Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
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12:01 pm - I coudnt help but take this quiz..
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Friday, February 22nd, 2002
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9:53 am - Its finally Friday.
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Im usually just getting up at this time.. today i have actually been up for over an hour already.
When i brought Ben to work this morning he wasnt feeling well. I knew he would probably be calling me right away to pick him up. I had just fallen back to sleep shortly before 8 and genisis wakes me up because she is trying to get into the kitchen cupboards once again. So.. i get up to take care of that. I lay back down at about 8, fall back to sleep probably about 10 minutes later. 8:20 the phone rings. Its Ben. I have to pick him up. I guess he threw up at work. He is sleeping right now and that would be why im awake.
Im kind of not talking to him. We were fighting again last night. Im so tired.. emotionally. I stayed up later than usual last night just to think and to try to get my head straight. This didnt work too well because i know that my feelings are going to change and everything is just going to be okay again.. until the next time we argue. Bleh.
Well.. online shopping always makes me feel better. Plus i have tons to do before i go to work today.. grocery store.. post office.. video store.. And i havent even started getting ready yet.
current mood:  cranky
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Thursday, February 21st, 2002
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12:06 pm - A cherry coke sounds really good right now..
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Ick. We had some shite weather around here last night. All day it was raining and windy. By 6 last night it started to snow. Wet and heavy snow. The girls got to go home early with me stuck at the office until 8:30 by myself. I really didnt mind though. But.. the roads were terrible. Complete ice and slushy snow. And having to brush and scrape the car off at 6:30 this morning wasnt too fun either. Especially since the scraper mysteriously dissappeared. Hmm. My leettle feengers were frozen. Hopefully that was it for snow this year.
Ive been listening to Harmonizer a lot. Im trying to like it. Its not easy. Its just a bit TOO poppy for me? I like Suffer in Silence, i think. Unicorn isnt too bad. Until the End of the World would be better if its wasnt for the poppy technoish doot doots.. and the slight similarity to Kathys Song in the beginning.. And yeah.. i feel pretty much the same about the rest of the tracks. The more i listen to it.. the more tolerable it is. I just cant wait to see them live again :) Maybe they will make another live video and i can be in it again. MuuHa.
Ok.. work in 45 minutes. Im so tired of these 'routine' days. *sigh*
current mood:  calm
current music: Apoptygma Berzerk::Suffer In Silence
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Wednesday, February 20th, 2002
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11:01 am
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Genisis wants to do nothing but snuggle. This kitty is way to affectionate. Its odd.. my cats look identical.. but they are complete opposites. I think i like the antisocial cat attitude better. Galore is that much cooler.
****
Work has been one big ball of stress the past 2 days. I think i may have caused it with all of the talk about how kick ass we were doing.. well.. its been 2 days and no installs. bleh. Im hoping tonight will be better.
In May.. i have to attend another convention. This time its in Tennessee. WooFuckingHoo. I always wanted to go to Tennessee. Not really. We will be going via plane though. I have never been in a plane before. Im sure ill be a bit nervous.. but i shouldnt have any problems. And it should be fun, i guess.
I have a package waiting for me in the apt. office. It did not fit in my mailbox.. therefor it is either my Beborn Beton cd from Ben.. or the And One cd i got for him..
Only one way to find out.. ..
current mood:  stressed
current music: genisis *purrrrr*
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Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
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11:04 am - Hmmm.
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Im still not sure what im going to do as far as going to see Siouxsie or VNV Nation. I guess im leaning a bit more on the Siouxsie side.. but i ReALLy want to see VNV again. It would make more sense to see Siouxsie.. its pretty much a once in a lifetime thing, they are only playing 4 or 5 shows.. and with VNV.. im sure they will tour again.. in the far.. far.. future :( Grrr. I want both! It would be really kick ass if SLS could somehow book VNV/Haujobb on Saturday instead. What an awesome weekend that would be. I have lots of thinking to do. And im such a horrible decision maker.
From what i know right now.. Mandy B and Carrie are possibly stopping over tonight. If so.. that should be fun :)
Starting Friday.. and all next week.. ill be working 2-9:30pm. That is going to be sooo very boring. Atleast ill have a little more time during the day to do stuff..
current mood:  blah
current music: Apoptygma Berzerk::Detroit Tickets
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Monday, February 18th, 2002
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10:29 am - VNV or Siouxsie?
