being able to afford tuition for the summer... i am totally buzzed... i drank a huge cup o coffee this morning and i think it had been awhile since my last caffeine intake cause ive been jittery all morning... heres an impression of me on coffee... HEY, hey hey hey hey hey... what're you doin? what're you doin? what're you doin? i dont know what youre doin cause ive had too much coffee... i dont knoooowwwww... dont drink too much coffee kids... thank you brak... k, im done... i have philosophy in a bit... that should be interesting... more arguing with the teacher... he likes the way i argue, but he thinks im insane... always a good combination... -ta, dorkula |
| Tuesday, February 25th, 2003 | |
| 5:44 pm | there goes the last vestige of freedom of speech i dunno if any of you saw this in the paper today... take us down another notch on the downward spiral into fascism... kiss your freedoms goodbye folks as you read this... |
| Saturday, February 22nd, 2003 | |
| 7:50 pm | on breaking up with my girlfriend youd think practice would make it easier for both of us... but no such luck... -ta, dorkula |
| Tuesday, February 18th, 2003 | |
| 4:28 pm | creative juices k, so in my ongoing intellectual journey to combine different ideas im reading about ive got a new direction to go in that i think may lead in some interesting directions... Im wondering if anyone that reads my journal has read both a biography of malcom x and at least some feminist writings... specifically Im looking at "the sexual politics of meat" by carol adams... now im not done reading the latter book yet, but ive got some ideas brewing and id like to talk with someone about them... i started typing out the ideas in lj, but decided i should finish adams book before making any definite conclusions or statements im looking for someone who is familiar with both trains of thought (malcom x and feminism...) if you are such a person and feel like talking to me let me know and we can work out the details... im fairly excited about this as about a lot of things recently... as with the previous stuff this doesnt have to be a face to face conversation... digital is fine... -ta, dorkula |
| Sunday, February 16th, 2003 | |
| 7:19 pm | im back, and badder than ever i flew in this afternoon, im pretty exhausted so im gonna keep this short... i had a great time, met some really cool faculty and current students, walked all over madison and its a great city, ate tons of good food and drank tons of good beer, attempted (somewhat successfully) to iceskate, and shook my booty to michael jackson in the presence of many frat boys without getting my ass kicked... a good time was had by all... pretty sure Im going to be there this fall, tho i still havnt heard back from berkeley or cornell... -ta, dorkula |
| Wednesday, February 5th, 2003 | |
| 10:00 pm | highlight reel a friend sent me a list of "im so goth..." here are the ones i picked out as best for your amusement... I'm so goth my black is blacker than your black. I call it "black black." I'm so goth people ask me to AUTOGRAPH boxes of Count Chocula. I'm so goth, whenever I knock on somebody's door they give me candy. I'm so goth I got a tattoo of celtic knotwork starting at the top of my head, winding all the way down my body, and trailing five feet behind me on the floor. I'm so goth I pierced all my tattoos. I'm so goth I've been banned. I'm so goth I don't take my medications, so I can be more goth. I'm so goth little old ladies in walkers cross the street to insult me. I'm so goth I keep getting hit on by necrophiliacs! I'm so goth I have carpal tunnel syndrome from constantly putting the back of my hand to my forehead. I'm so goth that whenever I walk into a room, you hear "Toccata and fugue in D minor." I'm so goth I listen to The Sisters of Mercy and Bauhaus simultaneously at midnight in a graveyard sitting in a pentagram surrounded by candles . . . and oh, there's a full moon . . . and then I die. And then I come back to life. And then I die again . . . tragically. I'm so goth I'm catholic. I'm so goth the dark is scared of ME. I'm so goth I shower with bleach. I'm so goth I have a fishnet umbrella. I'm so goth that bats hang little plastic me's from their ceiling. |
| 1:43 am | done i sent the first batch for all who showed interest... if you didnt get it let me know and send me your email addy at dorkula@angelfire.com if you dont wanna post it in the response page... thanks... -ta, dorkula |
| Tuesday, February 4th, 2003 | |
| 11:04 am | my mood = strange this morning i was uber sleepy after last nights events detailed previously... im still a little sick, but recovering... i was gonna stay home and sleep skipping my first class but there was a paper due today and i feel better handing it in in person... also the prof didnt show up last week when i skipped so figured somthing ijmportant might happen today... so i drive down to campus and people drive like assholes and i felt crappy so my mood was poor... the new parking structure closest to campus was full so i drive past the run down one on palmer and its never full... i was late for class and didnt wanna risk the other one being full and having to drive back and be really late for class... so sick me walks all the way across campus to my class and we did nothing... guy went through 3 or 4 slides, most of which we had seen before or covered assignments already turned in... he tried to pass out the syllabus again not realizing everyone got it the fist day of class, apparently... and he didnt have overheads made of the new slides he wanted to cover, so he told us to leave... k, its cool i got outta class early, but i coulda been fucking sleeping!!!!! fuck this class and fuck wayne state for making me take it... its mean i know, cause the prof has serious health and thats a big part of the reason these problems happen, but if hte class is so important that every biology major needs to take it then get someone without these issues to teach it... half the shit is so basic its laughable anyway... im coming more and more to the realization that my bachelor's degree means little or nothing... if people at the same place in their educational career as i am are required to take this class to graduate, the degree cant be too important... i dunno... ive been feeling superior lately and it really bothers me... it just bugs me that im forced to waste my time on somthing so trivial... so after class i was in an absolutely poison mood... reading my friends page that i missed while sick cheered me up greatly which leaves in my preasant strange mood... -ta, dorkula |
