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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in velvetdarkness' LiveJournal:

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    Friday, August 30th, 2002
    7:09 pm
    everything
    ah.
    i leave in 21 minutes to commence my school-year-social-life. woo hoo. hm.
    christys all depressed for some reason. it makes me urg. she has to be a bitch all the time. and always yell at me, i hate that. i wish sometimes that sisters could just get along without all them difficult fights.
    my daddy gave me a credit card today. all mine. cept it has a 500 dollar limit, that i share access to with christy (yuck). ah well. so i was trying to figure out how to use it all evening. i think the chick at target thought i was a serious mental case. but hey, i dont pick up on these things! and then the new guys at the qdoba, were like give me ya autograph babe. i was like holy geez! lol. and ill surely run into them again because qdoba seems to be the restaurant of choice as far as friday dinners go.
    so yeah.
    i have ta drive all the way out to outter loop all by myself! aaah. please God, dont let me get run over!! *eep*
    so mhm. my lap top stills broke. it makes me quite sad. i think a new power box thingy cost 30-40 dollars and we gotta figure out which one will fit right. lol. i want my baby! (yes im still referring to my laptop).
    i totally am going to flunk AP, i did crappy on the objective test on wed? and then today i fucked up an inclass essay. im dreading to see all my grades. i just dont think theyre going to be that good. i thought senior year was supposed to be the EASY year.... dont believe it!
    so yeah. well i better go primp. i love making myself look all pretty. woo hoo. girliness is great. yesh.

    Current Mood: naughty
    Current Music: happy birthday to jessi! they wont let me sing all the song.

    (touch the darkness)

    Thursday, August 29th, 2002
    10:20 pm
    wish i had the words to say
    i like when the fog hands low. and the shadows are small. when its the dawn of night. or when the sun hangs mid sky, an orange red.
    it gives me energy. satisfaction.
    i am really crazy.
    today was stressful. yesterday was tiring. my laptop's broke. sarahs being a bitch, i dont know why. i wish she wouldnt be. long weekend ahead. thanks God! i have stuff planned. woo.
    my mom woke up at the time i was eating breakfast. i wish she didnt have the stains. or the smell. it eats me alive. and i can no longer look at my plate. i want to run. i want to know what she thinks.
    ugh. i wish i could say all the things that swim in my head. to tell how you hurt me. to tell what im going through. my thoughts. me. but they stay. because i know there cant be an easy way to say. what i wish.

    i need a real short skirt. black.

    Current Mood: everything
    Current Music: one last breath; creed

    (touch the darkness)

    Tuesday, August 27th, 2002
    8:49 pm
    everywhere
    i had breakfast for dinner.
    finished all my homework! woo.
    cwc meeting went well, lots of ppl showed, i was happy! though, i didnt do much. oh well.
    kathryn wrote me an essay, it was wonderful. lol.
    im debating rocky horror on saturday. hm.

    Current Mood: other

    (1 captured faerie | touch the darkness)

    2:10 pm
    hm............
    at elc. currently. woo. statistics homework. ah, the lovely perks of "study"/"resoure".
    i am so freaking tired today.
    next? creative writing club meeting! yay!
    my mind hurts from all the graphs and numbers of the spss program, yuck.

    Current Mood: tired

    (touch the darkness)

    Monday, August 26th, 2002
    8:22 pm
    id rather be a kitty
    oooh.
    today was quite eventful. i managed not to fall asleep in any of my classes, despite the overwhelming urge (esp. in stat).
    i *actually* finally got my senior drape for yearbook taken. the guy who did it freaked me out. lol. people scare me. i dont think any of them will turn out good, but i dont really care cause theyre for the ybook. and well, yeah. im not a photo person anyway.
    i shall get my other pics later, after i do something with my hair, and rid it of the roots. i think. who knows.
    afterward i snuggled up with a mug of the first yummy hot cocoa of the season. (its only august!) though, i was merely trying to relieve my massive headache. which would be the second day in a row now, and prolly six or seventh since school started. somehow i dont think that is quite good. ah well. i just want them to all go away.
    tomorrow is the FIRST CREATIVE WRITING CLUB MEETING! woo! yay for us. everyone should come to our coffeehouse in the spring, lol.
    so yeah.

    Current Mood: headachy

    (4 captured faeries | touch the darkness)

    Sunday, August 25th, 2002
    10:22 pm
    dont listen to me
    today in youth group some of rachel's friends came. they were hot. lol. i am pitiful.
    note: never ever ever send yourself/child/whoever to a non-co-ed school, they will be emotionally/mentally damaged for the rest of their lives. i think.
    im growing quite fond, sad to say, of my biology class' subject matter. im not sure why, but it interests me. maybe i wont aspire to be a latino dancer at all, but a biologist (of some sort) but maybe not, because i would break down crying all the time. yes. that would be quite bad.
    ive lost jonathons mailing address which saddens me a whole bunch, bc i even wrote him out a letter. i must go find it once more.
    my eyes burn.
    nothing more of quality interest. that is all.