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Highlight of my weekend.. ..
VNV Nation will be touring AGAIN! They will be in Chicago with Haujobb in April! WooHoo!
I already handed in my time off request sheet. A weekend in Chicago in April.. and a few days there again in May. I cant wait!
Finally, a few things to look forward to.
Ok.. i just got an emaill stating there will be a Siouxsie and the Banshees reunion tour.. and they play in Chicago on April 21st! That is the same day as the VNV Nation/Haujobb show. What to do? I wish the Siouxsie show was on the 20th.. because that would be one spectacular weekend. Im not sure if i can make this decision. Great.
Grrr.
current mood: blah
current music: Riki Lake in the background
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Friday, February 15th, 2002
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11:52 am
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HaPPy BiRthDay AnGeLiCa.. :) I hope you have a GrEat Day and that you get lots and lots of gOOdies!
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11:49 am - Its Friday.. im suppose to be having a good day.
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This morning has not been starting out in my favor. I set my alarm to wake me at 9:30am. I could not drag my lazy ass out of bed.. so i just kept resetting it until 10:30am. So.. i didnt get a chance to clean my kitchen. I know.. i could be doing it right now.. but that wasnt the plan. I had to take 3 dvds back that were already a day late and when i grabbed my purse, the strap ripped off. Booo. On my way out the door i grapped 2 paperbags full of recyclabe cardboard.. i get to my car and one of the bags rip... I hate days that start out like this. I dont even want to leave my house because who knows whats going to happen next. Grrr.
Yesterday was nice though. I got to work and on my desk there is a huge bouquet of red roses. Im thinking.. these cant be for me.. i would have known about them. Ben CANNOT keep secrets like this. But he did. What a sweet boy. He spent waaaay too much money on me..
*Flowers.. dozen red roses surrounded by babies breath
*VNV Nation Future Perfect (import)
*Apoptygma Berzerk Harmonizer
*Beborn Beton.. im not sure which album, it hasnt arrived yet (but he gave it away.. told you he cant keep secrets!)
*Victorias Secret.. Dream Angels Heavenly box set.. perfume and lotion.. (which he kept a secret too.. but didnt put it in a very good hiding spot.. i was not snooping!)
We didnt end up going to eat.. by the time i got home from work i wasnt hungry. We decided we will go out this weekend instead.
One more night of work.. i cant wait until its over.
current mood: cranky
current music: Lords Of Acid::I Must Increase My Bust
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Thursday, February 14th, 2002
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11:42 am - Valentines Day. Ewww.
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I hope everyone is having an extra special.. LoVeLy day.
Today isnt anything extra special for me. Ben is working. I will be leaving for work shortly. Tonight we will probably go out to eat somewhere nice.
As usual.. i have a weekend of cleaning ahead of me. This tiny.. cluttered.. apartment gets too messy.. too often. I have been looking into other places. We are hoping to be out of here sometime in spring. Im thinking about putting in our 2 month notice by March 1st? Yikes.. thats coming up pretty quick.
*****
CDnow is having an import sale. I just purchased And Ones Nordhausen for Ben. Im not sure what else they have to offer. All of their And One imports are on sale for under $20.. some are even under $15. Thats a decent deal.
*****
Time to put some clothes on..
current mood: good
current music: Apoptygma Berzerk
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Wednesday, February 13th, 2002
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10:48 am - One more thing..
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Has anyone else pre-ordered Apoptygma Berzerks HARMONIZER and already recieved it? I dont even think it was released yet??
We got 2 copies.. And its really not good.
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10:46 am - Eeek. Valentines Day.
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Tomorrow.. already. I see everyone else writing about it in their journals.. There are a lot of people that are anti-Valentines Day. Its almost nothing to me. I got some nice gifts from Ben already :) The new VNV Nation AND the new Apoptygma Berzerk. But.. the whole holiday in general means almost nothing to me. I guess in a way, around this time, it makes me think about my relationship with Ben more.. and how it really is great.. and how it could be sooo much better.. if we would only work together and try more. Hmm.. how depressing. We wont be doing anything over exciting. I think we are just going out to eat. It should be nice.
I have a lot to do today before 1.. and i havent even started getting ready.. well, except for the shower. I have to run to PP.. i have to get to Walmart.. and to the grocery store. Then i have to make my ever so famous taco dip tonight. We are having a Valentines Day Pot Luck tomorrow at work.. plus its Heathers B-day.