| 4:32 am | also dont think the whole thing is gonna be so heavy as abortion vs. veganism... of the stuff ive already written down its runs the gamut from the evil whisperings of my water heater to my attempt to explain astrology to myself and anyone else that will listen... |
| 4:26 am | hi again... not as long this time, i promise k, i was really worked up when i wrote that last bit... sorry if i got stupid... i just finished the first part of my little thinky-doo... i like it a lot... so first, there actually is somthing that i can give to you to read... its not somthing that wont ever get finished... there is somthing to talk about... i wanna polish it a little and then i want those that read it to help me polish it more... also... its concerning my being pro choice and also being vegan and logically connecting these two... if any of you have read any argument that deals with this let me know so i dont accidentally rip someones idea off... im not asking you to go looking for this shit, just if you happened across it or think you saw it in such and such forum or discussion board let me know so i can check it out... thats all... -ta, dorkula |
| 3:24 am | gotta get some of this shit outta my head before it pops before i even start to say what i have to say there are some things i have to say... first (the actual first... dont worry youll understand in a minute if you just keep reading... stick with me here and try not to get too silly on me), this is going to be a really fucking long post, so skip it if you must but you will miss somthing interesting, i promise you... first first (second), let me set the stage, in case you dont know... ive been sick all weekend... today im starting to feel a little bit better... i find out that ive been accepted by the program i applied to at my first choice grad school... im being considered for moneys to attend this school of my dreams... so naturally my brain is going a mile a minute right now... ive been cooped up in my basement all weekend, im thinking straight for the first time so of course my brains going like gonzo... it reminds of that crazy feeling from being in high school age range, or maybe it was drugs and not high school age thinger... whatever... hopefully you get my reference first (third), a rant... woo hoo... why does this always happen to me when i need sleep... dont get me wrong, i love that my brains going a mile a minute and im figuring shit out thats been bugging me for fucking ever, but why does it happen the night before an exam, or in tonights case, when im just starting to feel better and need my sleep and have an early class tomorrow??? thinking is way more important than going to class, but going to class is more important than sitting in my basement watching a cheesey horror movie ive seen 100 times before (im sorry, but to me it is... i love cheesey horror, you know i do... but i try to be responsible and class is more important than watching dawn of the dead for the 101st time) why cant i get these fucking epiphanies then??? huh??? why??? my only conclusion is theres somthing im missing... anyway.... on with the festivities in my head... ive only got four hours before i need to wake up and i have a feeling i may not go to sleep, at least not intentionally... the final first (fourth)... lots of things that ive been reading have been mixing in my brain (i think thats whats supposed to happen?) so just keep that in mind... theres lots of ishmael, metaphysics, and environmental psychology and various other things... jsut ot let you know... im gonna try to hit in a way thats not totally derivative... all i can do is put things ive read into a different order and add some articles, transitions and punctuation... someone might have said that once... k, so lets start with what i actually wanted to say... here goes... i forgot... no wait... its coming back to me... see... this is part of the reason i hate this happening late when im sorta sleepy but cant sleep... not to worry, i wrote some of it down... k, lets start simple... actually no... i cant bear the thought of writing this uber long thing (which im going to write anyway) and posting it and getting no comments... im going to do my first (to my memory) poll... only respond to this if you want me to post (or make you a personal copy or whatever) the whole long ass statement of what i figured out tonight... if you reply to this and i give you a copy of this thing and i never hear about what you think of it again, then... I SHIT YOU NOT you are not my friend... im going through a thing here and its fucking important to me right now and if you wanna here/read it youre gonna tell me in depth what you thought when you are done... if you just read one section... fine... well talk about that... but i demand more than "good" "bad" "awsome" i demand intelligent discussion... i guess this works for suspense build up but whatever... i think what im writing is fucking good, and for me to say that is somthing... so fuck suspense, im gonna make you work for it by at least thinking about it... k? then its settled... honestly, truthfully, i would rather get no response now than later... if youre too busy, thats totally cool... youre not getting fired as my friend for not having time (the gods know thats true for me enough)... if you just dont want to, fine... i promise im not going to hold it against you that you dont want to argue or discuss these thought with me...if you hate me and want me to die... fine... whatever... but if you say yes now... i will hold you to it... i plan on finishing this thing tonight... its that important... no sorta time limit, just tell me you want to read AND discuss it with me and it will be done... if not, no problem at all... -ta, dorkula yee gods that was long... and i didnt even say any of the good stuff... if i were you, i would hate me already for that shit... but i was totally serious about every word of it... |