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LiveJournal for bivouac.
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| Tuesday, November 26th, 2002 |
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For those of you that know him, talk to Tyler. He could use some cheering up. As for me...well. Yesterday at school, in fourth period, I got up and walked out and downstairs to the bathroom and braced my hands on the side of the sink and looked into the mirror at my red eyes and wiped the tears off of my face, saying "Get it together." And it seems like I have for now. I'm swallowing unneeded complaints but I can talk, as well. I don't know what to think about break. I've realized that school keeps me ok, even happy, when I'm there now. Maury, Lucy, and Darcy, who have become my new group--it's gotten to that comfortable point now where it's just implied we're going to all hang out on the weekends--are all going to be gone. But Tyler is here and without his usual group, so we'll see each other. And Leah said she wants to get together with me, with Bree and Weston and their friend Lindsey that I'm supposed to meet. And Jess. And Nic is here. And Raich, I'm thinking Daily Bread might be able to use us this weekend, it seems. I'll let you know. As for the other Nick, you better call me when you get here Thursday, buddy. I'm looking forward to it like Al Roker looks forward to a pot pie. |
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| Monday, November 25th, 2002 |
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summer girl all summer long know the winter's wrong southbound motel towns mend most broken mornings citrus groves where no one knows the fruit of truth from evil and a long walk on a short pier means nothing more than swimming here there's an end we don't get to choose we can only lose if i cried a river just for you would you swim in it some sunny afternoon? |
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| Saturday, November 23rd, 2002 |
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he met this girl from reno whose life was a competition she looked just like a china doll with porcelain skin she knew he'd let her in so he fell for her as if he fell from his mother into the arms of a lover and he swore not to leave her side for better or for worse whichever comes first sadly the latter arose she met this boy from omaha whose life was handed to him but still he wanted everything his dreams were his world and she couldn't wake him up but the bough broke and he fell like the time he fell from his mother into the arms of a doctor so he cried like that first day of his life he knew he had broken this beautiful porcelain and how could their world be the same? and so it never was the same she whispers his name... "i'll stay if you want but i could never be who you imagine me to be i'll stay i don't know what else to do but i can't change for you i won't change for you" |
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| Thursday, November 21st, 2002 |
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in the dream that awakened me you had come and taken me to a sea of stars a cat stood in the flowers two ears above and the ground that was under me was holding me so wonderfully on a bed of leaves you were there with me we were free everything we saw was beautiful and strong and i knew we belonged then the birds came and carried us to the sky and married us on a bed of stars where i was always yours you were mine and in the long black eternity i loved you so perfectly in the words of clouds like a bird sings to his flowers and i was heard everything i saw was everything i'd want and this world had just begun to live don't wake me up don't wake me up don't wake me up i can't wake up from this everyone was forgiven made hopeful made living made winning tonight so captain, please consider me let the boats deliver me when i close my eyes drive, captain, drive it's time for everything to be perfect for everything to stop hurting tonight don't wake me up don't wake me up don't wake me up don't wake me up |
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Corey, your unconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity This means you are full of questions about life, people, and the potential of your future. You spend more time than others envisioning the possibilities of your life — things that others are too afraid to consider. Your curiosity burns with an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself or the world — which ultimately is the greatest way for you to feel satisfied. It is possible that the underlying reason for your drive towards curiosity is a deeply rooted fear of boredom. That means that you are probably more susceptible than others to feel like you're falling into a rut when life slows down into a comfortable routine. You need to make sure you have stimulation in your life — that makes you feel like you're innovating or being exposed to the ideas and experiences that truly inspire you. With such a strong orientation towards curiosity, you're also prone to a rebellious quality that shows up when you feel you are just going through the motions, and are unable to really influence the world around you. But interestingly enough, your drive towards novel experiences also indicates an openness others don't have, but wish they did. Unconsciously, your curiosity presses you to learn more, experience more, and get the most out of life. Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Curiosity, there is much more to who you are at your core. http://www.emode.com/tests/inkblot |
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| Wednesday, November 13th, 2002 |
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| The new Jets to Brazil is fucking amazing. This totally redeems them from that Four Cornered Night shit. I mean, yes, that had incredible songs (namely "In the Summer's When You Really Know" and, to a much lesser extent, "You're Having the Time of My Life") but I felt betrayed. Here is a band that put out one of my favorite CDs ever, Orange Rhyming Dictionary, and I mean just brilliant stuff, and then I buy FCN and it's like a kick in the teeth. But this, Perfecting Loneliness, is incredible. Do pick it up and give it a few spins. If you don't have money, at least download "Rocket Boy". | ||