So.. i really have to start getting ready now.
current mood:  tired
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10:09 am - TaKen from xymoxshock..
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Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
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10:04 am
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Bens doctor appt went as expected. They had no answer.. they have no idea at all. Everything is still normal.. etc.. They referred him to a neurologist.. so he will be meeting with one on March 11th.
*YaWn*
Ive been up since 6:30am.. Im soo very tired. Im not used to being up this early. Although i should probably start getting used to it. I might actually be able to get more shite done if i start getting up earlier.
Valentines Day is in 2 days.. I didnt get Ben anything yet. We still havent been getting along that great. We annoy each other to the point of not wanting to be around each other. I know this is causing a lot of my stress.. as well as his. Yet i cant see myself doing anything about it.. whether its just ending it or just trying to fix it. Its been almost 4 1/2 years. I KNOW him. I really think its just a comfort thing. Well, more than just a comfort thing.. but that has a lot to do with it.
*siGh*
I need to shop.
current mood: blah
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Monday, February 11th, 2002
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12:40 pm - Its just another manic monday..
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Ben is numb again.. except this time he has back pain also. I have to bring him to the doctor at 7am tomorrow.. We are looking at the back pain as a good thing.. maybe its just a pinched nerve or something similar to that.. I just really hope thats it something minor.. Last time this happened, the doctors took blood and urine tests and everything came back fine. Ben feels fine, he still has coordination.. blood pressure normal.. heart rate normal..
current mood: worried
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Saturday, February 9th, 2002
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1:11 pm
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Its strange how i have him wrapped around my little finger..
After the incident with Chad.. me yelling at him for being such a selfish fuck.. and while we werent talking.. he burned all 3 LOTR discs for Chad.. i didnt know he was doing this.. and the next day he calls me at work to tell me that he just got home from dropping off the discs at Chads house.. Heh.
Definitely not a bad thing.
Its Saturday and im mega slacking. Ben is sleeping and i should be catching up on my cleaning.. Its a very rare occasion that i can play online.. on the weekend.. and when Ben is home! So.. im taking advantage of it. Ill get off my lazy ass soon enough.
Work is great. We are doing so well with sales. Yesterday i met with the insurance guy. I went ahead with a plan.. and i felt really uncomfortable doing so.. it bothered me all night.. so i decided to call him and cancel it. What i went with would cost about $140/mth.. Laura would reimburse half. The insurance company they go through only covers major emergencys.. not regular doctor visits and what not. Plus he talked me into $1000 deductible? What was i thinking? Anything less would have costed me more. I felt really pressured into doing something.. so i ended up going with it and then regretting it.. He better call me on Monday so that i can get this taken care of. Thats a lot of money for me to be giving up. I understand that its important in the long run if something really bad happens to me.. but what if nothing ever happens? If it does.. ill just be in even more of a debt. Bleh. Money sucks. And i cant believe i just rambled on about insurance for this long.
current mood: lazy
current music: Ssshh.. Ben is sleeping.
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Friday, February 8th, 2002
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11:38 am - Boys.
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Ben and I arent really getting along. We got into a slight argument about him being such a selfish jerk last night. He told me to shut up and not to talk to him.. so i havent really since. So.. it started like this.. Aaron and Chad were over.. Chad wanted.. has been wanting.. Ben to burn him Lord of the Rings.. so.. Ben burns him the first 2 discs.. Chad asks for him to burn the third.. Ben just refuses.. he isnt doing anything else on the computer.. he just wont do it. "Ill do it some other time" Sure. Chad got pretty irritated.. making the comment that the first 2 discs dont really do him any good and that he should just break them. Ben: "go ahead..".. blah blah.. So Chad breaks the discs and him and Aaron decide to leave. I totally agree with Chad.. must be a Virgo thing. Keep in mind.. Chad willingly downloads shite for Ben whenever he asks and brings him burned shite all the time.. He asks for one thing and heaven mother fucking forbid.. its not for himself so no.. he wont do it.. no reason really.. This doesnt piss me off because it was Chad.. but because this is how he is with everyone.. even with me. Im suprised he even has friends or me at that? Grrr. Hes just not nice. Being around him actually makes me insane. I swear. I just wonder how tonight is going to go.