    Current Mood: moody
    Current Music: skillet, yay.

    (touch the darkness)

    Saturday, August 24th, 2002
    11:35 pm
    around
    fallen. falling. faded.
    twisted. strained. illusions.
    what is there now.
    the once accepted realities
    have flitted

    away.

    wont leave.
    gone.
    where are my wings now.
    when im alone
    desperate to get away.

    tumbling down. torn.
    lied to. lies.
    dissipation.
    runaway. stowaway.
    get away.

    fallen.

    (touch the darkness)

    9:02 pm
    until it fades to grey
    last night lj was being a meany butt to me. lol.
    okay. so yesterday.
    after a long cry there was krogers. then driving in the park. hawley-cooke... the communist manifesto was only 4.99.
    later i was yet bored. so then it was STAR WARS but... well... you cant watch star wars all by yourself. so i invited david over. we ended up talking and stuff... hm.
    today consisted of homework. still not done though. blah.
    oh and finding out my sister has been lying to me. God, why does it have to be this way?
    okay, so im used to losing friends. i think i can handle losing my best friend, done it before... but when i find shes been fucking lying to me? it makes me pissed!
    *sigh*
    life is icky.

    Current Mood: crushed

    (touch the darkness)

    Friday, August 23rd, 2002
    5:37 pm
    i wanna puke.
    okay. so what the fuck? i think life has decided that i dont deserve the pleasures of it. damn it.
    i want to go out somewhere, but ive come to the realization that i really have no friends TO even go out with, not really anyones that i can be myself around. and thus another night at home.
    no XXX for me. rach is at avis' and my own fucking sister doesnt give ass that she ALWAYS is doing something and never fucking invites me to anything. she going to the movies yet again with HER friends and then to the fair tomorrow. i put on all this fucking mascara for nothing.
    i hate when im lame and i cry. i hate when im lame and cant find anything to do with myself. i hate myself.
    and theres all to many reasons to count.
    and no matter what people say to me, it will always be this was because this is what ive been given. this is who i am.
    ugh.

    Current Mood: bitchy
    Current Music: pink

    (1 captured faerie | touch the darkness)

    3:17 pm
    the other side of having no life
    half day of school= wasting half the day away. yay.
    drove to and from school, yah. funness.
    hm....
    i wanna go out and party t'nite. yup, or maybe go see XXX. hm. hm. yeah right. *sigh*

    argh.

    (1 captured faerie | touch the darkness)

    Thursday, August 22nd, 2002
    9:13 pm
    when the thoughts end
    after reading yesterdays american government explanation of different types of government, it hit me that ive always taken so much and just accepted it.
    so. that is how ive landed with mein kampf in my house. i was also looking for the communist manifesto, but the lfpl doesnt carry it. *growl*

    yesterday my beloved retreat buddy and former-senior friend swung by the school. andrea. i miss her. she was one of the those good people in life. i dunno. and she liked the cwc bulletin board.

    today. so hot. and im the one to end up with the long periods in the un-air conditioned rooms.... well some, thankfully not all. tomorrow is a half day, yay God!

    i went for a drive today, ended up picking up david off the side of the street and taking him to work. hehe.

    im gunna stop now, cause this sounds dull and boring. i hate when my writing skills decide not to work.

    Current Mood: tired

    (touch the darkness)

    5:20 pm
    avoiding homework...





    *clever*


    What fuzzy creature are you?

    (touch the darkness)

    Wednesday, August 21st, 2002
    9:33 pm
    the real thoughts about government homework:
    textbook: america wasnt originally meant to be a "freedom to" place, it was "freedom from."

    so america over the years became free-er and free-er (lol).
    other countries have many restrictions and less human rights, and well, lots less freedom. currently.
    so.... my question is, if we become too free, what happens then?

    chaos. corruption. or something new.
    sorry, random thinking time.

    Current Mood: contemplative

    (touch the darkness)

    Tuesday, August 20th, 2002
    9:43 pm
    incubus baby
    I dig my toes into the sand.
    The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket.
    I lean against the wind, pretend that i am weightless and in this moment i am happy.
    I wish you were here
    I wish you were here
    I wish you were here
    I wish you were here.
    I lay my head onto the sand.
    The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it.
    I'm counting ufo's.
    I signal them with my lighter
    and in this moment i am happy, happy.
    I wish you were here
    I wish you were here
    I wish you were here
    I wish you were here.
    The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.
    Maybe I should hold with care,but my hands are busy in the air.
    I wish you were here
    I wish you were here
    I wish you were here
    I wish you were here.