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| Tuesday, November 12th, 2002 |
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From the Fugazi forum at Delphi: So you would actually try coke, crack, lsd, speed, ghb, ecstasy, pot, glue, etc???? Why? Apart from the health aspect, trying/using a drug derived from the opium plant is supporting a corrupt industry that utilises poor farmers who have no option than to grow these crops, at a very real risk to their lives, not to mention supporting organized crime syndicates that have no real value for human life. Of course, thats not to say that its better to use drugs derived from other sources. Using any drug is to become part of a corrupt economy. Pretty much everyone involved in the drugs industry except those at the top is being fucked over and over again. In turn, money given to them is used to fund the traffiking of women from poor countries to partake in sex slavery, themselves often ending up using the same drugs that the West thinks of as 'harmless' fun as a means of escape. Just as an example, you know. Did you really think about what you had written? I personally feel as if your credibility has taken a very huge knock and I feel kinda let down by this revelation. I personally am not whiter than white. I do occasionally have a couple of glasses of wine but aside from the health issues I'd draw the line at anything stronger. Have never and will never touch a cigarette (27 billion dollars please Phillip Morris ha ha ha) and drugs of the 'recreational' kind, well they can fuck right off. As I continue to read more and more about ethics, exploitation, health and social issues it seems to me that use of drugs is incompatible with a lifestyle based on compassion to all. You have to look out for all the consequences. You cannot pick and choose who gets the benefit of a left wing, libertarian attitude. It's very hard to be alive and not do some form of harm but, shit man, we don't need to be adding to it. |
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| Thursday, November 7th, 2002 |
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME | ||
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| Wednesday, November 6th, 2002 |
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| Holy fucking shit. I mean fucking hell. The Republicans are going to keep control of the House almost certainly and they're leading by 2 in the Senate. I am terrified. Are you telling me that under the leadership of George W. Bush, Republicans are going to make history and actually gain seats? That we're going to have a conservative president, conservative Supreme Court, and a conservative Congress? Kill me. Slavery is coming back. Civil liberties are going out of the window. Homeland security bills are going to pass unhindered. Fucking John Ashcroft himself is going to snatch you up right off of the street if your skin isn't just glistening white. Lucky for me, then. Bush is laughing it up. He's sitting in a big bathtub of oil, rubbing it all over himself and just laughing. There's a pretty picture. I mean, I'm sure he's just got to be so tired after spending all that time in sunny Florida with Jeb and flying all over the country to support all these other incumbents. Do you not have anything better to do? Is running the country--saving the economy?--not more important than your brother's run as governor? I am thoroughly disgusted. I'm going to bed and if things haven't shaped up by the time I wake up, I'm moving to Canada (is that even any better?) | ||||||
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| Tuesday, October 29th, 2002 |
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Our week is over. And it's left me feeling so refreshed, so relieved, so happy. I needed it, to say the least. 15 days until another 4, and on top of that I'll get to meet everyone. I'm excited. Saturday Weston picked me so we could go to Bree's to "jam." To get there, we drove downtown, past the old derelict buildings and the train tracks, which, to me, are the beautiful parts of our town. Driving to Bree's and seeing the trees, the gorgeous, brilliant fall colors--they made me realize that death is not always ugly--I realized that, holistically, I am the happiest I've been in months, since August, since the 22nd. And I beg that it's not fleeting, that there's not some sucker-punch coming. I really hope Weston and Bree keep spending time with me. I hope we hang out more. They're just really good people, they're good to be around. I'm so glad I've made some more friends, Weston, Bree, Darcy, and, really, Maury. I hope everything lasts. I think it will. |
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| Friday, October 18th, 2002 |
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| I feel defeated. Or in the process of being so. I'm being edged out. I would've known what to wish for. Honey. Baby. I've got a week to show that I'm good for something. | ||||
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| Thursday, October 17th, 2002 |
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i can see the chill in the air between us i can feel a winter coming we're frozen in our stares and we know there's a world outside of these insults and injuries maybe we're just too afraid to be won i can feel a winter coming i can feel a winter coming i can feel a winter coming i can feel a winter coming the autumn sets a golden exit the winter is waxing that cold sun will shed no more warmth into our living rooms where we dream of dreams where we wait for sleep maybe we'll wake up with golden wings and fly over the city screaming "take me take me..." i woke up this morning to the silence of falling snow these graces of beauty have left me so cold i once had a heart, but hearts are like snowflakes and snowflakes, they're smothering us one warm touch and it melts melts away maybe we'll get wings maybe anything just anything to set us free maybe we'll wake up a golden exit must we always wait for sleep? |
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| Monday, October 14th, 2002 |