Today i have to go into work a little bit earlier than usual. I have to meet with the insurance guy. Finally, some sort of health insurance.
*BiG sigh* Im just glad that its Friday.. the work week is finally over. Thats the only thing i have to look forward to in this lame ass city. Green Bay really sucks.
current mood: moody
current music: PrinceAndTheNPG::GettOff
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Wednesday, February 6th, 2002
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12:02 pm - This place is getting to me.. i think im.. getting the fear..
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Im really anxious to find a new car.. but the thing is.. im not even ready to afford one. I still owe around $2500 for my escort. Eeek. I want something foreign.. perhaps a Volkswagen.. or a Honda. That would be nice. As soon as i pay off my escort.. i will put myself in debt once again by buying the foreign car of my choice. Good idea? Probably not.. but i dont care.
I still have to get an oil change today.. im quite a few hundred miles over.
I cant believe that R is completely ignoring me.. or is he? It seems like it anyway.. and if thats the case.. that is really pathetic and i wouldnt want anything to do with him anyway. If thats not the case.. then there is a whole different story.
Benj bought me stuff for Valentines day.. and i already figured out what it is.. Im so good at figuring out his clues.. hes so freakin cute.. trying to be sneaky but ends up giving it all away. Awww.. so im getting FuturePerfect and a Beborn Beton album, though im not sure which one yet.. Yay!
And i didnt get him anything yet :(
current mood: tired
current music: AndOne::Life Isnt Easy In Germany
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Tuesday, February 5th, 2002
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11:11 am - *achoo*
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Its almost as if i have had a cold for the past 2 months. It must be allergies?
My hair seems to be growing faster than usual. This kind of upsets me.. now that im actually used to this cut.. Its odd because when i was trying to grow it out, it didnt seem to be getting longer at all.
Strange.
Genisis is insane today. Shes loud. Shes obnoxious.
Im just on my way out the door to cash my phat check. First week of the month=phat bonus on my check. Im so proud that im actually ahead of myself as far as money goes.. *knockONfuckingWOOD*.. i should be getting my state tax refund check soon.. and i finished filing my Federal last night. Ill be getting a total of about $1000 back. WooHoo. I need that money so bad. We'll be able to move... new computer for me.. as long as nothing interferes!
current mood: pleased
current music: my cat ripping the house apart.. grrr.
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Monday, February 4th, 2002
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11:49 am
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Friday::
Worked until 8:30.. went home to watch movies.. just like every other weekend.. bleh.
Saturday::
Took advantage of the snow and went sledding at Bairds Creek.. bad place to go.. not only do you have to wait in line to go down.. you also have to wait in line to go up.. they actually have a tow rope to pull you up the hill. Ive never seen anything like it before. Only bad thing.. you have to pay to use the tow rope.. $2 for the whole day. Not bad.. but the whole waiting thing definitely didnt make it worth it. Too cold. Went home.. watched more movies.
Sunday::
Went to Manitowoc to visit mi familia.. and to do laundry. No Simpsons due to the Super Bowl.
Every weekend is always the same.. im getting so tired.. so lazy.. living in this city. I just need to continue saving my money..
current mood:  sick
current music: Assemblage23::Naked
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Friday, February 1st, 2002
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12:33 pm - Grrr. Too much snow.
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Why are people such selfish jerks. Im speaking of a particular male.. though im not accusing males only of being selfish jerks. Its just certain people in general. Ok.. they dont get their way, so they just ignore me.. or so it seems. Lame. Its definitely not people like this that i want to consider a friend.. oh wait.. friend obviously isnt worth it if it cant be more than that.. Pfft.
So this morning i go to start my car to bring Benj to work.. i swaer there was about 5 inches of snow on top of my car.. it took me a good 5 minutes to just brush it off.. then Ben came out and had to scrape because i was cold.. :( Have i mentioned that i hate snow?
I slacked so bad this week.. i didnt get much of anything done. Which means my house is once again a cluttered mess. Plan is to clean late tonight.. nothing better to do in this snow filled pathetic city. Bah.
Now its about time for me to get to work.. i just finished getting ready seeing i slacked all morning and didnt do much of anything. At work, i get to put myself in a wonderful Valentines mood.. decorating with red, pink, and white balloons.. and ribbons.. WoofuckingHoo.. id rather stay home.
*****
current mood: blah
current music: A23::Divide
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