    Current Mood: lonely
    Current Music: wish you were here

    (touch the darkness)

    8:50 pm
    rush.
    woo. stress.
    i think i shalt pull out the cute navy knee highs. for tomorrow. they go with the funky kicks. yayness.
    reading: biology: i really liked the book. well, textbook. i forgot how much i missed biology-ist-ness. (physics is rather... different). i think i will like the class, despite the teacher.
    i *heart* my cwc stuff! i put the finishing touches on them during art class. hehe. i still wuvvles sharpies.
    i am contemplating upon how to shove 6g earrings into my 12-ishg hole, lol, thats 6g is twice as big... but oh-so-cute. hehehe.
    tomorrow shall be stressful. even more so. spanish, bible, everything due on friday.
    must rush.

    Current Mood: accomplished

    (touch the darkness)

    Monday, August 19th, 2002
    9:47 pm
    the sharpies. they're getting carried away!
    lol, they make my headache worst though, i dont like that.

    i think i might actually have all my schooly stuff. its a matter of getting it all there.

    i have been working on CWC executive stuff.... oooh, i feel so special. hehehe. i got wrapping paper for like four dollars. pink. duckies. and and cartoon. i was sad though i couldnt find any REAL cartoon stuff.

    nothing important.
    blah.

    Current Mood: exhausted

    (1 captured faerie | touch the darkness)

    Sunday, August 18th, 2002
    10:38 pm
    live to tell the tale
    i have ta go to bed early tonight *makes face*.

    the infamous school begins yet again tomorrow.

    ive finished my paper, still needing editing, and personally i think it is yet rough draft form... but it is what i am handing in. i always seem to do that, rough draft. i decided after several hours of pondering what the hell will to survive is all about, i lost my own desire to live, and thus i changed the subject of my paper. essay question two, thank God for choice. i mean that too God!

    i sit here, wasting away my last breaths of summer. thinking. well... more like, reminiscing and dwelling upon the feelings of holy shit its over. im not sure if thats good or bad yet. my stomach is in knots though, im not sure why. im sad. im happy. tired maybe. attempting to grasp something to look forward to, with the hope that it will in actuality be something good.

    i hate when i think. i think i think too much. lol.
    i hurt when i think.

    my friend, Rachel, called me a slut today. maybe i am one, i realized. im not sure, maybe i am merely disillusioned. i dont know what i am.

    i must go find my shoes for tomorrow. and maybe a uniform too. oh and books. and all the such.

    tomorrow i shall be a senior, and it will be my first day...
    do you remember those days long ago in kindergarten or first grade... ooh, excitement and nerves. now it is just, i am a senior.

    Current Mood: sick
    Current Music: hold me now (dont know the title); creed

    (touch the darkness)

    3:31 pm
    i played in the rain. *foolish grin*

    i cant believe how utterly stupid and incompetent i am. ive been working hours on my essay, a whole on to two pages. but i just cant seems to "discuss the will to survive" or explain "how it dominates humankind despite the power or control people inflict on them." (that *is* from memory.) i havent gotten anything but brainstorming written down, and yet, i still cant seem to work out what the hell im writing this paper about. i am trying.

    i feel dumb.
    i look ugly.
    today just isnt going well.

    someone, help me?

    Current Mood: distressed

    (1 captured faerie | touch the darkness)

    Saturday, August 17th, 2002
    9:22 pm
    *growl*
    *sigh*
    frustration.... i accidentally didnt awake up until 11am. i meant to wake up early to start/finish the handmaids tale for school. but, seeings as i was up half the night because of a really vivid nightmare i had, i slept in. im such a dumbass sometime.
    what procrastination gets you: the second to last day of official summer, stuck reading and writing a fucking essay.
    so, i finished it. good book, unresolved ending (rather perturbing) though.
    i
    want
    to
    fucking
    go to the
    movies.
    thank you dad. *fumes* for not letting me go. because you know that ill just get in fucking trouble or something. DAMMIT!

    people wonder why i live a deprived and sheltered life.

    Current Mood: pissed off

    (touch the darkness)

    12:59 am
    life. ii
    some old guy waved at me today.
    i think he was my seventh grade math teacher.
    some people think... that just because i rearrange words into some spread of order, that i then. am. a. poet.
    i wouldnt really call it poet.
    or maybe i merely dont know what such a thing is. i dont invent new ideas. words.
    expression.
    that is me.
    what i live for. i think.
    think.
    life is pointless then, because the depth of words dont tell my story. nor pictures. paints. clay. necklace. shoe.
    because, maybe, no matter how much a yell.
    it falls on deaf ears.
    not too complex, but merely.
    unintelligible.

    (touch the darkness)

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