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i'm just tired of counting bodies is this mausoleum tardy? let's just paint you a pretty face flies dip tongues into tear ducts in toothpicks fought unborn contusion is hungry they still eat their young proto-culture null and void all veins in highway laps this breath collapsed again (this hex was delivered spent) orchestra influenza drawn and quartered pets it dwells and grows this is the pocket-sized edition rapid sleep through benediction let's just paint you a pretty face museums mark their bodies down and the tenants found all the distance in their prefix contusion is hungry they still eat their young proto-culture null and void fever bliss into central nervousness bitten on the entrance i was bitten on the entrance |
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| Sunday, October 13th, 2002 |
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| Sitting in the backseat, speeding down pitch-black winding roads, I can't help but notice how close we are to driving off of the edge. | ||||
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| Thursday, October 10th, 2002 |
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 What Is Your True Aura Colour? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Sunday, October 6th, 2002 |
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Meghan: Fleetwood Mac. Me: They had sex with each other. Meghan: Yes. Me: And did cocaine. Me: Cocaine. Meghan: Yep. Me: Tim doesn't do cocaine. Meghan: I hate Tim. Me: CMJ has a big Saddle Creek article and there's a picture of Tim. Me: A picture of Tim! Me: A PICTURE OF TIM! Meghan: Hate him. Me: TIM PICTURE Me: WHO IS THE PICTURE? Me: IT'S TIM Meghan: Not amused. Meghan: Walking away. Me: LOOK HE'S RIGHT THERE Me: WHY HELLO TIM Me: HELLO Me: TOUCH ME Auto response from Meghan: too much tim. Me: OH FOOLISH ONE Me: THERE CAN NEVER BE TOO MUCH TIM Me: TIM IS FIVE POUNDS OF COOL IN A TWO POUND BAG Me: YOU SEE Me: HIS COOLNESS CLEARLY EXCEEDS THE SUGGESTED LIMIT FOR THE BAG Me: Ok I'm done. I opened up CMJ and BAM! there's Tim in all of his splendor and glory. I've never seen such a nice, big picture of them in a magazine. Oh, online. But it's not the same. Also concluded from the picture: Ted is Ian MacKaye with more hair, and Gretta is a fox. Not as much of a fox as Tim, though. Concluded from the article: People need to get the fuck over Conor and let Tim shine. Shine shine away. |
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| Saturday, October 5th, 2002 |
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I went to the senior cookout today. I never would have gone, but Maury wanted to, so I tagged along. I'm glad to be spending more time with Maury. And I had a great time. I got to talk to a lot of people I don't really see at school, like Jeb and Bobby. I spent most of my time talking to Meghan and Emily, and they're both great. Adam S. was there, too. I love Adam. Maury and I hung around until everyone else was leaving, and then we went to VSA to pick up Darcy. I'm at VSA a lot now. It's become my new weekend routine, and I like it. Darcy's really cool. I made her a mix last night, since she's into the scene (I refuse to put quotation marks around scene). We were talking online yesterday and she quoted Mineral, which was wonderful. So anyway. Maury and I got there and we figured we'd pick up Chris, too, since he's our other new friend. It's nice that VSA kids are almost always free. Then the four of us went to watch Adam N. play Dance Dance Revolution 7, and after being thoroughly blown away, he left and we went to the Poet (hip lingo?) for milkshakes. THe night concluded at Maury's, where we finished Go since Chris and Darcy had to leave before it was over last weekend, and watched Monsters, Inc. which was great and a fuck of a lot better than Shrek. Only two more weeks. Nic, when do I get to see you? Call me. Since I guess everyone knows now, feel free to go to www.emogame.com. Hilarity will ensue. Go, flood the servers. |
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| Sunday, September 29th, 2002 |
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beneath the residue of film beneath the chemicals that the picture split the ouija board had spelled its name in tiki torches set aflame taking rations from the ballet box cursing like sweet tarts increase the dosage count back from 10 and it was written down touching earth in a capital faunt heat seeking gums bleeding fingers snapping at the catacomb stabbings taking rations from the ballet box cursing like sweet tarts "adhesive," she said "don't stick to me" inseminating motives of lukewarm persistence let the theives in through the front door let them take what they've been missing let them take what they've been missing it's as if someone raised the price of dying to maximum vend again turn slowly for maximum vend... --- I feel like I've created a vacuum around myself, a huge sucking wound. I feel like I don't belong here, like a fluke. And because of that, I hurt anyone who I've let get truly close to me. If you get too close, you'll lose yourself, too. I'm sorry for always writing this type of entry, too. |
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I'm going to Colorado to unload my head I'm going to New York City and that's in New York, friends I'm going to Arizona sex on the rocks all warm and red and we bled And the writing in the stall said "we write our maps in the stalls" I'm going up to Alaska I'm going to get off scot-fucking-free and we all did This trucker's atlas roads the ways the freeways and highways don't know The buzz from the bird on my dash Road locomotive phone I don't feel and it feels great I sold my atlas by the freight stairs I do lines and I crossed roads I crossed the lines of all the great state roads I'm going up going over to Montana You got yourself a trucker's atlas You knew you were all hot, well Maybe you'll go and blow a gasket Start at the northwest corner Go down through California beeline you might drive three days and three nights to the tip of Florida Do you speak the lingo? Oh No. No no How far does your road go? Oh no, you don't know I'm going to Colorado to unload my head I'm going to New York City and that's in New York, friends I'm going up to Alaska I'm going to get off scot-fucking-free And we all did And the writing in the salt says "We ride on out to the stars" |
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LiveJournal for bivouac.
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thankful.
shocked.